Getting by (A Knight's Tale) (26 page)

We finished dinner without a hitch, went to the hotel, and after hugs, goodnights and schedules for the next day were exchanged, everyone left for their rooms. Though, I wasn’t sure where I would end up sleeping. Emma wished us to leave her alone, and after the restaurant scene…I didn’t know where I stood. I only knew that I craved having the girl in my arms, and the feel of protecting her from everything. Even if it was an illusion, I felt alive.

“What are you doing?” Emma’s alarmed voice stopped me from packing my stuff. “I thought you’d stay tonight too,” she whispered.

“You told your grandparents you were tired.” It clicked. “Communication, right. I should’ve asked before packing. Are you ever going to tell them?”

“I don’t know,” she answered, and walked to me when I opened my arms. “I can’t see the point of telling people we…whatever we did for two years.”

“Dated, Emma, we dated, baby.” I hated for her to think she wasn’t important to me. She still remained the center of my world. “Get ready, we’ll cuddle in bed.”

I love you, another phrase remained trapped on the tip of my tongue just as the sandman took her away for the night.

*

“Jake, baby, wake up,” I heard a voice cutting the guns and explosions. “It’s only a dream, Jay, come back to me, pretty boy.” When my eyes opened, the dim lights let me see Emma’s worried eyes.

Afraid to harm her physically, I stood up and stuck to the wall and took deep breaths.
Nothing
will happen to her, stay back, Jacob. Call Mitch to help you. I told myself but couldn’t move. I felt as if she had me pinned with those big eyes.

“Are you still asleep?” she asked. I shook my head. “Then come back to bed, Jay.” I shook my head. “Sorry, I won’t have sex with you this time.” What? The pain in the back of my throat eased, now I wanted to understand that sex thing. “Yeah, when you had nightmares I used to wake you up with sex.”

I looked away and began thumbing my ear. Had she seen me like this before? The poor bastard who couldn’t keep his shit together and was afraid of dreams…what the hell?

“PTSD, right, with some survivor’s guilt with it.” This…I had told her about my loss and the shit I had been through, but her actually witnessing it. A man could only take so much defeat. I walked to the chair where my clothes lay and began to dress. “Jake, talk to me.” She sounded teary, but I didn’t stop. “Don’t leave, not right now, Jay.”

“I can’t, Emma.” My voice came with more force than I intended. “You’re right, we shouldn’t keep doing this; more so now that I don’t feel anything for you. I hope your grandfather gets better.”

With those final words, I fled outside the room and headed downstairs to get a cab. Two months hadn’t been enough.

Chapter 31

Emma

THE BREEZE OF the evening made me pull my scarf closer to my face and rearrange my knitted hat. The coldish September weather made me wonder if I should plan on moving south for the fall and southwest for the winter. I had become a wanderer for the past couple of months. Curiosity, loneliness, or a combination of both pushed me to the furthest corners of the world. My life didn’t change as much as the lives of the ones I loved. My grandparents called me often, both sets, and hoped I would go back home, wherever that might be. Grampy was better after the life threatening scare he gave us.

The new physical therapist helped him regain his physical strength. According to the last email he sent me, the cane was gone. He planned to take a trip to San Francisco to demonstrate this fact to Judah Anderson, who played golf like a pro. Those two became friendlier, amusing after twenty eight years of knowing each other they found some middle ground—me. I no longer stood alone. Though my single status remained, Mitch and I stopped setting each other up when we realized we sucked at matchmaking. The humidity and breeze won, pushing me out of my spot. It was three o’clock and my tummy grumbled. The Thames wouldn’t move, but my body might freeze if I didn’t take a break. I placed my sketchbook back to safety after giving it a glance and a big sigh—inside my messenger bag. Pencils went back in the pencil case. The resolution to become a little messy remained on the back pocket of my black business suit. These days I only wore jeans, blouses, t-shirts and comfortable shoes. My old attire was in the storage unit along with the furniture and the boxes Grammy wanted me to keep for… my children.

My phone rang and I picked up the call immediately. “Hey, I heard you’re in town.” Liam was on the other side of the phone. “Mom and Dad are in France, but you should come to my flat. Let’s have supper.”

It was my last night before heading back to New York. I agreed, though I saw him a week before via Skype and we talked about every other day, except…when I arrived in London. Seeing him hadn’t been on the agenda. He opened the door with a wide smile, we hugged each other and I entered to find a fruit feast. No fish, Li hated the smell and had no clue how to prepare it. It didn’t matter to me, I had a good time seeing him and getting to hear all the new accounts he was planning on getting for us. Ever since we got rid of Sam—they never told me how—our companies fused. I had a great team, and left them behind for the past two months as I wandered. It had worked perfectly.

“When are you going back?” Liam asked, while I helped him pick up the table. “Not that we need you, but it’s so unlike you.”

“This was my last stop,” I said, walking toward the sink where I began to wash the dishes. “Please, don’t tell Mitch, but I hoped your brother would appear—somewhere.” He laughed.

“We suspected,” he said. “Jake doesn’t want to be found.” Liam composed himself and grabbed a dishcloth from the shelf. He took the first dish I finished and dried it. “Give him time, I think the fact that you saw him at his worst hit a nerve. I told you.”

Jake looked lost that night. He had been afraid, like a wounded animal with a riffle pointed at him. Worse, Jake made me feel as if I was the said rifle. For the sake of moving on and getting closure, I wanted to reach out to him and talk. The words he spit before he left hurt me in that moment, but a day or two later I understood. It was his defense mechanism talking, not him. I missed Jay on a daily basis. However, for the most part I remained neutral in front of others. No one knew I slept in his clothes—sweats, boxers and t-shirts. My
‘forget him’
medication needed to be checked, that was, if I had such a prescription handy.

*

The change of country—back to America—didn’t provide me with better weather. Flying south like the birds should be a wise move, but my master needed attention. Work. Though I took vacations, I still contacted the office and Liam, and worked on projects. Now, back in full force, I planned to land all the new clients we had in mind. Walking toward the entrance of the building where the offices of Anderson & Knight were, the man in the dark hoody finally continued on his way. It was New York, hundreds of thousands of people took the subway on a daily basis and most took it in the same place while getting off at the exact same port, right?

Calm, with the safety that there were two guards in the entrance and we had a state of the art security system, I continued to the elevator after swiping my card in the dashboard that opened the glass door that separated them from the lobby. One of the elevator cars had just opened its doors when I went through. I hurried to catch it and was able to ride on it. Seventeenth floor, and when the two metal walls glided open, the logo of my company appeared.

Kelly, the receptionist, stood up and gave me a hug, along with all my messages from the day before. While walking toward my private office, everyone welcomed me and—since when did I matter to all these people? I shrugged, it was good to be home. My first order of business was to call my grandparents who I hadn’t informed of my arrival. “Soon” had been my only response each time they asked. Just as I hung up with Grandma Lily, I put on the calendar their next visit. She planned on coming over the weekend after, and if she got ahold of Rachel, maybe the Knights would join.

When five o’clock hit, I headed to Mitch’s house, instead of mine. I needed to see him, catch up with him and try to get some delicious food out of his refrigerator. Perhaps use his twin powers to channel his brother and find him. I only needed to know that he was alive and doing better than that night. His face haunted me nightly. That wasn’t my Jacob Knight.

*

“How many times do I need to tell you—?”

Mitch opened the door, and I interrupted him before he continued. “Call before you come.” I rolled my eyes. “What if you have a girl naked against the door?” I gave him a kiss on the cheek and handed him some ice cream I bought at the Italian place down the street. “You kick her to the room to get dressed, and you zip your pants. Feed me.” When we walked to the kitchen, I changed my tone to a pleading one. “Please, feed me.”

“Fish?” I bobbed my head, then shrugged and began to rummage through his pantry. I found bow tie pasta, took a pot out, filled it with water and put it on the burner. I added salt, the entire bag of pasta and put the lid on. “Pasta salad?”

“Yes, please,” I responded. “Now, wise Mitch, tell me…is he safe?”

“Emma,” he growled. “He’s not dead, I can tell you that much. This can take years. Jake was pretty shaken when he called me. Honestly, he might wait until you marry and pop a child, or two.”

I tossed my head back and almost hit it on the cupboard. Darn I didn’t like my height sometimes. “The man needs to call.” Crossing my arms I began to walk back and forth in the small area. “So what if I saw him having a freaking nightmare, boo-hoo. There are worse things in life. Like this; this is shitty. Hiding from the real world because he can’t be with me forever. Being afraid of taking a major step. That’s weak.” Now I was upset at him. I began to sweep my arms in all directions, making gestures while I explained how I felt about Jake running away.

“Your mother is beyond herself.” I stopped and tapped my foot. “This is in part my fault, if I hadn’t called him to save me, none of this would be happening, and the poor woman—”

He put his right hand in front of me, like a police officer directing traffic. I shut up.

“Emma, what happened that night was bound to happen at some point,” Mitch said. “Jake doesn’t want to let you go, didn’t want to. Sorry.” He shook his head and closed his eyes. “In my opinion, things had to get worse before they could get better.” Then he put his hand under his chin and narrowed his eyes. Mitch made me feel hopeful, defeated, and worried all in one moment. “For him. As for you and he…well I can’t give you any hope for the future.” I put my hands up at the same time as I shrugged. Knowing he’d be better was perfect. I didn’t need him, right?

“If you tell me that he’ll be fine, that’s good enough for me.” Mitch gave me a tender smile. “Please, I’m twenty three, so I have a good amount of years to meet ‘the one’.” Then I gave him a grin. “That is of course, as long as you don’t introduce me to the suitors.” I stuck my tongue out and looked for the strainer to drain the pasta so he could finish the salad.

While eating dinner, we discussed the weekend ahead, just in case his parents arrived. Though he loved his Mom, during winters he didn’t care much for her presence. The lectures about his delicate lungs, wearing jackets and thermal underwear had him wanting to run to another planet; one where she wouldn’t be allowed. I stayed neutral, since I had just sent a care package to Grampy during lunch. It contained scarfs, sweaters and ultra-resistant jackets. Men, they saw everything as over-exaggeration, but the anguish of seeing a loved one sick was a serious matter.

“Cobbler?” he asked, and I nodded. “Cherry…I made it when Liam texted me that you were coming home.”

“You knew, didn’t you?” Mitch’s knowing smile made me happy. “One of these days I will wait until you bring a girl—”

“I don’t bring them home, Em,” he said, reminding me he was one of those. Liam was one too, and Jake had been. Or was he back into that—I didn’t care. “You’re the only girl the Knights entertain. Which reminds me, Cade told me that he’s sorry about his behavior toward you.”

Surprisingly, after the broken engagement and wedding cancellation, it took him less than a month to get over her—Gaby. He wasn’t in love, at least, not the forever kind. He moved on to the next girl who lasted only a few weeks—a rebound—Liam called her. Cade believed he was young and not ready for a commitment. Maybe when he turned thirty, or found a girl who loved him for who he was, not his relatives’ funds.

Gaby and I simply didn’t speak to each other. I believed that her friendship meant more to me than to her. Mrs. Clement though, she called me a couple of days after the wedding asking for my art back. It mysteriously disappeared. Much later, I found it around, at Grandma Lily’s house, Mitch’s, Liam’s, Rachel’s, Grandpa Judah’s office and my grandparents’ condo in the senior living retirement home. I had my suspects, but, as I told Tina, I had no idea what she was talking about.

Chapter 32

Jake

“WHAT THE FUCK?” I heard a loud voice and opened my eyes to find my twin staring down at me. The trip from India wore me out. I stood and we embraced into a brotherly hug. It was nice to be home. “Oh Jesus, what happened to you?” he asked faking a worried face. “Were you allowed to board a plane with that animal hanging from your face?”

“Asshole.” I touched my about two inch beard. The thing needed to go. “Give me a pair of scissors and I’ll get rid of everything. They searched me, x-rayed me and went through my bags twice. Appearances are a bitch.”

“I thought you’d hit London first,” he yelled from the living room, while I cut my beard and hair as close and as short as possible. Tomorrow I’d hit the barber to give me a decent haircut. After the excess of tresses were gone, I hit the shower, which washed off the thirty some hours of airports and planes I took. “Have you talked to the old man yet?”

“No, or Mom,” I said. We were yelling at each other to get the message through. It was as if we had missed the link that had sustained us for a long time. “They’re my second visit.”
Hot water, inside plumbing, how much I missed you, baby.