Authors: T.S. Dooley
To my wonderful husband. Every night I stayed up too late, got up too early, and needed some space to write. You have been supportive, given me ideas, and helped me through the times I didn’t think I could actually finish this. I love you forever.
My heart was breaking. I thought I was strong enough to deal with this life, but obviously I was wrong. I looked around the room, and my eyes fell on
. Those soulful hazel eyes, gazing back at me. The same eyes that held me captured since the first time I saw him. God, how is he so fucking beautiful, and yet can break my heart? I sighed and turned back around. I couldn’t handle the look in those eyes any longer than I needed to.
He seemed lost. He looked at me like he’s never looked at me before. He didn’t know what to do, what to say. This was unlike him. But, no matter what I felt I was too pissed, hurt, frustrated and
I don’t even know any other words to really break through how my heart was beating off center from itself.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I yelled out in frustration as I ran upstairs to “our” bedroom and started packing his bags, while he continued to look at me. He usually fought me on everything. He probably thought I was a waste of time after everything he had to go through.
I was done.
“Are you just going to stand there? Say Something! Anything!” I yelled at him. “If you want any kind of future with me, you’d better tell me the truth. That it’s all lies. Please...” I feel my strength slipping away... “You promised me... I’m begging you to say something.” The tears were coming, even though I was trying my best to keep them in check. No, I had to stay strong this time.
My heart, being the in-love fool that it is wanted to tell him to chase me . . . to make me forget all those other times. But then what? Cry again? I always end up feeling like I’m a fool. It is so depressing as to why I cannot just move on, be happy, meet someone new, someone who can and will respect me and not make me feel as low as I do right now. Why did I have to give my heart away? Damn near 12 years ago to a boy who would once again break it.
No, I can’t do this to myself again. For the first time in our relationship, I
come first. I will protect my heart this time, because I have done this too many times, and it’s not just my future that I have to worry about now. I made many mistakes, but the biggest one was accepting his excuses. But not this time. Now I’m finally promising to myself to change, pack his shit and make him leave.. For good.
After all, he had to know this would happen. That I wouldn’t just let him give me those sad hazel eyes and guilty look, while he sat there thinking everything would stay the same, as it was before.
“Baby, Please. Listen to me.” He pleaded. “There’s so much more to this than you think, but I need a chance to explain. Why should I beg you to stay when you seem to have already made up your mind? Baby, just listen to me. I know you’re pissed, but at least listen to what I have to say.”
I looked at him and thought, “
Wow, he’s going to explain, but not ask to stay
” What else was I expecting anyway? I spent the last few months in this relationship wishing for a better outcome, but instead I got burned time after time. He lived his life while I barely held onto someone who was never mine.
I have always been a tomboy. As a child, I used to follow my twin brother, Tony, anywhere he went and I was constantly trying to do everything he did. From playing football to soccer, and track, I did it all.
If he was apart of something, so was I.
However, when we reached high school he was tired of it . . . tired of me, and swore I was a lost cause.
Until junior year.
That was the year the boys decided I was just as good as all the other girls in school. I was noticed for more than being the girl who wanted to tag along with her twin brother everywhere he went.
It was during my junior year that I finally grew into my curves. Yep, my boobs, came in overnight; it seemed, as did the rest of me. I always had an ass, but when my breasts grew, everything else evened out.
Now I was the hottest commodity that walked the streets, and I hated it.
My brother, much like my father, ran through women, and I couldn’t stand it. I just wanted to be one of the guys. Never wanting to end up like those women, carrying around the pain of rejection or worse; seeing the one you want with another.
My mother took off when my brother and I were eight. She would cry all the time, and we couldn’t figure out why, but as we grew older, to me the picture couldn’t have been clearer.
My dad was the owner of one of the hottest bars in Dallas and was never home. At First, I thought it was because he was a bar owner; come to find out, all those college girls that asked for a job got more than that.
I couldn’t tell you why daddy did it, because my mama is one bad ass bitch.
We look just alike, so I can speak on her behalf. She’s 5’5” with curves for days, and the lightest pair of caramel colored eyes I’ve ever seen. My mother has always had the fashion sense that most women wished she had, but daddy didn’t realize it before it was too late..
She couldn’t take it anymore and left us.
For that, I hate her too.
She tries to come around once in a while, but what’s there to say? She left; I stayed, and dealt with the consequences of growing up in a home with a man who emotionally abandoned me too.
But hey, that’s life, right? So Tony and I learned to depend on each other. I stayed by my brothers’ side through every fight, slap, and separation mama and daddy had until it was no more than silence. We’ve always had each other’s backs.
That’s until Tony’s best friend Dominic; we call him Dom, came into the picture. He had always been around from the time we were all in the sandbox, but Tony and Dom had a brother type of relationship, that often kept me apart from them.
You see Dom, was the guy every girl wanted, and no one got. He was perfect with that pinch of nice, and
so tempting that you wanted to lick and steal a taste.
We started dating my junior year, about the same time my breasts came in. The girls got attention. I mean anyone with D’s in high school would, right? So anyways, Dom and I were inseparable; I had known him since we were babies so when he took an interest in me I paid attention.
We stayed together all through junior and into our senior year of high school. The
couple… until I found out that
cheated on me with the school’s slut. To make matters worse, my brother found out and didn’t tell me. Bro’s before ho’s shouldn’t have been applied because I was more than some random chick, I was Tony’s sister.
To think I loved him because he knew me. I’d turned into a cheerleader so that we would look even better together. My brother was the star quarterback, and Dom was a wide receiver, so we ran the whole damn school. No one fucked with us because they knew we were the shit.
But Allison was our game changer. I hated her for taking them from me. And, I hated them because they threw our trio away. We were all accepted into Virginia Tech, and I hated them because I couldn’t change my mind now.
So here I am.
The girl with a twin brother everyone wants to date and the ex-boyfriend every girl wants to fuck. And I’m stuck at V-Tech with them!
Lord help me.
Today was moving day, and I was ready to start fresh. I walked into my dorm room and stopped dead in my tracks; what greeted me scared me to death.
How did I forget; that my new roommate had an obsession she couldn’t hide. Purple. Purple everywhere.
Oh, my god, Barney threw up in my room!
I knew right then that I should probably get a different color than longhorn burnt orange to decorate with. I know I go to school in Virginia, but I only came here for my brother, even with that being said I still had to bring my longhorn football decorations, and after everything that had gone down I feel like that , should have been my first choice anyway.
Cadence, my roommate and friend from back home, was bopping up and down playing with her pictures of what I knew to be the schools running back. He was a hottie, I’ll admit; and also off limits. The only girl I knew who I could connect with and by that I mean; she was just like me when it came to the admiration and love held for the football team and, actually, one specific player, Cadences’ three year boyfriend, Ant. Before he left for college two years before us, she and Ant were the reigning beloved couple that everyone wanted to be just like. In love, faithful, just knowing that there was someone else who you could count on and tell everything to. Their relationship truly inspired me.
I was truly ecstatic when I found out we would be going to the same college, and not just that, but roomies. I was too glad to have my friend who I knew understood me better than any other girlfriend I had before. Especially since, we both loved football and had personal ties to the team. Sadly, he ruined this for me. The smile dropped from my face, and Cadence noticed.
“What’s wrong?” She asked.
All I wanted to do was throw my flag football team trophy I brought with me at her head, and tell her to “wake the fuck up.”
These boys don’t love us.
They only love the game and, not to mention, the girls the game attracts.
But, instead I forced a smile on my face and said, “Hey, girl!”
“Hey,” she noticed my sudden change in demeanor, but thankfully left it alone, “I was wondering when y’all would be here”.
“Well here I am.” I said.
“Where’s your lick-able brother and asshole ex-boyfriend?” she asked, and I arched a brow. Didn’t she have a boyfriend?
Maybe I should just tell her the truth. Tell her that I told them to go ‘fuck’ themselves when they offered to help me into my room? No. I don’t think so. They didn’t deserve another breath worth of explanations, even it was to someone I trusted with the information I wasn’t willing to give. “They had to hurry and check into their rooms” I answered offhandedly and looked away..
One would think she would leave me alone. The tension grew, yet she seemed unfazed.
Cadence’s eyes turned to slits; she appraised me from head-to-toe before yelling out, “What the hell happened?”
I flinched; I mean, what the fuck?
“Don’t yell at me!” I snapped once my breathing returned to normal.
I expected her to say “NO WIRE HANGERS” at any time now the way her eyes got all big and her face all red, I wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction from her at all.
“Hey, hey, hey,” I backed up, “I didn’t do shit, ok? The drive up here was just tense, with Tony not saying anything and Dom trying to talk during the whole freaking ride. I just needed some air. I’m still not over what he did to me. And as for Tony, god he hurt me.”
She backed up and immediately stated tearing up. No. Dammit, just no. Why did I agree to room with the emotional chick? I knew this would happen when we agreed to be roomies, but I could have sworn I’d be given more time. I don’t do hormones. Daddy always told me I was too thick skinned. I guess that’s why when I found out about Tony and Dom I completely lost my shit.
Yup, not a good day in our household.
“I am so, so sorry, Taleah.” She hiccupped, tears flowing down her face. For fuck’s sake, give me a damn break already.
“Hey, it’s ok,” I patted her back, “I will get over it..” The lie burned on my tongue, but I needed to diffuse the situation. “My brother’s sorry,” she huffed and rolled her eyes, “he is. He’s a proud son of a bitch and got on his knees and begged for forgiveness”
“And just like that you’re letting it go?” Cadence screamed.
“What else was I supposed to do? He’s all I have.” “Pull a gun on the bastard.” She answered emotionlessly.
If only it were that simple, plus been there done that. “Cadence, I’ll be alright. It’s college; there are plenty of men here to take my mind off of the fuck heads”. She looked at me for a minute then as if I haven’t said a word, “I would still have pulled a gun on them.” Guess she was trying to mumble that part.
Yeah, I’m not telling her that one. We spent the rest of the evening cleaning and organizing our new room. She stayed silent as I recanted it all, until I spilled of my ex‘s audacity at thinking I overreacted. “Forget them and what happened. We’re going to a fight tomorrow night,” Candace smirked,” Ant told me it was the first of the season and a must see. Apparently there’s a guy—”
“Isn’t there always?” I interrupted.
“Shut it.” She huffed, and I laughed. “Anyways, he went to school here last year and left undefeated. Rumor is he is a killer in the ring.
“I love a good fight, actually.”
Wonder if I can get in the ring?