Here For You (27 page)

I hated being mad at my father. He was my rock, but he was totally fucked up. How could he keep this from me? It was like I wanted to know the answer, but I didn’t. Maybe I was mad at myself for never asking about my mother again? I used to ask about her multiple times a day. But that soon turned into weeks, which turned into months, until I finally stopped. I always thought that when I saw her I would yell and maybe even throw shit at her. But now, I wouldn’t have the chance to tell her how much she sucked. Finishing my bowl, I walked over to the sink and placed my dish inside before rinsing it out real quick. Making sure everything was cleaned up, I started to make my way upstairs, but I heard something. Something like an engine. What the hell was someone doing here at my house, at this time?

Making my way to the door, I unlocked it and stepped out. I was only wearing my black shorts with a blue tank top, barefooted, and I was sure my hair looked like a bird’s nest. Coming up my driveway was Grey’s red pickup truck. What the hell was he doing here? Getting out of the truck, he looked at me and smiled. He was dressed in dark blue jeans, white sneakers, and a black t-shirt. His hair had gotten a little longer since the night we’d said our goodbyes. He also had a dark shadow of hair from his sideburns that snaked down his face and into a goatee. His beautiful green eyes were light with the bright sun and his smile was breathtaking, but filled with concern, freezing me in place.

Why was he here?

He finally made his way to me, putting his hands in his pockets. I always thought when I saw him again that I wouldn’t have feelings for him, but for some strange reason I felt like I couldn’t control my breathing, and I couldn’t stop staring at him. It wasn’t like my feelings for James, but something was there.

“Hey,” he said softly. His voice was smooth and silky.

I crossed my arm around my waist, hugging myself. This was so awkward. “Hey.” I didn’t know what else to say. But then I just came out and said it. “What are you doing here?”

When he told me he was going to leave I never expected him to be back here so soon, even for just a visit. I thought it would be years before I saw him around here again, but here he was in the flesh, and something I didn’t expect to think…looking pretty sexy.

He cleared his throat before speaking. “I heard about your father,” he said, looking down.

I swallowed hard. Grey was here when all of this happened, but I never really spoke to him about much, never really went into details. It was something I just wanted to keep hidden in the back of my mind. Looking back, I should’ve told him how I was feeling and about the things that were going on. I doubt it would’ve made a difference to his decision to leave or not, but still, I should’ve. He knew that my dad was sick through our text messages, but I was sure someone had finally told him that my dad was dying.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so forward. You’re graduation is coming up too. I told you I wouldn’t miss it.” He finally looked up to me, biting his lower lip.

I turned around, holding the door open, but he just looked at me with a confused expression. “Aren’t you going to come in?” I smiled at him. I didn’t want to give him any indication that I wanted him in any way. I was happy with James, but I would love for Grey and me to be friends. I didn’t think we left on the greatest terms, I mean, we didn’t end with a fight, but still, it was a pretty weird separation.

He walked into my house and I went straight to the kitchen. I began to pour him a mug of coffee. I knew he liked his coffee black with three sugar cubes. When I turned around he was sitting at the small mahogany table in the middle of the kitchen. I placed the mug in front of him, trying to avoid any eye contact. This was weird as it was, but in this weird way, it felt nice to have someone besides James and Emma here. It was nice to be able to talk to someone I knew about my problems with my father, especially when I’d allowed this person to be in my life at that time.

“So how are things in New York?” I asked. I figured I should start light before getting into the serious stuff.

He took a sip of coffee then leaned back on the chair. “It’s going very well. I have a few clients but it’s like starting new again. You have to prove yourself to everybody. New York is pretty cut throat.” He began to sip his coffee.

The spaghetti strap on my tank top fell down to my shoulder, but I quickly fixed it. Looking at him, he was staring at my bare shoulder. “That’s great. I’m happy things are working out well.” I said fast to distract him from my shoulder. But what I said was true, I was very happy he was doing well. He had worked so hard to do this and for things to be going well was amazing.

“And what about you? How are you doing with everything?” I was hoping to talk more pleasantries, but he had other ideas.

Crossing my legs under the table, I shifted in my chair. “Ummm…well, I’m just trying to take it day by day. Can we just change the subject? I don’t want to talk about that right now.”

I didn’t know how much time passed, but we eventually ended up in the living room where we just talked about so much. To be able to let everything out was such a relief. It was unlike talking to James and Emma. Grey was sort of laid back, unlike what he was like when we were together. I guessed New York changed him. But it was just nice to talk to a friend who had no idea what crap was going on in my life. I didn’t have many friends, but for him to come down because of my graduation and my father, I was deeply touched.

He told me how he had dated a few girls, but he joked that those New York women had no class. I couldn’t help but laugh. He asked about my relationship with James, not surprised that we were together. He always knew we would be together and I thought he would be upset about it, but he wasn’t. He kept everything smooth and tried to lighten up the conversation. I hadn’t laughed this much since I found out my dad was dying. It was something that I needed and I was grateful Grey was here.

We finally talked about my dad and the waterworks began. Crying was like second nature now. I couldn’t talk about my dad without crying. He was everything to me and to know that he was going to be leaving me soon was the hardest thing ever. Then, to pile that on top of learning of my mother’s death, which I didn’t tell Grey about… it had been a lot to deal with. But Grey was just listening to me, rubbing my arm up and down to try and calm me down. I know my dad might be hearing me but I guess he needed to know my feelings also. I spilled the beans about everything and why I was the way I was in the end of our relationship. He blamed himself about not pushing me to talk to him, but I quickly told him it wasn’t his fault. I was closed to everyone, even James, which he was shocked to learn about. All the crying had left me tired, but I didn’t stop talking or crying. And he just sat there, never interrupting me.

Then, all of a sudden, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, pulling me close to him. I didn’t bother to pull away. To be able to have someone comfort me when I was so upset was nice. I leaned into his warm chest, inhaling his fresh clean scent.

“I’m sorry all of this is happening to you, Becca,” he told me with his chin on top of my head. I could hear his heartbeat.
Thump-thump-thump-thump
. Nice and smooth, so relaxed, not nervous or scared. Just regular and calm.

“Thank you for listening to me. And sorry about everything.” I didn’t know what I was apologizing for. I just felt the need to.

He chuckled. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. It’s me who’s sorry.” I felt his lips on the top of my head.

I took it as a friendly gesture. He wasn’t trying to kiss me or touch me in a sexual way. With my ear against his chest, I was beginning to feel sleepy. I heard my phone ring but I didn’t bother to go to the kitchen to retrieve it. The rhythm of Grey’s heart soon put me to sleep.

chapter - 15

james

Fuck. My plans were to get up and drive to Becca’s in the morning so I could get there early and we could spend the day together. But Jim called me, saying we had a meeting. Eddie, the client we were doing the bathroom for, wanted to meet with us this morning to discuss more possible work. And the thing was, he didn’t want to speak to anybody else, only Jim and me. After that, another customer had a problem with an employee so we had to deal with that, resulting in us letting the guy go. I spent forever filling out the paperwork and all that bullshit. Then, Paul’s fucking car needed to get fixed, so I had to scoop him up at his work to bring him home. I tried to call Becca a few times, but she didn’t answer her phone. I didn’t want to be the kind of boyfriend who worried incessantly, but I was starting to feel like that.

Finally, I was fucking home. Quickly, I grabbed my bag that I’d set up last night. I’d be getting there late, but I was sure she’d be happy either way. I needed a few energy drinks to get me there, since my energy was leaving fast. Going into the kitchen, I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. Paul was in his room. As I was about to go to his room I heard my phone ring. This particular ringer had been going off all day and because I didn’t know the number I didn’t bother to answer it. It was starting to drive me nuts.

“Hello,” I reluctantly answered.

It was silent for a few minutes before a familiar voice spoke on the other line. “It’s about damn time you answered your phone. I’ve been trying to call you for forever, James.” It was Juliana.

I hadn’t spoken to her since I called things off after our night of… I don’t even know what it was. But this was not a great time. I was on a time schedule. I needed to leave this house, like, immediately. I was positive that by the time I got to Becca’s she would be sleeping, but I still wanted to get there.

“Look, Juliana, right now is not a good time. I’m headed out,” I explained, opening the door to Paul’s bedroom.

“When is there a good time? And where are you going?” she asked.

“
That
is none of your damn business.” I didn’t want to come off as a jackass but I needed to hurry and go, and reality was, she didn’t need to know where I was going.

Paul sat up in his bed. I pulled the phone from my ear to tell him, “I’m headed out, bro.”

“Okay,” he said, scratching his head. “Be careful, dude, and tell Becca I said congratulations on her graduation.”

I nodded my head as I closed the door behind me. Putting the phone back to my ear, I heard Juliana still talking. “Did you hang up on me? I sure as hell hope not! James?”

“I didn’t hang up on you, but I really have to go.” I was ready to hang the phone up now.

“James, I’m serious, we really do need to talk. Are you going to Becca’s house
again?”
She didn’t need to know what it was that I was doing, or where I was going.

This was ridiculous, but you know what, fuck it. “Yes, Juliana, I am going to Becca’s house, my
girlfriend’s
house. Would you leave me alone? I’ll call you when I get back.” Before she could say anything I hung the phone up on her.

I didn’t need her shit right now. If I didn’t leave this house ASAP I’d never get to where I needed to go. It had been too long and I wanted to see my girl already. Damn, I was sounding like a fucking woman, I mean, what the hell was wrong with me?

Finally, I was on my bike and I let the wind guide me to my destination.

*

Only three and a half hours later and I was here. Speeding was my best friend and it did me well. There were no cops on the road to pull me over, thank fucking God. I quickly stopped at my mom’s house to drop off my bags and walked over to Becca’s. Once I was in front of the house I saw a red pickup truck. A very familiar red pickup truck.
Grey.
What the fuck was he doing here? And in her house? A sudden rage overcame me and I stomped up the ramp.

I didn’t give a fuck how late it was or who would hear me as I banged loud and hard on her front door. I didn’t see any lights on and I couldn’t help but think about what was going on in there. I mean, she’d had sex with him in the past, so it would be like old times. Becca wouldn’t do that, right? Maybe she’d found out about Juliana and was paying me back?

I banged even harder.

I fucking called things off with Juliana. How could this shit be happening? I was about to bang on the door again when I saw a light switch on.

The person who opened the door was not the one I wanted to see. It was Grey and he had been asleep. His hair was messed up a little and he couldn’t stop squinting. He fucking slept here? Once he saw that it was me his eyes widened.

“James.”

Surprise, motherfucker.

My jaw tensed. He looked like he had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. Where the fuck was Becca? I swore if she was naked in this house I would go fucking ape shit.

“Where the fuck is Becca?” I didn’t bother with the pleasantries.

He just looked at me and swallowed hard. I could see the gulp move down his throat. The motherfucker!

“She’s inside.” He opened the door wider so I could go in the house.

I shoved his ass out of the way and ran up the stairs. With my hands on the doorknob, I stopped for a second. I was scared to death of what was behind the doors. But when I opened it there was nobody there. Her bed was empty but the sheets were bunched up.

They probably heard the fucking door and stopped what they were doing.

That’s what took them so fucking long.

I saw red.

Blood red was seeping through my vision. The tunnel wasn’t light anymore; it was black, and rage was overtaking me. I stormed downstairs, stopping right in front of Grey. He looked scared. Like a lost fucking puppy.

I grabbed his neck and slammed him against the door, causing something to shatter on the floor. He shrieked as he tried to grab my arms, tried fighting back. He kicked me a couple of times but I barely felt anything; the adrenaline coursing through my veins was like lava in a volcano on the verge of eruption. His face was becoming red. I knew that soon he wouldn’t be able to breathe.

“JAMES!” I heard Becca’s voice behind me.

becca

The warmth of someone beside me was gone in a split second. But soon, my body felt another fuzzy warmness. I wanted to open my eyes but they were glued shut. I was running in some sort of forest. The trees were all pine, green and huge. I wanted to stop and view my scenery, but I was too concerned with where I was running. Concerned, but I never stopped running. Just then, I heard really loud noises. Rumbling noises like something was nearing me, maybe a herd of animals stampeding toward me.

Fear took over. I didn’t want to die if they were headed toward me. The gentle running from earlier turned into full on sprinting but the noise got closer and closer. Suddenly, someone yelled and something broke. It crashed onto the floor and shattered into a million tiny pieces. I heard another yell.

I left my dream so fast that my head was left spinning in a dizzy pool. I rubbed my temples, trying to sooth the confusion from my dreams, but the sound of my dream lived on. I heard crunching, as though someone was stepping on something. The grunts and noises were coming from down the hall. It sounded like men. Slowly, I got up to inspect the problem. I could have sworn Grey was here, but maybe he’d left. Grabbing the blanket that was wrapped around me, I made my way out of the living room.

The scene before me was carnage. Grey was being choked. His face was turning red as his arms were trying desperately to pry the attacker off of him. He gritted his teeth, trying to hold onto his breath. He was lifted off of the floor by an inch or so and the pressure on his neck was hugely powerful. The person who had him this way had his back to me, but I knew that shirt. It had a bunch of tour dates printed on the back reading ‘Summer Tour 2006’. And his back, the muscles were piercing through, as though any moment he was going to rip from his shirt like the Incredible Hulk.

James.

Oh my goodness. What was he doing? Why is he doing that to Grey?

“JAMES!” I yelled out, but he didn’t seem to hear me. He needed to let go of Grey. “JAMES!” I yelled even louder, this time coercing him to release him.

Grey fell, pooling at James feet, holding onto his throat while gasping for breath. James’ head was lowered, looking down at Grey. His own breathing was just as loud, his broad shoulders moving up and down with every breath he took. I could see the rise and fall of his body and I was scared.

“What’s going on out here?” I heard a soft voice behind me.

I turned around to see my dad leaning against the doorframe of his room with his crutches under his armpits. The blanket that was around my shoulder was now on the floor. Ignoring James and Grey for the moment, I made my way toward my dad.

“Sorry for waking you, Dad. Everything is okay here. Go back to bed.” I kissed him on the cheek and urged him back into his room. I told him with my eyes that I had this and it was okay for him to leave us to it.

He knew I was lying, shit, I didn’t know what to even say. But he turned around and closed the door.

I rushed back to the front door and both men were in the same position they were two minutes ago. As much as I wanted to touch James I was scared. I turned my attention to Grey. Dropping to my knees, I touched his shoulder. He flinched. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks were flushed. There was a red ring around his neck with a few spots that were clearly James’ fingertips. Why the hell would James do this?

“Are you okay?” I whispered to Grey.

He looked in my eyes, apologizing for…I don’t know what, and nodded. He coughed a little without saying a word. I was guessing it was still difficult for him to talk. I needed to find out why James did this, but I was so pissed right now. I didn’t know what to do.

Standing up, I went face to chest with the man I loved. The man I hadn’t seen in a week. I was so happy that he was here but it was dwarfed by rage. Then I noticed his chest rising up and down. He was still trying to calm down. What the hell did he think was going on? And how did he get in the house?

Shit, Grey opened the door. He thought…oh my goodness…he thought I was cheating on him?

I didn’t plan what happened next, but I shoved him. I shoved him again, and again. He moved a little toward the stairs but held his ground. I wasn’t planning on dropping him, but pouring my anger out on him.

“How dare you?” I yelled at him.

He bunched his eyebrows in confusion and tightened his jaw. Fuck, that jaw that I wanted to lick up, down and sideways. But, not tonight. Fuck that.

“What the fuck, James?” I shoved him again. I didn’t care if he got pissed off because I was pissed off now. “How could you fucking do this?” I pointed behind me to Grey who was now standing weakly.

James’ eyes were about to pop out of their sockets. “What the fuck are you talking about, Becca? I came down to visit you and you’re slumming it with this asshole?” He pointed to Grey as well.

Slumming it.

I backed away from him and chuckled. I couldn’t believe this stubborn fucking jealous man. “First off, I wasn’t ‘slumming’ it with anybody.”

“Right, so he’s just in your house, with his fucking truck out front, at this time of night, with the fucking lights off?” The steam was practically coming off of him.

“Yeah, that’s right, James. He fucking came over because he heard about my dad. And my graduation is coming up. He came over
as a friend
.”

I shoved him again.

His jaw tensed.

“But you thought I was cheating on you? Why are you so fucking defensive? I didn’t do shit! I wouldn’t get back with Grey. I love you, James. But obviously something is eating away at you.” I didn’t mean to accuse him or something, but when I said that his whole body froze. I just ignored it and continued. “I wouldn’t cheat on you for anything. This is something I’ve been dreaming about for the past eight years and you think I would throw it out the window. You’re such an asshole.”

I turned around to Grey who was still rubbing his neck. Placing my hand on his shoulder, I asked him if he was okay again.

“I’m sorry, Becca, I didn’t mean to cause any trouble. I just heard the door and didn’t want to wake you. But when I opened the door it was James, and well that’s that.” He looked down to his socks.

“Becca,” I heard James say behind me. It was soft mixed with something I couldn’t put my finger on.

I didn’t bother to turn to face him. “What?”

“Maybe I should go? I’ll text you later,” Grey said as he pushed pass me to the living room. He slipped his sneakers on, grabbed his wallet, and walked to the door. He leaned into me, giving me a weak hug and left.

“Maybe you should go too?” I told James as I walked passed him and entered the living room. I didn’t want to see him at that moment. I couldn’t believe he’d done that, let alone think that I would sleep with Grey. How much trust did he have in me? Maybe it was because of how James was himself, and he thought I’d do the same. It wasn’t right. He couldn’t do things like that. It was totally uncalled for. We’d been away from each other all week and not once did I think he was cheating in me. I was just so happy at the thought of us being together that I never really let something like that leak into my mind. But now, with this happening, I couldn’t help think that maybe he did do something? Maybe he was feeling regretful and needed to take it out on someone?