Feelin' the Vibe (21 page)

M
s. Teeny glared at me as I gawked at Devin. He stood up at the podium. He wasn’t wearing a sharp suit as I expected, but an
aqua Lacoste shirt and jeans. Even in his casual wear he looked like a leader. He was composed; his voice was clear and confident.
Teeny mouthed, “He’s fine.” Then, she fanned herself. “Whew. Jesus, take the wheel!”

Her antics made me smile, but my stomach tumbled endlessly. I missed Devin. Our two-day reunion played frequently in my head.
I felt so complete with him. And although Kenneth and I were talking, I still felt empty, and I wondered if I ever felt something
real. How could two days with Devin force me to question seven years with Kenneth? As his voice, his hope, spread through
the crowd, I looked onstage for Devin’s wife. He was such a good man and he claimed to still be in love with me. What was
I thinking to not at least see if he was telling the truth?

As I went back to gazing at him, I wondered why I listened to Sheena, why I listened to my insecurities. I wanted to just
hold him one more time. His spirit was so positive, so influential. I needed to feel him again. Teeny snapped her fingers,
sitting a few seats away from me. When I looked at her, she mouthed, “Snap out of it.”

I smiled, then Raven’s eyes caught mine. She turned her lips up suspiciously. I shifted my attention back to Devin. I wondered
if he saw me, if he even wanted to see me. After he introduced the keynote speaker, he returned to his seat. He seemed to
be preoccupied. His eyes were here, there, and everywhere. I wondered if he was searching for me. Did he remember I was coming?

The crowd began clapping. Amerie had finished her speech, but I was studying Devin. I hadn’t heard a damn thing she’d said.
The crowd began to shift around as the lady host instructed the groups to go to their designated rooms. She spoke loudly:
“If you’re between twelve and fourteen, you will remain here. And…”

Teeny looked at me and winked. “You want to stay with the twelve-through-fourteen crew?”

I looked back to the stage, wondering what my chances were to talk to Devin alone. I shrugged. “Yeah, I’ll stay here.”

It took about ten to fifteen minutes for everyone to move around. Finally when the dust settled, there was a panel on the
stage and no Devin. I looked around and asked the girls to stay seated, while I went to the bathroom. After I found the bathroom,
I walked aimlessly through the hallway, hoping to run into Devin. Back and forth and no Devin. I walked back toward the gym
and there he was, standing at the entrance with another guy.

My pace slowed because I wasn’t sure how I should act or how he’d react to me. He saw me before I was prepared. I thought
he would smile, but instead he squinted like he wasn’t sure it was me. I smiled, reaching out my hand to shake his. He looked
stunned, confused. He reached out for a hug.

“Wow,” he said.

The short, light-skinned, stubby guy he was speaking with reached out to shake my hand. “Hi, I’m Curtis Thorpe. I’m Devin’s
campaign manager.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“It’s my pleasure.” His eyes returned to Devin, questioning who I was.

Devin spoke, “Curtis, this is Clark. We went to Hampton together.” Nodding, he continued, “She’s a really good friend of mine.”

Curtis smiled politely. Devin gave him a look that asked him to excuse us, and Curtis walked away. He ran his hand down my
face. “You know you hurt me, right?”

“Devin, how did I hurt you?”

“Clark, I think you think I’m trying to be a player or something.”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to be, but I heard you tell your wife you missed her and there was so much love in your voice.
It just scared me, I guess.”

“Do you love your husband?”

My eyes shifted to the floor as I nodded.

“But obviously something is missing, right? You say you have more to lose. Have you looked around here today? Look at all
the people I would hurt, but it’s worth it for me.”

I looked up at him. I had to go with what I felt and ignore all the history that told me differently. “Devin, I—”

The young lady that introduced Devin walked toward us and grabbed Devin’s arm. She looked me up and down. “We need you in
here,” she told him.

She nearly dragged him onto the floor. I couldn’t remember her name. I wondered if she was his wife, because she looked as
if she wanted to know why her man was hemmed up in the back of the gym, having an intimate conversation with me. He raised
his finger. “Ms. Winston, we’ll finish this conversation in a minute.”

When I snuck back into the workshop, my girls were surprisingly well-mannered and even asking questions. It seemed like they
never noticed I was gone. I shifted around, back and forth in my seat, wondering if Devin would walk in to get me or what.

I felt like I was twelve and had just gotten a new love note from a boy in my class:
Check yes or no.
At this moment, I wanted to check yes. The only problem I was having was what was our purpose, and where were we going, or
how did we plan to keep this going.

Devin appeared in the door and gave me a nod. My heart sank, but I excused myself again and walked to the door. He started
walking and asked me to follow. I felt the girls would be fine until I returned. We snuck off to a little room and Devin held
me in his arms. I felt protected. He kissed my forehead.

“Clark, what made you come here today?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m glad you came.”

“Was that your wife that came to get you?”

“Not at all. My wife’s not here.” He let me go and laughed. “She’s not here.”

“Why?”

He hung his head. “Clark, I don’t know. I wish I knew.”

“Did you ask her to come?”

“She was supposed to be on one of the panels.”

I didn’t ask any more questions. Instead, I made assumptions. How could you let your husband put on an event of this magnitude
and not be here? “Its okay, Devin.”

“That’s cool. You’re here. That’s all that matters.”

He sat on one of the writing desks in the room and I leaned in between his legs. He wrapped his arms around my waist. “Clark,
did you leave because you felt like I loved my wife, or did you leave for another reason?”

“I’m afraid that I’ll be the one to get hurt.”

He stared in my eyes. “I promised that I would never hurt you again. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Before
all of this, before anything, you loved me for me, and that’s priceless. Especially for a man like me.”

“So, would you leave your wife for me?”

“If we decide we want to be together, yes. I’ve cheated myself long enough.”

It felt like he meant it. “Do you think we’re being honest with ourselves by thinking we want to be together?”

“We’ve already loved each other before and we were happy at one time.”

“But Devin, we were young.”

“Did you feel the same in New York?” I nodded. “A’ight, then. Feelings aren’t rocket science. You either have a connection
or you don’t. And we have it. Always have.”

His walkie-talkie beeped. “This is Mrs. Dillon. I need everyone to the hospitality room now.”

He jumped up from the desk. “I’ll be back. Stay here.”

“Devin, I have to go out there with my girls,” I said, following him.

We walked out of the classroom and, of all people, I saw Raven out in the hall on her cell phone. I was shocked. She gasped
and I wanted to run back into the room. There was no way I could explain creeping out of a deserted classroom with some man.
I said, “Raven, why aren’t you in your workshop?”

She rolled her head. “Why aren’t you in yours?”

“That’s none of your business.”

She sucked her teeth and walked in a different direction. “It’s down this way. Ms. Teeny is in there. You don’t have to hold
my hand.”

I didn’t care to hold her hand, because my palms were sweaty. She was no fool. Clearly, she knew something was going on. I
just hoped she kept her mouth shut. I headed back to the gym and my heart pounded in my chest. The fear rummaging in me suggested
that I wasn’t cut out for this, but, like Devin said, “We couldn’t deny the feeling.”

Devin rushed around, handling business for the remainder of the conference. We got another second to talk. He said, “I’m going
out of the country on Monday and I’ll be back in two weeks. I want you to think about everything we talked about while I’m
gone. I don’t want you to get cold feet again.”

“Where you going?”

“I’m going to Nicaragua.”

“With your wife?”

“No, I’m going alone. It’s an outreach mission.”

I didn’t know what he meant by
outreach mission
, but I felt like I wanted to be a part of it, or a part of
him
. “Can I go?”

His eyes stretched open. “What are you going to tell your husband?”

“That I met some women from another group home going on an outreach mission to Nicaragua and I wanted to go.”

The lie popped in my mind so quickly and effortlessly that I felt that it must have been meant for me to go.

T
aylor’s blatant disrespect made me more interested to see where things would go with Clark. When I held her, all I could think
was that if she were my wife, she would have been there. Instead, my wife had a hangover. It was clear: I had made another
crucial mistake. While I was so focused on having a wife to show some stability, I didn’t pick the right one once again. I
needed a woman that was down for the ride and cared a little about the community. I couldn’t blame anyone, because people
let you know who they are when you meet them. Taylor never planned to be a politician’s wife. She loved her social, carefree
life. This was more than she bargained for, having to wake up on Saturday mornings to do a conference. Taylor would probably
make out better with the average nine-to-five guy that makes a bunch of money for her to spend.

I sat there in the classroom with Clark and stared in her eyes, admitting that if she left her husband, I would leave Taylor.
If that meant blowing this election, that’s what it would be. The way I saw it, I was thirty-two and I had a bunch of years
ahead of me. At least, neither of us would live a lie any longer.

Taylor sent me a text around two o’clock:
BABY, I WAS SO SICK. I WAS THROWING UP ALL MORNING. HOW DID EVERYTHING GO
?

I didn’t even respond. She was technically still single in her mind. The whole idea of this partnership was a joke to her.
I went into the computer resource room and printed out my entire itinerary for Clark. I needed her with me and I wanted to
be sure that she had all the information.

When I walked into the gym for the wrap-up, I searched for Clark. Before I got onstage, I walked through the crowd until I
spotted her. She sat there laughing and talking to her girls. Several of the girls clung to her arms. I stood there and absorbed
it for a moment. She was beautiful, even more so now than before.

Shawna stepped up behind me, startling me. “Mr. Patterson, we need you on the stage in five.”

She kept moving. And I pulled out an envelope and folded it, stooped down beside Clark. When I handed it to her, she looked
at me strangely, questioning my boldness. She quickly slipped the envelope in her purse.

“Ms. Winston, this is the information about the trip, if you’re really interested.”

“Thank you so much,” she said passively.

When I stood up and walked away, I could hear her girls saying
ooh
and
aah
. I kept my head up and headed to the stage, and didn’t look back. I jumped up onstage and grabbed the mic.

“Did everyone have a good time?”

They cheered and clapped. I looked over at the panelists and said, “Many thanks to my panelists for taking time out of your
busy schedules to come save the next generation.”

The girls stood to their feet, giving the panelists a standing ovation. I allowed the whistling and clapping to go on for
several minutes. “Okay, so how many people are going to use what they learned this week in school?”

They raised hands and called out. I laughed and continued to motivate them. Finally, I brought the conference to a close,
but I was still excited and convinced we should do this every year. I was high from the conference, high on the possibility
that Clark was going to Nicaragua with me.