Feelin' the Vibe (18 page)

Devin sat on the side of the tub, water dripping from his sculpted body, and all my intelligence evaporated. I straddled him
and sucked on his glistening neck. He took mouthfuls of my breast, as I grinded on him. We moaned and groaned. He held my
legs, and my arms clamped around his neck as he stood to his feet. Nearly slipping in the tub, we staggered backward to the
other side. He pushed me up to the window for the whole of Manhattan to see my ass. I gripped the windowsill as our bodies
crashed repeatedly together. It was enthralling, invigorating, and everything I needed. Devin had always been a marathon lover,
and nothing had changed. Finally, he released inside of me.

We moved from the tub to the shower. Inside the shower, we held each other as the water rolled down our skin. When we got
out, Devin scurried around his room getting dressed and gathering his things. Before he left the apartment, he gave me four
American Express gift cards, totaling two thousand dollars.

“Is this enough?” he asked.

“For what?”

“For whatever.”

I handed them back. “Devin, I don’t need anything.”

“No, I want you to buy whatever you want. You’re in New York. Buy yourself a purse or something.”

He sure knew what to say to tempt a girl. After he refused to take them back, I relented. He leaned in to kiss my cheek, gave
me the elevator code to get back into the building, and told me he’d see me around nine. We planned to have another night
on the town. I saw him to the elevator door and we kissed. I felt high as I floated back to the kitchen to make some coffee,
but I stopped short of my quest when I noticed the music speaker system on the wall. I flipped through the music selections
and found Brandy. She took me back to when Devin first moved to New York, as her
Never Say Never
album blasted through all the speakers in the condo.
Never Say Never
. It was the perfect sentiment. I never thought I could ever feel this way for Devin again. I never thought I would cheat
on Kenneth. I never imagined adultery would feel so good.

The elevator bell rang and interrupted my mood. As I walked over to check who it was, an older lady entered. I assumed she
was the housekeeper. She smiled and said, “Mrs. Patterson?” with a West Indian accent.

I considered explaining to her that I should have been Mrs. Patterson, but unfortunately, I wasn’t. I was just Mr. Patterson’s
mistress, but I smiled and said, “Yes.”

“Nice to meet you.”

My eyes rolled as we embraced. This didn’t feel right. I suddenly felt slimy. Now, I was standing here pretending I was the
wife. My heart began to race because I’d momentarily lost control. Then, I reverted to the conversation he had with his wife.
Though he claimed he had a lot to lose, I had more to lose. Kenneth and I had a business together. We were going through a
rough time, and an affair would only ensure the demise of our marriage. I had to get out of his space and think about what
I was doing.

Devin, I’m not ready for this. You have a greater potential to hurt me than I have to hurt you. I think it would be best if
we end this now. Every moment we shared was special. I hope it was enough to help you close this chapter of your life. I wish
you much success.

Love, Clark

I
reread her short note that lay beneath the gift cards I’d given her to shop. It was around twelve when her GoPhone just stopped
working. I thought there was some mistake, and I’d erased her other number from my phone as she’d recommended. I called the
number back over and over, hoping there’d been a mistake. Finally, when I stepped in the house it all made sense. Or better
yet, it made no sense. She’d disconnected it.

If she felt the way I thought she felt, there was no way she could have left this message without speaking to me first. Suddenly,
memories of our first breakup flooded my head. That same get-you-before-you-get-me attitude was why we weren’t together. My
confusion turned into frustration.

I looked up at the ceiling, questioning God for his placement strategies. Why her? Why now? Why not? I stood up and paced
the floor. Then I walked into the kitchen to pour a glass of wine. I had to let go of this dumb-ass fantasy. Clark and I would
never be together, and maybe we’d never meant to be. Suddenly, I realized I hadn’t called Taylor to check in. She picked up.

“Hey, Devin.”

“Hey, TJ. What’s happening?”

“Watching
CSI: Miami
.”

“I don’t know how you sleep watching that mess.”

“Whatever, Devin. You should be asking how I can sleep when my husband is never home.”

I hissed. It bothered me that she expected that I should just visit my baby for one day and come back home. I ignored it and
jumped to another topic. “So, whatchu do today?”

“Courtney came over earlier. We had happy hour, of course.”

“Of course.”

“Why you say it like that?”

“How else should I say it?”

“You make me sick. Don’t hate because you missed happy hour,” she said, laughing. “Sike, baby. I’m just playing.”

“Nah, I’m cool. So, what else you do?”

“We went shopping for our vacation.”

I ran my hand down my face. I couldn’t describe what I was feeling. Taylor having her own life and doing her own thing was
the one thing that I loved about her. So why was I feeling like she could totally live this life without me? She and Courtney
made each other happier than any man could ever make either of them.

“You know Courtney and I are going to the Bahamas for a few days, right?”

“Yeah, that’s cool.”

I needed something from her at the moment. I needed something to confirm she was the one for me. I wasn’t feeling it. Taylor
had a way of living in bliss and ignoring my emotions. I used to think that it was cute, because no matter what, at least
she was happy. But as I sat there, needing her sensitivity, I finally realized that was what my marriage lacked.

“So, what did you do today?” she asked.

“Just hung out with Nicole.” I yawned. “Yeah, and I got a lot of campaign stuff on my mind, and a bunch of briefings to read.
I’ma talk to you in the morning, a’ight, baby?”

“I love you, baby. Have a good night. Don’t work too hard.”

“I won’t. I love you, too.”

I placed the phone on the coffee table and strolled back into the kitchen to get my glass of wine. After I few swallows, I
was convinced this was all a big prank, and I dialed Clark’s number one more time.

“This number is not in service.”

W
hen I walked into Sheena’s apartment, she looked at me suspiciously and asked, “Clark, where did you stay last night?”

I’d told her several times that I wanted to stay in a hotel and clear my mind. I needed some space. Yet she asked the question
with such conviction, so she obviously suspected something.

“Where did I tell you I was staying?” I said.

“You told me you’d be downtown in the Hyatt. I mean, Times Square is not peaceful at all.”

My eyes rolled. “Okay.”

“And I called there after I called you and you didn’t stay there.”

“Okay, so arrest me.” I walked toward the bedrooms. “Where’s Sage?”

“She’s in the shower. Your mom called last night.”

I walked back into the living room. “You got any coffee?”

“She told me that you went to see your ol’ college boy a few weeks ago.”

I sucked my teeth. “Why did she tell you that?”

We walked into the kitchen. Sheena pulled a bag of coffee from the cabinet and handed it to me. “Well, I think she thought
you may be here seeing him.”

“Y’all are funny. I decide to get away and clear my head. Now, I’m here seeing Devin.” I shook my head and scooped the coffee.
“Not to mention, he lives in Maryland.”

She raised one eyebrow. “Yeah, and she said he’s married.”

“He is,” I snapped. “So why are you questioning me?”

“Clark, girl. You know me; I’m not going to accuse you. I’m just warning you, because your mother is really concerned. She
doesn’t want you to start fooling around with that loser again and lose the good man you have.”

Once Sheena set her mind to believing something, that’s what it was. I decided it might make better sense to just leave it
alone. Not to mention, I was technically
fooling around
with Devin. It rattled me that they thought he was a loser. Married, but not a loser. They didn’t see what I saw. What made
Kenneth a good man? He’d said less than twenty words to me in about three months. That didn’t seem good to me. As I set up
the Devin vs. Kenneth battle in my brain, I concluded at the end of the day that Devin belonged to someone else and, if nothing
more, Kenneth belonged to me.

I hung my head, and finally looked back up at Sheena. Before speaking, I took a long breath to gather my thoughts. Finally,
I said, “I can’t explain why I came here to see Devin. But—”

“Clark, no! Are you really seeing him?” she asked as if she were stunned.

A part of me wanted to laugh, because I thought she was already convinced. Hence that is why I’d confessed.

“Sheena, Kenneth has been so cold, and when I got in contact with Devin, it seemed like the right thing to do.”

“What? Go sleep with your old boyfriend because your husband was tripping?”

I sucked my teeth. “No. It wasn’t about sleeping with him. I just felt loved again when I was with him and I haven’t felt
that in my home in a long time.”

“You’re not playing house. This is the real world. You’re not always going to feel loved at home.”

“Maybe I just needed some affection.”

She huffed. “Clark, affection? Are you serious? You’re going to throw your marriage away for some temporary affection? You’re
going to fuck up people’s lives for some temporary affection?”

For some strange reason, I couldn’t fully explain what I was feeling. It seemed that no matter what I said, it sounded stupid.
Maybe this whole thing was stupid. Maybe only Devin and I could understand why we needed to see each other despite our commitments
to other people. I looked at her with no answers.

“Your brother,” she said with conviction. “He probably hooked up with Tanisha for affection and look what happened. She’s
gone. Two kids without a mother, all for temporary affection. Is that what you want to do? Follow in their footsteps?”

That realization stung as it dawned on me how cheating drove Tanisha’s boyfriend to that point. And based on the way Kenneth
had been acting of late, I wasn’t certain what he was capable of. As I watched Sheena, her veins popped from her temples,
like she and Reggie broke up yesterday, when nearly four years had passed. I didn’t want to inflict this kind of pain on Kenneth
or anyone else. I shook my head, feeling slimy for what I’d done so far and vowed to myself that I would end it now. It was
too late to turn back and we had to accept that our time had passed.

“Too many other people are involved now, huh?”

“Basically. Let bygones be bygones.”

She pleaded with me for just seconds more before I rushed out of there and back to Devin’s house to drop off the gift cards,
and to the AT&T store to disconnect my secret cell phone. I didn’t want to lose it all for something that probably wasn’t
worth it.

After I went to lunch with Sheena and Sage, I headed for the train station. I had to accept the cards I was dealt. I vowed
to love Kenneth in sickness and in health. Maybe he’d eventually get over the ills plaguing our relationship, because there
was a time when we used to be happy. I just wanted to go back there.

When Ms. Teeny picked me up from the train station, I threw my luggage in the backseat and climbed in. She smiled from ear
to ear, waiting to hear about my sexual escape. First I told her about that, and she squirmed in the driver’s seat like she
was getting it.

“Dag, Ms. Teeny. Calm down,” I said smiling.

“So, when y’all getting together again?”

“We’re not.”

“If it’s that good, why not?”

“My best friend died cheating on her boyfriend. It ain’t worth it.”