First Chances (8 page)

Chapter Eleven

Hadie

I had the Friday night shift at
Belle’s Diner
, which was just about the worst shift to have.

Everyone always got something to eat before heading off to a typical Friday night event. The quieter people did dinner and a movie, but the people looking for a good time braved a field party in the cold temperatures.

When you lived in a small town in the Midwest, your Friday night options were pretty limited. Prior to losing Lincoln, I had been pretty content to just stay at home and read a book, but now that made me feel suffocated and trapped. Now I wanted to be at a party, losing myself in the crowd, or on the back of Three’s motorcycle.

Belle had two servers working tonight; me and a junior named Laura Dempsey who had porcelain skin, pale red hair, and wide-set eyes. She was a nice enough girl, although she loved to gossip and often tried to direct the conversation onto my former exes. One was of course Lincoln; the other was Bennett Anderson.

Since Lincoln and Bennett were jock-type guys, I could understand people’s interest in how a bookworm like me had managed to date them. Labels didn’t matter to me, but at Statlen High they mattered to a lot of people.

I wasn’t even sure if I was still a bookworm anymore. I didn’t know what I was. I was the girl with purple hair stuck in limbo, in a place where I didn’t quite know myself.

“Oh, my God!” Laura hurried over to where I was furiously cleaning a table. “Look who just walked in!”

The diner was almost at full capacity and we were getting slammed. I was trying to get this table in my section clean so it was ready for the next people that came in. Another girl—Jill Hembley—was supposed to be working tonight, but she’d called to say she was too sick to come in. I was pretty sure she’d skipped work to go to a party.

When I glanced over at the doorway, my heart sank. It was Bennett, along with three of his Neanderthal friends. He was definitely the last person I wanted to be around, considering he’d cheated on me and then turned his nasty friends against me. Unfortunately the only free table was the one in my section that I was cleaning right now.

As though sensing my thoughts, Bennett’s eyes fell on me. Something in his face changed, and he made his way over to where Laura and I were standing.

“Hi!” Laura said brightly. Too brightly. I knew she was internally squealing inside. She’d told me many times how attractive she found Bennett. Too bad he was a total jerk. “This table is free for you guys.”

Bennett responded with a nod. I didn’t know one of the guys with him, but the other two guys were brothers—Carter and Hunter Hammond, the richest guys in our school. They were both very attractive, and while Carter was a nice guy, his younger brother was a total douchebag from what I’d heard.

“Let me get you some menus,” I said, trying to sound cheerful. I was anything but cheerful.

I walked away with Laura following closely behind me. “Oh, my God! Carter and Hunter are here!” She said this as though I was blind and couldn’t possibly have seen them.

It was weird that they’d come to a simple diner to eat. Sure, there weren’t a lot of great places to eat in town, but I figured Hunter would think he was too good for this place. Rumor had it the Hammonds had a private chef.

“Laura, you’re ignoring your section,” I pointed out. I could see some of the customers glaring in our direction, and I was sure they were done and just wanted their checks so they could leave.

“Oh, right!” she said, staring at one of her tables in disdain. “Let me know everything they say!”

With a nod, I grabbed four menus from behind the counter and dragged my feet back to Bennett’s table.

“What can I get you guys to drink?” I chirped as I handed them each a menu.

I wanted to gag at the enthusiasm in my voice, but I had to be polite and this was me pushing it to the extreme because I hated Bennett so much.

Hunter snatched the menu out of my hand without so much as thank you, while Carter was the only one who smiled at me.

“A sprite, please,” Bennett said, his face pale. He seemed uncharacteristically nervous. I’d known him since we were kids, so I could tell when something was bothering him.

When I had all their orders, I went back into the kitchen to get their drinks and to catch my breath.

“You won’t believe who’s out there!” I fumed, my pleasant manner disappearing when I caught sight of Eddie. “Bennett and his lackeys! Why does he come here when he knows I’ll be working?”

Eddie was over by the fryers, pulling out a basket of hot fries. He stared at me in confusion, and I felt myself blush. I’d forgotten that we weren’t exactly on talking terms. The thing was, we’d been working together for almost a year now and he was my go-to-person who I vented to. Now I didn’t even have that anymore. It was no one’s fault but my own.

“Sorry,” I mumbled and began getting the drinks the guys had asked for.

When I had them all, I hurried out of the kitchen, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. I also felt like a complete bitch. Eddie Cavallari was about the nicest guy you could get, and I had pushed him to a point where we couldn’t even speak to each other.

With a buzzing head, I gave Bennett and his friends their drinks, took their food orders, and relayed them back to the kitchen. As I waited on their food, I cleared away some tables, got some people boxes to go, and collected a few decent tips.

As I handed a table their check, my phone vibrated in my pocket.

Help me find something.

It was Three. I quickly replied.

What?

A rebel child with crazy purple hair.

I hear she’s doing responsible things like waiting tables while ur not

Promoting the importance of sustaining a living through hard work? Hmm I prefer mugging little old ladies myself

I laugh escaped me as I typed back a response.

Were you trying to impress me with your big words?

Idk. Did it work?

I laughed again. I liked Three a lot, and there was always a warm feeling in my chest when we spoke or spent time together, but it was nothing compared to what being with Lincoln was like. Floating and free-falling at the same time. That was what love was to me.

And that was something I didn’t have anymore.

Maybe. C u after work?

Sure thing

As I put my phone back in my pocket, two people walked into the diner holding hands. One of them was very familiar to me.

“Mr. Bracks?” I said, feeling a little out of breath.

“Hello, Hadie.” He gave me a small nod, as he released the woman’s hand. “That’s a lovely shade of purple.”

My eyes shot to the woman standing beside him. Was he seeing her? Were they on a date, or just friends? Did this mean that things were definitely over between Mr. Bracks and his wife?

“Um, thanks.” I felt awkward being around him, mainly because I just didn’t know him well enough.

“How is school, Hadie?” the woman asked with a pleasant smile. There was something familiar about her, but I couldn’t quite place how I knew her. She was definitely acting as though she knew me.

So that I didn’t come across rude, I simply responded with a bright smile. “School’s the same as always.”

“Same, old boring stuff?” she asked, and I decided there was something in her face that I liked.

“Pretty much,” I responded with a small laugh. “Um, so will it be just the two of you tonight?”

Mr. Bracks slipped his hand back into the woman’s hand. “Yes, just us two.”

She beamed at him, her face practically glowing. It was pretty clear they were newly dating, because everything about them said ‘honeymoon stage’.

“Okay, follow me,” I said, purposely leading them to a corner booth Laura’s section so that I wouldn’t have to interact with Mr. Bracks further.

“Your server, Laura, will be right with you,” I said, as they both took a seat across from each other. “Enjoy your night.”

As I turned to walk away, Mr. Bracks called out to me. “Hadie, just a second.”

“Yes?” I asked, turning around to see him studying me with a sad expression.

“If you ever need to talk about anything, you know where to find me.” His tone was melancholy and I could tell that he meant well.

The thing was, I didn’t want to talk anymore. I was sick of talking to people about Lincoln. I just wanted everyone to let me be. Mr. Bracks had good intentions, but I couldn’t see any reason why I would ever have the need to speak to him.

“Okay, thank you,” I said, trying to be polite, but wanting desperately to be away from the man who resembled Lincoln so much.

A deep breath escaped me as I turned to finally leave with a bowed head. My heart was hammering so fast that I wasn’t paying attention and walked right into someone.

“I’m so sorry!” I apologized, taking a step back and feeling mortified that I was so uncoordinated.

Bennett was standing in front of me, and I immediately regretted apologizing to him. Now I kind of wished I’d knocked him over instead.

“Hadie, can I speak to you for a second?” he asked, sounding nervous.

My stomach clenched at his words. What the hell did he want?

“Yes?” I asked, my tone curt.

“You’re, uh, hair, um looks cool,” he stammered.

I glared at him. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Uh, no.” Bennett visibly swallowed. There was a sheen of sweat on his brow. He was freaking out about something. “I-uh. I just, I really wanted to tell you how sorry I am about Lincoln.”

My insides froze. How dare he talk to me about Lincoln after he’d humiliated him in front of so many people? Lincoln had been keeping his illness a secret from everyone, until Bennett and his friends found out about it and revealed it in front of the entire school.

I found my voice again and shot him a glare. “I hope you and your friends got something out of ruining the last few days of a dying boy’s life. All Lincoln wanted was peace.”

Bennett’s face was distraught as he faced me, and he looked like he was about to start crying. “Hadie, I can’t explain to you how bad I feel about what I did to Lincoln. I was jealous. I wasn’t thinking straight. I don’t think it even registered to me that he was dying. His sister seemed so easy going about it and a part of me downplayed his situation.”

If I ever saw Becky Bracks again, she would have hell to pay. “Trust me, Bennett, I have a special place on my shit list for Becky. It’s probably better for you if you don’t ever talk about her around me again.”

He nodded and glanced off to the side. “What I did was terrible. I’m a terrible person, Hadie. After we broke up, something about me changed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

As I stared into Bennett’s devastated blue eyes, I wanted to feel sorry for him. I wanted to forgive him. I wanted to tell him that people made mistakes. But I couldn’t. I could never forgive him for what he and his friends had put Lincoln through. And now Lincoln was gone. Now it was too late.

“The old, pathetic Hadie you cheated on would have forgiven you.” I looked him squarely in the eyes. “But I’m a different person now. I’ve experienced a loss you will never understand. When I look at you, my skin crawls. I wish you the worst, Bennett Anderson, because that’s all you deserve.”

And with that, I turned and walked towards the kitchen without looking back at my weakness. I would never let myself be weak again.

Chapter Twelve
 

Eddie

My mind was on the large number of orders I had to get through in a short amount of time.
Belle’s
was always busy on Friday nights, but usually Belle would be in the kitchen helping me.

Tonight, however, Belle was out of town and couldn’t find anyone else to cook. Plus, we were down servers too, so it was a complete fucking nightmare. Luckily, I was somehow managing to keep up with the orders, but I couldn’t wait for the night to be over.

The smell of deep fried onions overwhelmed my senses as I pulled out a basket from the fryer and set it aside to drain before splitting them up between two plates that already had a burger each on them.

Since I was so focused on my job, I didn’t immediately notice Hadie standing in the corner, crying softly.

For a second, I froze. I hadn’t seen her display this much emotion in a long time, so it had definitely caught me a little off guard.

“Hadie?” I called out tentatively.

Her head shot up and she stared at me with a mascara-streaked face. “Sorry,” she squeaked. “Today was too much for me.”

“Bennett?” I asked, approaching her cautiously.

“No, Lincoln’s dad.” She lifted her eyes to look up at me. Her thick, dark lashes were coated in tears that I wanted to brush away, but I held my ground, not wanting to be too forward.

Instead, I stood right where I was, two paces away from her, letting her words sink in. “Lincoln’s dad?” I asked. “Does that mean the Brackses didn’t leave?”

“They left, except for Mr. Bracks.” She paused, sighing deeply for a second, her tears finally subsiding. “I guess he and his wife are going through a separation, because he seems to be on a date tonight.”

It made sense that Mr. Bracks wanted to distance himself from the monster that his wife was. Maybe it had taken his son’s death to finally give him the courage to leave her. I didn’t know the Bracks as well as Hadie did, but I’d heard that Lincoln’s relationship with his family had been tense.

“Well, at least he’s moving on,” I said, giving her a pointed look. “You can’t hold onto the past forever. At some point, you gotta continue with your life and find happiness with someone new.”

From the way Hadie’s face flushed pink, I could tell she knew exactly what I meant. Whether I’d gotten through to her or not, well, that was a question that remained unanswered; at least I’d tried, and I think that was what really mattered in the end.

“Uh,” she said, looking uncertain as her eyes darted left and right.

“Did you get a chance to read the book I gave you?” I asked, taking a step closer to her so she’d have to deal with me being in her space.

Her expression darkened at that, completely taking me by surprise. “I told you I don’t read anymore. Stories are fairytales for children.”

“Really?” I asked with a raised brow.  I wasn’t much of a reader myself, but I was a musician. I wrote lyrics that reflected how I felt and things that were happening around me. I knew the importance of words. “Well, I gotta disagree with you there. Words are inspiring; they’re motivating; they’re heartbreaking. And words that create a story, well, they’re like therapy, especially if you can relate to them.”

Something in her face changed. There was a light in her eyes which made me suspect that she agreed with what I’d just said, but for some reason—a reason which I deduced was her trying to remove herself from the girl she used to be—she was trying to pretend she didn’t care.

“The good things that happen in those stories, they don’t actually happen to people in real life,” she scoffed. “They make it so easy to find happiness when that’s not really how life works.”

“Hadie,” I said, my voice low. I took another small step towards her, and I saw Hadie suck in a sharp breath. “The people in those stories find happiness because they’re searching for it. Close-minded people don’t get happy endings.

She wanted to argue with me—I could see it from the way her forehead creased a little, and her pink lips parted—but I wasn’t going to let her win in her own suffering. Instead, I chose that exact moment to make my move.

Stepping forward to fill the gap between us, I slowly let my fingers graze the side of her face before sliding them around to the back of her neck. Goosebumps popped up on her skin where my fingertips fell, and I knew she was being affected by me.

“Is that what you want to be, Hadie?” I asked, my tone soft.

Our eyes locked, and I could tell she was holding her breath as she gazed at me. Almost involuntarily, her lids fluttered, and I leaned in and brought my mouth close to hers. We were breathing the same air, our lips were about to become one.

Hadie smelled of strawberries and cream; whether it was her hair or her perfume, I wasn’t sure; all I knew was being this close to her was overwhelming. It was difficult keeping my thoughts pure, but I was sure trying my hardest.

She let out a deep sigh as my body pressed against hers, and any reason I had of being a good boy vanished. I wanted her. I wanted to crush my mouth against hers and push her up against the wall. It was finally happening. Hadie Swinton was finally letting me in. She had finally stopped fighting me.

Then just like that, my hopes were dashed. Hadie took a deep breath and took several steps away from me. Her face was distraught, and she looked close to tears as she studied me, wide-eyed as though she couldn’t believe what had almost happened between us.

“Um, I better take those orders out before customers start complaining,” Hadie stammered, clearing her throat awkwardly. “Not that anyone’s complained yet. You’ve been doing such a great job and, uh, I don’t know how you’re doing it all by yourself-”

Her face turned a deeper shade of pink and she hurried past me to grab a table’s orders before exiting the kitchen promptly.

Head spinning, I slumped against the closest wall—the one I’d been planning on doing unspeakable things to Hadie against—trying to figure out what in the hell had just happened. I couldn’t believe that once again I’d been rejected by Hadie. We’d come so close to sharing a moment; a moment that I knew had been a long time coming.

This was what pissed me off so much about Hadie; the fact that she was so resistant to me when I knew she could see that there was something between us that transcended riding on the back of a bad boy’s bike and doing stupid shit with him.

Just then Laura rushed into the kitchen, spouting off an order at rapid speed. She did a double take when she caught sight of me. I guess I looked pretty pathetic and defeated slumped against the wall.

“Eddie, what’s wrong?” she asked, rushing over to me. “Are you sick?”

On most days, Laura wasn’t my kind of person. I probably wasn’t her kind of person either. She was a cheerleader who hung out with the popular kids and I was a drummer for a punk rock band who was considered a social outcast because of the music I played and the friends I had.

However, Laura was actually a decent person, albeit a little too perky and gossipy, but she wasn’t a mean girl. Take now for instance—I could tell she was genuinely concerned about me.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, straightening up and walking over to the cooking area. “What was that order again?”

“Really, Eddie?” Laura placed a hand on her hip and stared me down, for a moment reminding me of the look my mom used to give me when I was younger and would try to bullshit her. Do you think I’m stupid or something? I can tell how hung up over Hadie you are, like, since the beginning of time.”

I flamed at that and tried to busy myself with the next pile of orders I had to make. I was kind of hoping Laura would drop it, but she began tapping her foot impatiently until I finally glanced around at her.

Laura was an innocent enough looking girl—red hair, pale skin, wide-set eyes—but right now she looked super pissed that I was ignoring her.

With a tired sigh, I shrugged at her. “What’s the point in talking about it? I’m getting nowhere with her.”

Laura rolled her eyes at me and made a small sound of indignation. “You have to try harder. Her super-hot, perfect boyfriend
died
, Eddie. Can you imagine what that’s like? It’s gonna take a lot for her to get over something like that.”

“I know, Laura,” I said, because I did know all this. Everyone had been telling me the same thing and I was getting pretty sick of hearing it.

“But,” she went on in a kinder tone, “you are the nicest guy I have ever met. She deserves someone like you, so don’t give up on her!”

With that, Laura came over to me, kissed me on the cheek pretty fiercely, and picked up a tray of orders before whirling out of the kitchen like a little tornado.

I stared after her, and touched my cheek. It was funny that I’d gotten a kiss from the girl I didn’t want a kiss from.

Shaking my head, I busied myself in the rush of orders for the next hour. Hadie came in throughout the rest of the night, but she kept her head bowed and acted like I didn’t exist. As the night wore on, the orders grew less frequent which gave me time to start closing up the kitchen.

Laura and Hadie both came in to help me clean up at various points, and by midnight we were all ready to leave. As the three of us stepped outside and Hadie locked up, Laura gave me a pointed look before waving at us and heading to her black SUV.

Just as I was about to ask Hadie if I could walk her to her car, I noticed the motorcycle sitting in the parking lot with a figure on it. It was goddamn fucking Three.

Hadie tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she glanced up at me. “Um, I’ll see you later, Eddie.”

And that was it. Once again, the girl I loved walked away from me right into the arms of another guy. Except this guy was all wrong for her. This guy wasn’t Lincoln Bracks. He wasn’t me. Yet so easily, she climbed onto the back of the bike and wrapped her arms around Three who handed her a helmet.

Three shot me a smug look, put his helmet on, and kicked the bike to life, before driving out of the parking lot and roaring off into the night.

I stood for a moment longer, wondering why this was happening and what I could do differently to change my life. Nothing came to me, except Luca’s words. He’d been right. Nice guys finished last, and I was definitely losing this race.