Gravity (Free Falling) (30 page)

         
I awoke in the morning under the covers of the huge bed upstairs.  The silky sheets caressed my skin as I stretched.  I looked beside me hoping to find AJ there, but instead there was only a note. 

Morning, beautiful!

Went to get your car fixed.  Be back around noon. 

Miss you
…..AJ

         
I got up and sat at the table while I waited for him to return.  Luckily, I slept in late and the clock already read 11:45, which meant that I didn’t have long to wait now.  Just then, I heard his keys in the lock and I bolted to the door to hug him.  He laughed as he hugged me back.  “Your car’s ready, so we can leave whenever you feel like it.”  I frowned at the thought of leaving him and going back home. 

          “Well, do you t
hink we should leave soon?  Won’t your parents be suspicious?”

          “No, I went back to the house to shower and change
early this morning.  They didn’t even ask me any questions,” he replied.

          
AJ’s relationship with his parents was puzzling to me.  He had so much freedom.  My parents barely let me breathe, and his didn’t seem to bat an eye when he didn’t come home until morning.  I couldn’t fathom it. 

          I unhooked my arm
s from around his neck and set my feet back down on the floor, staring at him curiously.  “Do your parents even
know
about me?  Like, have you even mentioned my name to them?”

         
He looked at me for a minute while he deliberated on how to answer my question.  “No, I haven’t told them anything yet.”

         
Initially, I wasn’t sure whether or not that should upset me, but then it sunk in.  I’d been through so much to be with him.  There was ending my relationship with Antonio, losing my friends, lying to my parents, sneaking out, the drama with Leila, and he hadn’t even mentioned my name.  I didn’t have anything else to say.  I turned and walked away from him without saying another word.  From behind, I heard him shut the front door before following me.  I yanked my jeans off the dresser and threw them on while AJ stood there with is arms folded, leaning against the door frame. 

         “Are you gonna
tell me what I did?”

         
I glared at him.  “AJ I’ve been through so much to be with you and you haven’t even told your parents that I
exist
?  How do you think that makes me feel?”

          He sighed.  “Sam, my family’s no
t like yours.  My parents and I don’t talk about stuff like that.  They just let me live my life and that’s the way it’s always been.  They don’t ask many questions and I don’t offer up any unnecessary information.”

         
I chuckled even though nothing was funny.  “Unnecessary information.  That’s a nice way to put it.”  I was now more furious than before.  AJ reached for my arm as I brushed past him and walked back down the stairs.  I sat on the bottom step and wrestled with my shoelaces. 

         
AJ sat beside me.  “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

          “Yeah, maybe not, but that sure is how you said it.  I don’t think you get it!  I lost my virginity to you.  Do you understand that?  That meant something to
me
!  I’ve been through soooooo much already and your life hasn’t even skipped a beat!”  I yelled.

        
He didn’t seem to lose his cool at all as he spoke.  “Sam, that meant something to me
too
.  I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.  If you want me to tell them, then that’s what I’ll do.  I guess I didn’t look at it the way you do.”

          “Of course you don’t look at it how I look at it.  My whole life has been flipped upside down for you.  I d
on’t even know who I am anymore!  I’ve lied, I’ve cheated, I slapped Leila, I slept with you!  None of that is me, AJ.  I love being with you, but it just feels like I’m the only one making any sacrifices.”

          
We both sat there silent for about a minute and then I rose to my feet and walked out to the car, feeling the deepest sort of disrespect I’d ever experienced.  What possible excuse could he have for not thinking I was important enough to even breathe a syllable of my name to his mother and father?  The only thing I could come up with was the he didn’t think I
was
important enough.  I sat there in my seat feeling hurt, but too proud to show him that I was.  I waited as AJ locked up the house and then sat beside me, driving in silence the entire ride to the auto repair shop.  When he pulled up next to my car, I climbed out quickly and avoided even making eye contact with him. 

          “Thanks for fixing my car,” was all I said before slamming his passenger side
door and walking to my car.  My keys were on the driver’s seat, so I grabbed them and started the car, pulling out of the parking lot without looking back in his direction. 

*****

          It was inconceivable to me how he could claim to be so serious about me and even consider altering his plans for college and yet he was still hiding our relationship from his parents.  Was he ashamed of me?  It didn’t make sense to me. 

         
I kicked my shoes off and drew my feet up under me as I sat on the edge of my bed.  This was not something that I expected after things between us had been going so well.  I sighed and lay back just before hearing the faint buzz of my phone in my purse.  I held it up to my face to look at the caller ID. 
Antonio?
I couldn’t even imagine why he’d still be talking to me.  I wasn’t really in the mood to deal with
anyone
, but I guess the least I could do for him was answer his call. 

 
        “Hello?”  I answered with suspicion heavy in my voice.

         
He didn’t respond right away.  “Hey, you busy?”

         
“No, not at all.  What’s going on?”

          He breathed deeply into the phone
.  “Nothing.  I just……..missed you and thought that I’d call to check on you.”

         
His kind gesture caught me off guard.  In spite of all that I’d put him through, he was still thoughtful enough to check on me. 
Unbelievable
.  “That’s sweet of you.  Everything’s fine though.  How’ve you been?”

          “
Fine I guess.  You’ve just really been on my mind lately.  Terrence told me they saw you and……”  He paused and amended his statement.  “He said he saw you at the movies.”

         
I was immediately uncomfortable.  “Yeah, I saw him.”

         
His next statement came out of nowhere.  “Are you really happy with him?”  His tone was soft and hopeful.  “Because sometimes people get in a situation and it’s not what they thought it would be.  I just wanted to be sure that…..you’re sure.”

         
There was a long silence.  He’d asked me that question at the wrong time, but I tried to clear my head of today’s argument with AJ before answering.  “Yeah, I’m happy.”  He didn’t respond.  “I’m so sorry that I hurt you, Antonio.  I hope you believe that.  If you could ever forgive me, I wanna fix this.  You’ve been a great friend to me and I don’t really wanna lose that.”

          “I
don’t know if I can handle just being your friend.  My feelings are still too……”  He paused.  “I just don’t know if I can do that.”  I thought he’d finished his statement, but he continued.  “But if that’s all I can have you as, I’ll take it.” 

         
I smiled.  “I’m glad you’re willing to give it a chance.”  I wasn’t sure where to take the conversation from here.  It was too soon for casual dialogue, but I wasn’t sure if this was a good place to end it.  Luckily, Antonio had a call on his other line, so he had to go.  I hung up the phone and felt relieved that I was now sure that he didn’t hate me.  He maybe didn’t fully understand everything, but he wasn’t angry with me anymore. 

         
The next morning at school I did my best to avoid AJ.  I wasn’t ready to see him.  I was still too upset.  At lunch, I sat at
my
table alone.  When he entered the lunchroom, he sat next to Karl and watched me for a while as I did my best to ignore him.  From the corner of my eye, I could also see Antonio watching me curiously.  The current seating arrangement AJ and I were adhering to must’ve made it obvious to Antonio that there was trouble in paradise. The next time I glanced over at him, his eyes had drifted down to the table and he was laughing to himself. 

         
The lunch bell rang and I rushed for the door.  I wanted to get to Ms. Jamison’s class before AJ.  The thought of making an entrance with him sitting there made me nervous because of the tension between us.  When he entered, I pretended to be engrossed in my textbook, but that didn’t stop him from interrupting me.

          “How long do you plan on not speaking to me?”  He asked.

         I turned my body a little in the opposite direction of him and continued to pay no attention to him.  He sighed, leaned back in his seat, and didn’t try to speak to me again for the rest of the hour.  At the end of the day I didn’t bother going to my locker.  He was outside by the door with Karl and Randy, talking about whatever it is that boys talk about when there are no girls around.  He didn’t bother to get my attention because he already knew that I’d just ignore him.  I threw my bag in the car and took off, noticing him watching me from the rearview mirror.

          Maybe
I was being a little immature, but I didn’t quite know how to deal with my hurt.  I made up my mind to call him, but I couldn’t be sure when that would be.  I paced back and forth across my floor.  My thoughts were jumbled and my nerves were rattled.  Suddenly I felt a bad case of the munchies coming on and I darted toward the kitchen.  Halfway down the stairs, my phone buzzed in my pocket.  I pulled it out expecting to see AJ’s name on the caller ID, but was a little surprised to see that it was Antonio. 

      
   “Hey,” I answered

          “H
ey.  I was just making sure everything was alight.  I saw you sitting alone today at lunch.”

          “Yeah, I just needed to clear my head.”

          “Somebody must’ve pissed you off.  I know how you shut people out when you get mad.”  He hesitated before continuing.  “Do you mind if I ask what happened?”

          I
really didn’t feel comfortable sharing the details of my relationship.  I wasn’t sure if he was trying to be a good friend or to be nosey.  It was more than likely the latter of the two, but he’d always given me sound advice in the past.  I exhaled and began, remembering to be as vague as possible.  “I’m just starting to feel like I’m putting more in this than he is.”

          “
Why’s that?”  He asked.

         
I was hesitant to elaborate.  “He hasn’t told his parents about me yet and I basically fell out with my dad for a few days because I told him about AJ.  There’s more to it than that, but I don’t feel like getting into it.”

          Antonio
was quiet for a while.  “Hello?”  I asked.

         
“Yeah.  I’m here.”  He paused again.  “I thought I could do this, but I’m not ready to hear you talk about him yet.  Let’s change the subject.”

          “Sounds good to me,”
I replied with relief in my voice.

          “So……can I come see you?”
  He asked.

         
I froze. 
What should I say?
  On the one hand Antonio and I were friends now and it would be perfectly innocent.  On the other hand, I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize my relationship with AJ.  I thought it over for a moment before finally giving in.  “Fine, but I’ll just come over there.” That way I could be sure that AJ wouldn’t stop by and find me here with Antonio.

          I hung up the phone and stood there.  I couldn’t be sure that this wasn’t
a mistake, but I was glad to have Antonio back as a friend, so I didn’t want to risk hurting his feelings by going back on my word.

         
The drive there was tougher than I thought.  I was trying to decide if I should just turn around and go back home.  Even as I pulled up in front of his house, I was having second thoughts.  After taking a deep breath I opened the door and walked to the porch.  I lifted my hand to knock, but Antonio opened it before I had the chance.  A big smile crossed his face as he stepped aside to let me in.  Slowly, I walked past him, still a little uncomfortable with my decision to show up.  He waited for me to take my shoes off and then I followed him over to the couch.  I made sure to sit on the opposite end so that I wouldn’t give him any ideas. 

         
I reluctantly turned to look at him.  In all the drama that had taken place over the last month I’d forgotten how handsome he was.  His dark skin still appealed to me and reminded me of a milk chocolate candy bar.  I could almost taste it in my mouth as I looked over his face.  It wasn’t in my plans to feel this way around him, but this wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.