From Fed Up to Fabulous: Real stories to inspire and unite women worldwide (11 page)

His life insurance policy never listed me as a beneficiary. Keep in mind that he was the only beneficiary on my policy (with our daughter added in case of his death).

The home that we shared, was deemed as solely his. Purchased while married, he declared that the $100,000.00 down payment was taken ONLY from premarital assets. My years of payments towards the mortgage didn’t matter.

Since I refinanced the investment property during our marriage, questioning eluded to his rights towards assets. In the end, it remained as being owned solely by me.

The same person that told me to "max out" my investments was given a portion of my retirement in the final settlement.

The kicker…

The tax business that I purchased using a loan from my 401K was wrapped in the S Corp that he formed. He was the president and possessed all shares. I did not own my business, he did!

Shedding the Wait

Look, please place your attention on where I dropped the ball. I was NOT a victim! By no means am I blaming or vilifying anyone. Those were powerful lessons and without them, this chapter would not exist. Seeing bits and pieces my mom weaved in and out, my story is not unique. Don’t just wait for life to happen to you, have a game plan. I pretty much took a timeout and left the court! 

Luckily, I still had some premarital savings. But I also developed a system. Using skills that were already developed and adding lessons that I’ve learned along the way, CO’s were developed. Here’s an overview of three of my favorites: Copilot, Coexist and Coachable. 

Co-exist – Find someone to confide in. Family, friends, therapists, support groups, etc. – get help.  Feeling guilty for wanting to leave what others considered the “good life”, I was on the hide out.  Shunning away from family and friends so that I wouldn’t have to tell the gory details. Smiling through it by myself. Let it be infidelity, abuse, drugs, alcoholism, gambling, etc., you are not alone! Now I have a support system and no longer ashamed to ask for help with any aspect of my life. This was BIG!  From support with work, financially, relationships, or simply needing a babysitter, I ask. My life is so much richer now that I have allowed others to have a healthy role in it. 

Also, my view of my mother changed dramatically. Cleaning up the mess I made in my attitude towards her “poor” decisions. The nerve of me! Seeing my story in hers, I knew that unless I made some intentional changes, my daughter could one day fall into a comparable cycle. 

Coachable – Get back on the court! Hire a coach, mentor, and/or advisor; an expert that can strategically assist you in getting on track. No matter how young or old you are, let go of the fear of starting anew. You need to budget, dreaming again, pray, focus, journal, train, monitor tasks and results, build networks, hire coaches, read, and keep track of your finances. By taking on each of those items, in the past three years, I have successfully structured a new company as a speaker, coach, business strategist, and now – AUTHOR! 

Copilot – If you’re seriously dating or married, choose to know what’s going on. As a financially
independent
wife, I didn’t ask enough questions. The majority of our accounts and bills were separate. Not a smart move because I had no idea what assets he truly owned. Even if you have a blissful arrangement, know that losing your resources can also be onset by your partner/spouse’s death, illness or a disability.  In a blink of an eye, all can be turned upside-down. So open up your mind here! Happily in matrimony or not -- choose to know what’s going on. Be PARTNERS in wedlock! Have access to all documents and accounts. Do the bills together. Know how and where funds are spent. Don’t be blind to the welfare of you and/or your children.

As an entrepreneur, the biggest mistake that I made was not protecting my assets. I never thought that it could happen to me. Regardless of who you go into business with, have your lawyer review the structure of any agreements. I simply trusted what I was told. When it comes to business, there should be "no leeway". "One way in -- one way out – no wiggle room" is the advice that was recently given to me. Be a team!

Hindsight offers a 20/20 perspective. The truth is that I lost things that can be replaced – money, a business, and a husband. My daughter, our health and our lives are still intact. My little one is now 10 and has two parents that love her. As  much as I want to protect her, I can’t keep her under my watchful eyes forever. But with support, can be groomed to break a cycle of parallel circumstances. You see, "
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them.
"  –George Bernard Shaw

I’m surely getting on in this world by making the circumstance that I want. And if in my sharing you see tiny or large pieces of yourself (no matter how big or small), it is my deepest desire that you find strength to move up and onward despite mistakes. Despite hurt. Despite obstacles. Despite yourself. If I can do it, so can you!

About Shuntella Richardson

As the CEO of ShuntellaSpeaks, she has spent over 10 years motivating and inspiring audiences to get out of their comfort zone and get on the court, when it comes to life.  The creator of the
Shedding the Wait
effect, Shuntella has an innate ability to capture, enroll and transform audiences from waiting on life to happen to --  "I WON’T WAIT!"

With more than 24 years of vast experience in the Information Technology sector, she has worked with both national and global companies.  Shuntella has a flare to quickly see the big picture.  Often being called the "Navigator", energizing clients to see the benefits of working together – directing business units to rapidly implementing results. 

Although Shuntella’s love for navigating professionals through their careers and/or businesses is great, her desire to enhance the personal development of urban youth is far greater. Abducted as a young girl, she has a genuine interest to keep kids safe in a world of instant exposure and possible danger. Spending many speaking hours sharing with kids and parents the importance of internet safety. An avid volunteer believing in corporate citizenship and the responsibility of experts to give back to their community, Shuntella Richardson served as vice chair on the board of directors of CHARM Outreach and Mentoring Service, Inc. Shuntella is an upstanding example that, "You’re so much more than your circumstances." Her involvement with youth and women organizations, keeps her ears to the streets to know what’s relevant.

Shuntella and her three siblings were raised in Chicago’s Englewood community. After graduating elementary school at William A. Hinton, on the south side of Chicago, she attended High School at Hyde Park Career Academy. Subsequently, she enrolled at Northwestern University where she majored in Communication Systems. 

Being a proud mother of one daughter, Shuntella Richardson is thoroughly committed to educating and developing today’s youth, career women, and aspiring entrepreneurs. She is decorated with several industry, speaking, and business certifications and awards.

For more information about Shuntella Richardson visit:
 
www.shuntellaspeaks.com
or
https://www.facebook.com/Shuntellaspeaks/?fref=ts

VERONICA SOSA
is a Serial Entrepreneur, Author and International Speaker

My name is Verónica Sosa, I was born in Venezuela on the 23rd December 1973. This date would not matter much if it wasn’t for the fact that coming into this world on the day before Christmas would have its consequences. Firstly, it meant that all of my friends would be on vacation and nobody would be available to celebrate my birthday with me. Secondly, while all children receive two presents, one on their birthday and the other on Christmas, I would only receive one. This led me to the belief that I would have to fight twice as hard for everything in life.

I had a comfortable childhood, my father was a doctor and my mother was a lawyer. We had a lot of nannies but they never lasted long. We were four children, one boy and three girls, me being the oldest meant that I had the responsibility of setting the example for the others.

Our nannies all had different beliefs and we were spoilt by all of them but we couldn't really  complain about any of them

I was 14 when my parents got divorced and although it was a difficult time being a teenager, in a private school, playing volleyball and hanging out with my friends was a great distraction from what was happening at home. I also loved dancing and participated, as one of the lead characters, in all the shows that the school organized.

As a student I was good, until I reached 9th grade. There I realized that I would like to try and do different things. I grew tired of the monotony really quickly and I started feeling like the weirdo in the house, like the Spanish say “the green dog of the house”.

After school prom, my father wanted me to follow in his footsteps and become a doctor. But I couldn´t, it was not my passion. To keep my father happy I studied Orthodontics and although I passed the first year with distinctions I felt out of place. I love to talk, have fun, laugh and share things with people, so this career was just not for me.

When I turned 18 my parents gave me a car but being the weirdo that I am, I asked them to rather sell it and let me go to the USA to study English. My wish was granted and I went to live with some friends who had to put up with my eccentricities and unusual visions of life while I was studying English.

When I returned to Venezuela that December I met someone special and that became the most important thing in my life and of course I started to study everything you could imagine from International trade to tourism. 

My boyfriend and I did not have a stable relationship at first. But it was a relationship that lasted six years. A relationship that became a huge life lesson, although at the time, I did not see it that way. We were young, our families knew each other, he entered my house freely and I did the same at his house. We spent so much time together. It looked perfect to a point, but in fact we had a love- hate relationship, it was a case of “I can’t live with you, but I can’t live without you, either”.

I thought that was love but in reality it was a mixture of a misunderstood love and a hormone revolution. Instead of two human beings choosing freely to be with each other, it became an addictive relationship, one that brought out the worst in each other. I became extremely jealous and he became a cheater. It was a tornado of emotions and fights along with intense reconciliations that kept us spinning like a hamster wheel. We kept repeating the same patterns of pain and suffering.

I was convinced that it was true love. I remember an afternoon where we were at the “Asociacion de Ganaderos”, a place where the wealthy people used to gather and my boyfriend was a member there. We spent many  afternoons with his friends laughing and having a good time. After one such day, he gave me a ride home on his motorbike and told to me that he was going back to the Association to spend more time with his friends. I also wanted to go but my mom didn’t let me. So after two hours I snuck out of my house, I was a rebel in love and wanted to surprise my boyfriend. However the surprised ones were his friends, all them went pale when they saw me. I asked for him, since I didn’t see his motorbike in the parking lot. They said they didn’t know where he was, not even his best friend. I called him on his mobile about a hundred times, so Verónica, the unstoppable girl in love went to his house which was nearby. His motorbike was parked in the garage. I called and nobody answered, so I jumped over the fence and rang the doorbell, but nobody opened. His mother always left the cars open, so I got into one of them and waited. All of a sudden I saw a girl coming out of his house and his best friend, the one that had just told me he didn’t know where my boyfriend was, had now just stopped by to pick up the girl. 

I remember that horrible feeling of watching her leave and doubting what to do. When she left, I got out of the car and confronted him, he was astounded by my presence but started insulting me, telling me I had the wrong idea of love, making me believe that I deserved everything I got  and that this was all normal. I believed all his lies and excuses and this went on for years -  for so many years. In the end, I ended up doing the same to him and this destructive relationship caused us both a lot of pain and suffering over many years. Oh dear so many stories to tell !

Luckily I have a strong mother who has known difficult times and known how to move forward, and in that moment she offered me a way out. She saw how I was destroying myself in that relationship along with the lack of interest in my studies and she offered me a ticket to Spain. It was a hard decision to make because I thought that I loved my boyfriend with all of my heart. But that little voice inside of me ended up convincing me to leave. Soon I was on my way to the airport, with my mom, my sisters and of course my boyfriend. I was determined to leave but I wanted to hold on to him until the last minute which I did.  Just before getting onto the plane I rang him on his mobile and my sister was the one who answered because he was crying too much. I was just expecting him to plead with me  not to leave, for me to pick up my luggage and go back home with him, but no, it did not happen.  I remember walking to the airplane like a Zombie, getting on it and leaving.

Over the next year I experienced freedom and with time I detached myself from that addictive love which ended like a beautiful friendship. GOAL ACCOMPLISHED !