Gazelle (12 page)

“
You're still new.  I
t’
s only been a few months, and yo
u’
ve never done anything like this before.  But it only gets more demanding from here, Alice.  He won't tell you what he needs, he wo
n’
t tell you what he feels, he won't even know himself and he won't care.  Get that to him now before he passes out.  H
e’
s been at it for hours
,
” CeCe says, pulling her phone to her ear and spinning on her heels. 

              Alice nods, tucks the magazine under her arm and heads for the work out room with the juice.

“
Oh, and Alice?  I love that skirt
,
” CeCe smiles genuinely.

“
I do
n’
t understand why you ca
n’
t stay there the weekend, buddy.  I think yo
u’
re maybe pushing yourself too hard.  Tha
t’
s not good, trust me.  Yo
u’
re gonnagive yourself a nasty batch of hemorrhoids
.
”

              Mike gnaws on a ginger chew, rapidly texting another message to his useless secretary.

“I’
m not
,
” Julian answers breathlessly, jogging on his treadmill.

              Sweat pours from his temples and biceps, drenching through his gray tank top and black mesh shorts.  He has been running for over an hour, his eyes trained on the television before him, scrolling stories in caption beneath the head of a blonde, deeply concerned news anchor.  He has long since stopped feeling his muscles, his hunger, his frustration and anger.  He has long since stopped feeling anything but the need to run until he can no longer move.

“
You are
,
” Mike says, glancing up at him.
 “
I do
n’
t know what yo
u’
re worried about. 
I’
ve never seen you in such good shape, inside and out.  You got three months before the shoot.  Nathan says you two are completely on the same page, he loves what you're bringing. You two spend more time together than a fucking couple on their honeymoon.  Tha
t’
s why you are
n’
t going out anymore.  Did he sleep here again last night
?
”
“
No, he went home around 3.  We were watchin
g‘
Burden of Dreams
.
’ Have you seen that
?
”
“
No,
I’
d rather watch reality tvwhile pulling out my ingrown toenails with my teeth than watch Herzog on a bad day. That guy scares the shit out of me.  And do
n’
t change the subject.  Seriously, Julian.  I
t’
s time to take a break, you know?  I mean, you moved in this place awhileago and ther
e’
s nothing fucking in it.  You got the rec room done, a bed in the master and TVs everywhere with the fucking sound shut off, all on the fucking news.  I
t’
s not healthy
.
”
“
Been busy
,
” he says.

“
Yeah, I know.  Tha
t’
s what
I’
m saying.  Yo
u’
ve been so busy you have
n’
t been enjoying the fruits of your labor.  You have
n’
t been home once, not even for the weekend
.
”

“I’
m going tonight
.
”

“
Yo
u’
re going to a fundraiser and yo
u’
re coming back the next day.  I
t’
s not exactly a vacation, is it?  And when I sa
y‘
home
,
’ I do
n’
t mean New York.  I mean, what about your family?  Your mom?  Do
n’
t you think you should maybe see them
?
”
              Julian shoots him a look and returns his furrowed brow to the screen
.“
You talked to James
.
”

“
No-no, tha
t’
s not the point
.
” Mike shakes his head unconvincingly.

“
Yeah, you did
.
”
“
Okay, I did.  But he was just concerned is all.  You have
n’
t been returning his calls.  H
e’
s been hounding me
-
”

“
Hounding
?
”
“
No, not hounding, I did
n’
t mean hounding.  H
e’
s bee
n…
fuck, I do
n’
t know. 
Concerned
.   Hey, guy,
I’
m not fucking Dr. Phil.  I ca
n’
t even handle my own fucking brethren, let alone yours.  H
e’
s worried about you, end of story.  And h
e’
s not the only one
.
”
“
Jesus, did you call my mom, too
?
”

“
I did
n’
t call anyone, they called me!  They need to know yo
u’
re alright.  And apparently, i
t’
s my responsibility to make sure yo
u’
re doing fine this time
.
”

“
Wha
t’
s your
point, Mike?  Why you on my case, really?  And do
n’
t give m
e‘I’
m working too har
d
’ bullshit, really.  I know you have an agenda.  You do
n’
t give a shit whether my famil
y’
s concerned or not
.
”
“
…
CeCetells me yo
u’
re not dating anymore
.
”

              Julian laughs and hits the speed button, slowing himself to a walk.

“
I
t’
s not funny, Julian
.
”

“
I
t’
s nobod
y’
s business
!
”
“
Oh, oh, I think it absolutely is.  I
t’
s everybod
y’
s business, especially mine
.
”

“
My sex life is definitely not your business, Mike.  I like you, I really do.  But not in that way, alright?  I
t’
s just not gonnahappen for us
,
” he laughs.

“
Julian, seriously, you know I love you, right?  Yo
u’
re an amazing talent, not like a lot of these douches that could give a fuck. You're a good guy, a really good guy who's a little too sweet, and there are times I feel like I want to shield that little baby duck neck of yours from the reality of our situation."

"What the fuck are you talking about? What situation?"

"The shit we sell here, le
t’
s be honest, is all about the image.  Yo
u’
re on the verge of making an incredible film with a really legit director who will catapult you to the next level, understand?
I’
m fielding offers left and right for you because of this.  If you wanted, yo
u’
d be set for the next six years with the stack of scripts I have waiting for you.  Good scripts, quality work with the people yo
u’
ve been waiting for.  But it's not just the job you need to focus on.  I wish it weren't true, man, but it is.  I
t’
s about exposure, too, continuous exposure, you hear me?  Yo
u’
ve gotta be seen as a romantic lead.  We gottasee you with beautiful women, looking like yo
u’
ve never been so in love in your life."

“
I do
n’
t have time for that.  And, you know, I go out
.
”
“
No, you
went
out.  You went out and I slept without swallowing a single one of my wif
e’
s Adivants, knowing you were on point to being the sex god
they
wannasee you as
.
”

“
Aw,
c’
mon
.
”
“
Listen, please,
I’
m saying that it is imperative that you maintain the image you have worked so hard to create so far.  You're the tough sweetheart, America's newest version of  'Bad Boy.'  But i
t’
s the lady at your side that makes you an actual man, that sells the idea that the love you show on the screen is
real
.  The
y’
re watching her more than the
y’
re watching you, believe me
.
”
              Julian stops the machine and leans on the console, staring up into the blonde ancho
r’
s sympathetic eyes as she recounts the da
y’
s events.
 “
Tha
t’
s not how I want to make my characters credible. 
I’
m not going to validate my performance by parading around some girl.  Maybe i
t’
s a good thing, you know?  Maybe i
t’
s necessary to be alone if I want to be taken seriously in the long run
.
”

“
No, yo
u’
re right.  Alone can be good, especially when yo
u’
re talking about metamorphous of your persona fro
m‘
teen heartthro
b
’ to accredited actor, I getthat.  And I have no doubt you have that in you to do.  I
t’
s the natural progression for all good actors.  They start out the face and they prove themselves through their talent.  But, Jules, they never stop being th
e‘
fac
e’
, never.  As long as yo
u’
re working, you will be a symbol first and foremost.  And no matter what, you need to take care of that, understand?  And recognizing your limitations and actual position in your career is a part of taking care of it.  Tha
t’
s what
I’
m for.  Yo
u’
re still too new to pull off th
e‘
alone
.
’ 
‘
Alon
e
’ can hurt you, especially at a pivotal point in your career like this
.
”
“
What do you want me to do?  My private life isn't a marketing ploy, Mike."

"That's kinda what I'm saying! It is.  I've seen relationships make careers-"

"No, absolutely not.  That's not how I want to do this."

"You like to have the freedom, the creative freedom, I'm talking 'bout being able to do a film like Natha
n’
s or Warne
r’
s just as easily as doing whatever artsy film project you want, right?"

"Yes, of course I do."

"How do you think that happens?  Do you know interest in you tripled after Lindsay?  She was huge, w
e’
re talking megatronhuge, and you were a teeny little whitehead on the pimple on the ass of nowhere.  When you two started up, BLAM!  Over night,
I’
m getting directors watching your early shit and realizing yo
u’
re not just some pretty arm candy.  Yo
u’
re talented, first and foremost, I know," he says holding up his hands as Julian begins to protest.  "But, really, you know
I’
m right.  Nobody knew your name until that happened.  You were stuck in low budget limbo for how long before that? I
t’
s because of that Nathan called in the first place! I
t’
s because of that yo
u’
re here, now.  You think Time knew who you were, really?"