GLBTQ (2 page)

Dealing with the realization that you are or might be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or questioning (GLBTQ) can be a real challenge. And I know just how it feels. By the time I was in high school, I was convinced I was somehow different from everyone else, and not in a good way. But GLBTQ people weren't visible where I came from, so the idea that I was a lesbian hadn't taken shape for me. I just hadn't met the right guy yet—the one who would make me start daydreaming of a perfect wedding like many of my friends were doing.

When I got to college, I finally met some people who were GLBTQ and out. Looking at them was like holding up a mirror to myself. My feelings started to make sense, like I'd finally found the missing piece to a big puzzle. But the thought that I might actually be a lesbian frightened me a lot. What would my family and friends say? How could I live “that kind” of life? Feeling hopeless—terrified to tell anyone what I was going through—I decided the only way to escape the conflict and pain I was experiencing was to end my life.

So one night I took an overdose of pills. But as I looked at myself in the mirror, something happened. From somewhere deep inside me I heard a voice that told me I had to live. That no matter what happened, no matter how hard my life was going to be, it was a life worth living. I asked someone to take me to the hospital and, fortunately, we made it there in time.

Now, nearly a decade later, my life is completely different. I have the love and support of my family. I have a wonderful partner. Life is challenging at times, but I'm grateful to have it. I feel very fortunate when I remember that I could have missed out on all of the incredible experiences I've had so far.

The journey from being a confused, scared teen to the out and proud person I am today was a road traveled not by big leaps, but instead by many small steps. As I've grown more accepting of myself, I've been able to get involved with helping other GLBTQ people and their families learn to love and accept themselves and each other. Through my work with PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and opportunities I've had because of this book, I've talked to young people terrified about coming out and to parents upset about children who have just told them they're GLBTQ. It's been amazing to watch these teens and families go from confusion and anger to acceptance and even joy about who they are.

As a GLBTQ teen, life can sometimes feel pretty lonely. It's easy to think no one cares about what you're going through, but people do care. All over the world, GLBTQ people, parents, friends, family members, and politicians are working to promote understanding and acceptance of those who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning. A lot of these efforts are focused on helping teens. PFLAG has made school safety one of its primary concerns. The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) is focused entirely on improving the school environment for GLBTQ students. The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is fighting for more positive and accurate messages about queer people in the media.

These are just a few examples. Everyday people at other national and local organizations are making extraordinary progress in fighting for your rights. They're educating school boards, principals, teachers, and other school staff. They're holding in-school workshops and lobbying for better legislation at state capitols and in Washington, D.C. Progress is being made gradually. Life for GLBTQ people is getting better.

This book's first edition was published in 2003. A lot has changed since then—so much so that this revision became necessary. That means there's been progress. Not only are there many new resources for GLBTQ teens, but a lot of legislation protecting the civil rights of queer people has been created. And forget dancing around the topic “civil unions,” now we're engaged in a full-on push for marriage rights.

This second edition is fully revised to reflect advances in GLBTQ rights. The sections I was most excited to update, though, are less tangible than facts and figures. They have to do with the changing attitudes among GLBTQ and straight teens.

Today's queer teens are far more likely to be open-minded and have a broad view of sexuality and gender expression. Many young people choose not to label themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Instead they may identify as “pansexual,” “omnisexual,” “genderqueer,” or just “other.” This change in the way teens refer to themselves reflects an increased openness to nontraditional ideas of sexuality and gender identity.

Perspectives also have changed among straight teens. Overall, they are more accepting of GLBTQ peers (even though sometimes it might not feel like that). The impact of these attitudes on society as young people grow older and, eventually, inherit the world is exciting to contemplate. Communities will become even more accepting of all people—GLBTQ and straight alike.

You might be thinking, “That's great, but what about right now? What about
my
school?” It's easy to say that everything will be okay someday, that this is just part of growing up. But those kinds of reassurances don't help you very much right now.

That's why I originally wrote this book. I remember very clearly what it was like—the worries, insecurities, fears. One moment you might be upset about the grade you got on a quiz, the next you're thinking about big questions like what you want to do with your life. And what if, on top of all that, you suddenly discover you're attracted to someone of the same sex? Or what if you dread changing for gym class because you're in the boys' locker room, but inside you've always felt more like a girl?

Discovering that you might be GLBTQ is a big revelation, and accepting it is a process. One thing that can help in that process is information. This book can't answer all of your questions or counter all of the misinformation and outright lies you may have heard about being GLBTQ. It does, however, have a lot of insight and advice you might not have found anywhere else.

What will you find in
GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning Teens
? For starters, you'll read information from experts in psychology, sociology, and health care. These authorities offer a lot of insight about what it means to be queer. You'll also find advice from people who work with national organizations advocating for GLBTQ rights, tips for coming out, ideas for creating a more accepting school environment, and help for a variety of other issues and situations.

This book also features true stories from teens and young adults who've been through situations you might be facing. Some of these stories may be very different from your own; others might seem to come from a page right out of your own life. These words from young people can offer support and real-life advice, and so can the books and websites suggested throughout the book.

I wrote this book with all GLBTQ teens in mind. It's my hope that you'll find it helpful, whether you're secure with your sexual orientation or gender identity or just starting to explore these ideas. It's important to remember that when it comes to questions about being GLBTQ, there aren't a lot of cut-and-dry answers. Because every GLBTQ person is an individual, it's difficult to provide answers that are appropriate for everyone. Even in the GLBTQ community there isn't always agreement on details surrounding certain issues. This book offers commonly accepted answers, as well as suggestions for how you can find answers to your own questions.

GLBTQ
is meant to be a handbook—use it as you need it. You might read the book from cover to cover, or you might use the contents and index to guide you to sections addressing just the issues you face. The book is a pressure-free zone. Regardless of where you are in your life, you can read the parts you're ready for. The goal isn't to come up with definitive answers, because some answers might lead to other questions. And that's great. It's all part of getting to know yourself.

Even if you're just questioning or curious, that's okay, too. You never have to pick a label for yourself if you don't want to. Many people choose to identify as queer, or say, “I don't identify. I just am who I am.” You may decide you're just questioning right now, and that's fine. The purpose of this book is not to make you choose a label, but to help you get to know yourself and be more comfortable with who you are.

GLBTQ people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors: We are African American, Latino, Caucasian, Native American, Asian, Arab American, and Indian. We are Catholic, Protestant, atheist, Buddhist, agnostic, Unitarian, Hindu, and Muslim. We can be teachers, lawyers, doctors, construction workers, executives, athletes, artists, writers, politicians, and any other type of professional you can imagine. And we are parents, friends, partners, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. GLBTQ people are everywhere, and we can be anything we want to be.

Since the first edition of this book was published I've heard from readers, both young and old, who have in some way been touched by its contents. Whether you have a question or story of your own to share, I welcome you to contact me. I can be reached via email ([email protected]) or at the following address.

Free Spirit Publishing

217 Fifth Avenue North, Suite 200

Minneapolis, MN 55401-1299

All the best to you,

Kelly Huegel

P.S. Do you want updated information on legislation and issues mentioned in this book? Visit the Facebook page for
GLBTQ
. I also provide updates on Twitter
@GLBTQguide
.

Maybe you've known for years that you're GLBTQ. Or maybe you are only now beginning to question your sexual orientation or gender identity. Regardless of where you might be coming from, it can help to remember that you're not alone.

Researchers believe that between five and six percent of young people are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Others identify as transgender or questioning. Widely accepted research concludes that roughly 1 in 10 adults is GLBTQ. Think about these statistics the next time you're at the movies or a football game. Whether you're aware of them or not, it's likely people at your school or in your neighborhood are GLBTQ.

Yet many people are uncomfortable talking about differences in sexuality, and that can result in ignorance. You've probably grown up hearing some of the rumors and myths about GLBTQ people. Even the most well-intentioned people can be misinformed about what it means to be queer.

The most powerful response to bias and ignorance is knowledge. This chapter covers the fundamentals of being GLBTQ. Some of what follows might seem like very basic information, but even if you consider yourself knowledgeable about GLBTQ issues, you may be surprised by what you read.

One thing that can be confusing about the queer community is the terminology. Sometimes it seems like a whole different language exists. Even among GLBTQ people, there's a lack of consensus about definitions and which words to use when.

For starters, is it GLBTQ, LGBTQ, LGB with T and Q separate? A few decades ago, it was common to say G&L for gay and lesbian. But language evolves as our understanding of GLBTQ people evolves. When the B (for bisexual) was added, the acronym became GLB or LGB. Then the T (for transgender) and Q (for questioning) joined the party.

In this book, you'll see the consistent use of the acronym GLBTQ. When an issue applies specifically to gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender people, those specific words will be used. And although you'll read about people being either GLBTQ or straight, not all transgender people are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. In fact, many transgender people are heterosexual, and some just don't identify with any of the labels. Referring to trans people as GLBTQ doesn't imply that they are necessarily gay, lesbian, or bisexual in their sexual orientations. But the full acronym GLBTQ is used here for consistency.

Another word used often in this book is queer. This word was once used negatively to describe GLBTQ people (and still is, by some). Now, many GLBTQ people and our allies (supporters) use it in a very positive way. For example, you can find Queer Studies and Queer Theory courses at many colleges. The word queer is used in this book in a positive and affirming way. Queer is simply “other than the expected or average,” which is straight. Some people believe the labels gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender are too limiting, so queer is also a great word because it frees you from using a specific label if you don't want to. It's your life. How you identify is a very personal decision and one that only you can make.

The glossary includes the GLBTQ terms used in this book, along with words you might come across elsewhere. For now, let's look at the basics.

G is for gay.
This term often is used to describe both homosexual men and lesbians. As it refers to men, gay describes men who are physically and emotionally attracted to other men. The word
gay
didn't come into wide use to describe homosexual people until around the 1950s.

L is for lesbian.
Lesbians are women who are physically and emotionally attracted to other women. The word
lesbian
has its origins with the Greek poet Sappho, who was born sometime between 630 and 612 BC For part of her life, Sappho lived on the island of Lesbos. Many of her poems dealt with same-sex love between women, and as a result, the island's name became synonymous with homosexual women. That's how the term lesbian was born.

B is for bisexual.
Bisexual people can be emotionally and physically attracted to people of either sex. Sometimes people refer to themselves as bisexual as a means of identifying themselves as questioning, or they identify as bisexual and then later identify as gay or lesbian. However, many bisexual people are bisexual, period, and that is what they will remain.

Bisexuality is one of the least understood expressions of sexuality. Unfortunately, people who identify as bisexual can face ignorance even from the gay community. They might be told they “just can't admit they're gay” or “can't make up their minds.” Bisexuality has been scientifically proven to be a valid identity (read about the Kinsey Scale in Chapter 1). As with all others, bisexual people should be accepted for who they are.

T is for transgender.
Transgender people have feelings of being a different gender from their physical anatomies. What it means to be transgender is complicated and often misunderstood. One misconception is that all transgender people want to have surgery and/or take hormones to change their bodies. Some do, others don't. Another misconception is that all trans people are homosexual. Transgender people are often straight, but just like everyone else, they can be gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Some trans people start out identifying as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, then later realize they are transgender.

Some of the issues and emotions transgender people may face are similar to those that gay, lesbian, and bisexual people often experience. Feelings of isolation and the desire to come out, for example, are experiences that all GLBTQ people may have. However, there are other feelings and considerations that can come with identifying as the opposite physical gender (or not identifying as either gender). Some of these issues are addressed in Chapter 10.

Q is for questioning.
People who are questioning are uncertain of their sexual orientations or gender identities, or they may just prefer not to label themselves with any particular orientation. Many teens are starting to embrace identifying themselves as questioning. A lot of things are changing during adolescence, and deciding that you're questioning can remove the pressure of having to choose a label like gay, lesbian, bisexual, or straight right away.

Why are some people GLBTQ and others aren't? At this point, there isn't a definitive answer. Scientists, philosophers, psychologists, and a host of others have offered opinions and theories to answer the question, but for now, there isn't a 100 percent proof-positive reason. There has, however, been a lot of research attempting to determine what makes people GLBTQ. Thanks to these efforts, scientists, healthcare professionals, and the general public have access to expanded information on sexual orientation and gender identity.

In the 1940s, a scientist named Dr. Alfred Kinsey and his team of researchers conducted a study of human sexuality in men. Based on this research, Kinsey determined that most men are neither completely gay nor completely straight. Instead, while some are at either end of the spectrum, most fall somewhere in the middle. He developed a six-point scale—the Kinsey Scale—to illustrate this spectrum.

The Kinsey Scale was revolutionary not only because it looked at queerness as predetermined, but also because it showed a vast gray area between GLBTQ and straight. Before Kinsey, many experts thought it was black and white—straight people were 100 percent straight and queer people were 100 percent queer. Many also thought that straight people were “normal” and “well- adjusted,” while queer people were “sick” or “deviant.” Kinsey's research helped dispel this myth and showed that homosexuality and bisexuality were much more common than previously thought.