GLBTQ (26 page)

Q: What does
intersex
mean?

A:
Intersex people are born with both male and female genitals, or with ambiguous genitalia. Some intersex people have surgeries, often in infancy and throughout childhood, to definitively assign them one anatomical sex. The surgery doesn't always result in a physical sex assignment that matches the person's internal gender. As a result, some intersex people grow up with gender identity issues that mirror those experienced by transgender people.

Q: Who are crossdressers?

A:
Crossdressers (once called transvestites) are people who dress in clothing traditionally worn by the opposite sex. They might do this in private or in public. Crossdressers can be male or female, and they may be straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Crossdressing does not necessarily indicate that a person is trans.

Q: Are transgender people also gay, lesbian, or bisexual?

A:
Some are, but many are not. It's a common misconception that transgender people are all gay, lesbian, or bisexual. In fact, many trans people are straight. Some trans people are assumed to be lesbian or gay because of their gender expression.

However, some straight trans people might at first come out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Even though they have a different gender identity, they're attracted to persons of the same anatomical sex, but they haven't explored the possibility of being transgender. Other people who eventually realize they are transgender may initially perceive feelings of being of the opposite anatomical sex to mean that they're gay or lesbian. This is probably because gay and lesbian people are generally more visible in society than transgender people. It might not be clear to a teen that he is transgender because he doesn't know (or know about) transgender people or just hasn't reached that point yet in his identity formation.

Been There:

“I spent a period of my life going out with other girls, as lesbians. But something didn't quite feel right. I've always wanted to be a guy, physically.”
—Kevin, 18

Q: If many transgender people are straight, why are they often lumped together with gay, lesbian, and bisexual people?

A:
Transgender people share much of the same struggle for acceptance, recognition, and civil rights as gay, lesbian, and bisexual people. The issues of gender expression and sexual orientation often overlap. Frequently anti-queer bias and behavior have a lot to do with gender expression (rather than sexual orientation).

A female who wears her hair short and prefers to wear traditionally male clothing might be harassed or called a lesbian because she's stepping outside her traditional gender role. She might be lesbian or bisexual, she might be transgender, or she could just like having short hair and wearing more traditionally masculine clothing. People aren't reacting to her sexual orientation, they're responding to her gender expression. Some people feel threatened or afraid and might discriminate or get angry when they see people expressing their gender in nontraditional ways. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and trans people often face this same discrimination when they don't conform to other people's ideas of gender. It's also possible for straight people to face this form of discrimination.

Transgender people have at times even faced discrimination from the gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities. This has been due to a lack of understanding about trans issues and an unwillingness to work together for greater acceptance of all GLBTQ people. One of the great things about GLBTQ teens today is their increased willingness to be inclusive and not draw lines between what it means to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.

Because transgender is a blanket term that covers several distinct but related groups of people, self-description can be important to many trans people. People who are transgender may use a variety of different terms to describe themselves (self-identify).

There is some debate in the trans community about what terms can be applied to who. For example, some postoperative transsexuals—those who have taken hormones and had surgeries to more accurately reflect their gender identities—don't call themselves transsexuals. As far as they're concerned, they have become members of the opposite sex.

In the end, how a person identifies is a very personal decision. No one but the individual can choose what label to use. People choose to identify in many different ways: transgender, female-to-male (FTM), male-to-female (MTF), genderqueer, gender neutral, multi-gender, transman, boi, and many others. How you identify (if you choose to at all) should be, first and foremost, comfortable and meaningful for you.

Been There:

“I came out to my family at the age of 15 as a lesbian. At the same time, I was questioning whether I was really a boy or girl. Many times I would let the issue go and then come back to it. Finally, at 25, I was ready to really try to figure it out.”
—Lee, 26

As with figuring out if you're gay, lesbian, or bisexual, self-discovery is a process. Maybe you've felt like someone of the opposite sex for as long as you can remember. Or perhaps you've only had a vague feeling of being different that you haven't been able to define. You might arrive at the conclusion that you're transgender relatively easily, or it could take months or years to figure out.

There isn't a checklist that can clearly indicate if you're transgender, but trans people do tend to share some common experiences. Perhaps some of these are familiar to you:

Have you ever felt like there is a conflict between your body and your mind?
People often describe the experience of being transgender as feeling like they're trapped in the wrong body. Today's teens, though, because of increased openness toward exploring a variety of gender roles and ways of expressing gender identity, sometimes describe being transgender as feeling gender neutral, gender different, or simply “other.” Some trans teens feel confusion over issues of gender while others are comfortable mentally and emotionally residing in that more fluid gray area of gender identity.

As you grow up, especially as you go through puberty, it's common to have some feelings of gender confusion, or of openness to gender exploration and fluidity of gender expression. That doesn't necessarily mean that you're trans, or even gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Part of being a teen is evolving into a stronger sense of yourself. For many, that evolution continues for years, possibly an entire lifetime. And as long as you understand that whoever you are is okay at any stage of your life, that's a good thing.

Been There:

“When I was a kid, everyone else seemed to know they were boys or girls or men or women. That's something I have never known; not then, not today. As a kid, I just figured I was the crazy one; I was the one who really had some serious defect.”
—Writer/Performer Kate Bornstein, from
Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us

Do you dislike or avoid activities and interests that are usually associated with people of your birth sex?
Dr. Milton Diamond writes that many trans people describe disliking and avoiding activities that are traditionally associated with people of their anatomical sex. Instead, they strongly prefer activities and behaviors that are traditionally linked with the sex with which they identify more. Often these likes, dislikes, and ways of behaving are obvious from an early age. For example, a young boy might enjoy playing with girls rather than roughhousing with other boys. He might hate sports, avoiding them in favor of playing dress-up and experimenting with his mother's makeup.

It's important to remember that being uncomfortable with or failing to embrace traditional gender roles doesn't necessarily mean someone is transgender. Many young people who are not transgender engage in a variety of activities and behaviors that aren't necessarily associated with their biological sex. In the case of most transgender people, however, it goes beyond exploring. They have very strong, almost overpowering feelings related to their interests and behaviors.

Do you have thoughts of wanting to be the opposite physical sex?
It's one thing to occasionally have a thought like, “Life would be easier if I were a guy,” or, “I wonder what it would be like to be a girl?” It's another to have a persistent desire to actually be the opposite sex.

Been There:

“I've always been fascinated with the idea of being a girl, I guess. I used to watch this show about a boy who suddenly acquires the ability to become a girl when he comes into contact with hot water. I could never really understand, though, why he was so very distressed about being a girl.”
—Chris, 19

Do you identify strongly with experiences of people who are transgender?
One way to explore your gender identity is to find out more about trans people. It can be helpful to read about their experiences or talk with someone who identifies as transgender. You could find that, while people use different language to describe their experiences and feelings, what they're talking about really resonates with you and is something you can identify with.

Been There:

“It's hard to say definitely how I became aware of my gender identity. I think it was really while I was surfing some websites and reading stories about transsexual people that I realized not all guys fantasize about growing breasts or have dreams of suddenly and inexplicably being changed into a girl.”
—Andrea, 19

What do you do when you realize you're transgender? This is a complex question, and it's one that has many possible answers. You could wait and think about things. You could come out as transgender. You could decide to change your name or start dressing differently and possibly start transitioning socially into your gender identity. Or you could decide that you need your body to reflect your identity and start looking into procedures for physically transitioning.