Guard My Heart (13 page)

By the time I reach Lou’s, my breathing has evened out and
I'm in more control of myself. He buzzes me in when he sees it’s me at the
door. He is a friendly old man with round little glasses and a bald head.

“Hi Mia, happy birthday!”He smiles at me. I'm at the right
place. This is where Mom came. She always comes here when we are in a
pinch.

“Hi Lou, thanks. It’s been an interesting one. Did Mom
bring her ring here?” No need to beat around the bush.

“You always were too clever for your own good. She meant
well, Mia, she didn't sell it. She will fetch it when things look up. I can't
ever sell that ring, you know that,” he pacifies me gently while pulling a
small book closer. How this old man stays in business with such a good heart I
don't know.

“I just need to know how much, Lou, so I can make sure she
gets it back,” I say, looking at the little book on the counter. He pushes the
book toward me and flips through the pages before pointing to Mom’s signature
at the bottom of the page. I nod and smile at him. He presses the button
underneath his desk and buzzes me out.

Now where do I go? I don't want to go back to school, my
class is almost finished. And I don't want to go back to the tattoo parlor,
even though I should if I want to help Mom pay Lou back. Alec pays me a couple
bucks every week to help clean up at night. Other than that, I make coffee or
hand out pamphlets or, if I’m lucky, suggest designs to some of the people who
come in. It’s a pity job but one I enjoy, so I don't complain. I'm learning
while working, and maybe someday I’ll do a tattoo myself. All of these things
that I’m not doing right now. No work no pay.

I don't know how I got here, but I find myself standing at
the church where my brother’s memorial stone is set. No grave, just a marble
stone with his name on it. You can’t bury someone if you don’t have a body. I
should’ve brought flowers, but then how do you bring the brother you killed
flowers? Instead, I place a kiss on the marble stone with his name on.

“I love you, Kyle.” I whisper with my head pressed against
the stone. I miss Kyle so much. Every day I think of ways I could’ve stopped
that jump.

Hanging out with Mom sounds like a good idea. I walk
through the house to the kitchen. Mom has the radio on. She really is in a good
mood today.

“Hi.” She greets me cheerily with a big smile on her face.
I start to smile back until my eyes fall on Jase sitting at the table drinking
coffee. What is he doing here? Did he tell Mom what happened this afternoon?
No, she wouldn't be smiling like that at me if he did.

“What are you doing here?” I say, sounding as
well-mannered as a bull. 

“Mia, that’s awfully rude!” Mom says sternly.

I look between her and Jase. He has his hoodie down, and
his face is a smiley, happy mess. I fight the urge to smother it in kisses
while smashing it in repeatedly.

“Uh, sorry, you didn't say you were coming over. I'm
surprised is all,” I explain.

“All good, Mia. I just came over to invite your mom to
your little party at the parlor tonight,” Jase says.

God, that little grin is super cute. Mom claps her hands
like a damn teenager. I half expect her to squeal, but she just looks at me,
waiting for me to confirm that it’s okay if she comes. I smile at her, and the
smile she's sporting on her face threatens to wrap around her face.

“That's done then. Thank you, Mrs. Andrews,” Jase says
while standing and walking over to me. I can't help but wonder what he said to
Mom. That thought makes me so nervous my tummy starts churning. Jase doesn't say
anything else as Mom confirms that we will see him later. He just takes my hand
and leads me outside where he stands leaning against the closed front door.

“What?” I ask him.

He just stares at me until I feel the heat rise on the
back of my neck. I pull my sleeves over my hands and look down at our feet. My
new boots are a few inches away from his old sneakers.

“Do you need a ride to the parlor?” I shake my head no. My
pride won’t let me. We can walk. This guy is so damn moody I don't want him
anywhere near my mom.

“See you at five,” is all he says before I'm once again
staring at his back, feeling confused. This guy has moods tenfold, each one of
them causing whiplash that rivals the worst rollercoaster.

I sigh loudly when I enter the house. Time to face the
music. Mom is still in the kitchen when I go back inside. A fresh cup of coffee
waits for me at the table. I sit down at my usual spot and sip my coffee,
waiting for Mom to say something. It’s quiet for a long time, but I know she
wants to speak. I can see it brewing in her eyes.

“He seems nice. A bit intense for such a young man, but
nice. He says you guys go to school together? You haven't had any new friends
in a while,” she says finally. Mentally, I'm sighing myself into the floor even
though I knew these questions were coming. I knew it the second he left me
standing at the front door. The thought makes me scowl. He is always walking
away from me. I shake that thought off and answer Mom as calmly as possible.

“He’s new. I don't know much about him. We are at school
together, and he just started working at the parlor. That's about it, Mom.
Sorry,” I say.

Shit, I really know nothing about Jase. Then why in the
hell did he come here? Why is he still having a party for me?

***

Mom is still humming under her breath as we walk the
couple of blocks to the parlor. I have my hoodie on, and Mom is wearing her
nicest and only coat. It’s not cold, but there's a slight chill in the air. Mom
grabs my hand and I look up at her. She's smiling big and bright. I look over at
the parlor to see what she is smiling at. There is a big banner hanging in the
front window saying “HAPPY BDAY, MIA” with about a dozen brightly colored
balloons. I shake my head and pull her across the street. She squeezes my hand
a little before I reach for the door to open it, but Jase beats me to it and
holds it open for us. They greet each other, and I follow Mom when she walks
past him. I almost want to hold my breath when I pass him, but instead my body
betrays me, and I take a big whiff through my nose. He really does smell too
damn good.

“You like that, Mia?” he whispers close to my ear. The
warm breath tickling my cheek smells like mint gum and cigarettes.

“Huh?” I pretend to be confused and not know what he’s
asking me. I squint up at him. Jase flashes me a wink before walking away. I
take Mom over to Alec and thank him for the balloons that are not only hanging
outside but inside as well.

“Wasn’t me. Was Jase,” Alec says while tipping the beer
he’s holding in Jase’s direction. He is talking to some people I don’t know.
That guy really is a jigsaw puzzle. I thought the party was off after the fight
we had this afternoon, but then I get home and there he is inviting Mom to the
party he organized. Then he gets me balloons and a banner? What am I supposed
to think of that? Mom and I listen to Alec and Livvy chat to Aiden about his
recent tattoo. I've gotten a handful of friends in the last few days. All of
them scattered around the room. There are also some people I don’t recognize
here tonight. I search the room with my eyes, stopping on all my new
friends:

1. Jase—dark and moody, angel and demon, exotic beauty and
lost little boy.

2. Lewis—now this one I'm not sure of, he teases too much.

3. James—sexy but sweet, little charmer.

4 Aiden—sun god, damn, he has great skin, all bronzed and
tanned.

My mental giggle is interrupted when Jase walks over with
Jenna.

“Happy birthday, Mia,” Jenna says, smiling wide before
stuffing a big box into my arms. I smile through the shocked haze in my head
and see Jase introduce her to everybody else in our small circle. She hugs Mom
before Jase pushes her forward to Lewis, who as usual is flirting his ass off.
I can't seem to take my eyes off Jase’s hand on Jenna’s lower back; it’s just
high enough to look intimate but not low enough to suggest anything. Inside,
I'm throwing a vicious hissy fit, probably stomping my foot right through the
hardwood floor. Why else would Jenna be here…if she wasn't here with Jase? That
thought makes Dark spit fire, and I can already hear the words forming in my
head:
unworthy, not pretty enough, dull, boring
. Oh, I’m sure Dark can
make a pretty breaking poem with that, but I’m not listening to a demoralizing
shitstorm right now. I shake my head hard and squeeze my eyes shut. Fuck Dark,
she doesn't get to ruin my night. Damn it, I need a smoke! But I can't smoke
now. Mom doesn't know about my little habit, and I'd like to keep it that way.

I'm so lost inside my own skull I don't see Lewis come up
to me until he has me flung over his shoulder. I squeak like a mouse caught in
a trap before my mind tells me I should probably clock him one. Then I hear the
chanting and look around at the smiling faces surrounding me. My eyes stop on
the one face that also stops my heart, reverses my lungs, and turns my knees to
mush. If Lewis puts me down now, I’ll surely land on my ass. Jase doesn't stop
smiling, not even when Lewis drops me so close to him I lose my balance and
grab onto his shoulders. His arms circle lazily around my waist, and he holds
me steady. God, I could stare into his eyes forever. The look in his eyes makes
me want to believe he feels the same. That he can stay right here and just
stare at me. Then his eyes shift to the right, and I drop my arms to my side.
He is probably wondering what Jenna would think of all this.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…” he sings.
His voice is rich and smooth and completed by rugged edges. The sound reminds
me of melted chocolate over peppermint candy. Smooth and delicious with some
crunchy bits in-between. I look at Jase with what I'm sure is the most hideous,
enormous smile before I cover my red face with my hands.

Livvy places the small pink and black cake onto the table
next to me. At least it only has one candle on it. Nineteen would’ve required
way to much air to blow out. When everyone joins Jase in the song, I swear the
sound is so loud the roof rattles.

My head jerks up when Lewis belts out, “You look like a
stripper, and I wish you’d act like one too.”

I laugh even harder. My tummy hurts and tears spring to my
eyes. I wipe my eyes with my sleeves. I try to take deep breaths to blow out
the candle, but I just start laughing again.

“Blow out your candle, Mia, and make a wish,” Jase says
next to me. My body instinctively turns to the owner of that voice. It’s like
an invisible rubber band snaps my body to his. I didn't know he was standing
this close to me, and I find myself nose to chin with Jase. A soft chuckle
escapes his lips, and he takes a step back to look at me.

“Make a wish,” he says again, nodding his chin toward the
cake. I take a step forward and close my eyes. I wish for the same thing I
wished this morning. I wish for Jase. I smile and blow out the candle before
looking at everybody clapping around me.

“Here,” Jase says, stuffing a piece of paper into my palm.
I smile up at him before focusing on unfolding it. Drawn onto the white page in
what I swear must be the damn sexiest handwriting I've ever seen is the one
word:

BELIEVE

Just the one word, nothing else. I look up at Jase
confused, but he just stares back at me, his face giving nothing away. I fold
the page, and put it in my skirt pocket.

“Um…I have to go check on Mom,” I mumble to escape his
intense stare. I find her chatting to Alec, sipping coffee and eating cake. I
walk up to them and steal the piece she's just broken off with her fork.

“Mmm, it’s good,” I say, looking at her and Alec.

“Livvy made it,” Alec mumbles with his mouth
full.

“No shit!” I say, laughing before remembering Mom is
sitting in front of me. I apologize quickly and sit down next to her. They pick
up their conversation, and then I wish I hadn't come over. They are talking
about Kyle. Eleven months has not been long enough for me to get over my
brother’s death. It brings a cloud of darkness over my thoughts, and a big ball
of sorrow sticks in my throat. I stand up and smile at Mom and Alec.

“I'm going to get something to drink. Anybody need
anything?” I ask.

Alec and Mom shake their heads together, but Mom’s eyes
linger on my face a moment too long, like she’s looking for a sign that I’m not
okay. I turn and walk away before she sees my bluff. I pass Aiden and Jenna
chatting closely together on the couch. If she hurts Jase, I will snitch on her
ass! I have to find Lewis or Jase or anybody with a damn smoke before Mom looks
for me. Jenna sees me looking around the room and waves me over. I smile and
relax my impatient lungs with a deep breath.

“Hi Mia, how are you enjoying your party so far?” she
asks, smiling brightly at me. I can’t help but notice how close she and Aiden
are sitting next to each other. I narrow my eyes on the tiny space left between
them. She sees my reaction and moves closer to Aiden and pats the space on the
arm rest. I take a seat and answer her as politely as possible.

“Its fine, thanks. Are you guys having a good time?”