Healing my Heart: Book 2 - My Heart Series (14 page)

It was a fun place filled with excitement and laughter.

After he left...

It became my place of refuge. Up high it felt like no one could touch me, see me or hear the beating of my rapid heart, feeling anxious of the big wide world.

Today it gave me the same safe feeling...

Away from the world that now seems so scary, the world I once loved, welcomed and enjoyed so much. The world in which Kade
’s warm embrace enlightened my soul and set fire to every ounce of my heart.

Now the dullness is creeping back, circling me like a shark in the water, a predator waiting to strike...

Dylan has been my savour in my heartache, and yet now he has shown me his true colours, ones that are black and dark. He has become my worst nightmare that won’t let me wake up, and I feel so alone and trapped.

I take some deep breaths and head back inside feeling much more confident after sheading the weight he has created on my shoulders.

Mum has skilfully dished out our dinner, chicken schnitzel and vegies with extra gravy just the way I like it, and she even went to the trouble of making banana bread for desert. Phil has been told it’s over with Dylan and mum told him she would fill him in later about the rest of my updates.

Phil makes small talk about his work, I ask him about his kids and general conversation.

“Amazing dinner as always mum,” I admit to her as I take my last bite of chicken, then wash it down with ice-cold water.

“
Jeremy seems happy with Seline,” I remark to mum and Phil and I can see from their smiles they agree with my comment. He deserves happiness after all his negativity.

“
I couldn’t agree more Roxy. She is a lovely girl, let’s hope it lasts,” mum tells me winking.

“
Okay, well I need to head off guys,” I tell them both at around eight as I stand to grab my jacket and handbag.

Following me to the door mum grabs my hand. 
“Please call me or message me Rox so I know it all went okay. Promise me,” she pleads with me looking concerned.

“
Yes, I promise. Jemma and Dan will be there so I’m not worried,” I tell her and hope she can’t see through my lies. I am feeling sick to my stomach about Dylan’s reaction.

“
Bye Roxy, I love you,” mum tells me squeezing me tight.

“
Love you too mum, bye,” I say.

Phil waves from the lounge.
“Bye Roxy, take care darl,” he tells me looking a little unsure of the overly affectionate exchange and words between mum and I.

On the drive home to the apartment I feel shaky and start to tremble. I pull over the car and grip the steering wheel as I would a stress ball.

“You can do this Roxy, and then it’s over forever,” I say out loud to myself, somehow thinking by saying it out loud it is the truth.

I close my eyes and picture my happy place. It
’s the lake house, the view of the rippling water, hot sun beaming down on my skin, the smell of the salt from the beach down the road, and Kade is there, smiling at me, the warm vibrant smile that stretches my heart to a fullness I never thought was possible.

Breathing in and out, I feel much calmer. I continue the drive to face the music.

It’s time for the feisty Roxy to come to the party…

Parking my car I climb out of my blue beast, and meander into the building. It is so dark, pitch black apart from a couple of ceiling lights and I can
’t say I’ve ever noticed the eeriness before, but then again I’ve never been scared of someone either.

I quicken my pace to our apartment and speedily unlock it with my key and race inside, feeling like I
’m being watched or followed. Locking it hastily.

Jemma comes out of her room.
“Hey Rox, you okay?” she asks me concerned.

“
Just being silly and on edge,” I say to her and shake my head at my childish thoughts. I turn to check the time on our silver wall clock. Eight twenty five, five minutes to go.

“
Give me a hug for good luck Jem,” I say to her and almost dive into her inviting arms.

“
It will be fine, if not Dan is here and we will be one second away. Or do you want me to stay here with you?” she interrogates me gauging my response.

Feeling tempted to say yes, I figure I owe him the decency to break up with him in private. It would be kind of embarrassing with an onlooker present.

“No, all good but, thank you,” I tell her and spin her around towards her room.

There is a soft tap at the front door, and I
’m guessing it’s the sweet Dylan who has turned up tonight trying to win me back with his softness.

Fuck that, never again!

I give Jemma a small nod to let her know I’m fine so she takes it as a signal and heads into her room but leaves the door ajar.

I open the front door quite shaky, and there he is. I see the blue eyes first, looking darker than usual somewhat sad, bags under his eyes, clothes unironed maybe even unwashed. He is unshaven and honestly I have never seen him look so bad…

Another plan no doubt, for me to feel sorry for the heartbroken guy.

“
Hey Roxy,” he says to me with a shaky voice.

“
Hey Dylan,” I say back not sure what else to say.

“
Thanks for meeting with me. I need to explain a few things Roxy,” he says to me wanting to plead his case no doubt.

“
Look Dylan, I know you’re sorry, it will never happen again, you love me. I’ve heard it all before but this time I am not going to forgive you. This time it went too far,” I state to him before he can give me his bullshit excuses.

“
Roxy, it is all true. I do love you so much, and I am so sorry, more than you can imagine. I saw another guy kiss you, what was I supposed to do?” he argues back to me with desperation in his eyes.

“
It was a just a game. But even before that the refusing to dress up, your constant phone calls, your anger and jealousy issues. I just don’t think our relationship is working,” I boldly retort to him.

“
I knew you would do this. Please give me another chance, you are all I have in the world,” he says looking at me with a deep desperation making me feel tiny and even guilty.

“
You have your family, friends, and your work. You will be fine without me,” I tell him trying to justify myself and reassure him.

“
You have never been fully invested in this relationship Roxy. Don’t try and bullshit me that you have because I know the truth. I can see it in your eyes, you don’t love me. After all that I’ve done for you, all that I’ve bought you and how I treated you like a queen, you ditch me?” Dylan says to me croakily and forlorn, somehow trying to switch the blame onto me.

“
No Dylan, don’t say that. I have been nothing but nice. I have tried and tried and my heart is just not in it. Just give me some space and who knows okay?” I plead with him trying to avoid an explosion and pretty desperate to say anything to get him to agree.

“
I bought this for you, just take it please, think of it as a goodbye present Roxy,” he says handing me a pink box with a white ribbon.
Once again
thinking material items can make it better has always been part of the problem.

“
No I can’t accept it, keep it for your sister or mum or even the new woman that will come into your life,” I say desperately not wanting another thing from him. Ever.

He doesn
’t listen to a word I say and places the box on the table.

“
Okay fine. I don’t have a choice now do I? So I’m gone, you won’t hear from me, you will regret this Roxy. Do you think another guy will treat you like I have? You obviously don’t watch the news, a murder a minute this day and age. Good luck with your life!” Dylan yells loudly to me not giving me eye contact as he turns and shuffles angrily out the front door slamming it shut.

Shit…

I run fast to the door and lock it. I slide down the door onto the floor, breathing a huge sigh of relief. I did it, I really did it. I ended it. I let out another deep breath.

Jemma comes running out.
“It’s over Rox. The Dylan chapter of your life is over hunny. I love you, it will be okay,” she tells me sitting me and hugging me securely.

Freedom finally…

Or is it?

Chapter 14

Dylan

My once normal life had been consumed by darkness and grief after Cassie
’s accident. I finally found the light and happiness once again with Roxy.

But now she has ended things with me, she really said our relationship is over but I know she doesn
’t really mean it. She loves me just like I love her and maybe even more - she just needs to admit it to herself.

I
’ll do whatever it fucking takes. I need her as my light or the darkness will take hold again and this time not let me go.

I have been there many times, too many.

The little white pills work for a while but now that I have Roxy I don’t need them. She is my drug, my addiction, my obsession and I’ll be damned if I’ll let her just walk away.

And besides… who does she think she is? She was once a little hussy, she slept around. I have treated her like a queen. I
’ve stolen for her to buy her beautiful and extravagant gifts.

And what now, she thinks she can just desert me?

And for who?

Not that fucking surfer… I will break his neck.

Roxy is MINE!

Now and always.

No one else can have her. I would kill her before I let someone else have her…

Chapter 15

Surfing is Mind
Over Matter

“
Faster Kade, get your arse moving!” I hear my frustrated coach yelling loudly to me from the sandy shoreline.

I attempt to rapidly increase my strokes, paddle my arms harder and increase my velocity. Speed is the key to surfing, if I can get moving faster, the rest is toast.

But today it is my god damn brain. If it would just shut off already I could smash this session.

Anyway it
’s not like the gorgeous blue eyed blonde woman you are thinking about is even remotely interested in fixing things, the past is the past right.

Judging by the way she took off in the club...

We did share that smouldering moment and simmering passionate touch. Just from that I had an instant hard on and I felt her shiver. The deep intense eye contact keeps tormenting me… Her pastel blue eyes are etched in my mind.

If that is anything to go by then I do believe she
’s feeling the same way as me. But the passion, sex, and hot times we had are they enough?

No.

But the love we shared is…

Fuck
Kade, FOCUS!

As I paddle my arms I splash the cool refreshing water on my face to cease the thoughts in my head. It does the trick, well for now.

Surfing. Hawaii. World title. Do those words ring a bell shit head
? I chuckle to myself.

I thrash the water faster and harder, digging my hands in deeper and I start to imagine the waves and me on my board standing for the ultimate tube.

I see a large wave coming, rolling in along the whitewash. It is calling me so I head toward it as swiftly as my forearms will enable me. They start to burn and my ribs ache but I won’t give up, not ever. Giving up it’s not an option.

I make contact with my agile wave and I use my hands to push into a standing position, knees bent and feet spread.
It’s a nice size, coach better not fucking whine...

I ride the swirl of the wave pivoting left, right with my arms well balanced, hips grooving to the rhythm.

I feel free doing what I love.

I was born to surf, born to ride, born to win.

Feeling happy with my wave, I jump into the inviting ocean, splashing like a playful seal as I enjoying the cold sensation on my skin. I never get sick of the feeling.

I swim to the surface of the water finding my board with my leg rope and I climb up to straddle my beloved surfboard.

I take a moment to stare into the unknown as I push my unruly wet hair off my forehead. I inhale the fresh salt air and my nose tingles.

I smirk to myself as I lay on my front and slowly paddle into shore, my mind is clear and I know now what I need to do.

I won’t give up on her.

I will never give up on Roxy.

Giving up is not an option.