Four Summers (22 page)

“Hotter? Sexier? Impossible to resist?” He grins.

“Conceited?”

He feigns shock, but then reaches for my hand. Two of our fingers link like a chain as we keep walking.

“I was going to just say more grown-up, but I’m rethinking that.”

“Oh, so I’m more manly? Basically the same thing as sexier.” He laughs before pulling me to him, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “I mean, yeah you’ve changed in some ways. You wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t, but there are some things about you that are always the same.”

“Like what?” I ask him.

“Your honesty. The way you say whatever’s on your mind.”

“Only to you.”

“That’s all that matters.” I pinch his side and he pushes my hand away. “I’m kidding. No pinching, woman. You’re adventurous in a different way than any girl I’ve ever met. You’re comfortable playing football or looking through a telescope and telling me about the stars.” He leans closer to me. “You trust me in a way no one in my life has ever done… Even when I didn’t trust myself to make decisions because of Chrissy. You trusted me. Those things are the same about you, but…I guess it’s like you said about me, you’re more grown-up. Sometimes, I don’t really know how to say what I’m trying to, but it’s like you’re this old soul trapped in a seventeen year old’s body. I think you see the world different than anyone I know, Charlotte Rae Gates.”

I look over at him. “I don’t want to see it differently.”

“Why?” he asks. “It’s one of my favorite things about you. You wanna see and do so much, but you have this kind of nobility or something about you that makes you put all your dreams aside for other people. I couldn’t do that. Not many people could.”

I think that might be the best compliment I’ve ever received. “No one makes me feel like you do,” I tell him.

He looks down at me as we keep walking up the mountain. “You do the same thing to me, Star Girl.”

“I…” Before I can continue, my foot comes down the wrong way on a rock. I fall forward, but Nate catches me. I wonder if one day, I’ll ever be able to catch myself.

“My brother wants to go camping, Charlotte. He told me to ask you if you can hook it up. I think he’s feeling lonely because he’s stuck in his room every night alone.”

Brandon flips Nate off. “Screw you. That has nothing to do with it. I just thought it would be fun, you asshole.”

Nate laughs, but then he turns to me, looking panicky. “I didn’t mean…not because we’re out or every night or…shit.” Something else seems to hit him. He leans down so his mouth is by my ear and whispers. “I’m an asshole. I shouldn’t have said it that way because of your sister.”

Because of Sadie leaving. I get it, reaching over, my hand grabs his shirt by his stomach. “No worries. I know what you meant.”

I turn my head, “Brandon, I’m not inviting girls on a camping trip because you’re lonely.”

“That’s not what I meant.” He crosses his arms, looking every bit of the jock-ish, football player he is. “I just thought it would be fun to get out, but I know my brother doesn’t go anywhere without you, so…”

“Would you?” Nate asks, while I say, “You guys can go camping. I don’t have to tag along.”

Now Nate’s attention is on me. “Who said I want to go without you? I’m with him all the time.”

“See!” Brandon adds.

“I used to love camping. Me, Dad, Alec and his dad went a lot when we were younger.”

Nate stiffens at that. “Of course.”

“I don’t like him like that. I never will.” It doesn’t matter to me that Brandon is sitting right there when I say it. All that matters is Nate hearing it and believing it.

“Yeah, she doesn’t like him like that. My baby brother is jealous of Alec.”

“Screw you,” Nate tells him before turning to me. “Camping could be fun.”

Camping could be a blast. But… “The only way I’m going to be able to go is if I go with Alec. And Alec’s probably going to have to talk him into it.” Suddenly all sorts of plans are forming in my mind. Spending the night, the whole night and part of the day up in the mountains with the stars and Nate. I can’t imagine anything more perfect, but…who would help Dad here?

“Your Dad would really let you go camping with Alec? Does he know guys?” Nate asks.

“He trusts him. He’s known Alec his whole life.”

“And he can get your dad to let you go with all of us? We’ll get caught otherwise. There’s no way someone’s not going to realize that Brandon and I are gone, too.” Nate still looks a little tense, but like he’s trying to hide it.

“Dad trusts him,” I say again. “And there’s no promises…I can probably make it look like Danielle and some of the others are going too…” I’m suddenly really glad that I never let Dad see that there was anything more going on with Nate and me.

“We doing this?” Brandon jumps in.

Nate shrugs and I say, “Let's do it.”

“You’re sure you’re not going to be the only girl there, Charlie Rae?” Dad asks for the millionth time. My camping supplies are all sitting by the door, waiting for us to head out.

“Yeah, Dad. We’re meeting up with Danielle and some other friends.” Liar, liar pants on fire. “We just want to do some fishing and sleeping out. Brandon leaves for college soon and he wants to do some different stuff before he goes.”

“You can fish here.”

Yes, yes we can. “But it’s not the same to camp here. I live here! How many times did we used to go? It’s fun to get out like that.”

Dad sighs before sitting on the back of the couch. “I know, kiddo. I get it. And you deserve to have some fun. With…” he closes his eyes and I wonder if he’s trying not to cry. “With your mom and sister leaving, I know that puts a lot more pressure on you.”

He doesn’t mention his MS and I wonder if it’s on purpose. He doesn’t talk to Mom when they call, only Sadie. I don’t really talk to my sister, only Mom. None of us ever discus his MS. I think we all want to pretend it’s not true.

“You know how much I need you, Charlie, but I want you to have fun too. That’s why I’m letting you go. You work so hard, kiddo.”

You know how much I need you.

I know more than I wish I did. “I know, Dad. I want to be here for you.”

He nods and then I hear Alec’s voice outside.

“I better go. You’ll have help here, right?”

Alec’s parents are helping while we’re gone. I know that, but have to ask anyway.

“I’ll be okay. You just have fun.”

Dad follows me outside and walks almost to the truck with me, but stops at Alec.

“Take care of her, son.” He touches Alec’s shoulder. “I’m trusting you.”

My eyes lock with Nate’s. His face says everything I need to know. He heard. And it hurt him.

“Absolutely. You know I’d do anything for Charlie,” Alec tells him, as Nate climbs in the back of the truck with his brother.

Alec drives up to the area we used to go to when we were kids, which is about forty-five minutes away. The back of the truck is packed with tons of fishing stuff, a football (of course), along with the rest of our supplies, which includes four tents; one for me and then one for each boy, because they’re guys and apparently that means they can’t sleep next to each other.

We park in this little turn out and then walk a trail to look for our spot. All our hands are full and packs on our backs until we find the perfect spot nestled between a large group of trees. It’s perfect because it’s secluded, hidden away, but not too far from the water.

Somehow all my stuff gets tangled together as I’m trying to get my backpack off. I’m about to scream when Nate walks up to me and says, “I got it.”

They’re the first words he’s spoken to me since before we left. He screws around with the fishing pole before getting it untangled and leaning it against a tree.

“You’re free now,” he says at the exact moment I'm blurting, “I’m sorry about my dad.”

Nate hooks his finger in one the belt loops on my jeans. “It’s not your fault, and I’m being a prick about it. It just…it fucking sucks, honestly. Remember when we talked about Monica and Hailey? It’s like…”

He steps closer to me, wrapping his arms around my neck and resting his chin on my head. “Imagine seeing one of them with me every day. My parents raving about her. I know I’m going to leave and you’ll still be here with him and that your lives are tied together in this way I’ll never be able to have with you. That if some asshole hurts you, he’ll get to be the one to protect you. And then I feel like shit for thinking all of that because he’s your best friend. You’ve known him a whole hell of a lot longer than me.”

He pauses and I slide my arms around him. Fist my hands in his shirt and wish everything he said wasn’t true. That he wouldn’t have to leave or that I could go. That we could have more than just our summers. I try to tell him with the way I’m holding him that I feel like that, too.

“So, yeah…that’s where my head’s at, and like I said, it just really fucking sucks.”

“I want it to be you. I’ll always want it to be you.”

Nate pulls back, and for the first time there’s insecurity in his face. Doubt, which is something I never expected to see from him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…I—”

“Come on, you guys!” Brandon steps up to us. “Do that shit later. Let’s get camp set up.”

The moment is broken. Nate and I pull away from each other, and get to work.

We set up the tents and pack the food away so it won’t lure the bears. Brandon and Alec decide they want to go fishing so we get all the gear ready. I slip into my tent to change, putting on the new yellow bikini that I’m determined to wear today. Without a shirt over it. I don’t want to be one of those girls who hides who she is. I want to be proud, because I’m me and I don’t want to think there’s anything wrong with that.

Still…I put on a pair of cut off shorts, because walking around in a bikini, especially if we’re going to be fishing, just isn’t my style.

Nate is standing by his brother and Alec when I climb out. The guys are already in their shorts and of course none of them are wearing shirts. I might be the luckiest girl on the planet right now, because all three of them are gorgeous. Nate and Brandon with their dark hair and strong builds. Alec sunny and blond, but just as muscular as the other two.

“Hey.” The corner of Nate’s mouth pulls up in a grin when he sees me. He walks over and in that second, I decide not to hold anything back on this camping trip. I lean up and kiss his lips.