Gazelle (9 page)

“
Thanks
,
” he smiles, turning his gaze out the window as he disconnects from the compliment, as usual.

“
No, but, tha
t’
s no
t…I’
m sayin
g…
tha
t’
s all I really know about you, and tha
t’
s not much.  I do
n’
t meet very many people and just hang out with them like this
.
”
“
Me, neither
.
”
“
Well, yeah, tha
t’
s what I mean.  Why are you
?
”
“
Why am I what
?
”
“
Why are you running errands with me
?
”
“
…
Because you said you needed a ride
.
”
              She glances at him from her driving.
 “
Really?  Tha
t’
s it?  Because I needed a ride
?
”
“
Yeah.  Why not
?
”
“
I do
n’
t kno
w
…”
“
Well, okay, why do you think
I’
m here?
“
Honestly
?
”
“
Yeah, honestly
.
”

“
Promise you wo
n’
t get mad
?
”
“
Why would I get mad at something you think?  That has nothing to do with me
.
”
“
Oka
y…
good poin
t…
and very Buddhist of you, too, by the way.  Well, I thought you were, like, studying for a role or something with me.  Like, some sort of urban, common people study, like you needed to experience the real world for a part you have to play.  Like yo
u’
re practicing on me, with me, like
,‘
slummi
n
’ it to learn how to be real
.
”

              He frowns and turns back to her, realizing her words did hurt him
.“
Do you think
I’
m acting?  Really
?
”
“
I think everybod
y’
s acting.  All the time.  But they do it subconsciously. 
I’
m wondering if yo
u’
re doing it consciously.  I mean, like, why else would you be here
?
”

“
It could
n’
t possibly be because yo
u’
re
that
interesting, right?  That an up and coming movie star would want to spend the day fucking around in a check cashing place or at a grimy pool hall just to spend some time with
you
.
”
“
Exactly
!
”

“
You need to work on your self-confidence
.
”
              She laughs, a genuine, beautiful laugh that melts away his defenses.
 “
Yo
u’
re right, I do.  But I still do
n’
t see how slumming it with me can possibly be more fascinating than hanging out in luxury with beautiful people, doing whatever you want, whenever you want
.
”
“
Ah, I see.  Tha
t’
s the problem!  You have no idea what yo
u’
re talking about
!
”

“
What? Yes, I do.  I see it.  Everybody sees it.  The glamorous life is everywhere you look, especially in this town.  I
t’
s hard not to see
.
”
“
No, what you see is what they
want
you to see.  They need to make it look glamorous and luxurious so that you envy it, crave it, distract yourself with it while you wait in your lines and struggle with your bills and work shitty jobs. But tha
t’
s not how it is.  I ca
n’
t even walk into a fucking Starbucks without getting approached or have lunch with an old friend or my own mom without people asking me constantly for pictures on their fucking iPhones.  I have to have security whenever I stay at hotels or go on vacation.   And I never go on vacation because I have to constantly work or be forgotten.  I have
n’
t
stopped
working since I started.  Women fucking love me, they
want
me, but they have no idea who or what I really am, they just see me playing the man of their dreams and fall in love because most men are fucking broken and shit from their suffocating lives.  But
I’
m suffocating,too,
I’
m no different, really.  Poked and prodded, take after take, suffocated under the weight of what
I’
m supposed to be so that everyone else can pretend
to be
me, until I just do
n’
t fucking exist in the first place for anyone
.
”

              He falls quiet, embarrassed by his outburst, his heart pounding, his cheeks flushed, he understands it will be a lot harder than he thought to navigate through this shit again.  I
t’
s only the beginning and
I’
m fucking up, he thinks, his phone vibrating against his leg.

“
Yo
u’
re right
,
” he smiles, instantly and flawlessly regaining his composure.
 “
I guess I just wanted to experience the real world through you for a little bit, like a normal person.  At the moment, it seems like paradise in comparison
.
”

“I’
m sorry
,
” she says, softly.
 “
That sounds awful
.
”
“
No, no i
t’
s not.  I
t’
s not all bad.  I get to do a lot of wonderful things because of it.  I have a lot of freedoms most people will never know. 
I’
m rich as fuck.  And I love my job, I love acting.  I
t’
s like...solving a puzzle or something, making something come to life and I just get obsessed with it until it makes me a little crazy, I think. I'm not-Look,
I’
m sorry.  Thanks for listening.   I do
n’
t-I do
n’
t really say things like this, ever. 
I’
ve had a lot of fun with you today and
I’
m really just-grateful
.
”

              She smiles and pats his leg
.“
Oh, i
t’
s not over yet, hon
.
”

              They stop at the mechanic shop and it is the first time Julian has sensed hesitation from Alice.  She sits in the drive
r’
s seat, gripping the steering wheel, peering in towards the cars. Hip hop pours from a radio in a rhythmic thud from the shop.   There are cars in each of the garage slots, men moving slowly about them in blue jumpers as they yell to one another.  They look up to the Prius and study its occupants.  One of them calls for Anthony, who is working on her car.

“
You okay
?
” he asks.

“
Yea
h…
le
t’
s get this over with
,
” she grumbles, leaping out of the car.

              Anthony moves from behind her car, along with two other men who glare at Julian.  His jumpsuit stretches over his long, thick frame, his sleeves rolled up to expose tattoos stretching down to his grease covered wrists and hands.  He is handsome, with a gray streaked pompadour and a matching scruff of a beard.  His large eyes roll over Alice and then move to Julian, narrowing as he puffs up even larger.

“
Wh
o’
s this?" he asks, jerking his head without breaking eye contact.

“
This is Bobby.  Bobby, this is Anthony
,
” she mumbles, completely void of the confidence and self-assuredness he had seen in her until then.

              Anthony takes Julia
n’
s hand in his strong grip, holding it a little too long.  Julian instinctively swells and scowls, instantly becoming the ma
n’
s superior.  Anthony looks away and releases his hand.

“
Your starte
r’
s gone, Al.  I told you 6 months ago it was going
,
” he says.

“
Yeah, I know.  I did
n’
t have the money then
.
”
“
Yeah, well you better have it now.  This shit ai
n’
t free no more."

              She stares at him, and then at his brothers.
 “
You guys are being ridiculous.  I'm telling your mom
.
”
“
My mom ai
n’
tgot nothing to do with this
,
” Anthony says.
 “
This is business.  You want me to fix your car, you have to pay
.
”
“
How much
?
”
“
150
.
”
“
150.  Are you kidding
?
”
“
No, tha
t’
s how much it is.  Parts and labor
.
”
“
Labor
?
”
“
Yeah, labor.  As in,
I’
m laboring over your bullshit and it costs money this time.  Like I said,
I’
m running a business here
.
”
“
A hundred
.
”

              The brothers behind him hiss and shake their heads.  She ignores them, staring into Anthon
y’
s unwavering eyes.

“
Now wh
o’
s kidding, ey
.
”

“
Anthony, tha
t’
s all I got right now.  A hundred and
I’
ll get you the rest next check
.
”
“
This ai
n’
ta charity, mama
.
”
“
Do
n’
t call m
e‘
mama
.
’
 
I know i
t’
s not,
I’
m asking for a favor
.
”

              Anthony snorts, glancing back at his brothers who smirk.
 “
A favor?  Yo
u’
re asking me for a favor.  YOU
?
”
“
Yeah
.
”

“
You got a lot of nerve asking me for anything
.
”
“
Do
n’
t start, Anthony
.
”

“
Yo
u’
re the one who started this.  I still ca
n’
t breathe out of my left nostril, girl
.
”
 
He turns to Julian and jerks his head up.
 “
You her new boyfriend
?
”
“
No.  Sh
e’
s my friend
.
”
“
Oh, oh, I see.
 ‘
Frien
d’
, huh?  Like, yo
u’
re her friend she tells everything to, right
?
”
“
Anthony!  Will you just take the money
-
”