From Fed Up to Fabulous: Real stories to inspire and unite women worldwide (4 page)

My journey began with a modeling career at the age of 14. I was discovered by an American modeling agency located in LA and received a 3-year contract, where my first trip was to New York to compete in an international model and talent competition. I made a strong impression and won two of my classes. Very proud, yet overwhelmed and not fully aware of what I had just experienced, I went home to Norway. It was at this time I got to know the "Jante Law " for the first time. An unwritten culture, where society / individuals negatively portray and criticize success and personal achievement under " You must not think that you are something".

The thing about “Jante law” is that no one should brag about themselves, because if you do, it means that you think that you are better than anyone else, and you will be labeled as an egocentric person. And the way some people express this, is to send you ugly gazes, avoid praising you, talk about you behind your back, make comments that are meant to hurt and to get you back down to earth.

This is an ingrained unconscious mindset, that even people who initially wanted the best for me, advised me to keep a low profile or else I would be very unpopular and lose friends and that, would eventually hurt me. I remember my teacher at school was so proud of what I had achieved that she asked me if I could give a presentation about everything I experienced for the class the next day after I came back from New York. I was very happy for her support and praise, and really looked forward to it. At that point standing in front of the class and sharing this, I remember I felt so good and proud, like I had grown enormously in a short period of time. It was shortly after this I noticed changes in my circle of friends, where some distanced themselves from me, the jealousy became clearer and I was not invited to certain gatherings as part of the circle anymore.

Luckily I had my family around me who were in New York with me and experienced the other "world" I just had discovered and been exposed to, which was very important for the time to come.

The business world would prove to be hard, cynical and brutal for me as a young girl. From the rush to get the proper body measurements, to season rejections because my hip measurement was one centimeter too wide, and not get my dividend of the model contract which was $40 300.

Although I was told what the profession would demand of me and how the following years would be in relation to expectations and effort, I did not know how this was going to affect my self-esteem and mental health. There was nobody to prepare me for that or any role models who could openly guide me, mentally and emotionally. And I think this is a common issue for many youths in secondary school in general. We go through a process where we try to find our identity or "who am I?". The internal and external processes that occur are contradictory, which is difficult to understand and express, and we do not know how to handle it or how negative thoughts can affect us mentally and emotionally.

I went on different diets, I worked out with thick tights on the hottest summer day to sweat more, so I could lose weight. I was so focused on my body because I knew one centimeter of my hip measurement was standing between the life I had, and the life I thought was my dream. After three years the modeling contract expired and I never got a real chance to work internationally as a model. As I never reached the required body measurements, the agency couldn’t fulfill their part of the contract either, and I lost the money that the contract was worth - $40 300!!

I visited a surgical specialist after this because I didn’t understand why I never got thinner, and he told me that what I had left on my hip was not possible to get rid of, unless I opted for liposuction.
I had to laugh, because I suddenly realized that I’ve used three years of my life fighting for something that was impossible and that liposuction would have been the only solution.

During this period of time I had started to question my values and life. I became curious about how people think and why we act the way we do. I began to explore different environments and the roles we place upon ourselves and society. I was the one who always asked people "Why are you in this environment and what have you experienced that made you choose this?".

While searching for answers in different environments I remember when I was 16 years old that I wanted to find out what a one-night-stand would feel like as I had only experienced a relationship, where my boyfriend was unfaithful. A lot of questions run through your mind when someone is unfaithful; "Was I not good enough? Was I not attractive enough? What was wrong?" And those thoughts haunted me for a while, and made me a little reserved about going into another relationship. I wanted to know how it would be without all these feelings included. I joined a party one evening with the intention to test this out. I was flirting with one guy that was older than me, he didn’t look like a relationship type guy therefore I thought he would be a good one-night-stand experience for me. It wasn't long before we were heading upstairs and went into a room. And it didn’t go more than 5 minutes before I changed my mind and wanted stop, but he wouldn’t listen. This happened to be a night where I, for the first time in my life, came to experience the shame and self-reproach as I got raped. I never told anyone about this as I felt I had encouraged it, and approached the event as a lesson for the danger I put myself in, and just wanted to put it behind me and keep going.

I also remember this time at secondary school as a desperate search for the reason and meaning to life. I had always felt different and didn’t really fit in, as I was fighting for a dream and going through my processes on my own. My parents have always been present and a great support to me all the way, but I never really expressed or shared what was really going on inside, because it was difficult to explain what I didn’t understand myself. The insecurity, lack of self-esteem, questioning life and so on.

I remember one day which changed everything. One day at the age of 17, my parents had a discussion. While I overheard their discussion, I got an idea, and printed out a quiz sheet from the website of Dr. Phil, about marriage and relationships. So I asked my parents if they were willing to let me ask a few questions that might help them and their relationship. They agreed to this and sat down at the kitchen table in front of me. I asked questions like "When was the last time you gave Mum a compliment, and when was the last time you sat down and listened to Dad?"

I had a number of questions, and they answered all of them.
This was a moment where they were not my parents or I their daughter. We met as three people sitting around a table, with open hearts and open minds. Stories, explanations, justifications and excuses disappeared automatically. There we were; three people having a conversation around a table. Nothing more or less.

This experience did something for me and made me think that the world may not be as we perceive it. It was a great moment.

High School became a period where I only tried to fit in somewhere and hang on to life as I knew it, and I found my circle of friends. We had a lot of fun together where weekend parties and hanging around became the highlights. It was at the age of 19 that I had a turning point again. After many weekend parties and many nights where I got really drunk and flirting around I started to feel trapped in a life routine which gave me the feeling of being choked. I got restless, and came back to the same feeling that I needed to explore life more and was thinking life has to be more than school, work, family and getting old. The final straw was where I got so unbelievably drunk and took a taxi home with my best friend and my sister. I was sitting in the backseat and when my friend opened up the car door I suddenly thought I was an eagle and was ready to fly out of the taxi. And before anyone could react, I jumped out of the taxi with my head first and hit the pavement. Considering the fact that I was so terribly drunk, it is strange that I remember this, but believe me I have never forgotten.

Grasping a new opportunity – changing my perception of
life.

Shortly after turning 20 years old, an opportunity appeared that would change my life forever. My sister introduced me to a Norwegian-Moroccan film director, and announced that maybe film was my next chapter.

I acted upon the opportunity before fear struck me, and so my journey took me to Morocco.

I was totally open and hungry for everything when I came to Morocco. The film director had never seen anyone so curious, open and trusting before and he took on the task to show me around. We traveled around in this beautiful and exciting country. I saw and learned about people from another perspective, I learned about psychology, other cultures, film and research. So much happened with me as a person on this journey, so when I came back to Norway after 15 days, it felt like coming back to a foreign country, where I felt even more lonely. So I moved to Casablanca shortly thereafter. I had to experience more of what I had found there. I wanted to experience more, find my own path and truth.

Over the next three years I got the opportunity to work as an Assistant Scripter and Coach for the two main actors for the feature film called Casanegra, as well as 8 episodes of a TV-series called “El Kadia”. Casanegra turned out to be a great success in the coming years.
The two main actors won "best actors" award at the Dubai Film Festival 2008, the film went on to receive over 13 awards internationally, and in addition to that, it was nominated to represent Morocco for the Oscar Awards in 2010.

Yet at some point during these three years I decided to continue my journey alone in a small town on the West Coast. I was now 23 years old and I wanted to show myself that I could manage with what I had learnt of money, language and knowledge. It did not take long before I my naivety and lack of social codes and culture created problems . It started with the house owner of the apartment I had found, a 70 year old man who thought that I had invited him to seduce me, because I let him into the apartment several times to fix the electricity and other things that didn’t work. Shortly thereafter it was explained to me that if a single woman lives by herself and invites a man in to the apartment several times, it is a sign that I am open for more. I am not saying that this is the rule in general, but it is for some people.

Another instance was an incidence of persecution at the market one evening. I was warned not to go out after seven o'clock in the evening, because I was the only foreign girl in that small town. But I had to pick up the fabric I had ordered for my couch. Stubborn as I was, I went out alone to the market after seven o'clock. The moment I entered the market, two young men began to persecute me, pinching my backside and making rude comments. I ran away as fast as I could and took evasive action and slipped into a fabric store and hid myself behind the fabric rolls. In the shop, there were two bewildered women who would prove to be my guardian angels that evening and I was served cakes and sweet mint tea before one of them drove me home.

Another day I was pursued by a man on a bicycle who exposed himself to me. I first of all got warned not to walk that road, but stubborn me did it anyway. I had this resistance to everyone telling me what to do and not to do all the time, so I wouldn’t listen. I wanted to show my independence. To my great happiness there was a lady who saw this incident and picked me up and drove me home. The first thing she said to me was; "Don’t you ever go alone on this road again." After that I knew what I had to do; I put on a djellaba suit to show my respect and a gold ring to keep men away. I finally got my space. When men approached me, I showed them the "wedding ring" and then they disappeared. I am not sharing this to highlight anything else than my own learning and breakthroughs. I learned something about the resistance I had inside as I wanted to find my own independence. By refusing to listen and be open to and be guided by others, I was actually resisting to listening to myself and put myself in situations that were not good for me. Shortly put; When there’s resistance in you – You are not listening to yourself.

I began to appreciate myself and people who crossed my path. I felt alive, and wanted to explore the full range of other ways of thinking and experiencing life. I felt I came closer to myself in many ways. I began to meditate and discovered Eckhart Tolle. Later on Byron Katie caught my attention.

New person, new roles and responsibility

When I came back to Norway after three years in Morocco, I was filled with passion, hope and confidence. I stepped quickly into a management position at a nightclub at 24 years old, without leadership experience, but with the willingness to improve the routines, systemize what was not working and take responsibility where I saw it was needed. The following two years would prove to be a great challenge to learn how to connect with and lead a team. Even though I had put together and introduced new procedures and systems, if the team don’t use it - it has no effect or value. I learned a lot about myself as a person and as a leader, what to do and not to do.

During this time I met the love of my life, and an opportunity presented itself for us to run a business together. We were going to sell candy online, which was very innovative at that time. We acquired a company, which was already valued at $140 000. We went in as sureties in order to get the bank loan to buy the company and we were convinced that this will be a great success! And we did great, until one and a half years later when my partner and I went our separate ways. We were still in love, but we came to see that we didn’t really share the same vision of what kind of life we wanted to have and live. So out of love, respect and care we agreed to go our separate ways whilst we still loved each other, instead of pushing it to an ugly ending. The way we decided to end our relationship was so strong, loving and generous. We set a date three months ahead where we would have our absolute last night together. In the meantime, we agreed to give all the love we had to each other. When the last day came we had a romantic dinner together, candles, music, shared a bottle of wine and had an amazing closure.

Naturally we went through an emotionally tough time even though we didn’t openly talk about it. We now only met at work, and our conversations got shorter and shorter, we became more and more introverted and the cooperation got poorer. I decided to pull myself out of the company and travel to Sweden to work in what I loved - personal development. I didn’t pull out as a surety from the bank loan as the company was still depending on it in order to survive.

It didn’t last more than 6 months, before I quickly had to get back to Norway and straighten out a big mess in the company. It turned out that he had hit  rock bottom four months earlier and had not told anyone. The company had crashed, no one got hold of him, and I had one week to sort out the papers in conjunction with the financial statements, bank loans and accounts before we would get fined by the state.

That week has so far been the worst week of my life. This was not just business, it was emotional. I felt guilty, naive, irresponsible and at the same time I felt that I was the reason for all of this. If I had not left, none of this would have happened. I also thought that everyone else had the same thoughts about me. After that week I got hold of him and we signed an agreement to work together to rectify everything from creditors, customers, suppliers etc. All this went well over the next four weeks, in addition to, that I got out of the bank loan, got myself two new jobs, managed to meet the goal of my psychology thesis and got a strong" A". Mentally and emotionally I was now completely exhausted after these four weeks, and I had lost my direction in life. A week later I hit rock bottom. It was completely dark and I just wanted people to leave me alone. I felt I had lost the meaning of life in many ways. I did not know what I wanted, where I should go, think or feel anymore.

The final wakeup call – a new world

Diving in this darkness of negative thoughts for few weeks, I had an awakening one morning while lying in bed and seeing the sun shining through my window. I watched the ray of light and everything became quiet. Everything was quiet, my mind, no emotional pain, physically at ease and I felt spiritually strong. 

In that moment I woke up to see that it’s just thoughts, unless I get attached to them. If I believe all my thoughts and stories about life and situations, I will emotionally drag myself down to helplessness. If I don’t believe them but only witness them, I feel absolutely fine. I started to ask myself some questions in those moments I suffered, and the love, peace, and genuine happiness which I sought was there, in a natural and untouched condition.

Thanks to my previous teachers Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie, meditation and physical exercise, I took myself to the very top 8 short weeks later. This was 3 years ago and I have never felt so powerful, free and confident as I do today. Because I have showed myself that I can mentally and emotionally meet any challenge that comes my way. I’ve worked through many of my past stories and experiences that have been hurting, and today I feel free, strong and unlimited in many ways. Whatever you do and want to achieve, whether it is small or big things, we always come back to our "mindset" and its limitations. With this awareness, insight and the tools, nothing can stop you... not even your mind. It's alchemy.

This became my passion and I immediately knew what my purpose was, to share this with as many people possible. One and a half years ago I started my own Coaching company and got my first client within one week and they kept coming like this for two months, until the day I saw I needed to get the administration done, create my website, write all the content, design the business funnel and a system, because the clients had come before I got the chance to do this properly. And I thought I had to do everything by myself. The following two months I got stuck in all these details and my lack of knowledge on how to do this and as a result of that, the flow of costumers stopped as well. I started to struggle and had to start focusing on marketing which also took much of my time. I presented my own weekend retreats to gather more people, which kept my business going throughout the year, but I knew I had to do something differently to be able to expand and get more clients.

All put together – The breakthrough

All this changed when I was introduced to the World’s #1 Wealth Coach, JT Foxx. He first of all made me realize how important it is to have a Coach that can guide, teach and keep me accountable. How important branding is and to surround myself with other people that want to see me succeed. How important it is to invest in myself for my own growth both personally and in business. And for me to be able to do what I love I needed to create a good product that people wanted and is easy to sell. After two months, with only 4 days with Top 1% coaching from JT Foxx’s team, my life changed. I got a new concept to sell, and a business partner. My partner and I put together a great team, who also got intrigued by our concept and vision. I was featured on the cover of a newspaper about Women Leadership and entrepreneurs, and entered into another two joint ventures. The opportunity and privilege to write this book with 6 other amazing women is also a result of this. All this came together within two months. For the first time in my life I finally felt that I could jump out of a plane and trust that someone else can be my parachute. After this breakthrough I felt unstoppable, and if I feel stuck again I know exactly what to do; talk to my Coach and work with my mindset. Clients have kept coming, I’ve had to say 'no' to many business offers and my network has increased with great people, top leaders and good contacts, globally.