Honor: a novella (10 page)

Then a thought hit me: I could look up all the books he had ever checked out. I hesitated for a moment, knowing this would not help me get over him.
Screw it
…I thought. I hurried to finish with the decorations and went to my desk to look up everything Osric had ever checked out. He had checked out several books on
nephilim
. He had also checked out several different books on theology. I grabbed a cart and went to find the books. Once I found everything, I went back to my desk and began reading, only looking up from time to time as people would pass by.

I read that some angels had turned from their Creator. Those that had turned were called the
fallen ones
. These
fallen one
s had come to earth seeking the things of mortals. They found daughters of men who bore their children. The offspring of these unnatural unions were mighty warriors called
nephilim
. These
nephilim
were renowned men of legend and were said to possess extraordinary strength. The Creator later took the
fallen ones
from the earth, banishing them into darkness, shackled with eternal chains to await the Day of Judgement.

Several thoughts hit me all at once. Did this mean Osric was immortal? He never told me his exact age, I always assumed he was close to my age. I now knew what he meant when he said his family tried to hide what he was. He would have been famous for who his father had been.

I glanced at the clock to see I only had fifteen minutes until the library closed. I hurried to check out the books I had yet to get to. I picked up around my desk, gathered my things, and got ready to leave for the day. Once the library had officially closed, I was out the back door and in my car in record time.

About an hour later I was sitting on my living room floor with books spread out everywhere. I read until I could barely keep my eyes open. I peered at my phone and saw it was past midnight. I glanced around the room, and thought back to when Osric and I had fallen asleep on this very same floor. I sighed out loud while pulling myself up on the arm of the couch and staggered to bed.
 

I was sitting at my desk the next day when I decided it was time to talk to Osric. I tried to call, but he didn’t answer. I couldn’t blame him. He had shared such a deep secret with me because he trusted me, and I turned on him, saying horrible things. My only hope was that he would show up here and we could talk. I couldn’t bring myself to go to his house after the way I acted. He had always treated me with nothing but respect and I had not returned the favor. I shook my head in my hands—frustrated at myself.
 

Over the next week, I waited and hoped he would show. One week rolled into another and there was still no sign of him. One day while I was helping an older women, I had to send her to the downtown branch to get what she needed. It made me think of the book Osric had been looking for. It was about thirty minutes until the library closed so I asked Celia if I could go home early and she agreed. I was going to check out the book he had been looking for that day. I wasn’t exactly sure why I was bothering as I drove. All the books were similar in detail, and all seemed to tell me everything I already knew.
 

I got a parking spot right up front and headed inside. I marched through the doors and turned to find the book when I saw him. He was sitting at a table reading. He wore one of his flannel shirts. His hair had grown even longer. I watched him, realizing how much I had missed him. He shifted in his chair and turned, and that’s when he saw me. He stared for what seemed like an eternity. I walked over to his table and sat in front of him.
 

“I need to speak with you,” I whispered.

His eyebrows shot up. “You told me to stay away from you. That’s why I came here.” His words hurt; I had told him to stay away. I wished I could take those words back now. He went back to his book as if I was not there. It felt awful being so close to him and him clearly not wanting me there.
 

“You told me lots of things,” I replied angrily.

“Honor, you have made it clear you do not believe me. I wanted you to know the truth,” he said calmly. He was so handsome. It hurt knowing what had become of us.

“The truth!” I said loudly.

A woman working the front desk hissed, “Shhh!” in our direction.

I looked over at her and back at him. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth before you got me in bed!”
 

The lady rose and came tromping our way. “I need you to leave miss,” she whispered as a vein in her forehead throbbed. I glared up at her.
 

Osric stood up, put his beanie on, and grabbed me by the arm. “My apologies, we are leaving now,” he said very politely. She looked up at Osric and began straightening her hair and then her dress. He had that effect on all women.
 

We walked through the sliding doors out front and then toward his truck. I could smell his cologne as we walked, wishing things were different. He let go of my arm as we reached the front end of his truck. “Honor, I admit that I should have told you before things became as serious as they did.”
 

I noticed he said “did,” instead of “are,” and my heart ached.
 

“I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am for that. When I am around you, I forget what I am.” He didn’t look at me as he said this. “I have carried this burden around for as long as I can remember. Watching my grandparents and mother pass away as time stood still for me. Never knowing what will come of me. Not having anyone to talk to. I had been alone for so many years and then I met you. You didn’t throw yourself at my feet like so many women had tried. You had no pretenses, you were just you.” As he looked over to me I knew my distrust had truly hurt him. “I think it is better this way. I don’t know how it would work between us. Just as you were born and, as much as I hate it, you will die. I won’t though, I will be here never meeting my end because of what I am.”

I was staring at him as he looked up at the night sky. “Osric.” I reached over to him, but this time he pulled away. “Look at me,” I whispered. He wouldn’t, but instead backed further away. He ambled to the driver side of his truck not giving me a second glance. I wanted to call after him. I wanted to say I was sorry. I didn’t though. I stood there and watched him drive away.

Chapter 17

Christmas was two days away as I sat at my desk waiting for the library to close. I was looking forward to the escape of going to my parent’s house for Christmas. Although, just as my mother had hoped, their neighbor, Mr. Miller, and Aunt Sunny had hit it off and he was taking my aunt and parents on a cruise. The cruise left this morning, so I was without a place to spend Christmas. But, I didn’t really mind all that much, because they would have asked where Osric was. The only one who knew we were no longer together was Lilly.
 

I sat in a daze as Lilly walked up. “Hey, you okay?”
 

I stopped staring at the wall to answer her. “I am good.” I had become such a good liar, or so I had thought.
 

“Would you like to come over to our place and we’ll cook you dinner?”
 

I smiled at her sweetness, but I couldn’t be around them in their new apartment with them being all cute. “No, you two don’t need a third-wheel.”
 

She rolled her eyes at me. “You would be a fourth-wheel actually. Ryan’s college roommate is here for Christmas.”
 

I shook my head. “Then that is a definite no for me, thanks though.”
 

She stared me over for a moment squinting her eyes. “This isn’t healthy,” she said.
 

“What isn’t healthy?” I asked irritated.

“Waiting around for Osric like this. It is obviously over, you should let it go.”

I looked at her angrily. “That is none of your business Lilly!”
 

“Your right, it isn’t my business, but you never talk to me anymore. You walk around in another world all the time. Whatever happened, it seems to be over,” she said.
 

I was angry at this point. I know I was almost yelling. “You have no idea what happened! How dare you talk to me like that. You are crossing the line with this Lilly!” I shouted.

Celia sped over to the commotion. “Girls! This is not the time nor the place,” she said.
 

“Tell her that!” I pointed toward Lilly.
 

Brenda had come from the youth department and watched.
 

“Honor, I am writing you up for that, that is enough, both of you. You are both lucky that there is hardly anyone here tonight or I would be forced to fire both of you. Honor you go on and leave. I will see you after the New Year. Lilly, come with me please.”
 

I took off for the employee exit. Brenda called after me, “Merry Christmas Honor!” I didn’t say anything as I walked out the doors.

My apartment was a nice place to be for once. No faking that everything was okay. I opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water and saw a card sticking out from under the dishwasher as I bent down. I saw Osric’s handwriting on it and knew right away that it was from the flowers he had brought me. I reached for a bottle of beer instead.
 

I sat there thinking of how anger had just consumed me. I was angry because I knew, at this point, Osric was telling the truth. I was angry because, like him, I couldn’t tell anyone; it wasn’t my secret to tell. Most of all, I was heart broken because I had to let him go. Lilly was right to some extent. As I drank one after the next, I knew I should have never gotten so mad with Lilly. She was, after all, just being herself. Sometimes her honesty hurt.
 
I called Lilly and she didn’t answer so I left a message: “It’s me. I am sorry for what happened tonight. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I do have a lot on my mind, but it is still no excuse.” I hung up.
 

I laid back on the couch and grabbed my phone again. I thought back to how I had spoken to Osric at the library. I dialed, it rang a handful of times, but there was no answer. I left a message: “It’s me. I was just calling to tell you I am sorry…sorry for everything. For what it’s worth, I do believe you. I should have told you that the last time we saw each other, but I didn’t. It is still hard for me to fully grasp it, but I do believe you.” I hung up after that. I laid there staring at the ceiling until I fell asleep.
 

Christmas came and went. I stayed in my apartment reading practically every book I owned. I was wondering if Lilly was going to accept my apology, but I hadn’t heard from her so I was thinking she might not. I was cleaning my apartment two days after Christmas when my cell phone started ringing. I was relived to see Lilly’s name on the screen.
   

“Hey, did you get my message I left you?” I asked.
 

“I did, and I want to apologize to you also. Sometimes I have a big mouth,” she laughed, “I shouldn’t say sometimes, I have a big mouth most of the time.”
 

I laughed after she added the last part. “Did you have a good Christmas?” I asked her.
 

“I did. How about you?”
 

I was done pretending. “It was horrible. My parents went on a cruise, so I was here with nothing to do but to read.”
 

She laughed. “Honor, I am sorry. You never said anything about them not being here for Christmas or I would have invited you to ours. You love reading though!” She giggled again.
 

“I do, so I guess it wasn’t that bad.” It felt good to have someone to talk to.
 

“Well, I also called because we have the dress fitting tomorrow at six o’clock. I wanted to make sure you would be there.”
 

I was confused. “Dress-fitting?”
 

She made a noise of annoyance on the other end. “My dress fitting. The dress fitting for my wedding in March. Your bridesmaid dress—My wedding dress. You don’t remember, do you?”
 

I cleared my throat.
 

“I told you about it a couple of weeks ago at work. You had your head in a book and you repeated it back to me.”
 

I truly didn’t remember. “I am sorry. I will be there for sure.”
 

She gave me the address and we hung up. I sat on the arm of my couch and thought about how I hadn’t been a very good friend to her. Her wedding was approaching and I hadn’t helped her in any way. My phone rang again and it pulled me from my thoughts. I saw it was my mom’s cell phone calling. “Hello. Are you guys back already?” I asked.

There was a lot of noise and it was hard to hear her clearly. “Honor, I was just calling to tell you that Bob and Sunny are getting married. He asked her just now!”

I wasn’t sure I heard her right. “Aunt Sunny is getting married? Who is Bob? What happened to Mr. Miller?”
 

My mother started laughing hysterically. “Bob is Mr. Miller, little girl. He asked her and she said yes. So we are going to change our flight plans and head to Vegas before we head home. I just wanted you to know.” This sounded so weird coming from my mother, who’s idea of a get away was heading to the lake for a day.