Finding Faith (20 page)

And just like that, it hit me. I
loved Faith. I was crazy in love with her. I couldn’t tell her that
yet since I didn’t want to freak her out, but I felt it. I’m sure
she knew. She had to know.

“
Faith, I’m so glad I got to meet
you,” Mom said as she patted her hand. “Finn hasn’t been the same
since he met you—in a good way, of course.”

She winked over at me and I blushed
for the first time in my entire life. Faith laughed and grabbed my
hand with a tiny squeeze.

“
I’m so glad I got to meet you,
too.”

I walked Faith to her dad’s car and
kissed her once more before she got in.

“
I’ll see you tonight?” she
asked.

I smiled down at her and nodded my
head. She really was so adorable. “I’ll pick you up at the stop
sign—same time.”

Her smile lit up my heart that had
been so heavy for the last few days. I watched her drive away and
smiled to myself. She was so amazing and I was one lucky son of a
bitch to have her.

Fifteen

Faith

Burying your best and only friend
kills a part of you—the part that held the memories the two of you
made over the years. I couldn’t believe Amanda was gone. She’d
always been there. Her laughter had sometimes been the only thing
that could make me smile after a night with my dad and his
belt.

Her coffin was pink and her mom
welcomed all of her friends to sign it with multi-colored permanent
markers. The marker shook in my hand as I wrote a message and told
her I loved her.

Flowers took over the space as the
entire church community bought bouquets for the family with
condolences and donations for her burial. The room smelled of a
fresh garden and ladies’ heavy perfume. I couldn’t tell if it was
the smells that made me feel sick to my stomach or the fact that
her mom had decided on an open coffin.

I found myself upset at the fact
that Amanda was being buried in such a boring dress without a
stitch of makeup on her face. No way would she be okay with that. I
stood beside her coffin and cried silently until Sister Francis
pulled me away.

Life—it was taken away so quickly
and I’d spent all of mine afraid to live. Almost eighteen years of
wasting my life following the rules, walking a straight line,
afraid that if I stepped off track, the world would explode around
me or the devil himself would appear in front of me and pull me
into the underworld for eternity.

Some of the best things I’d
experienced in my life so far had been when I was breaking the
rules. This was my thinking process as I sat on a chair in the back
of the church. Everyone came back there to mourn and eat. Amanda’s
mom asked that everyone gather there instead of her
house.

My dad took center stage as he
proceeded to talk about how bad the teenagers these days were
becoming and how Amanda had gotten caught up with the wrong crowd.
I listened with my eyes glued to the plate of food in front of me.
Finn was a part of the group he was talking about and I couldn’t
help but feel a twinge in my stomach. I missed Finn so much and I
needed him.

Without a second thought, I stood
and slipped out the back of the church, grabbing my dad’s keys from
his desk on the way out. I already knew because of the accident the
reins on me were going to become even tighter. I figured I might as
well go out with a bang and at least get to see Finn as much as I
could before then. Seeing him somehow made things
tolerable.

I was shocked when he introduced me
to his mother. Amanda used to tell me when a guy introduced you to
his parents, they were serious about you. Finn was serious about me
and I was more than serious about him.

When I got back from my visit with
Finn and his mom, I was happy to see no one even noticed I was
gone. Dad’s keys were back on his desk in the nick of time and soon
we were going home for the night. I stopped out by Amanda’s grave
once more before getting in the car with my parents. I plucked one
of the pink roses from the bouquet on top of the fresh
dirt.

“
I hope you don’t mind if I take
this. I was thinking I’d dry it and close it in my journal.” I
paused to take a much needed breath. “I’ll miss you, girl. Be good
up there. Try not to give God too much hell,” I whispered into the
wind.

I smiled to myself as I wiped a
tear from my cheek.

As soon as we got home, my mom
excused herself and went to her room. She was complaining of one of
her stress headaches, but I knew the only thing that gave her a
headache was my dad. I headed toward my room as well, but before I
got to the hallway, my dad called me back into the living
room.

“
Faith, we need to
talk.”

I hated the sound of that. I tucked
my dress under me and took a seat on the couch across from
him.

“
What is it, Daddy?”

He pulled off his dress shoes and
relaxed in his recliner.

“
Me and your mother have been
talking and we’ve come to a decision about something.” He cleared
his throat and mine tightened. “We’re moving.”

I started to panic for a second,
but then I realized that he might be talking about another house in
the same area. I knew my dad, and he would never leave the
church.

“
A house closer to the church?” I
asked.

He shook his head and my chest got
heavy. “No, we’re moving to California.”

His words echoed throughout the
room, ricocheted off the walls, and pierced my heart. I was on my
feet in that instant, and I was irate. He wasn’t going to do this
to me. I couldn’t let him do this.

“
No, we aren’t!” As soon as the
words left my mouth, I knew I was going to regret them.

I’d never spoken to my father that
way—ever. I patiently waited for him to jump out of his chair, pull
off his belt, and beat me until I couldn’t see straight. He stood
from his chair and towered over me with angry eyes.

“
Excuse me?”

I swallowed my nerves and looked
him in the eye.

“
I’m not going anywhere.” I
flinched when he lifted his hand and ran it across his bald
head.

“
You’re going. There’s too much
for you to get into around here, and with Amanda’s death, I realize
I’m not willing to lose you because you can’t stay away from that
boy. I heard about him coming to the church the day we found out
about the accident, and I won’t have you following in her
footsteps.”

That boy? He didn’t even have the
decency to say his name. Well, I didn’t care what he said. I wasn’t
going anywhere without Finn. Without thinking, I blurted out the
first thing that came to my mind.

“
I love Finn, Daddy. I’m not
leaving him. I’m sorry, but I’m seventeen and—”

The back of his hand connected with
my cheek, knocking me back onto the couch. I sat up quickly. My
face felt like it was about to explode. The taste of blood rolled
across my tongue, making my stomach turn. I placed my palm against
my face and looked up at him like he was crazy. I was positive he
was. I was older and I knew more. I understood.

He clawed at his belt before he
pulled it off and used it on me. This time I fought back. I grabbed
at his belt and pulled at it. Still, he managed to catch me on my
arms and even once across my face. The entire time I screamed for
him to leave me alone and even once clawed at his arm.

When he was done, he swiped at the
sweat on his forehead and pointed a finger at me.

“
You’re going. As a matter of
fact, you’re not leaving this house again until it’s time to go.
I’ve already put in a call with some friends on the West Coast.
There’s a good church there that could use my services. I think
this is the best thing.”

Backing away from him, I turned
toward the front door. I grabbed the knob and prepped my feet to
run. I had to get to Finn. He had to know what was going on so we
could figure out what to do. I wasn’t going to leave him. I
wouldn’t. He was everything to me and the only person left in the
world that I cared about.

My head lurched back when my dad
grabbed the back of my hair and pulled me back into the house. Tiny
pins pulled from my hair and strands were released into my
face.

“
Don’t even think about it. God
don’t like ugly, Faith, and you’re disgracing yourself and this
family. I hated to do it this way, but you leave me no other
choice. I’m a respected man around here. One call to the police and
I could have that boy put in prison for a long time. Did you know
he sells drugs from his home? I knew that and so does his probation
officer.” He jerked me closer to him; my hair was being ripped from
its roots. “All I have to do is make a call. Quit being a selfish
girl. Think about that mother of his. She can barely make it around
without him. Do you really want to take him away from her like
that?”

“
You’re lying!”

He spun me around and again his
hand connected with my cheek.

Then he pulled out a video tape—one
that went to those old style VCRs that no one used anymore. He
shoved it in my face, the black plastic dug into my
cheek.

“
Do you know what this is, Faith?”
An angry vein poked out of his forehead. “Of course you don’t.
Well, let me tell you what this is. It’s Finn on tape, selling
drugs. I bet you know all about drugs and such now that you’re a
sinner.” I smacked the tape out of my face and pulled away. “Leave
this house, even think about leaving this house, and he’s going to
prison for a very long time. You’re no longer allowed to see that
boy. It’s over and we’re leaving.”

I tried not to believe anything he
was saying, but it was hard since for my entire life, I’d looked up
to my father like he was good and saintly. It also didn’t help that
I could remember all the drugs that bounced around Finn’s garage.
He didn’t have a job yet, but somehow he’d been able to fix his car
and buy things. I didn’t know much about the way drug deals worked,
but I assumed Finn was in a good place in the world to be able to
do such things. His neighbors alone would make great customers for
him.

I pulled away from my dad again and
this time he freed me. I took advantage of the moment and of his
age and I ripped open the front door. I knew I was taking a chance
on getting Finn into some major trouble, but the thought of just
disappearing on him didn’t sit well with me. I knew Finn and I knew
he’d want to know what was happening with me, even if it meant
false accusations on him.

I collided with the screened door
and went right through it. Tiny pieces of wood splintered into the
air. I heard my dad calling out behind me, followed by my mother’s
high-pitched voice. Tripping on the broken door, I fell to the
ground. My dad latched onto my ankle with strong fingers and I
kicked with all my might until he let go. Jumping up, I
ran.

I ran until my lungs ached, my
flats beating into the asphalt and echoing into the wind that
rushed past me. Tears that I didn’t know I was shedding spread
across my cheeks and cooled, leaving my face feeling stiff and
swollen. Hair flapped against my face and tangled into the chain
around my neck. My cross dug into my palm until I felt like it was
bleeding.

Night was settling in and the air
was getting cooler. When I saw a pair of headlights coming my way,
I freaked out, knowing it was my father coming after me, so I
turned and fled into the patch of woods on the side of the road. I
ducked down into the brush as my dad’s car zoomed by.

I’d done the unthinkable, and I
already knew it wasn’t going to end well for me. I was seventeen. I
could leave. I could tell my dad to shove it and run away with
Finn, but I needed to make sure Finn was on board first. I needed
to make sure that he wanted the same from me.

It took a while, but I finally made
it to the closest gas station. My feet burned and lungs ached from
breathing in the night air. The cashier looked at me like I was
death walking in the store, which made sense since that’s exactly
what I felt like.

“
Do you have a phone I can use?” I
asked.