Get It Done When You're Depressed (24 page)

Others who are depressed conclude that they won’t have much to say. Like a preemptive strike, rather than risk being rejected, you choose isolation. And the combination of low energy, low motivation, and the overly negative prediction that to be with others will be unpleasant also contributes. This is classic depressive thinking.

Isolation—although it may be very understandable during a depressive episode—is one of the worst things a depressed person can do. It’s a symptom that fuels the fires of depression. Studies have shown convincingly that treatments for depression that solely focus on keeping people engaged with others can reduce depression significantly.

Make it a goal right now that you will get out and be with people.

You might just sit there and watch others. You might not participate. You might watch people throw a Frisbee, work on a project, go to the movies, or do volunteer work. That’s okay. Let others give you energy. Let others help you feel better! It often only takes one time and you can start to feel more connected. When you realize that being with others is better than being cut off, you’ll have more energy and productivity.

Here are some other thoughts to consider:

Remember:
Depression is isolating. Reach out. You’ll always feel better. Always.

Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book
The Four Agreements,
says: “Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you’re healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self judgment, self abuse and regret.” Depression doesn’t actually let you have this kind of realistic thinking, does it?! When you’re depressed, your best probably won’t be your normal “best.” The only way around this is to do what you can to the best of your ability and then be really proud of yourself for getting
something
done.

For most people, depression limits their ability to work productively when compared to their nondepressed times. For some, their productivity is severely limited. For others, it might be periodic. No matter where you fall on the spectrum, the only way to make it through the tough times is to do your best. If you think about it, you really can’t do anything more. You can definitely do less, but you can’t push yourself farther than your best.

When you wake up and start to go over the days, weeks, and months when you were less than productive, always ask yourself,
Did I do my best in terms of the limitations depression puts on me? Am I expecting a standard that simply wasn’t possible?
For example, if you only make it through a few of these strategies before you put down this book, maybe that’s all you can do in the moment.
You
know what you can and can’t do. Pushing yourself to do more than you’re capable of is not doing your best.

This doesn’t mean you just sit back and let depression decide what you can and can’t do. You still have the power to make the changes you need to make, to get better and get things done. But go easy on yourself. You’re doing what you can.

Here’s what
not
doing your best looks like:

Can you think of what your best looks like when you’re not depressed? Is there a chance you’re easier on yourself at those times? If so, use this standard to take care of yourself when your best doesn’t seem like enough.

When I’m well, it’s so easy to get things done. How’s it possible that when I’m depressed it’s like walking through a really thick fog to get things done? It makes me so angry, but by simply doing what I can during the day, at least I go home knowing I did something. I can say to myself,
Alex, was it really possible for you to do more than you did? Were you truly well enough to work 12 hours today? That is just unrealistic thinking.

I have to talk with myself and remind myself all the time that I do as much as possible. There are some days when this definitely isn’t enough. I do get really hard on myself. That’s just how it is. But I try to remember that I can only work as hard as my brain and body will allow.

Is there anything I could have done differently in the past about my scattered work record? I know for sure that when I was actually in a job, I always tried to work to my capacity. I was always promoted and never heard complaints about my actual work. It was when I got sick that things were tough. Especially because I had
no
idea what was going on.

I look back and think of all I could have done. I could have stayed at home more instead of going out drinking. I could have learned more management skills. I could have bought a lot more art! I could have learned a language! I could have done so much better! Some of this behavior was a true lack of maturity, but much of it was a way of dealing with mood swings. I drank to feel better. I did what I had to do at the time. I regret it, but don’t see how, with my lack of knowledge, I could have known that much of my behavior was caused by a mental illness.

The best remedy for powerlessness is taking action, and the best remedy for depressive symptoms is to succeed. Failure and giving up always throw fuel on the flames of depression. When you do your best, no matter what that means, you do succeed and there’s less room for the negative thoughts that come up when you don’t do anything at all. Having the goal to do your best sets you up for positive results no matter what situation you’re in.

You might be amazed to find that the work that looked and felt terrible when you were depressed actually looks and feels just fine when you’re not depressed. The most important thing is to do the work anyway—and then praise yourself for doing something even though you were sick. When you do the best you possibly can, you take care of yourself. Don’t fall into the trap of doing your best and then judging your performance by the standards of those who don’t have depression.
You
are the standard. And when you’re depressed, you can only do your best.

Here are some other thoughts to consider:

Remember:
Always tell yourself,
Considering the circumstances, I did my best!

Depression can make a lot of people silent. This might come from the shame of being so sick or from brain changes that affect expression and the desire to connect with others. When this happens to you, the people in your life can get very confused, frustrated, and worried. They might not understand what you’re going through and make negative judgments about you due to limited information. The end result might be that you lose the respect of the people you care about. They want to know what’s going on, but see your silence as a lack of interest in what they feel and a lack of desire to get better.

If you broke your leg right before a 5K race, people would easily see and understand why you had to opt out of the event. You would probably share the story of how you broke the leg and how long your doctor said it will take to heal. This easily explains why you won’t complete the race. But when you’re depressed, you might hold back this essential information regarding why you have trouble getting things done.

Depression is not the taboo it used to be. More people are coming out and talking about their struggles with the illness as well as what medications they’re taking. This new environment can help you open up about why things are so difficult for you and why you’re acting as you are. When you wake up without energy, tell people why. When you start to cry in frustration because you can’t concentrate, explain what you’re feeling. Most importantly, when you simply can’t get things done, describe the feeling in your mind and body and ask for help. The more information you give people, the easier it is for them to understand and help you when you need it most.

And that definitely beats saying, “Leave me alone! You don’t understand what I’m going through.” The only way your friends and family can know anything about what you’re going through is if you tell them and involve them in your recovery.

Do people in your life say any of the following? If so, you might need to have a talk with them.