Fianna Kelly Versus the Jeebees: A Collection of Steampunk Stories (27 page)

I
felt good when I awoke. Gwen said, "The doctor was here this morning while
you were still asleep and said you healed quickly. I explained it was all due
to love and care. She added that you could get out of bed when you felt like
it."

"I
smell breakfast. What time is it?"

"Almost
lunchtime. What you smell is the remainder of what your mother brought me so I
wouldn't have to leave you alone."

"I
would like to get up, but I believe I'll need help getting dressed."

"I
didn't keep track of everything when we undressed you so I'll need instructions
to put you back together again."

"Have
things changed that much in 450 years?"

"Did
your grandmother wear the same kind of clothes you do?"

I
pointed out where I kept my undergarments and what order they went on me. She
admitted it wasn't as confusing as she had thought. I tried to argue that it
wasn't confusing at all. She said she was going to relax in the guest room for
a change and I went down to see what I had missed during the last two days.

My
mother and sister were baking some cookies. My brothers had smelled them and
were waiting to get their share as soon as they left the oven. I was surprised
that Gwen wasn't here as well. After everyone else claimed some, I put six on a
plate, filled a glass with milk, and went up to the guest room. Gwen had piled
all her blankets and pillows at one end and was wearing her helmet. That was
probably why she didn't know that cookies were baking.

"You
seem relaxed," I said loudly.

"Classical
music always relaxes me," she replied.

I
looked around and neither saw an orchestra nor heard one. Gwen noticed my
puzzled look and laughed. She took off her helmet, motioned for me to come
close, and put it on my head. Suddenly it was like I was in the middle of
music. I looked around me trying to figure out where she had hidden the
musicians. She touched the side of the helmet and the music stopped.

"Whatever
that was, make it come back... Please?"

"That
is called 'Days of Future Passed'
[xi]
and since you asked nicely..."

"That
was wonderful. It was music, and poetry, and poetry set to music. It was all
around me yet playing only for me."

I
could barely hear her over the music. She said, "I really shouldn't expose
you to music that hasn't been written yet. I'm violating my mission parameters."

"If
I promise not to sing the songs, can I hear some more?"

"Sure!
You can listen to the music and I will eat all the cookies."

"That's
a good trade. I can always bake cookies, but this is rare and special."

When
it finished, I said, "What are these 'mission parameters' that you keep
talking about?"

"They
are a big list of dos and don'ts. One is not to mention things we have in the
future so they don't get invented before their time. The most important one is
not to kill anyone who should be alive and conversely not to help anyone who
should die."

 "So
that is why your pistol only paralyses people for a short time?"

"That's
correct. I believe if your cousin had written the rules, the first and only one
would be 'Look, don't touch!' or something similar."

"What
happened last night? It was more than a touch, wasn't it?"

"I
saved for a year and bought a hundred very tiny mechanical doctors that stay
inside of me for when I need them. Last night I shared them with you and they
worked all night to heal you from the inside. Unfortunately, they didn't know
how to heal your welts, just your head injury."

"How
did they know what to do?"

"You
might say that my trunk sent them a telegram with instructions... Speaking of
telegrams, this one came for you this morning."

Pilots
arriving tonight.

I
said, "They are never one to waste words, especially when they pay for
each one. It looks like I might be leaving tonight."

"Don't
you mean 'we' might be leaving tonight?"

"I
hadn't gotten around to asking you yet. 'Tis not your usual invitation, is it?
Please join Miss Fianna Kelly and company as they go to war."

"I
accept your invitation and will be ready to ship out before you are."

"Well,
as long as I can walk, I think I'd like to get outside for a while before we
have to leave."

We
took a short walk down the road and found Felix working in his lab. I asked
him, "Did you get the time viewer repaired?"

He
said, "I can't fix it?"

"Why
not?"

"You
are going to make me say it, aren't you?"

"Make
you say what?" Gwen asked.

He
replied, "That I have no idea what some of the parts were in the panel
that caught on fire."

I
looked at the table on the left side. I said, "This one looks okay."

"I
built that one from all man-made parts," he replied smugly.

Gwen
asked, "Does that mean I can't go back?"

"It
means you can't go back... yet. It will take me a while to figure out which
parts are essential and which we can do without."

I
said, "We are likely on our way to fight the jeebees. I'll try to bring
you back some souvenirs."

He
said, "Good bye and good luck and good hunting and may God watch over you
both." With that, he went back to his work.

We
went back home and started packing. As telegrams went, that one was vaguer than
usual. It was almost like Bradan's responses. I was close to finishing when my
sister ran up the stairs to announce that I had visitors.

The
pilots had rented a carriage and driver. Asher had noticed how we always had to
have the wagons brought to and from the hangar and suggested we wait here for
them to prepare the ship and come to us. I thanked him for the gesture and told
him that we'd be ready when they returned.

I
held up my telegram and said, "I'll show you mine if you show me
yours." Their telegram was similar to mine; just what they needed to know.
It told them where we were going and when we were expected to arrive. I had
been hoping one of us was told what to expect when we arrived.

Knowing
it would be a few hours before they came back, I took my time and continued to
pack what I needed. It was difficult to choose what to take and what to leave
behind when I didn't know what I was walking into. I started with a suitcase
and when I filled it, moved everything to a steamer trunk. It only had to hold
my things until I could unpack it on the ship.

I
heard the sounds of a steam engine outside. I called out, "I believe that
is our ride, Gwen. Are you ready?"

Gwen
walked over with her trunk following closely behind. "I just had to empty
the cookie jar. Now, I am ready."

We
went outside and I could feel that she had stopped behind me. I laughed and
said, "Isn't she wonderful. She's like another sun setting just for
us."

She
said, "Do you always have to make a spectacle of things."

"To
be sure, 'tis part of my nature to show off."

Bradan
was waiting near the door and took my trunk to the ship without waiting for me
to ask.

Gwen
asked, "Where are we going anyway?"

"We
are headed to my favourite army base in England."

"With
the transports of my time, which I can't tell you about, we'd be there
already."

"Please
tell me that you aren't using something like Felix's portholes whenever you
want to go somewhere?"

"No,
we still use vehicles; just very fast ones."

"Let's
not keep them waiting. I'll show you around the ship once we are
airborne."

We
opened the windows and waved at my family. I hadn't told them where we were
going or what we'd likely be doing as they'd only worry.

Gwen
said, "That was a smooth takeoff. You are showing off again, aren't
you?"

"This
is how we always go up. I figured it was normal."

"I
guess it is normal for a balloon to go straight up. I'm used to going up at an
angle when I fly."

"I
did that once and didn't like it at all."

"How
fast can we fly?"

"I
really don't know. I usually go to my stateroom and let the pilots work. They
are preparing to land when I wake up in the morning. The pilots take it slow
all night so the ship is quiet and I can sleep."

"I
am so jealous."

"I've
had enough sleep in the last few days. You can sleep in my bed tonight. You can
be jealous of me again tomorrow."

"What
are you going to do?"

"I
think I'll read a while and see what the writers have Jim Anderson doing this
month."

We
landed amidst a number of other airships. Most were bigger than mine and all
had the Union Jack painted on their rudders. Men were running about the
airships seeing to their tasks. As soon as we touched down, a few ran over to
my ship as well.

Gwen,
Bradan, and I were headed to the little building where the duty officer worked
when Albert caught up to us. He escorted us straight to the Colonel's office.

I
said, "Good morning, Colonel. I'd like to introduce my new friend,
Gwendoline MacGowan. Gwen, this is Colonel Reynolds."

He
replied, "Any friend of yours is a friend of mine... I've scheduled a
briefing in two hours where everyone can get together and exchange what we know
about the G.B.H.I.s."

I
said, "I don't want to take advantage, but could your engineer check on
Bradan? I sent him to be checked a few days ago, but he returned in the same
condition."

The
Colonel replied, "Had you not asked first, I may have directed it to be
inspected myself."

Gwen
added, "I'd like to talk to the engineer while he works on your automaton.
Is that okay with you?"

I
told her, "You two will find me having a late breakfast when you are done.
Bradan knows the way."

I
asked, "Is there anything else for us to do now?"

He
said, "Just think about what you would like to say in front of a dozen or
more important officers. I'll send Albert to collect you before we begin."

So
many people; so many memories; so much food. It was like home away from home.
The men had seen all the officers arrive and knew something was happening, but
weren't told what it was about. I didn't have to say anything. They knew what
it had to be about as soon as I arrived.

I
saw Gwen entering the dining area. Actually, everyone noticed her when she
entered. She had changed back into the outfit she had worn when we met. I
asked, "Why did you change clothes? Is something amiss?"

"I
can't place it, but I felt something wasn't right here. I asked your automaton
to go back to the Clover and keep watch over it."

"You
don't feel like you are out of place anymore?"

"I
may look like I'm from a different time, but I feel this is where and when I
need to be."

I
offered her a choice of the breakfast selections and she helped herself to some
of everything. It reminded me of my first time here. We had finished eating,
but not talking, when Albert arrived. We went to a building that I hadn't been
in before.

The
first session was supposed to be devoted to going back over what we knew of the
jeebees. This consisted mainly of our encounters. How many jeebees there were,
how they fought, and what we did in response that worked or failed.

We
didn't go according to date of attack, but by seniority. The Navy men went
first as they had the most Admirals present. They didn't have much to say, but
they spent a long time saying it. I was disappointed that Captain Plumer was
not with them. I was told that he was doing something called aerial
reconnaissance. Gwen translated that for me as meaning 'to look at a place from
an airship'. Why couldn't they just say he was in his airship looking at the
mountain?

The
Generals went next and told of their failures before I had first arrived. Then
they related about how their skirmishes had improved. As expected, they didn't
mention my role. They quickly related how they lost the railway gun. I could
tell they were not happy to be telling about their failures to everyone here,
especially two women.

There
was a representative from the Dutch Army, no-one that I knew, who related what
little he had been told. I felt sick to my stomach. If it ever got to be my
turn, I was going to embarrass all these men. I asked Gwen for advice, but she
could offer none. She said that in her time men and women were treated equally.

Next
on the list was Colonel Reynolds. He had a short summary of jeebee attacks and
then invited me to speak. That alone caused an uproar and protests from most of
the men there. He got them to quiet down and explained that in clear contrast
to my age and sex that I was the foremost expert on the G.B.H.I.s in the entire
world and if they were going to accomplish anything, they had better listen to
me carefully.

A
few threatened to walk out and he threatened them with treason if they did. He
reminded them that not only was the room guarded, but the base was also sealed
and anyone leaving without his written orders would be considered a traitor and
executed summarily for collaborating with the enemy. Then he turned back to me and
asked me to tell my story.

I
started at the beginning; my meeting the first two jeebees at the farmhouse. I
told them about the battle outside of London and what the jeebee commander told
me. I let them know what the jeebees had done to my airship when they had the
railway gun and I related what it took to get the gun back.

I
added a quick summary of the squire and how his men had killed a jeebee
commander and six drones with only one pistol amongst them. I let them know how
I felt about being detained while working to protect their families. They were
whispering among themselves a lot and that meant I was not keeping them
interested.

I
was saving the best for last and paused for a moment to let the suspense build.
I started with the end result that we had interrogated a jeebee commander. I
knew that would get their attention. Then I began the story of where Eric and I
travelled his country by rail.  Even the Dutch officer was paying attention.
They must not have told him this part.

I
told them how we had discovered the small group in the windmill.  Throughout
the rest of my stories, there was assorted whispers going on between the
officers, probably comments of disbelief. Now they were quiet and waiting for
every word. I knew that none of them had seen or tried to talk with one of the
jeebee officers.

At
this point, I was glad Eric had insisted on it, but I didn't tell them that. I
also did not tell them that the jeebees considered me to be the highest ranking
general of the world. That would certainly crush their delicate egos. I did
explain what it had said and what I had deduced from its actions. I also
explained what Gwen told me their pistols actually did to those who had been
shot. When I finished, I curtsied and sat back down by Gwen.

Some
were stunned and some were impressed, but most were outraged. I debated with
myself about telling them Gwen's story, but I couldn't trust anyone that I
hadn't fought beside. A large group like this could easily create one of those
knots in Felix's fishing line. Maybe something so big it could never be
untangled.

Gwen
and I were escorted out of the room under protest. Apparently most of the men
took offence with us joining their private war without an invitation. I took
offence at what they were doing now. We sat on an uncomfortable bench outside
the room. Gwen had her helmet on and was tapping on the side of it. She put it
on my head and I could hear the officers speaking as if we were still inside. I
had to smile at this wonderful gadget. Gwen whispered, "I used this quite
a bit when I was rescuing people. It helps when you know things that your
opposition doesn't know you do."

I
sat quietly listening to the group of high-ranking idiots argue with the group
of smarter lower-ranking officers. The Dutch officer, though knowing little at
the start of the briefing, had learned plenty and believed what I said. The
Admirals and Generals were not convinced. I gather they had paid too much to
get where they were to allow some young female to tell them how to fight their
wars. There was some mention of bringing me back in for questioning and I
quickly handed Gwen her helmet back.

It
was many men shouting questions all at once until one of the senior officers
called the room to order and suggested that a junior officer moderate the
questions so that everyone had a chance. Most of their questions were regarding
what I had already told them. Perhaps they were expecting my story to change
when told a second time. Gerald had warned me about this kind of tactic and it
was obvious how it worked now. He had said another variation was asking the
same question in different words until they got the answer they wanted. One of
the Admirals tried that too. He was disappointed and getting upset when he
finished.

A
General asked about the wounds caused by the pistols; how I knew what I did
about them. I rolled up my sleeve and showed them one on the front of my arm.
This caused the expected commotion. The ones who believed me gasped in shock.
The ones who didn't simply refused to believe what they saw. I explained that I
had several more on my body in private places where I had been shot and it went
through my undergarments without leaving a mark on them. I looked at Colonel
Reynolds, thanked him for his advice, and explained that hiding behind an empty
wooden crate hadn't helped in the slightest.

There
were no more questions and the men left the room. Perhaps when they met again
to discuss battle plans, they could agree on something. I was certain that Gwen
and I would not be allowed to attend that meeting.

Colonel
Reynolds stayed behind to talk with me. He said that he had gotten a telegram
yesterday to expect me flying in from Ireland and also to expect a package of
utmost importance coming in by armed courier from London. He was to make sure I
received the package without delay.

I
asked, "Do you know what is in the package?"

He
replied, "No, but this was on the outside. It looks like a birthday card
to me."

I
inspected it. It was anything but a card. I thanked the Colonel, grabbed Gwen's
hand, and we headed out of the building to my ship.

Gwen
asked, "Did I miss something there?"

"I'll
tell you when we get to the Clover."

We
hurried to my ship and shut all the doors behind us without saying anything
else. I started, "He was trying to tell me things without telling anyone
else. No, it is not my birthday and this is not a card. First, I have to give
some instructions. Then I have to check the crate that arrived. After that we
can read this letter."

I
called for Ethan and Asher. I told them from now on they should let no visitors
on the ship. If any attempted to enter, they should have Bradan sound the
alarm, assume they are being attacked, and respond in kind.

We
went to the cargo area and I repeated what I had told the pilots to Bradan. We
found a pry bar and Gwen opened the crate. I recognised the mortar shells for
my cannon. They were packed carefully so they wouldn't detonate by accident. I
pointed them out to Gwen and explained that we were now the most advanced
gunship in the British fleet again.

We
went back to my stateroom to read the letter. It was pure drivel; something one
would send to a friend after a year apart. I was about to discard it when Gwen
asked to inspect it. She took it to the galley, held it over a low flame and
another message appeared.

Do not
delay or all is lost. I have faith in you.

Gwen
asked, "What do you think that means?"

"The
second part is obvious. It means that my employers expect me to take care of
matters like usual."

"How
about the first part?"

I
thought about it for a moment. "My best guess is they have been reading
all the reports and noticed something very bad happening in the mountains and
getting worse. Gerald must have written that part as he never tells me what I
really need to know."

Gwen
said, "It seems we have our marching orders. I have faith in you too,
grandmother. When do we ship out?"

I
said, "I'd like to recruit a few soldiers to our army first."

"We
have the most advanced weapons of this time. Why do we need any soldiers?"

"It
is not a matter of whether we need them or not. I want at least a platoon, but
I won't turn down a battalion.

She
looked at me funny and asked, "Isn't a battalion serious overkill?"

"I
honestly believe the jeebees send in hundreds of drones just to deplete our
ammunition. Let's take a walk outside. I need fresh air so I can think about
what to do next."

It
was overcast outside and a bit chilly. That was okay as it was less
distractions while I plodded along the path. I said, "They must be having
the next meeting by now. Can you listen in on it from here?"

She
replied, "Unfortunately not. I have to be fairly close for that to
work."

"I
guess we wait and see what they decide then."

"I
don't think we have long to wait. Someone is headed our way."

We
let Albert catch up to us. He said, "After quickly reviewing the facts and
ignoring most, they voted and decided that the jeebees are not a big enough
threat to send troops after."

Gwen
said, "Then most of them are idiots."

I
said, "That's it? We can't ignore the jeebees now that we know where they
are hiding."