Guard My Heart (15 page)

“Do you see what you bitches do to me? You make me crazy.
Bunch of whores,” he yells. He pushes Mom to stand next to me. I feel like we
are in a line up, and I wonder if tonight is the night he finally kills us.

“Please, stop this, please?” Mom pleads with him. He slaps
her and she cowers to the floor.

“Stop it, stop it, stop it!” I scream until my voice
breaks. Maybe I’ve finally gone insane. I don’t know, but I charge him just as
Jase bursts into the kitchen like a friggin’ knight in shining armor.

Jase and he are a tangled mess of limbs and blood. Jase
keeps pulling his arm back and lands punch after punch. They roll around on the
floor like men possessed, each fighting for the upper hand. I don’t know who
called the cops, but I’m sure if they hadn’t shown up, the coroner would’ve
removed my stepdad in a body bag.

I grab a throw off the couch and drape it over Mom’s
shoulders, the coffee I made her long cold in her shivering hands. The cops
took our statement and took him away in cuffs. Tomorrow Mom is getting a
restraining order, and this time he isn’t coming back. She will find a way to
look after us. Jase sits on the couch, not saying a word. I don’t know why he
didn’t leave with the cops. I don’t know why he showed up when he did. But I
want to thank him. He looks scary and dangerous and sexy as sin with his shirt
torn and his abs exposed. He catches me looking and nods his head to the
door.

“Goodnight, Mrs. Andrews,” he says, but Mom doesn’t
respond.

I follow Jase to our front door. Instead of leaving, he
sits down on the stairs and pats the spot next to him. I sit down and wait.

“My mom was sixteen when she got knocked up. My dad was a
punk teenager just looking for a good time. Needless to say, my mom didn’t love
me very much for ruining her life by showing up ten years ahead of her
schedule. She dropped out of school and followed my dad to fuck knows where.
She just packed her bags and left the house. She was staying with her parents
at the time. Grams was happy to take me.”

“Three years later, they show up. They’d cleaned their act
up and got an apartment not too far from where my grandparents were staying.
First Gramps didn’t want to let me go, and my parents got to see me on the
weekends. It was good for a while. I was so fucking happy that my parents
wanted me again. But they got restless. They wanted to play house. Be a real
family. So they got into a fight with my grandparents, and my mom just takes
all my stuff and loads it into the car. I didn’t see my grandparents for a long
time.”

“Everytime I asked if I could see them, they would say,
‘next weekend.’ It was always next week. Okay, long story short, so time goes by
and my dad starts acting weird. I think he was doing drugs. My mom, young and
stupid as she was, joined in the fun, and soon I was back to being shipped off
to my grandparents on weekends. Sometimes weeks would go by without them
fetching me. The year after I started school, the beatings started. He would
beat my mom for everything that went wrong. The car had a flat—it was her
fault. The milk was sour—it was her fault. There’s no money—it was her fault.
You get the picture.”

“I was so angry at him for hurting her. I was too young to
do anything, so I would fight and get into trouble at school. The principal
always phoned my grandpa when I had a fight. But one day they phoned my dad. I
saw a boy teasing a girl on the playground. He was pulling her hair. She was
crying, begging him to give back her hair clips. He just kept waving it in
front of her face and yanking it out of reach before she could grab it. I
tackled him from behind and knocked his front tooth out in the process. So the
principal’s assistant phones my dad at work and tells him I got into a fight
and the parents of the kid wants us to pay for the dental bill.”

“He picked me up from school and didn’t say a word to me.
When we walked through the door of the house, he started taking off his belt. I
can still remember the snap of the leather as it pulled free from the loops.
Mom came into the lounge and asked him what he was doing. He started yelling
about how we cost him money and how I'm no good. He told me to bend over the
couch and I did. When the first hit fell, I swore I wouldn’t cry. By the third
hit, my skin was on fire. Mom started yelling at him and pulled him away from
me. He turned on her and punched her until she stopped breathing.”

“He killed my mom, Mia. Because I was a snotty kid with a
temper. He beat her until there was no more fight left inside of her. I'm
telling you this because that could be your mom. You need to make sure she
stays away from him. I’m telling you this, so you can stay away from me. I’m no
good, Mia. I’m a messed up guy with a bad temper, and the road you’ve walked
doesn’t need assholes like me paving the way.”

I wipe the tears from my eyes and stare at Jase. I
understand his story. I killed my brother, didn’t I? Jase doesn’t know how
messed up inside I am. He doesn’t know that I have nightmares about how Kyle
died. Of how I wish I told my twin not to jump! Jase doesn’t know that I hurt
myself because the physical pain is easier to handle than the emotional scars
covering my heart. I’m plagued by death and destruction. My therapist said I
look at life through the eyes of death. I call bullshit. I look at life through
the eyes of life. Because life is much harder than death. In life I wish I die
every day.

WALK AWAY

Maybe I’m here, maybe I’m not.

Suppose I’ll make it, suppose I’ll let it
rot.

I turn my back, I’m standing proud.

Even when I’m alone, you are always
around.

Open your eyes, take a glimpse at my
soul.

There’s a piece of your shadow making me
whole.

In my darkness you shine on bright.

My beacon, my haven, my guiding light.

Until the time you turned it around.

You were gone, nowhere to be found.

I’m left screaming but you don’t hear

This hole of sadness filled with another
tear.

I don't know what his problem is, but Jase hasn't spoken
to me since my birthday. That was two days ago. Lewis and James seem to be okay
with me, more than okay actually. Lewis is still flirting like crazy, and I'm
not sure if it’s because he likes me or if he just likes pissing his cousin
off. I don't care because obviously Jase is ignoring me, and if that's how he
wants to be, then fine. I'm not losing two new friends because of him. At the
parlor, it’s even worse. He’s done five tattoos since he started, and tonight
is his sixth. A blue-haired pixie is bouncing up and down on his table, telling
him about the flower design she wants done down low on her belly. He has that
wicked grin on his face like he knows I'm watching them or something.

“If the clock strikes twelve, you’re stuck with the frown
forever. And you are wrinkling your face” Livvy says from my side.

I smooth my face immediately and smile at her.

“Whatever this game is you guys are playing, give it up.
This shit is childish. You don't want Lewis, and Jase doesn't want her,” she
says looking at me sternly.

“I don't know what you mean,” I lie again. I'm becoming a
damn good liar. I look back over to Jase, and pixie girl has her shirt up and
her jeans unbuttoned. If lust had a look, the damn cow is oozing it right now.
Jase isn't helping it either. He just keeps grinning at her as he traces the
spot where her tattoo is to be done. Pixie bitch moans as he runs his finger
around her navel, and her eyes flutter close. My eyes snap up when the bell
jingles announcing a new arrival. James and Lewis stride in, but Lewis pauses
at the station where Jase and his client are getting dangerously close to
public indecency. He looks at Jase then scowls before flipping it into a
dazzling smile when he looks at me. My stomach drops. This isn't good. That
look, that is the look that combusts panties. Just not mine ’cause even with
Lewis stalking towards me, I only have eyes for my lost bad boy.
A boy who
is touching someone else while you are in the same room and doesn't give a
shit
, Dark spits in my mind.

“Hi Mia, what's up with that?” Lewis asks while snaking
his arms around me.

I shrug my shoulders and look up to Lewis. His eyes are
dark and blue and smoldering hot. He runs his tongue over his bottom lip and
exhales lightly over my mouth.
Don't kiss him, Mia
, Sanity pleads.
He
won't kiss me!
I yell back to my subconscious, but then I feel his breath
on my mouth, and I actually part my lips and my eyes flutter closed.

A hard hand lands on my shoulder and spins me around.

“Don't!” Jase yells in my face. I’ve had it with this
asshole!

“Don't what, Jase? Kiss someone who wants to kiss me? Why?
You've been stare-fucking pixie over there for the last half hour. And you said
I should stay away from you!” I shout at him. I'm breathing hard and loud, and
I want to punch him. Lewis claps his hands together once, then winks at me and
walks away.

“Stare-fucking?” Jase laughs harshly before going back to
his client and leaving me angry and confused. I grab my bag and run out of the
parlor. Screw Jase and his issues! As I'm stomping home, Lewis pulls up next to
me in the rinky-dink truck.

“Hey little lady, need a ride?” he teases through the
window.

Despite my sour mood, a smile creeps on my face. I shake
my head in his direction and continue walking.

“Let me give you a ride. It’s not safe walking alone in
the dark,” he calls through the window.

The smirk on his face tells me he is probably the most
dangerous creature out here right now. Sanity is screaming
no
, letting
me know just how much she disapproves, but right now, I'm more inclined to
listen to Dark but she's surprisingly quiet. I open the door and hop into the
passenger side. As soon as my ass hits the seat, I chicken out. I should’ve
just walked, but then Lewis knocks the breath out of me.

“Jase likes you, Mia. He has a fucked up way of showing
it, but he does,” Lewis says.

“Huh.” Yup, I'm back to malfunction again. Lewis smiles
brightly, flashing rows of white teeth and some slightly crooked bottom ones
that just add to his darn cuteness.

“He has been burnt a lot, and I think you throw him off
balance. I would punch him, but I think that wouldn't mean much to him. Seeing
him squirm when he thinks I'm going to snatch you away is much more fun,” Lewis
says, laughing at himself.

There's a twinkle in his eye that makes me believe him. He
cares for Jase, and it warms my heart knowing he has someone looking out for
him. I ask the question plaguing my mind.

“So you don't want to sleep with me?” I ask, blushing at
my own forwardness.

Lewis laughs deep and throaty before the chuckles die
suddenly.

“Trust me, Mia, the last thing I want to do with you is
sleep. But Jase deserves this,” he says seriously.

I stare at him stunned. He just admitted he wants to have
sex with me but he won't because his cousin likes me. I realize I'm fine with
that. Lewis doesn't give me the butterflies-doing-kung-fu-in-my-belly feeling.
Jase does, but he also gives me the orangutan-playing-bongos-in-my-head
feeling. That damn man is just confusing. As if Lewis reads my mind, he plants
his hand on my thigh and squeezes.

“He'll come around, just hang in there.”

Lewis drops me off in front of my house, and when I get to
the front door, I turn and look at him. He just sits there smiling at me. How
did I get such awesome friends all of a sudden?

Candy sticks and pink piggy wigs,

Life playing silly mind tricks.

You said we could be friends,

This is where my life ends.

Lollipops and purple cuddly socks,

To you I give my heart in a box.

Wrapped in silver, wrapped in gold,

In your hand it will never grow old.

I have one last test standing between me and freedom. Jase
still isn’t talking to me, and I can’t study for shit after Lewis told me Jase
likes me. Today I'm writing my English literature exam, and Jase is sitting on
my left, finding his empty desk way too interesting. Stuff it, if he is too
proud to do it, I will. Lewis did say he likes me, and he knows Jase better
than I do.

“Good luck, Jase,” I whisper, leaning to his side. His
eyes meet mine briefly. Then a small smile tugs at his lips.

“Good luck, Mia. I hope DS makes you proud,” he says. I
blink, surprised that he knows the name of my twisted and self-righteous
conscious, but then I remember myself, and I smile back just as Miss Hatwick
sets my paper down.

The test is simple and straight forward, and it takes me
an hour and fifteen minutes to finish. When I get up to hand in my paper, Jase
is still bent over his. I smile at Miss Hatwick as she takes my paper, and then
I make my way outside. I'm done for the day, and I can't decide if I want to go
to the parlor or sit outside for a while. I know part of the reason I'm so
indecisive is sitting inside finishing his test. I decide to sit down against
the big tree in front of the old grey building. I pop my earphones in and play
my favorite song.

That's how Jase finds me. My head leaned back against the
trunk, soaking up the sun and listening to music. He kicks lightly against my
shoe, and I look up at him. I knew it was him before I even saw him. The wind
announced his arrival as soon as he was close enough. I could point Jase out
even if I was blindfolded. Peppermint, cigarette smoke, and bad boy.

“So I was thinking…” he says while sitting down next to
me.

“Is that a good thing right now? Haven't you done enough
thinking the last two hours?” I ask jokingly.

“Yeah, smart ass, it is. I'm using my last two brain cells
trying to have this conversation with you.” He nudges me lightly in the ribs
and I giggle.

“Anyway, I think we should be friends.”

One sentence that changes my life forever
…