Holding On (52 page)

The
rest
of
the
night
went
by
quickly.
I
knew
that
with
only
one more day before Ethan leaves, the hours would just
fly,
unlike
this weekend.
This
first
weekend
apart
from
him
was
going
to
drag.
My first college   class was Monday morning, but I didn’t start school
until the following
Tuesday.
I planned on filling the long hours with clothes shopping, and I had to make a pit stop at the bookstore on
campus.

I
talked
to
my
coach
about
missing
practice
on
Thursday,
but
he was
less
than
enthusiastic.
Ethan
forced
me
to
go
anyway.
He
didn’t want
me
to
miss
on
account
of
him,
and
he
knew
that
we
would
have
the whole
day
to
spend
together
after
it
was
over.
I
appeased
him
and
went,
but my mood was a little
sour.

I raced over to his house after practice ended to find that he
wasn’t home. I sat in his driveway for a few minutes before I sent him a text.

Ethan: Had an errand to run. b there in
ten.

Me: I’m at ur
house.

Ethan: K. be there in twenty
then.

My mind started to wander as I waited for him to arrive. I
started
to think about what my life would be like without him here every
day.
I started to wonder if I would be able to focus on tennis, knowing
that he
won’t
be
there
to
watch
me
play,
to
cheer
for
me
like
he
had
so
many times in the
past.

My phone alerted me to a new text, and I looked at the time. It
had been almost a half hour, and he was not here yet. Where was
he?

Brad.
I’ve
only
spoken
to
him
maybe
twice
a
week
since
our “moment” in my
dad’s
driveway. I know that he was giving me
space.
He was letting me figure it all out. Didn’t he realize that I figured it
out before I left? I came home to Ethan. Even thinking that made me
feel bad, but I had to choose, and I
did.

He
didn’t
text
back
right
away.
Ethan’s
car
was
pulling
in
the driveway
when
I
heard
my
phone
beep,
but
I
ignored
it.
I
only
had
a
few hours left with him, and I wanted to enjoy them. I didn’t want to
spend
them thinking about anyone
else.

“Finally. Sorry it took me so long.
You
wouldn’t believe the line
I had to stand in.
You
better get your books soon.” Ethan
stated.

Books? Why was he at the
bookstore?

I
could
see
the
emblem
on
the
front
of
the
bag
as
he
pulled
it
out
of the
car.
I was confused for only a moment before I realize what he
had. He handed the bag over, and I practically ripped my gift from his
hand from excitement.

It
was
perfect.
He
was
perfect.
I
was
now
the
proud
owner
of
a
new tennis bag with the
U’s
emblem stitched across the outside. I could
not believe he got this for me. How did he always know what I
needed?

“Thank you so much.” I wrapped my arms tightly around his
neck, and he pulled me into a hug, lifting me off the ground a few inches.
He
kissed my forehead before setting me back down and taking my
hand in
his.

“I
thought
it
would
be
nice
if
you
showed
up
to
your
first
tournament in style.”
Yes,
it
would.

“Plus, you’ve worked really hard to earn your place with the team. Hopefully, you’ll be able to use it next year as well.” Ethan said excitedly.

I knew what he was referring to. Play well
now,
and land a spot
on the
“real”
team
with
a
scholarship
in
tow.
That
would
be
ideal,
but
there were six other girls that were hoping for the same thing.

“You
are awesome. I can’t wait to put my rackets in here.” I exclaimed.

“Well,
I
thought
you
may
need
a
new
one
of
those
too.”
As
he said this, he reached back into his car and pulled out a brand-new
still-
unstrung
Prince.

My
breath
caught
in
my
throat,
causing
me
to
cough.
It
was
the same kind that I was currently using, only new and without the
battle scars.
“It’s
beautiful,”
I
whispered.
I
was
holding
the
most
beautiful
gift anyone
had
ever
given
me.
It
wasn’t
the
gift
itself;
it
was
the
thought behind it. It was the person who gave it to me. I was truly
touched.

“Well,
it still needs to be strung, but I made you an appointment
to do that tomorrow. The pro shop across from campus will take care of
it for you.”

“Thank you.
You
are too good to
me.”

“Yeah,
well, I couldn’t leave you with just one good racket if you plan on kicking serious ass this fall, could
I?”

I had planned on buying another racket this weekend when I
went
shopping,
but
I
hadn’t
shared
that
with
him.
I
had
been
completely focused
on
savoring
every
moment
with
him,
and
not
too
many
of
those moments included
talking.

I put my gifts in my
car,
and we went inside. Not knowing what
he had planned for the rest of the day was turning my stomach in knots.
I knew what I had planned for tonight, and his gift was waiting for
him in my room, hidden under my bed.
We
would have to head over
there eventually.

Ethan
popped
in
a
movie
and
headed
into
the
kitchen
to
make
us some lunch. He returned with two sandwiches and two bottles of
water
just
as
it
started.
We
ate
in
silence,
and
when
we
were
both
done,
we
put our plates on the table and lay down next to each other on the couch.

Ethan
was
making
small
circles
on
my
hip,
barely
touching
my
skin with
the
tip
of
his
index
finger,
when
I
finally
broke
the
silence.
“Is
this really what you want to do all day? Lie around and watch
movies?”

“No.
What
I
really
want
to
do
is
take
you
to
bed,
but
I
figure
I should
at
least
wait
until
dark.”
Ethan
said
with
a
hint
of
mischief
in
his voice.

I chuckled at his blatant honesty, but I was also a little turned on.
I wanted
nothing
more
than
to
do
the
same,
but
he
would
have
to
wait
and so would I. I wanted our last night together to be
perfect.

“Well,
at least your gentleman enough to wait until dark.” I
ground my behind into him as I said this, knowing that he’d react as
anything but a gentleman if I tried hard
enough.

“Keep
doing
that,
and
we
won’t
even
make
it
to
my
room.”
His
voice
was
not
begging
me
to
stop
but
pleading
with
me
to
continue. “Should we pause the
movie?”

I
stopped
grinding
on
him,
and
I
heard
a
small
moan
escape
his
lips. I
had
to
close
my
eyes
and
take
a
deep
breath
to
calm
myself
before
I spoke.
“No.
Let’s
head
over
to
my
house,
though.
My
mom
wants
to
say
good-bye to you, and then I was thinking that you could stay with
me tonight?”

It wasn’t meant as a question, but it came out that
way.
Would
he want
to
stay
with
me
tonight?
I
was
sure
that
he
would,
but
I
had
a feeling that it would be harder in the morning to say goodbye to
him.

I
instantly
flashed
back
to
my
last
night
in
Michigan.
Brad
and
I were cuddling on the couch in my living room, holding on for dear
life, knowing what the morning would bring.
Waking
up the next
morning was surreal, and saying good-bye was painful. Then I did it again
over the
summer.
I woke up in his arms on the beach. I had to say
good-bye all
over
again.
The
only
difference
was
that
last
time
I
was
trying
to
hold onto him as I was finally letting him
go.

“I
can’t
stay
with
you
tonight.
I
have
to
pack
up
my
car,
and
my parents wanted to have a late dinner
together.”

I could hear the reluctance in his voice. He wanted to
stay,
but
he knew that he
shouldn’t.

“Do you want to head to your house now then?” He
asked.

“Okay,”
I said, my disappointment apparent from just the single word
I
spoke.
I
was
not
interested
in
reliving
the
feeling
of
loss.
I
wanted
to
hold
on
to
Ethan
as
long
as
possible.
I
wanted
to
wake
up
next
to
him in
the
morning
and
not
have
to
let
him
go.
I
wanted
a
miracle
to
happen so
that
I
don’t
have
to
relive
history
and
deal
with
all
the
pain
that
I knew was in store for
me.