Good for Now (Book One of The Now Series) (12 page)

Chapter 28

Julie

I arrive at the apartment, feeling aroused.

I really want to pack and get rid of as much as I can today. But I can't help, but think of the question Violet asked, "Have you ever pleased yourself?”

But maybe I should try to, after all, I have been having the urge for sex.

I have never willingly played with myself. However, a few times Kevin asked me to but I was never into it.

Try it.

No.

Good girls don't play with themselves.

Good girls miss out.

I smile, listening to the inner struggles I’m having with myself.

Come on, no one will ever know. It’s not like you are having a one night stand.

Don't do it, it’s perverted.

No, it is not. It’s natural. You will feel better and you will never have to be without sex.

Yes, it is better than casual sex.

Try it. No one will know, and you can stop whenever you want.

I walk to the bedroom, close the verticals and draw the curtains, the room is as dark as it is going to get. I lock the bedroom door, turning the knob to make sure it is, feeling my heart race, feeling excited.

I can feel my private beat, having its own heart, and I swear I feel it become wetter by the thought of touching myself.

I slowly undress, taking off my shirt and pants, smelling my perfume, leaving my bra and underwear on. I walk to the closet mirror to take a look at myself. I look good, staring at my breasts. I want to seduce myself, why rush taking everything off. Why be easy? I’m going to play hard to get, flirt a little and see how it goes.

I can't believe I am about to do this, yet I really want to. I want to seduce me. I lay on the bed and get under the covers, my hands next to me and my legs are straight. I see my chest rise in anticipation.

Fuck me
, I whisper.

I slowly move my right hand to my right breast, rubbing it above my bra.

"Ah," I let out a moan. I keep my eyes closed, visualizing a man’s hand touching me. This excites me, and I feel a tingle between my legs. I can’t help but laugh; feeling a bit frisky and horny.

I arch my back for a moment, feeling my hand go under my bra, touching as I pinch my nipple. "Ah," the sensation is turning me on, my hips are rocking back and forth, getting in a rhythm.

I slowly move my right hand down my stomach, my left hand reaching for my left breast squeezing it, reaching in my bra to knead it like dough.

The pleasure is escalating as my right hand reaches in my underwear. I lift my legs up, my knees pointing to the ceiling and I slowly rub my clitoris in a circle. At first I feel nothing, there is no instant pleasure being felt. I’m disappointed, but I know I have to explore my body to know its hot spots.

You have to tease it.

I realize I am being straight forth like Kevin. He always jumped in for sex and I hated that.

Seduce yourself, take it slow.

I stop, to think about how I want to be seduced.

Yes, the vision of him comes back. The man who almost made me come a few moments ago.

The tips of my fingers slowly goes down my inner thigh, ah it feels good. Then I think about the feather topped pen I have in the drawer of my night stand. I reach over and get it.

Laying back down, I slowly feather the inside of my inner thigh, ah, I’ve never felt such pleasure, that my juices begin to flow. Feeling my hips rock back and forth, like they have a mind of their own. I move the feather pen, going down my other inner thigh, ah, I never knew how sensitive my inner thighs were.

I take my underwear off, spreading my legs further apart, smelling my private. I reach down and use two fingers to massage my clit, raising my tush to touch my sweet spot, the one I read about.

My forward motions, and my rubbing, work together to feel this rise in pleasure. I can’t stop from wanting to thrust harder, to feel more pleasure, to feel like I am about to come. In my mind my finger has become a man’s private part, a very hard and pleasurable one, one that is attached to a fantasy man.

One I haven't see yet, but one that is very much now alive. And it happens, I come and it is a gusher. It changes me, letting out all the tapped up sexual frustrations.

I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling fan going round and round, thinking what I have been missing all these years.

Myself.

Chapter 29

Julie

I wake up to find two missed phone calls. One from Lynn, and the other my father.

First I call Lynn.

"Hope you have good news?" I say.

"Yes, you are approved for the loan, the bank just faxed me the mortgage approval."

"Nice, so what’s left to do?"

"A home inspection, just to be on the safe side, though the place looks solid, one never knows."

"Agreed."

"OK, see you then."

I figure I would kill two birds with one stone and ask my dad of an inspector since he called me already.

I call him back and he answers on the first ring.

"Hi, you must really want to talk to me,” I say, because he usually never answers a call until the third or fourth ring.

"Yes, its about Kevin."

"Oh," I say, feeling stone cold. "He called?" I ask.

"No, but I got a phone call from an old friend, whose daughter use to intern for him. It seems like Kevin is not returning calls.”

I become stone cold. Did he fuck one of my father’s friends daughter?

“Julie, are you there?”

“Yes…sorry… I told you we decided to go our separate ways." I say, feeling an inch tall.

“What really happened between you and Kevin?”

“His work came between us.”

“I can’t believe the chances he missed at the trial. He could have won. I bet he would have if you were there.”

"Dad, Kevin isn't in the level of law that you are, he deals with criminals."

"Well, I wouldn't exactly say so, but I think there was some fishy business going on in his practice.”

“Well…” I stop talking, feeling nauseous.

“I’m sorry Julie.”

A moment of silence passes to clear the air.

"How are you doing?"

"Well, I didn't tell you, but I am buying my own place."

"You don't say...I think that’s wonderful. Where?"

"Its on Chestnut Drive," I say.

"I know the street well..."

I knew he did. Mom always wanted to buy a place on the street, but Dad was against moving from his gated, golf community.

"She would be happy to know this," he says.

"Well, sometimes a dream does pass from generation to the next."

"True," he says.

Chapter 30

Julie

A few days later

In the middle of packing my things for the move. I can’t help but look at Kevin’s things. What to do with it? So I dare try to get in touch with him?

I know I am not strong enough to see or talk to him yet. So the only option is putting his things in storage.

It’s a relief he already took most of his possessions, with the exception of his computer and his college trunk in the closet. I even forgot about the trunk, until I started clearing the closet and found it in the corner with blankets over it. I even tried opening it but it was locked

I log on the computer to print my resume and prepare for possible questions. I really need to get a new computer. It is taking forever to log on.

Tomorrow is my first interview, hopefully it will be semi-casual, and there won't be a team of lawyers drilling me like if I were on the stand, or I may crumble. Either way, the practice will be good if I don’t get the job.

Finally I am able to look for my resume, forgetting what I saved it as. I click on files and scroll down, seeing Kevin has rows of files. They are arranged by dates and last names, like Jan 5, Brown, Feb 10, Brown. I wonder what kind of files he has saved. I nervously click on Jan 5, Brown. But it requires a password to open, this makes my stomach churn. I think “asshole”.

I click on the Feb 10, Brown and it too, requires a password to open. What is he hiding? I could only imagine it wasn’t good. This was just another sign that he’s a man of secrets. Ones that he did not want me to know. They must be bad.

I take a deep breath and am faced with the truth that every file he has is password protected.

Just as I am about to log out, I think of Violet’s request. “Get a vibrator, you’ll thank me later.”

Well, what better place to look than the Internet. Allowing me to look in privacy, because there was no way I was going in a sex store. I am not that bold. I can hear Violet saying back in my mind, “not yet”.

I search for vibrators. My eyes pop when seeing how many sites sell them. I nervously click on the first one. It looks like a regular online site selling any product; professional and organized. There wasn’t a naked woman using one, like I had visioned.

Most were hot pink, coming in different sizes, long and tiny, and so far none looked like a penis. Vibrators had come along away. I remember finding my college roommate’s vibrator left in the shower. It definitely looked like a penis, large, thick, with the slanted tip.

My anxiety eased seeing there was a help section which I click on.

How to choose a vibrator? I click on it. Then there is a list of ways I would want to be pleased, was I looking to rock my G spot or was I more of a clitoris girl. I had no idea so I ordered the bestseller one, ready to rock my world.

I go to bed, a good tired. I had my first orgasm, that was my doing, but soon I’ll have my little friend.

Chapter 31

Julie

The alarm wakes me from half-sleep. I lay in bed, until I feel myself pull out of sleep.

What a night I had, can’t believe I ordered a vibrator. I almost want to call Violet and let her know.

The person I should be calling is Amanda, I wonder if she has one. I like that Violet can’t tell anyone because of our professional relationship, realizing why people feel safe with a psychologist. By law they can’t tell anyone’s secrets.

I get up from the bed, to see Kevin’s things in the corner of the room. I still feel no contact is best, so I will just move his things to a storage unit. The forty bucks a month will be worth it. Not having his things around me and not having to worry about Kevin calling me if I had sent him a letter like I wanted. I want no reason for him to contact me.

I feel the rise of anxiety crawl my arms and shoulders. I just hope one day this will really be over. I just can’t shake the feeling that he will return and I won’t be strong enough to push him away, or worst take him back.

Do I still love him?

I feel like I do, but there could be another reason why I feel like I do. I am afraid that my heart has no idea what it is feeling. Hopefully more sessions with Violet will change this.

Driving to the courthouse, I feel anxious, not because I don’t think I will do well in the interview but because I am not sure if I am ready for a full time job. I have been helping dad with his client’s files, giving him a new perspective on how to move forward with a case.

For the most part it was on my time. I could plan my day, but if I got the job as a assistant prosecutor everything would change.

I take a deep breath, I think it is time I let go of what feels comfortable and start living like an adult.

“Hi, I am here for an interview, my name is Julie White,” I say.

A twenty-something looks at me, “Great, they are waiting for you in the back. I’ll let them know you are here,” she says.

“I’ll just have a seat.” I say, not wanting to be overbearing.

I walk over to the chairs, feeling my weak stomach. I smile at the receptionist as I sit down. I notice there isn’t anyone else in the waiting room. I pick up
Time
and flip through the pages for a few minutes, trying to remember the last time I actually had the magazine in my hand. The feature article was about
The Complexity of Teenagers.

“Ms. White, they are ready to see you.”

I look up, place the magazine down and reach for my leather binder.

“Thanks.”

“Go through those doors, then take your first right and the conference room is on the left.”

I walk through the door, turn right, then left to see two men inside a glass framed conference room. They smile once they see me. I smile back.

I open the door, and they get up from their seats and shake my hand, while introducing themselves.

“Nice to meet you,” one says. “I’m Richard Banks and this is James Diaz.”

“Hi Mr. Banks and Mr. Diaz. I’m Julie White, as you know,” I say.

“Well, we don’t like to waste too much time as it is quite busy here. Let’s just say you won’t be here if we weren’t very interested in you joining our department.”

I smile, “Well, I am happy to be here.” I say, feeling like it was best if I let them do more of the talking until asked questions.

“Mr. Diaz and I were impressed not just by your class rank, but by the clubs you were a member of, especially the victims advocate.”

“Well I like to think law can help those that have been abused in someway. I like to help those in need.”

The gentlemen smile, looking at each other.

“And that’s why we feel you would be a perfect addition to the department, you see we have to prosecute those that hurt others while supporting those they hurt,” Mr. Banks says.

“I agree, that is the part I especially like too. I like to give those victimized a chance to move on with their lives.”

“Excellent response, you’re hired. When can you start?”

“How about now?”

Mr. Banks turns to Mr. Diaz and says, “You see James, I was right, she is the girl for us and this department.”

“Yes, you were, and I’ll be happy to say you still have that second sense that is keener than mine.”

“Well, thank you, my dear friend.”

Mr. Banks, buzzes the receptionist, “Heather, can you please come in.”

“We are very happy you are part of our team,” Mr. Banks says.

I see Heather walking to open the door of the conference room.

“Heather, Ms. White is one of us now. Can you please show her to her office.”

Heather smiles, “You’ll love it here.”

Mr. Banks smiles, “I sure hope she does.”

I shake Mr. Banks and Mr. Diaz’s hand and say, “Thanks.”

I follow Heather out, to where she starts talking, “You must have swept them off their feet. They are a tough team to please.”

I grin, thinking no they weren’t, but again, I could have been fooled and wonder if I took the job to quickly. Maybe I should have slept on it.