Finding Faith (23 page)

My legs felt numb as I turned and
left the garage. When I escaped the terrible smells, I took deep
breaths of fresh air. The breeze that moved around me cooled the
tears pouring down my cheeks and dripping from my chin. I turned
and started toward the gas station that was the closest. I died a
little more with every step I took away from Finn, but I had to do
what I had to. So I left and I never looked back again.

Thankfully, my father let me come
back to our new home in California and even paid for my return. I
ran back with my tail tucked firmly between my legs and salty tears
on my cheeks. The beating I got when I got home was one that would
stay with me for the rest of my life, but still, it didn’t hurt as
much as seeing Finn with Jenny.

I settled into the life my dad
wanted me to have and tried with all my might to block out Finn and
everything I felt for him. It worked as long as I shut off my brain
and stayed so busy I literally fell into bed each night. But then
things took a turn for the worse and before I knew it, I was kicked
out in a strange state with no one to turn to and nowhere to
go.

Part Two:

Old Wounds

Four Years Later

Eighteen

Finn

I placed my hand on the back of her
head as she continued to suck my cock. She wasn’t the best I’d had,
but she was damn good at it. It felt even better when I closed my
eyes and imagined she was a certain brunette that I loved to hate.
In the end, imagining things like that only made me even more of an
asshole.

I looked down at my hands and the
blond hair clasped in my fingers. It was bleached. There was
nothing natural about the girl on her knees in front of me. She
looked up at me with big blue eyes and I had to look away. She
wasn’t the woman I wanted, so I kept my eyes closed and wished it
would be over already. I’d give her one thing, though; she won a
ton of extra points when I told her I was going to come and she
kept going until I was dry.

I tucked my junk back into my
boxers and zipped up my jeans. The blonde adjusted her shorts as
she sat on the couch next to me and attempted to snuggle. There was
once a time in my life when I enjoyed snuggling, being close to the
woman I cared about and breathing her in—not so much anymore. In
fact, I fucking hated it. Not to mention, I didn’t give a shit
about the girl I was with. I hadn’t even asked her name. I think at
one point she’d told me, but I’d heard a lot of names. She had
given me no reason to remember hers.

“
Listen, babe, I appreciate the
good time, but I think it’s time I get some sleep,” I said as I
yawned.

I hated bringing girls on the bus,
but a man had needs, and when there was a girl all ready to fulfill
those needs, then what else could you do? It wasn’t like I forced
them to do anything. They should’ve thought twice before they
dropped their panties for just anyone.

“
Should I give you my number?” she
asked sweetly.

She ran her knee suggestively
across mine, and I slid over and grabbed my beer.

I hated the part when they thought
there’d be more. I always made it clear beforehand, but they all
thought they’d be the one that did the trick—like they had a magic
mouth that would snap me into some romantic Romeo. Not so much. I’d
been burned before. No way in hell was the shit happening
again.

“
Nah, I’m good,” I said
carelessly. “Thanks again, though.”

Her eyes widened and she looked at
me like she couldn’t believe I had the audacity to say something so
rude to her. I had all the audacity in the fucking world since
she’d been dumb enough to drop to her knees in a strange bus with a
guy she was never going to see again. Her purse swung close to my
face when she grabbed it and ran from the bus. I chuckled to myself
and shook my head. It was just another day in the life.

“
Dude, tell me you got some of
that,” Chet said as he stepped onboard the bus.

He turned back around and watched
her walk across the parking lot. Licking his lips, he said, “Damn,
look at that ass.”

I ignored his words. “Grab me
another beer, man.”

Reaching into the refrigerator, he
grabbed two bottles and threw one at me. The table beside me became
a bottle opener as I popped it open on the edge. Six beers and
three blunts later, we were laughing with Zeke and Tiny and getting
ready to play our asses off in front of the thousands of people
who’d come from all over to watch Blow Hole play.

I could hardly believe the life we
were living these days. We’d definitely moved up in the world. We’d
gone from shit to shoe shines in less than a month. Everything had
happened so fast. One minute we were getting a contract, and then
next we were moving to California and rubbing elbows with the big
dogs. I loved being the front man for Blow Hole. When I stood
before thousands and sang the lyrics I’d burned inside to write, it
did something to me—took away my anger for just a few hours. It was
the therapy that I definitely needed.

When I was on the stage with my
boys, nothing else mattered. Girls in the front row screamed my
name, and I knelt down to run my fingers across theirs. To my
right, Zeke, the lead guitarist, shook his head at me with a
knowing grin as he jumped up on the large speaker at the front of
the stage and played his guitar solo.

That fucker could play guitar like
no other, and he reminded me so much of Kevin. It was fitting that
he’d be my right-hand man. I felt okay with him taking Kevin’s
spot, and I knew if Kevin had the chance to meet Zeke, he would’ve
agreed. Maybe that was why I’d accepted him into my world so
easily. It wasn’t every day that someone walked straight into my
life the way Zeke had. He had a fucked-up home life, and Mom and I
had taken him under our wings until he was able to fly on his
own.

Although he flew crooked, getting
all mixed up in drugs and sex, he was making his way. Truth be
told, Zeke was a fucking wreck until he’d gotten with his girl,
Patience. I knew all too well what that was like. She straightened
him right out and smoothed away his permanent frown. I liked the
new Zeke, even if I did bust his balls about being all domesticated
and shit. I was happy for him. Patience was a sweet girl, and I
could see her appeal to Zeke, but settling down wasn’t for
me.

I stepped back toward Chet’s drums
to grab my drink. Red mystery liquid mixed with something strong
slid down my throat as I tipped back my red Solo cup. I didn’t care
what it was as long as it took away my inhibitions, not that I had
many.

“
Blonde, front and center,” Chet
called out to me as he nodded his head in the direction of the girl
he was talking about.

He was always pointing out the
girls he wanted to bring back to the bus. I did what I could to
help him out since he was stuck at the back of the stage behind the
drums most nights. As the drummer, he got lots of ass, but he liked
to pick his own.

I beat on Chet’s drums with my
palms, making a loud rumble, and he pointed his drumstick at me
during a break as he mouthed the words “fuck face” at me. The crowd
went wild at our display. I loved giving Chet hell, and even though
he acted like he hated the shit, I knew deep down he liked
it.

Chet was the one to worry about. He
had no fear, and fearless men were scary as fuck. Of course, he
also had no filter, which meant he was the funniest piece of shit
I’d ever met. Him and Zeke were younger. They were like my badass
little brothers, and even though I’d bite off my tongue before I
said it, I guess I loved the assholes.

We’d just started touring and
getting adjusted to the larger crowds. Back home in South Carolina,
we mostly played small clubs. One of our favorites was The Pit, an
underground concrete club. On a good night there, we’d play for
maybe five hundred people. Looking out at the crowd in front of me,
I couldn’t believe how far we’d come.

Once the show was over and I’d
crowd surfed and had my cock grabbed too many times to count, we
ran off the stage and were ushered to our bus by
security.

“
We love you, Finn!” girls
screamed as I passed by.

A particularly bold one flashed her
tits at me. They were fake and I preferred the real thing, but that
didn’t stop me from telling her they were nice and letting her hug
me with her top still up. I grinned down at her, and the girls
around us screamed louder. Fuck it. I gave them what they wanted…
always.

I looked back just in time to see
Chet peel off his sweaty “Fuck me. I’m pretty!” shirt and throw it
to a chick standing on the side. Since he was the jokester, the
girls responded to him and he took full advantage. A different girl
every night wasn’t enough for Chet most times, and he was into some
pretty hardcore shit sexually. To each his own, though.

Zeke walked a straight line to the
bus and ignored the girls. He was the hard-ass the girls loved to
hate. I never understood how he could be such an asshole to them
and still they’d flock to him. Of course, since he’d been seeing
Patience, the sleeping around had stopped. I could respect
that.

I was totally against
finding
the one
.
The rest of the group would probably agree with me, but Zeke was
good and whipped. He was the last one I expected it from, but you
could tell by looking at him that he was crazy in love. I just
hoped he didn’t get his heart ripped out the way I had so many
years ago.

“
That was a hell of a show, Finn.
We rocked that shit,” Tiny said as he hugged a girl in
passing.

Camera flashes lit up the path, and
I had to blink away the balls of light that stuck to my vision. I
looked over at Tiny and threw my arm around his neck.

“
Hell yeah, we did.”

Tiny stuck with me no matter what.
Believe it or not, he’d actually grown more since he was in high
school. He towered over the rest of us and worked out constantly.
The working out had started after the accident that almost took his
life. I was thankful to still have him around. He didn’t have much
family so he stuck around my place a lot. I never asked questions,
but he was a loner and needed Mom and me. At least that’s how it
seemed. Mom hadn’t only adopted me; she took in my boys, too. I
loved that woman.

Tiny hadn’t only gotten taller;
he’d gotten better at a lot of things. Even his bass playing had
improved. Not that he was bad before, but after the accident, he
had a hard time with his nerves. Playing hurt him, and even though
he didn’t complain, I think it still did. I didn’t push. I only
knew I wouldn’t pursue anything musically without him, and I’d
always keep his secret. No one but me knew about the awful scaring
under his clothes, and no one else needed to know. He was strong
and loyal to the fucking core, and I’d be the same to him. We’d
been through it all together.

The funny thing about Tiny was the
fact that even though he didn’t realize I noticed, he never slept
with girls. He made out with them plenty, but I couldn’t remember a
time when he’d actually broke the back out of one of them. And he
could do it easily since he was every bit of three hundred pounds
and hard muscle.

At one point, I’d almost asked if
he batted for the other team, but there were times when I’d catch
him checking out girls. Either way, he’d been there for me through
a lot of shit and I’d always been there for him.

All in all, I was pretty happy with
the way things were going for the four of us. We were Blow Hole
since there was no way in hell I could continue using the name
Original Malice with half of the band gone. The name Blow Hole fit.
After Faith left, I went back to selling cocaine. Uncle Lester, my
old supplier, used to call it blow, and since my garage was the
place to go when you wanted some blow, my garage became known as
the blow hole. The name stuck.

It was good, though. You couldn’t
turn on the radio without hearing a Blow Hole song, and after
signing what could only be described as a kickass contract, we’d
been living a much different lifestyle than what we were all used
to. None of us were complaining.