Guard My Heart (14 page)

“It’s great, thanks for having me here, Mia,” Aiden says.
And he sounds really polite. Well mannered, not like me. Instantly I feel bad
for being rude to Jenna. For all I know they are just chatting, or my jealous
brain could’ve seen something between her and Jase that wasn’t even
there.

“I’m glad you guys are having fun. You should dance,” I
say a little more friendly. It’s hard not liking Jenna. She’s good
people.

Aiden laughs. “No, fancy suits like me can’t get down with
the moves you wild ones pull off these days,” he says looking embarrassed.
Jenna giggles next to him and jabs her elbow into his ribs softly. “I was just
joking with you when I said that,” she says blushing. “Aiden is in marketing at
the bank,” she explains to me. “Yeah? I’m sorry, but that does sound like a
boring fancy suit job,” I say, biting back a giggle when Aiden runs his hand
over his face. I can see he is trying to hide a smile. A banker with a tribal,
go figure.

I leave Aiden and Jenna on the couch joking about what
kind of tattoos a guy in a suit can or cannot have. 

I have to find a cigarette soon. My lungs are starting to
think I’m healthy again. I find Lewis, but he is tucked away in a corner
kissing some girl senseless. He obviously doesn’t have a problem with PDA. His
hands roam up over her jeaned thighs before he cups her behind in both his
hands. I'm glad they are tucked away in this dark corner. I wouldn't want Mom
to see this. He lifts the girl up, and she wraps her legs around his hips. A
strange feeling spreads through my belly. My experience stops at a few kisses.
I've never done anything like this. How old is Lewis anyway?

“Old enough to be doing that,” Jase says next to me. I
jump out of my staring stupor and look up into his wicked grin.

“Are you old enough to do that?” I blurt out.
Stupid,
stupid Mia, he has probably done that and more. You are probably one of few
girls your age with such little experience
, Dark snarls in my brain. Heat
rises in my cheeks and warms my ears. What is Jase supposed to think of me
staring at his friend making out?

“Come on, let's get some ‘air’,” Jase chuckles while
quoting with his fingers. I follow him outside where he closes the back door
and leans against it. Blocking it to anyone who wants to come outside. I can
see the party going on inside when I look through the window. For a moment, I
feel like an outsider watching in on my own life. How much has it changed since
Jase walked into it?

Jase clears his throat and hands me the smoke.

“I haven't seen you smoke once since you got here two
hours ago,” he says.

“Mom doesn't know I smoke. I prefer it that way. One less
disappointment,” I say, shrugging my shoulders.

He doesn't say anything just watches me while I fill my
lungs with the toxic relief.

“Thanks for the gift,” I say. I want to ask him why he
chose that word, but he has that “I'm untouchable” feel around him again. I
want to push against that bubble, see how much it takes before it pops. How I
got there, I don't know, but soon I'm standing right in front of him staring
into those possessing green eyes. Maybe he willed me over here, maybe I willed
myself. I don't know and I'm not sure I care. I don't want to step away from
him. He takes a deep breath, and his chest rubs against my mine. A tiny tingle
runs from the places of contact to low in my belly. It feels like a nest of
butterflies got loose in there. I'm not sure when I stopped breathing, but by
the time Jase puts his hands on my face and pulls me closer, I feel dizzy.

He brushes his lips against mine so softly that I squeeze
my eyes closed tightly, praying my hands don't reach out and pull him closer.
My fingers twitch, and the cigarette falls to the ground. I open my eyes and
take a shallow breath before I look up into his face. He pulls me to him
harder, and I grab onto his hips to steady myself. My fingers touch the small
piece of exposed skin between his jeans and hoodie. It’s soft and warm, and I
can't help it, I inch my fingers higher up under the clothing until all my
fingers and my palm rest against him. I'm not sure, but I think I sigh against
his mouth. He just feels so good. I move my other hand under his hoodie as
well, my greedy little hands unable to resist another touch. I run both hands up
and down his back. I'm so caught up in the feel of his skin under my hands I
didn't even notice we stopped kissing until I feel him smile against my lips.

“You like that, Mia,” he states. He keeps telling me what
I like. Not that I can argue about it. He has been spot on everytime. I nod my
head slightly with his forehead still rested against mine. “Let's see if you
like this,” he says before pulling my bottom lip into his mouth and grazing it
with his teeth. My nails curl into his flesh and I whimper. Shit, I whimpered?
I'm going to make a fool of myself. I don't get to dwell on that thought long
before Jase moves his lips against mine from side to side. This is not a kiss;
it’s more him stroking his lips against mine. I don't know, but the way the
snake bite on the side of his lip tickles against my bottom lip feels really
good. He has definitely done this before. Jase lowers his hands from my face
down to my hips. I don't move my hands from his back, his skin feels too good
against mine, and he just smiles at me. When his hands settle on my hips, I
hope he’ll pull me closer, but instead he nudges me back a step and I drop my
hands.

“We better get back inside. I don't want your mom to get
the wrong idea,” he says.

Rejection is hard and fierce, and I feel like a silly girl
for hanging onto him like that. But he grabs my hand, smiles at me, and pulls
me through the back door, back to the people laughing and dancing inside. I
feel shy as we walk through the crowd of happy people, and although nobody is
really looking at us, I feel like everybody knows I was just drooling over
touching Jase. My hands tingle, and the fingers on my free hand twitch with the
memory of his warm skin.

Aiden and Jenna walk up to us smiling before Aiden sticks
his hand out to Jase. He reaches for it with his free hand, and inside, Sanity
is giving a little victory dance that he didn't let go of my hand.

“Thanks for inviting me. I had a good time,” Aiden says
before shaking Jase’s hand and smiling at me.

“Me too,” Jenna says before giving Jase a one-armed hug. I
don't know if that's because Jase is still holding my hand or because Aiden’s
arm over her shoulder is keeping her back. We say our goodbyes and walk over to
Mom and Alec. Both sets of eyes land on our entwined hands, but neither says
anything. Mom tells me that Alec is giving her a ride home, but she doesn't ask
if I want to come with. I wonder if she's feeling in the way. I assure her
she's more than welcome to stay, but she just shakes her head and hugs me
before leaving with Alec.

The rest of the night feels like a dream. I find out that
Jase doesn't dance; well neither do I but I do it anyway. Lewis definitely does
dance, and he rubs up against my back shamelessly. I laugh and push him away,
but he just keeps coming back, so I decide to just ignore him since he doesn't
listen anyway. While I'm shuffling from foot to foot with Lewis grinding
against me, my eyes land on James and Jase sitting on a couch watching us. Jase
is frowning and James is looking straight at me. I lift my shoulder in an
I-don't-know gesture, and a smile lights his face before he nudges Jase with
his shoulder and nods his head in my direction. Jase gives me a quizzical look
before he strides towards us. He looks like a predator stalking his prey, but
Lewis doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he seems to like the reaction Jase
has.

“She isn’t a damn magic lamp. There isn’t a genie going to
pop out the harder you rub,” Jase growls in his face.

Lewis chuckles and winks at me before walking over to join
James on the couch. Jase hands me the beer he is holding, and I take a big
gulp. The first sip out of a freshly-opened beer is always the best. I smile
and hand the beer back to him.

“Smoke break?” I ask him, looking at the back door. Would
I get to touch him again if he agrees? 

“Sure, come on,” Jase says before leading me by the hand
to the back door. The air outside is cool and refreshing compared to the stuffy
inside of the parlor. It really isn't meant for so many people at once. Jase
lights the smokes and gives me one. He sits down on the bench at the table, and
I sit next to him, trying not to stare at his face, which is illuminated by the
light streaming through the window. Sitting here in this light makes him look
like an angel, a dangerous angel. A fallen angel? Something like that, my words
don't make sense to me anymore. This guy messes with my equilibrium. Soon I’ll
be spewing love poems and breaking into song. I'm sure he could bring any woman
to her knees. I sigh loudly, thinking of how much competition I would have if I
should ever get Jase.

“What's that for? Am I boring you?” Jase chuckles next to
me.

“Uh, sorry, what?” My stupid response just makes him laugh
louder. Only I will space out into fantasy when I have real life next to me.
The curse of an overactive imagination.

“I'm sorry, I'm just tired,” I lie. It’s a stupid lie
because now he will think I want to go home. I don't want to go home. I want to
stay here with him. What will happen if I leave? Which one of these girls will
grind up against him?
Stop it, Mia. Jase doesn't belong to you. He can do
what he wants
. Dark is a bitch, I hate her.

“Do you want to go home?” he asks short and sharp. I look
up, searching his face. He looks upset. Is he upset because he thinks I want to
go home, or is he upset because he knows I lied? I can't just say, “Hey Jase,
guess what. I've been daydreaming and thinking about you all day.” I blush and
look up at him again. He shakes his head laughing. He taps a long finger
against my forehead. “Would love to know what goes on in here. Come on, I'm
pretty beat myself. I’ll take you home,” he says. Jase pulls me around to
everybody, saying goodnight. When we get to Lewis, he pulls me tightly against
him and grabs my ass in both hands. I shriek like a banshee and push him off
me, but Lewis just laughs it off. Jase doesn't look happy, so I keep quiet, not
wanting to make it any worse. Maybe Lewis is drunk? I hug James, Alec, and
Livvy without Jase saying a word. We silently walk to the same rinky-dink truck
they drive to school in. He opens the door and helps me in without a word. The
entire drive to my house, Jase looks straight ahead. What the fuck? When we
pull up to my driveway I've had enough.

“What is your damn problem? Why am I getting the silent
treatment?” I demand.

He looks at me and I flinch. I actually flinch just from a
stare. I straighten my back and stare right back at him.

“Do you like Lewis touching you? I won't share,” he
says.

I open my mouth, my brain isn't working. Is Jase such an
idiot?

“You’re an idiot,” I spit out. Shit, that's not what I
wanted to say.

“Better an idiot than a whore,” he spits back at me.

His words sting like a bitch. The same words I hear every
day at school. Before I can think, I slap him. I slap him as hard as I can, but
he just sits there and then he smiles.

“Get out,” he says still smirking at me. I swear this man
is evil. Even his voice spreads tingles down my back. Either that or he
practices evil faces and sounds in front of the mirror. I sit there dumbfounded
before remembering he kicked me out. Fine, screw him. I open the door and slam
it behind me. He doesn't matter. But then why does it hurt so much? Why is my
damn face covered in slobbery wet tears?

I unlock the front door. The kitchen light is still on.
Life is messed up. When you have a shitty day, there’s always someone willing
to make it shittier. He is sitting at the kitchen table. A bottle of brandy
stands in front of him. No glass. He’s drinking it straight from the bottle.
Mom is sitting across from him. Still wearing her clothes from the party. She
doesn’t look up at me. She knows better than that. I know better than that. You
don’t grow up in a house with the bogeyman and not learn a few tricks. He walks
over to me. His eyes are bloodshot.

“I’m not good enough for your party?” he asks with malice
in his voice. The alcohol on his breath stings my nose. I don’t answer and keep
my eyes on the floor.

“I asked you a fucking question. Am I not good enough for
your party?” he yells.

He grabs my face, and I feel his nails tearing into my
skin. I focus my eyes on his cheek. Angry at myself that tears fill my eyes. I
am afraid of him. For ten years this man has terrorized my mom, but he has
never touched me. He hit Kyle once. There’s only so much a thirteen-year-old boy
can do. As Kyle got older and stronger, he tried again, but Kyle at sixteen
wasn’t Kyle at thirteen. The beatings stopped; he still yelled and swore at her
though. Mom smiled more, but now Kyle is gone. Money is tight and he is angry.
I breathe hard through my nose. I can’t help it. Fear squeezes my chest like a
giant snake threatening to strangle me to death. THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, my heart
beats wildly. I lift my eyes to his. He slaps me hard across the face. My teeth
tear into my bottom lip. I don’t wipe the blood off. I let it run down my chin.
But in my mind, I’m spitting it in his face. Mom starts crying at the table. I
wish I could tell her stop. She will only make him angrier. As if he can read
my mind, he walks over to her and grabs her by the hair.