Find You in the Dark (19 page)

 
After a few more fast songs, a slow one started.  Daniel pulled Rachel into his arms and they started swaying together.  I couldn't help but smile at the happy expression on her face.  She met my eyes and I gave her a thumbs up.  She grinned and closed her eyes as she laid her cheek against Daniel's shoulder. 

 
Left standing there all by myself, again, I made my way back to our table.  “Oh no you don't.”  Clay said from behind me, putting his arm around my waist.  I looked over my shoulder and there he stood, glistening with sweat from dancing.  He smirked and turned me around. 

  “
What, no one else would dance with you?  Where's Dana?”  I made a show of looking around the room.  I couldn't help the blatant jealousy that came through in my words.  Clayton put his arms around me and walked backwards until we were in the middle of the throng of dancers.  “Don't be like that, Mags.  There's no one I want to dance with but you.”  He whispered into my ear.  “Liar.”  I whispered back as I pressed my cheek into his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. 

 
Clay didn't say anything as we moved to the music.  It was delicious the way his body pressed against mine.  I felt completely alive.  The music seemed to float over us and it felt like we were the only people in the room.  I felt Clay's fingers in my hair, stroking gently and I sighed in contentment. 

 
This is what it was supposed to be about.  Tonight was about he and I.  Together.  “Maggie.”  He murmured into my hair and I pulled back and looked at him.  He stared down at me as he slowly caressed my face.  He had this way of turning me to mush.  Did he have any idea what he did to me?  We looked at each other for an endless moment.  I was frozen in place. 

 
We had stopped dancing and simply held each other as the song came to an end.  And just when I thought our moment had come, when we wouldn't hold back anymore, it was over.  “Clay. I want the next dance.  Come on.”  Dana was suddenly there, tugging on his arm.  Clay didn't take his eyes from mine, a question there.  Did he want me to stop him?  What did he expect from me? 

 
But that vicious emotion called jealousy made me mean.  “Please, don't let me keep you.”  I said acidly, moving out of Clay's arms.  I could have sworn I saw hurt flash in his eyes.  But he dropped his hands from my waist and let Dana lead him away.  Away from me and whatever was there between us just a second before.

 
I couldn't help myself, I stomped off the dance floor and threw myself into the metal chair at our table.  Rachel was sitting there by herself looking as unhappy as I felt.  “Where's Daniel?”  I asked her.  Rachel jerked her thumb in the direction of the punch table where Daniel was involved in a very heated discussion with Kylie. 

 
Great, we had both been ditched.  So much for a fantastic evening.  “Where's Clay?”  She asked me in return.  I jerked
my
thumb in
the direction of the dance floor where Dana had wrapped herself around him.  I couldn't help but take sadistic pleasure in the fact that he didn't seem to be enjoying himself. 

 
Rachel sighed heavily.  “What is with these stupid boys?”  She asked.  I leaned on the table, propping my chin in my hands.  “They're boys, Rach.  They're idiots.”  We sat there moping for a few more minutes when Rachel jumped to her feet.

  “
Enough of this crap.  We are not going to cry over them.  We are here to have fun and damn it, that's exactly what we're going to do.”  She pulled me to my feet and I laughed as we stumbled toward the dance floor. 

 
Rachel tapped a boy's shoulder.  He turned around and looked at her in surprise.  He was cute in a dorky kind of way, but he looked pleased with her attention.  She pointed at him and his friend beside him.  “You two are dancing with us now.”  She took the boy's hand and pulled him toward her.  The other boy looked unsure of what to do.  I gave him a smile and that was all the encouragement he needed. 

 
Soon he had pulled me into an overly close embrace as we danced rather awkwardly to the techno music.  My partner tried too hard to play it cool and kept trying to grind against me.  I attempted to give us some space but he kept pulling me back toward him.

 
Luckily the song ended not long afterward and Rachel and I soon found ourselves dancing with two  different guys.  Thirty minutes later we had changed partners five times and were really enjoying ourselves again.  And I didn't think about Clay and it was obvious Rachel wasn't thinking about Daniel. 

 
A slow song came on again and the boy I was dancing with, Luke Tyler, who was on the football team, asked if I wanted to dance that one with him as well.  I agreed and we started to move to the music.  I didn't relax into him the way I had with Clay.  But he was respectful and didn't move his hands anywhere he shouldn't. 

 
We were half way through the song when someone interrupted us.  “I'm cutting in.”  I looked up and saw Clay standing there looking very, very pissed.  Luke frowned.  “Dude, we're dancing here.”  Luke swung us away from Clay, who followed.  What the hell?

  “
I said, I'm cutting in.”  Clay's neck and face were turning an alarming shade of red.  Luke stood up straight and was clearly getting annoyed with Clay's aggressive attitude.  “And I told you that we're dancing, so back the fuck off.”  Clay yanked Luke's arm off of my waist and shoved him backwards.

  “
Clay!  Stop it!”  I yelled.  Luke was angry.  “What is your problem, man?”  Clay shoved him again, advancing on the other boy with an aggression that scared me.  I gripped Clay's arm to stop him.  “What are you doing?  You're going to get thrown out!”  I screamed.  Clay pulled his arm out of my grasp as he tried to lunge at Luke.  He was shaking and he looked like he was going to explode.  “Fuck this shit.  I'm out of here.”  He said through gritted teeth and pushed his way through the crowd that had formed. 

 
I stood there completely floored by his behavior.  I turned to Luke who was trying to calm down.  “Was that your boyfriend or something?”  He asked.  I shook my head.  I didn't know who
that
was.  “Sorry.”  I muttered, leaving the dance floor. 

 
Rachel intercepted me as I headed over to grab my purse.  “What was that about?  Clay just stormed out of here like his ass was on fire.”  I didn't know how to answer her, and I needed to find Clay.  “Which way did he go?”  I asked her.  “No way.  He seemed really pissed off.  Give him time to cool down.”  Rachel reasoned.  She looked worried. 

 
I got my purse and headed toward the exit.  “I'm going after him, Rach.  I need to talk to him.”  Rachel let me go, shaking her head.  “I don't like this, Maggie.  He didn't seem all there.  I really think you need to leave it be.”  I didn't want to hear her advice.  My single focus was on finding Clay. 

 
I pushed past Rachel and went through the gym doors and looked down the darkened hallway. No Clay.   I left the building and went out into the cool night air.  “Clay?”  I yelled.  I looked toward the parking lot and didn't see anything.  On some half brained instinct, I went around the back of the school toward the football field and bleachers. 

 
I heard a loud slam followed by a bellow of rage.  Shit, I think I found him.  Turning the corner, I saw Clay beneath the metal bleachers, holding his left hand against his chest, breathing heavily.  “Clay?”  I called out.  He looked up and then turned away from me. 

  “
Go away, Maggie.  Seriously.  I can't be around you right now.”  He sounded so angry and I just didn't understand where it was coming from.  Well, he couldn't tell me what to do, so I continued to walk toward him. 

 
Seeing me coming, Clay yelled at the top of his lungs.  “I said get the fuck out of here!”  I stopped short.  Okay, he was freaking me out now.  “Why are you mad at me?  What did I do?”  I asked him over the distance of fifteen feet. 

 
Clay shook his head and gave a gurgling cry as he slammed his hand into the bleacher.  Shit.  I rushed over to him and took his injured hand in mine.  It looked as though he might have broken two of his knuckles.  They were turning a nasty purple and there was the unmistakable yellow of marrow.  “What are you doing?” I cried. 

 
The tremors in Clay's body were causing me to shake too.  “I just want to be alone.  Please just leave.”  The anger had left his voice and he sounded extremely tired.  I pulled a tissue out of my purse and dabbed the back of his hand, where blood  had started to ooze out of his skin. 

  “
Not until you tell me why you're so angry.”  I insisted.  Clay tried to pull his hand away but I refused to let go.  “Stop shutting me out, Clay.”  I warned him.  Clay hung his head, the fight leaving him.  “You stopped taking them didn't you.” I stated more than asked. 

 
Clay sunk to the ground, not caring about the dust and dirt getting on his clothes.  “Yes, all right. I stopped taking them three days ago.  Happy?”  He asked me with venom.  Okay, now I was pissed.  “Happy?  Happy!?!”  I yelled at him. “Oh, I'm just ecstatic that you're not taking the medication that stops you from becoming a raging lunatic. I'm over the moon here.”  I said with sarcasm.  I turned to leave, sick and tired of his drama. My night had been ruined by him on multiple fronts and I was ready to go home. 

 
I started to walk away when I heard him get to his feet and run after me.  “Don't go, Maggie. Please.  I need you here.” He pleaded with me.  There was that word again.  Need.  He needed me.  And some annoying girlie part of me thrilled at his words as much as the rational part of me was terrified of them.

  “
You just told me to go, Clay.”  I said, not letting him pull me back.  He sighed. “I know I said that.  I just didn't want you to see my like this...again.”  “Then take your medication, Clay.  Then we won't have this issue.”  I said harshly.  I tried to move away from him again but he grabbed my hand. “Stay with me. Please.”  He sounded so broken and I hated how swayed I was by him, even when I knew I should get the hell out of there.

  “
Why did you do that back there? It was humiliating.”  I told him, still refusing to face him.  “Look at me.”  He begged, pulling on my shoulders until I was facing him.  His eyes were frantic and he was breathing rapidly, as though he were about to have a panic attack.  “I couldn't stand seeing you dance with that guy.  He had his hands on you and I thought I would lose it.  Well I guess I did lose it.”  He chuckled humorlessly. 

 
His words pissed me off.  “Who the hell do you think you are? You had just spent the entire night dancing with other girls!  But I'm not allowed to dance with other guys?  What a bullshit double standard!”  He flinched at my anger.  Good.  He had made me mad and he needed to see that.

  “
You're right.  But I didn't want to dance with those other girls.  You think I give a shit about Dana, or anyone else?   Because I don't!  I could never care about them because they aren't you!  But you are constantly throwing me into the friend pile.  I thought you didn't want to be with me!  Did I misread something here?”  He sounded desperate.  Where the heck did he get the idea that I wanted him to be with other girls?  Hadn't I been making it very obvious for the past few months that I was crazy about him?  Maybe he was more delusional than I thought. 

 
I shook my head, my thoughts were fuzzy and my chest felt tight.  This roller coaster we were on needed to stop.  I wrenched backwards, away from Clay's grip.  Clay looked panicked and tried to reach for me again. I shook my head and he dropped his hands to his side.  He looked at me as though I were breaking his heart, which was nuts because I had no idea I even had it.  “When you're in a room, Maggie, all I see is you.  You make everything better.  Clearer.  You stop the crazy noise in my head.  I can think, hell, I can
breathe
when we're together  What you make me feel is the most unbelievable and scary thing I've ever felt.”  My eyes went wide at his confession.  I didn't want to say anything, not wanting to break the spell we found ourselves in.

  “
I never thought I deserved to be happy.  With all the shit that went down in Florida, it felt like my life was over.  Moving here to Virginia might as well have been a death sentence.  But then you literally ran into me.”  We both laughed at his choice of words, easing the tension a fraction.

 
Clay grabbed my hands and placed them over his heart.  I could feel the erratic beat beneath my palm.  “You ran into my life, this beautiful, amazing girl who changed everything.  I finally saw what my world could be.  What being
normal
and
happy
could look like.  You've given me everything I never thought I could have!  It scares me to think of life without you.  Of not seeing your smile or hearing your voice.  So when you didn't stop me from going off with Dana and then went and danced with that asshole, I thought you were telling me loud and clear that I didn't have a chance with you.  And all I could see was my life without you in it.  And it was a fucking dark and horrible place.”

 
I closed my eyes, feeling the prick of tears behind my eyelids.  How could I stay angry when he was saying everything I had wanted to hear since I had met him?  Even in the midst of this whirlwind, he made me feel alive and adored.  What girl could resist that combination?