Fears and Scars (2 page)

O
nce we’re
in the car, I ask the driver to turn the heater up to blast the chill out and then press the magic button that sets the privacy partition up.

“What are you up to?” Liz asks as I pull her into my lap.

God, I missed her—her voice, her smell, her lips … her everything. “I can’t believe I have you in my arms again.”

She brushes her palms along my cheeks. “I was in your arms two days ago.”

“Yeah, ages ago. As soon as we step inside the hotel, I’m going to rip anything and everything from your body,” I murmur, nipping her ear. My cock aches in my jeans.

My hands skim down her back to her firm ass. There’s a mountain of clothes between us, and I’m desperate to get them off.

“Right in the lobby?” she whispers seductively.

“Right in our bedroom, smartass. Then I’ll lay you down on our bed and lick your sweet pussy the way you like.” I pause to lick her wrist and smile when her face flushes. “I can’t wait to be buried inside you.”

“Ryan,” she says, leaning away from me. “I can’t wait for us to … do those things, but we aren’t going home. I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?”

“Yeah.” I watch as she flips over the ‘Mr.-Best-Fiancé-Ever’ sign and read the words “Let’s set a date” written in black marker.

My hands stills, and my heart trips heavily against my ribs.

“When you proposed, I thought it was crazy. Things happened so fast, we barely knew each other, and I was cautious. But I knew.”

I suddenly have a hard time swallowing. “You knew?” I parrot.

“When you find the right person, you know right away.” Her eyes caress me. “I was also scared that if I let myself plan a life with you, something bad would happen. After I lost my parents, I lost faith. You helped me find it again. You breathed life into my lungs. You came into my life and have been consuming my body, my mind, my heart ever since. Ryan, you’re a gorgeous, kind, intelligent, ambitious, tender, loyal, protective, caring man.” Her voice shakes as she goes on. “I believe we have been given a gift—a rare love. I want to be yours in every way. I want to bear your name, to share your highs and lows, to always be by your side. Let’s move in together and set a wedding date.”

A warmth I never knew existed before swims through my veins, but guilt also simmers beneath my skin. I should have told the truth about her parents sooner. My heart races as I study her, debating on the right words before moving a wayward piece of hair from her cheek. “Liz,” I start.

She must feel me building up to something or notice the tension in my shoulders. Either way, she takes my face in her hands and strokes my cheeks with her thumbs. “I’ve waited for this moment for so long. I wanted to make it memorable. And I want to make you happy, Ryan. Because you make me crazy with happiness, with love, every second of every day. I’m sorry for my reservations about setting a wedding date, I doubt nothing anymore. I only hope you haven't changed your mind.”

“Of course not. God, Liz. It’s my biggest dream for you to be my wife.”

Her eyes sparkle with happiness, no trace of loneliness or sadness lurking there. She’s so different from when we first met.

I let it go, again. I’ll find another time. All I care about right now is making her happy.

“I’m messy, Ryan. I never put things where they belong. I—”

“You think I don’t know that by now? We’ve been alternating between the hotel and your place for five months, baby.”

“Living together full time is different. You’re a neat freak. You might get sick of me.”

“Not possible, but then again, who’s talking who into moving in?”

“Me. I want it, Ryan. I’m just scared.”

“It’s going to be perfect, Liz. You’ll see.” Leaning in, I kiss her with everything in me. “Let’s go pack your things. I want you moved in as soon as possible.”

“We’re here, ma’am,” the driver says before he parks.

“Thank you. I’ll text you when we are ready to head to the hotel,” Liz replies.

“Where are we?” I look out the window and see a field covered in snow.

“I have another surprise,” she tells me, beaming.

The driver opens the door. I unbuckle us, step out of the car, and then help Liz out.

A short, older man with a huge belly and lit cigarette hanging from his mouth is waiting for us near an … open sleigh and a trio of horses.

Liz greets the man and has a short conversation with him in Russian. I watch as he nods and drops the cigarette to the ground.

“All set. He’ll go slow.”

“You want us to ride in that … thing?”
Why?

“
Yeah. It’ll be fun, something to remember the day by.”

“We’ll freeze to death in this weather.”

“We won’t. It’s only eight below—I mean eighteen degrees Fahrenheit—besides, he has blankets.”

“Is it even safe?”

“Of course it’s safe. What’s the worst that could happen? We end up in a pile of snow?”

“With broken necks and wind up freezing to death out in the middle of nowhere,” I protest eyeing the questionable looking sleigh. “Does this man even have a license? Look at that thing, it’s—”

“Oh, come on, Price, are you too chicken shit to try it?” She shoots me a look so full of sass, I can’t but kiss it off her.

When we break apart, I scrub a hand over my face. “Fine, let’s try this thing.”

Five minutes later, I’m wearing some weird boots called ‘valenki’ over my shoes, and we’re dashing through the snow-covered field in a three-horse open sleigh.

Liz whispers in my ear, “September 7th. Let’s get married on the day we met.” Her mouth curves into a smile so big that
my
cheeks hurt.

“Sounds perfect, Liz.”

In six months, the love of my life will become my wife, and nothing could make me happier.

T
he next day
, I’m preparing one last dinner at the apartment for us when I get a text from him.

Ryan
: On my way, baby.

I smile like a loon and quickly shoot him a reply.

Me
: Can’t wait to see you!

My pulse quickens. He’s supposed to help me gather all my stuff for the move tonight.

I can’t believe I’m moving in with Ryan. I know we’ve been living together for a while, but making it official excites me beyond measure.

The doorbell pings just as I pull the lasagna out of the oven. I’m so busy enjoying that light, fluttery feeling inside me that I don’t even question why Ryan isn’t using his key.

When I open the door, it isn’t my fiancé’s green eyes that meet mine. No, these eyes are dark brown and belong to the last person I’ve expected to see in front of me.

“David?” My brain attempts to comprehend how my ex—the guy who cheated on me, the guy I haven’t seen in almost three years—is here. What is he doing halfway across the world?

“Ellie.” My old nickname falling from his lips sounds foreign. I go by Liza now.

My eyes wander over his tall, lean frame. He still wears his brown hair short, and his skin is the same bronze color I remember. I notice that even though a beard lines his jaw, his round face still looks boyish at twenty-four.

“I ... Can I come in?”

Even though I don’t want to, good manners get better of me, and I reluctantly tug on the handle, opening the door wider and inviting him inside.

David studies me for a long time, looking for answers to questions that are unknown to me. Realizing we're still standing in the hallway, I close the front door.

“Is something wrong?” I ask as he follows me into the living room, dazed by his abrupt appearance.

The man who had been my best friend, my first love, my husband-to-be stands awkwardly near the couch.

I shake my head. “God, I’m sorry. Please, sit. Would you like something to drink? Are you okay? I mean ...” I babble, making the moment even more uncomfortable.

Without warning, David closes the distance and wraps his arms are around me, hugging me tightly.

I don’t know how I feel about that, so I kind of hug him back and try to make some sense of the whole bizarre situation.

“Ellie, I missed you so much.”

His admission makes me take a step back. Is he here because he missed me? Does he hope to reconnect? That’ll never happen.

I drop down on the couch and try to form a response, or question, that will relieve the tension in the air.

He follows my lead and sits down beside me—but a couple of feet away as if sensing my uneasiness. “Ellie, I’m sorry to barge in without any notice. I tried calling your old number, but it’s disconnected.”

“It’s okay. I just haven’t seen you for a while.”

We agreed to stay friends when he visited me three years ago. But when David returned home to Seattle, it was too much for me to keep in touch with him, not because I still had feelings for him. No. It was hard because everything about him reminded me of the past, of my loss, of all the happiness I once had.

“Yeah. Three of the longest years of my life.”

This is wrong. I need to tell him about Ryan.

“David—”

“Jeez, hard to believe we can’t even have a normal conversation.” He laughs, but it sounds bitter. “I didn’t plan this, Ellie, but I had to talk to you.”

His broad-from-years-of-swimming shoulders slump as his attention falls to my left hand. When he looks at me a moment later, I see pain and hurt written all over his face, and I don’t know what to say. I don’t feel guilty about finding love, but for some reason I feel guilty about not feeling guilty.

“You’re really married.” There’s a sea of sadness in his statement.

“I am. I mean, I’ll be soon. I’m engaged.”

Something flashes in his dark brown eyes, and before he can get any ideas I continue, “I never thought I’d find happiness in my life again, but I did. Ryan’s amazing.” I know my next words will hurt him, but he has to know where I stand. “I love him with everything in me.”

David looks away from me, walks to the window, and shoves his hands in his pockets.

I struggle to stay silent, my fingers fidgeting with the ring and my foot tapping with nervous energy.

“I’m glad you’re happy. I really am. I just thought … never mind.” He clears his throat and turns to face me, his lips pressed into a thin line. “That’s not why I’m here.”

My entire body stiffens as I watch him run his hand over his jaw. Back in the day, David used to do that when he didn’t want to admit something. His dad always told him it was a ‘tell,’ and a lawyer can’t afford to give up his position.

“Ellie, I need to tell you something and there’s no easy way to do it. I just found out myself— I would never hide something like this from you, ever. You deserved to know from the very beginning. If only I’d known ...”

“You’re scaring me here. Are your parents all right?” Samuel and Caroline had always been nothing but good to me.

“They’re fine. Ellie, this is about
your
parents.”

My stomach turns. “What about them?”

He comes closer and draws a deep breath in through his nose before blurting out, “They adopted you, Ellie.”

Every muscle in my body freezes. When my brain finally processes the meaning of those syllables, the air whooshes out of me.

“Lily and Garret weren’t your biological parents.” My throat clogs with so many emotions that I can’t say anything, but David isn’t done ruining my world and hits me square in the chest with his next phrase. “They adopted you and never told you the truth.”

M
y fingers itch
to touch Liz’s skin as I use the key she gave me to enter her apartment with my arms loaded down with boxes of different kinds of desserts.

I don’t completely understand why my girl doesn’t want me to hire a moving company, but one of the most important things I learned from being in a relationship is to pick your battles. If she wants to pack everything herself, I’ll be there to help her and try to make it fun for both of us.

“Baby, you home? I brought something for my little sweet tooth.” I close the door and turn the lock.

The loud crack of a slap stops my movements. When I turn around, all the blood drains from my face. From the short, narrow hallway, I see Liz standing near the couch with David Young, the last tie Liz has to her life in Seattle. His hand on his cheek.

Fuck. He must have made a pass at her. I drop the boxes onto the first flat surface I see and cross the small distance in a few, quick strides. Grabbing her shoulders, I turn her toward me to see if she’s okay.

“Ryan.” The plea falls from her lips, and I hug her as close to me as I can.

“Shh, I’m here, baby. Everything’s going to be fine.”

“How dare he?” she demands against my chest. “How dare he say something like that?”

As soon as my gaze meets Young’s, I realize what’s happening. Cold, hard fear grips my gut. He told her. The bastard told her.

“Ellie, I’m telling you the truth. I got on the first flight here as soon as I found out.”

“Shut up,” I scream at him. My hold on Liz is too tight, but I can’t let her go.

“Why don’t you ask your Ryan?” he asks, looking like my name has left a bad taste in his mouth. “He’s the reason I found out about in the first place.”

Liz raises her head to look at me. Whatever she sees in my eyes makes her flinch.

“You knew?” she whispers, “and you didn’t tell me? Please, I beg you, tell me you knew nothing about this. Tell me it’s not true.”

“Liz, baby. It doesn’t matter. They were your parents. They always will be.”

I wait for a sob to break free, for her to scream and push me away, but she just stares at me with glassy eyes full of tears. “You knew from the very beginning, didn’t you? You knew from the background check you did on me.”

Right now I regret that Liz is a smart woman.

I nod. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

She shakes her head as I take her face in my hands. “Baby, look at me. Your parents loved you with their whole hearts. You were their only daughter, their little treasure. Your mom and dad gave you everything—every piece of love they were capable of, right?”

She nods.

“Sometimes parenting and family has nothing to do with DNA. It doesn’t have to matter, okay?”

My younger brother, Mark, and I only share the same mother, and that never stopped me from considering him my family. He’s the only blessing in my life, besides Liz, and there is nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for him. If I found out he was adopted, I’m sure I would feel the same.

“But ...” she stammers.

I can only imagine how confused she is right now.

She continues, “It’s not possible. I …”

“Sweetheart, I love you.” I kiss her lips tenderly. “And I’m here for you.”

“I need to think. I’m going for a walk.”

A walk? I don’t like it, but if that’s what she needs …

“All right.”

“Alone. I need to be alone.”

I don’t like it at all. It’s already dark outside, and her apartment isn’t in the best neighborhood.

“I know you’ll follow me,” she adds. “Just give me some space.”

In the time we’ve been together, Liz has asked for space several times, but only after her therapy sessions or when she wanted to write in her journal, but she always stayed in another room. Now, her world is crashing down and I want to be near her, to let her find strength in me—in us. The selfish bastard I used to be is coming out and making it all about himself.

“I’ll be near,” I tell her, “just take your coat.”

She manages to take two steps toward her bedroom before Young decides he hasn’t done enough damage. “Ellie, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

He thought she’d be thrilled to find out something like that?

Liz flinches as I roar at him. “Get out!”

“No, Ryan. It’s fine.” I hate how small her voice is. She turns around and looks at Young. “I don’t know what to say to you, David.”

“Can I see you later?”

The nerve. While I’m busy swallowing the overwhelming desire to beat him to death, Liz answers “yeah” and hurries to her room.

“You better leave. You’re lucky you’re still breathing,” I warn him through gritted teeth.

“I’ll leave, but I’ll be back.”

I size him up. He’s got a few pounds on me, but I’ve got three or four inches of height on him. I’ll take him down easily. “No. You won’t. Stay away from my wife.” My voice is firm, my eyes set on his.

“Fiancée. Ellie told me she’s
only
your fiancée.” He smirks.

Even knowing all the real reasons why Liz agreed to marry him, the blood in my veins goes from a simmer to a full boil. I remind myself that she didn’t want to leave Seattle and the home where she grew up, that she was out of it after her parents’ deaths, and that Young was a way out for her. What matters is that she’s with me now, that she loves me, and I’m the only one who’s ever been inside her. This calms me down a bit.

Liz comes out of her room, pulls her long hair out of her coat collar, and practically jogs out the door.

Before I follow her, I stare Young right in the eyes. “Bastard. You’re a heartless bastard if you think you did the right thing today. You don’t know her anymore. You have no idea what she needs or how to love her. From what I’ve heard, you never did. So stay away from my woman or I swear I’ll kill you.”

I mean every word.