Gravity (Free Falling) (28 page)

         
This was all new to me.  Antonio and I only had brief conversations about intimacy, but he knew where I stood on the subject so he rarely put any kind of pressure on me.  But
this
?  This wasn’t pressure at all.  I’d never wanted anything more. 

          At first, I was afraid to touch
AJ the way I wanted to.  Many thoughts and ideas had passed through my mind, but the one thing I lacked was the courage to follow through.  I couldn’t even move.  My hands were resting in my lap clasped together as I froze in panic. 
What if I did all this and then freak out like I did with Antonio?  What if…….
was as far as my silent line of questioning got before the sensation of AJ’s warm hand on mine stole my attention.
 
For the first few seconds, he just held it to calm my nerves.  But then something happened.  Without pulling his lips away from mine, he guided my hand across his lap slowly and led me back to the zipper I’d just undone. 

         
My head was spinning.  I’d never gone this far before and had no idea what to expect aside from what I’d seen in movies.  AJ hesitated for a moment and waited for me to loosen up a bit, and then, when he thought I was ready, he led me the rest of the way inside his jeans.  The hairs on my arms stood on end when I first touched him.    His body responded as I caressed him with a timid hand. 

         
I flinched self-consciously when he lifted the side of my shirt just enough to slide his hand underneath it.  His fingers moved over my skin slowly as I permitted him to explore me in ways I hadn’t allowed
anyone
to do before.   Strange and unfamiliar sensations flowed through me and I didn’t want him to stop.  With ease, he reached behind my back and unfastened my bra to make my body more accessible, and I didn’t try to stop him.

          
It was beginning to feel like our clothes were a hindrance.  Without a second thought, I pulled my hand free and removed AJ’s shirt.  The brief interruption didn’t slow us down.  In fact, my advances had inspired AJ as well.  He gripped the hem of my shirt and gently pulled it over my head, tossing it to the front seat.  My lips were on his again and the anxiety began to fade a little, but came back full force when he backed away for a moment and took off his pants and then the boxer shorts he wore underneath, completely exposing himself to me.  I was speechless and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.  He sat back and watched me as I appreciated what was before me – this being the first time I’d ever had the pleasure of seeing the nude body of a man in person. My chest heaved up and down as I allowed myself to look at every inch of his physique without turning away. 

       
  A few seconds passed and I was finally able to look him in the eyes again.  When I did, I knew that I was ready.  So, I lay back on the seat and took a deep breath while I waited for him to take off what little clothing I still had on.  My heart was racing a mile a minute, and when he laid on me and pressed his chest to mine, I could feel that his was too.  His body heat was radiating through me and I’d almost forgotten how cold it was outside. 

          This was really about to happen.  Soon, I’d be immersed in
passion like I’d never experienced, and I knew that I’d found the right person to share this moment with. AJ was more than a crush or a boyfriend to me.  Even at my age, I knew deep down in my heart that I’d never feel this way about anyone else in my entire life.  He filled a place in my heart that I hadn’t even realized was empty.  And now that he had, I couldn’t understand how I’d ever lived without him.  That’s why this felt right. 

         
Our eyes locked on one another and AJ took a deep breath that he didn’t intend to exhale right away. I shuddered unwillingly and sucked in uneven gasps of air the first time he eased in.  A few seconds passed before I was able to calm myself.  AJ stared down at me caringly and gave me a chance to catch my breath before starting again.  I imagined that it wasn’t easy for him to be this gentle, but he was patient for my sake. Every single one of my senses was consumed by him.  AJ was all I could hear, see, taste……or feel. 

     
   “Am I hurting you?”  He whispered breathlessly into my ear.

         
I pressed my face against his cheek and softly replied, “No,” after finally regaining the ability to speak. 

         
I clutched his tense arms in my hands to brace myself.  I’d gotten so absorbed that I failed to realize that the soft rhythmic whimpering that had me mystified was coming from me.  When I made the discovery, I placed one hand firmly over my mouth to keep quiet, feeling a little embarrassed.  AJ quickly reached up and pulled it away as if to say that I should do or say whatever felt right.  The windows were beginning to fog up quickly, making it impossible to see anything outside other than the glow from the moon.  My legs were tangled around him, giving him no chance of escaping me even if he wanted to.  In the height of passion, I embedded my fingers into the bare skin on his back as our bodies moved together.  I stared into his deep dark eyes and let a single tear fall, overwhelmed by such a rush of emotion all at once.  Before it could even roll down my cheek, AJ kissed it away.  The idea that I could love someone this much was beyond belief.  That night, something in me changed.  He’d taken me from being that scared little girl who wasn’t sure about much of anything, to a woman who knew that the one thing she needed was
him
.

         
AJ stammered for a moment, trying to speak, and then exhaled, “
This
is how it’s supposed to be.”  It was then that I realized that this was a first of sorts for him too.  He’d missed something when he’d been with Leila that he was apparently able to find with me. Initially, I was concerned that this wouldn’t mean as much to him as it did to me, but he’d just washed away all traces of doubt. 

         
For hours after I got home, I lay in my bed that night, and AJ was all I could think about.  I fantasized about him every time I closed my eyes; the very thought of him made my body tremble.  I felt alive in a way that I’d never experienced.  Even as I lay there in the dark I had goose bumps.  In one night he had me thoroughly addicted. 

          My thoughts were averted when
my phone buzzed on my nightstand at nearly four in the morning.  It was AJ and the message was simple.

        
 
“I Love u.”

         The words
put a smile on my face, he was thinking about me too.  I fought to keep my eyes open so that the night wouldn’t end, but I was exhausted.  I drifted off to sleep quickly and dreamt of him. 

       
When I awoke in the morning, I had to convince myself that any of the night’s events had really taken place.  I slid down deeper into my covers and decided not to get out of bed just yet.  This would have been the perfect morning to wake up and find AJ next to me.  As I laid there imagining this, I could almost feel the warmth of his body at my side.  For now, I’d have to be content with my thoughts because I wouldn’t see him again until we hooked up with Karl and Deanna to go to the movies later.

         
I was in no rush to face either of my parents. 
What if they notice that something’s different about me?  What if I can’t stop smiling and they can tell that something’s up?
  Hiding until they left out to run errands seemed pretty smart. I jumped up to take a bath and soak for a while.  While I wasn’t in much pain when I was with him, there were parts of my body that I didn’t know existed that were throbbing now.  Just the thought of him made me weak enough that I had to steady myself on the wall to keep from falling.             

         
As I relaxed deep beneath the warm water, my thoughts drifted back to Leila.  While the hurt she’d caused me was now dulled considerably, I found myself still angry.  This was far from over.  If she had gone out of her way to break AJ and I up already there was no telling what else she would do.  She was unquestionably obsessed with him.  I laughed to myself as I suddenly thought of one possible reason why she was so fixated on AJ  She was the only other girl besides myself who had ever experienced him intimately and I could
definitely
understand what it was about him that had her mesmerized.  He had a way of making every part of me feel like it was electrically charged.  Every nerve was on edge with anticipation as he touched me.  Even after it was over it still didn’t feel like I’d had enough. 

          Here I was with all these new emotions to deal with and no one to talk to about it.  This would’ve been a time that I counted on Leslie for her support, but under the circumstances, that wasn’t a possibility.  Things between she and I should’ve been different.  I now felt like my best friend didn’t even really know me anymore because over the course of a few weeks, she’d missed some major things in my life because she’
d closed herself off from me. 

          Maybe I
could
talk to her.  Not about last night with AJ of course, but just have a little girl time before I met up with AJ later.  She could come over and hang out here with me just like before.  We didn’t have to get into anything too heavy, just talk and laugh together like we used to. 

          When I finished bathing, I made calling her my number one priority.  The phone rang once and then she redirected my call to her voicemail. 
Nice
.  I needed her and she was avoiding me.  The new lines in our friendship were becoming more clear to me.  Slowly but surely, she was making it clear where we stood and I guess I just had to live with that. 

          A new thought came to mind.  Deanna and I were quickly moving toward friendship, so why not call
her
since Leslie was retreating?  So far, she seems like a pretty trustworthy person, and I didn’t exactly have a line of girls waiting outside my house to be my friend either.  Without another thought, I dialed and waited for her to answer.

          A second later, I heard her usual chipper voice on the other end.  “Hello?”

          I was a bit uneasy about spilling my guts, but I was about to boil over.  “Hey.  I was hoping you weren’t busy……I kind of needed to talk.”

 
       “No, I’m just cleaning out my closet.  My mom’s making me,” she sighed.  “What’s up?”

          I fidgeted with my nails while I built up the nerve to tell her what happened. 
Could I trust someone who I knew so little with my deepest secret?  The words were about to roll off my tongue and I chickened out .  “Never mind,” I said.  “Let’s just talk about something else,” I insisted.

         
“What is it?  Is something wrong?  Did something happen?”  She inquired.

         
I was so tempted to tell.  “No, it’s fine.”

         
“Sam, would you just say it already?”  She laughed.

          After one deep breath I forced the words from my mouth.  “
AJ and I…….you know.”

          She gasped.  No…
way
!  When?  I want
all
the details,” she blurted and I could hear her take a seat on her bed to get more comfortable before I started my story.

          “It happened last night,” I blushed.

         “Oh…..my…..gosh!  Was that your first time?”

         
I laughed at her enthusiasm.  “Yeah.”

         
“Weren’t you scared?”  She asked.

       
“ A little at first.”

       
“Do you feel any different?”  She asked.

         
I laughed again.  “Not really.  Did you after your first time?”

        
She hesitated.  “I’ve never done it.”

        
I was shocked.  I’d assumed that she and Karl had been intimate after dating for so long.  “Oh, I just thought that…..”

       
“It’s fine.  I think most people assume that, even his parents.  But I’m planning to wait until we get married.”

         
I smiled at her thoughtfully.  I’d always imagined that I’d wait until after I was married as well.  But somehow AJ managed to break through the defensive wall that I’d strategically placed around myself.  Not even Antonio had been able to knock it down despite his best efforts.

            There was a long pause.  “I wonder how Leila’s gonna react when she finds out……if she doesn’t know already,” Deanna stated.

          I didn’t understand her statement.  “What do you mean?  She
won’t
find out.  It’s none of her business.”

         Deanna chuckled sinisterly.  “Oh, Leila
will
find out.  Trust me.”

         
“How?”

         
“Well, it was last year, but AJ was seeing this girl from another school for a couple months and Leila somehow knew every date that they went on, what time AJ was getting home, where the girl lived. 
Everything! 
She must’ve been following him or something.  But, one day she showed up at the girl’s house and the next thing you know the chick broke it off with AJ, like out of nowhere.  He confronted Leila about it and even talked to her father.  That’s when she started watching him like that.  She doesn’t say much to him, but she’s
always
watching.”