Hope(less) (30 page)

Wobbling a bit, I made my way to my bag lying at the foot of
the bed.  He shook his head watching my determined, but slow progress.  Making
it to the end of the bed, I sat again, pulling the bag toward me.  With a sigh,
he left me rummaging through my messenger bag to go get Clay.

I still dug in the bag when Clay walked in without knocking.
 Looking up, I let the bikini I found dangle from one finger.  “Really, Clay? 
You’re killing me.  Where are my jeans?”

He’d walked through the door wearing a concerned expression,
but my greeting wiped it away.  His lips twitched with a smile as he leaned against
the frame, content to watch me dig through the bag some more.

Despite my playful greeting, I felt winded and dizzy again. 
Shocking both of those girls took more out of me than I’d anticipated.  I’d
expected to feel much better by now, like I had the last time.  The shocks
hadn’t seemed as strong as Nicole’s had, but perhaps because it had split
between the two of them, it drained me more.

At least my head didn’t hurt.  I took a break from my search
to look up at the fading bruises on Clay’s face.  He still wore his hair back. 
I loved seeing his face.

He must have seen something in my gaze because he pushed
away from the wall, moving closer to me.  He stopped in front of me, and
without breaking eye contact, reached into my bag and pulled out a pair of
jeans.  Holding them out to me, he tapped his lips.

I smiled widely, “A kiss for the jeans?”  I grabbed the
jeans from his hand, he hadn’t even held them tight, and tossed them on the
bed.

He watched me, curious as I stood and placed my hands on his
chest for balance.

“I don’t need bribes to kiss you Clay.  Come here.”

His lips covered mine in a move so fast, my head spun even more. 
I clutched his shirt tightly in my fists, not sure if it was his kiss or my
condition causing the current wave of dizziness.  He wrapped his arms around
me, supporting me, making me feel safe.

Wanting more, I pressed myself closer.  He increased the
pressure on my lips, his warm breath fanning my face.  One of his hands roamed
up to curve around the back of my neck.

My heart skipped a beat and my breathing became more
erratic.  I knew he’d hear, but didn’t care.  Standing on my tiptoes, I
loosened my hold on his shirt and slid my hands up and around his neck.  I
didn’t want him to let go just yet.

Tentatively, I opened my mouth and ran my tongue across his
bottom lip.  He growled, tightening his hold fractionally.  A thrill shot
through me heating my limbs and tickling my stomach.  I did it again.  His
mouth opened in response, and he took control of the kiss turning it from
tender-sweet to passionately melting.  Our tongues touched.  I stopped
breathing.  My world titled then steadied.  He anchored me.  How could I doubt
this?  Us?

My lungs burned for air and he gently pulled away even
though I whined in protest.  He kissed my cheek, then my forehead.

It took a minute for the world to right itself again while I
caught my breath.  Clay placed his chin on my head holding me tight.  My head
rested on his chest over his thundering heart.  The kiss had affected him as
much as it had me.  It made me smile because now I knew without a doubt; I
attracted him, not my strange pull.

I heard the apartment door open and figured it was Sam.  With
regret, I pulled back and Clay let me go.  Even knowing it was useless with
Sam’s keen hearing, I spoke quietly to Clay.  “Can you come with me for this,
or will that cause more problems?”

Sam answered from the doorway behind Clay.  “It would be
best if he stayed away, Gabby.”

“I didn’t ask what was best.  Best went out the window years
ago, Sam, when ‘making do’ moved in.  Is he allowed?”  I moved around Clay to
look at Sam and waited for the real answer.

He flinched when I repeated his words and then ran his hand
over his face muffling his sigh. “It’s allowed.  He’s unmated, but he’s
considered rejected.  He’ll be challenged by everyone for his place in the Introduction
order.”

I made a non-committal noise and looked at Clay.  “The
question is… do you want to be there?”

He nodded sharply.

“Alright then.  Sam, please head over and get things ready.  Clay
will walk me there.  Clay, I just need to change and then I’m ready.”

Both men stared at me as if I’d grown horns.  I knew I
looked like hell, probably still pale and definitely had a worse tangled mass
of hair than I did this morning.  But it didn’t matter.  Sam wanted an Introduction,
and I wanted peace for Clay.  I arched a brow at both of them.

Sam grumbled to himself as he left.  Clay followed, closing
the door softly behind him, leaving me to dress.  I smoothed down my hair, not
really caring, and changed into a shirt and jeans, which caused me to start
shivering again.  My legs weakened and I had to sit on the bed for a minute.

Taking a fortifying breath, I made my way out to the living
room.  Clay waited for me by the kitchenette with a glass of orange juice.  He
knew me well.  I smiled my thanks and gulped it down.  It felt good and gave me
a tiny energy boost, which I sorely needed.

“I need just a minute in the bathroom.  Can you find my
shoes for me?”  I held the wall as I made my way there and leaned on the sink
while I brushed my teeth.  I wondered what Sam would do when I insisted that Clay
sleep next to me tonight.  He was warm and comforting, and I needed both
desperately.

Clay stood right outside the door when I opened it, slippers
on the floor by his feet.  “Where are my shoes?”

He shrugged and pointed to the slippers.  Hey, he’d packed
for me and remembered the jeans.  He’d even packed underclothes and a
toothbrush.  If he forgot the shoes, I really had no complaint.  I stepped into
the slippers.  Then squeaked when my world spun and I suddenly found myself in
his arms.

“I can walk, Clay,” I insisted.

He shook his head and carried me to the door.  Shifting me to
one arm, he opened the door while I clung tightly to his neck.  I rather liked
the feeling.  With an arm wrapped around him, I leaned my head against his
shoulder and ran my fingers through his hair.

The few people in the hallways stopped and stared as we
passed.  At the intersection of halls, which led to the Introduction room, I
stopped Clay.  “No, go outside and around back.  I won’t go in that room ever again.” 
As childish as it might be, I wanted something on my own terms.

He grunted acknowledgment, but instead of turning to go out
the nearby back door, he backtracked to the main entrance.  Before walking out
the door, he set me on my feet, snagged a spare jacket from one of the hooks
and carefully buttoned me in.  I studied his face as he concentrated on each
snap.  Always thinking of me.  When he finished, he scooped me back into his
arms.  I didn’t protest.

Bundled warmly in a thick coat, I didn’t cringe when he
carried me out in the cold.  I couldn’t hear the werewolves when we approached,
but saw their sparks briefly before a sharp pain in my head not so gently
reminded me not to look.  Some of the werewolves who’d left thinking me too ill
must have made their way back.  There were closer to seventy-five out there. 
Despite my anger about another forced Introduction, I truly felt sorry for
them.

Before we rounded the corner of the building, I said, “Put
me down Clay.  I’ll walk now.”

He hesitated.  It’d be safer for both of us if I stayed in
his arms.  He wouldn’t fight, and I wouldn’t fall.  But I didn’t want to give
the unmated werewolves waiting any reason to believe this wasn’t a fair Introduction,
even though it really wasn’t.  I still felt the pull for Clay.

“It’ll be okay Clay.  There are a lot of fast people here. 
I won’t fall on my face.”  I spoke normally so everyone could hear.  I really
didn’t want to fall on my face.

As soon as he set me on my feet, I walked around the corner
with my shoulders back and head held high, determined to look strong.  The
slippers probably ruined the image, but I pretended otherwise.

The Elders stood by the back door.  Only three of them this
time.

“I’m Gabby.  There will be no Introduction Order.  I won’t
have anyone left out, or leaving without a fair chance.  So, instead of the
stuffy cabin, let’s just do this out here.”  The warmth of the jacket when not
supplemented by Clay wasn’t adequate and I started to shiver slightly.  “I
believe the Elders mentioned I was ill, so if I start to stammer, bear with
me.”

The men began to line up.  So many looking for a mate… and
this was just a fraction of what was really out there.  Some were too far away
to answer such a short notice call.  I wondered how many of their kind I still
hadn’t met.

I nodded to several, meeting their eyes as I walked slowly
down the not yet fully formed long line.  As I’d anticipated, the shivers grew
more noticeable.  The cold had more to do with the tremors than my fatigue, and
I fought ducking further into my jacket.  They needed to smell me.  I kept
walking, listening to Clay keep pace with me just a few steps behind.  Several
of those I passed glanced at Clay, but no one actually commented on his
presence.

Walking helped warm me a little.  While the shivering didn’t
go away, it at least didn’t increase.

A few exceptionally young Were’s stood mixed in the line.  I
smiled kindly at each of them.  For the most part, I paced in front of them as
if I performed a quiet military inspection.  They scented me as discretely as
possible, so hopeful for some type of connection.  Many walked away after I
passed.

About halfway down the line, I noticed a man step back and
retreat into the woods.  No unmated male walked away from an Introduction
before being introduced.  Suspicious, I used my other sight, knowing it would cause
me pain.  I pushed myself looking as far as I was able and gasped.  A jolt of
pain pierced my temple forcing me to close my other sight.  My hand flew to my
head cradling it.

Clay moved so quickly, my hair moved in his breeze.  He
stood close enough that I felt his heat at my back.  I forced myself to
straighten.  The werewolf I faced looked confused.  His eyes moved to the Elders
standing several steps behind us.

“Gabby,” Sam began, but I held up a hand asking for a
moment.

Although it’d been a brief glimpse, I’d seen a blue-grey
spark moving away from our group.  In the distance, three other blue-grey
sparks waited.

I couldn’t say anything to Clay, since I held everyone’s
attention, but I looked at him anyway with worry on my face.  He studied me for
a moment and then looked around.  I felt safer because of it and wished I could
reach out to take his hand.

Instead, I apologized to the men in front of me.  “I’m
sorry.  Like I said, I’m not feeling well.  My headache just took me by
surprise.”  Taking a steadying breath, I continued my slow progress.  The
werewolves I passed looked at me with concern.  I probably looked even worse
than I had just a moment ago.

More than halfway down the line, I came across a face I knew. 
He studied me, his playful smile from our last meeting absent.  I used him as
an excuse to stop and rest for a minute.  I’d started shivering again.

“A f-face I know.  I’m here as p-promised.”

His eyes turned slightly remorseful at my words.

“I see that little one.  Although, it looks like you should
be in bed instead.”

“I would b-be if people would j-just leave me alone.”  I
felt bad for saying it as soon as it left my mouth.  How many times have these
men stood in line hoping to meet some faceless girl?  “B-but it’s not meant
t-to be.  So, you know my name, but I d-don’t know yours.”  I made conversation
to make up for my harsh comment.

“Luke Taylor, love.”  He offered his hand, politely.  A
human custom, not a werewolf one.  With my pull gone, could I safely touch him
without causing some type of obsession?  I hesitated studying his face.  He’d
been desperate at the club, but now he looked resigned.  He knew I wasn’t the
one for him.

Feeling sorry for him, I accepted his hand and a mild shock
went through me to him.

Time stopped as my vision tunneled.  The world around me
disappeared swallowed by darkness until only a pinprick of light remained.  Then
the darkness exploded to a spark filled view the world in its entirety.  The
tiny lights dazzled me.  The yellow green of humanity almost consumed the
world.  However, diversity persisted, though small.

Slowly, the sparks of each human, werewolf, and the yet unexplained
blue-grey winked out of existence until a single faint spark tinted with a violet
halo remained on the east coast.  My focus changed, honing in on that light. 
Like reading a map, I saw its exact location.  My eyes swam in the yellow-violet
light for a moment.  Then, with a snap like an elastic band breaking, I
returned to myself.

My lungs sucked in a breath with a loud whoosh and my heart
hammered in my chest.  I ached all over and felt like vomiting.  Luke’s steady
warm hand desperately clutched in my own, anchored me, the only thing keeping
me from falling apart.

Clay paced right behind me.  I vaguely imagined he didn’t
like me holding another man’s hand for so long, but leaned closer to Luke
anyway.

Luke eyed me warily.

I swallowed down my bile before attempting to speak.  “I
need to talk to you.  Don’t leave until I do.”

His brow rose in surprise at my heavily slurred words.

“Clay,” my head lolled to the side as I tried to catch his
eye.  “Catch me,” I whispered letting go of Luke’s hand.  The world disappeared.

*    *    *    *

My pounding head woke me.  I couldn’t tell if I lay in a
dark room or just had my eyes closed.  I didn’t really matter.  My skull would
certainly shatter if I had to deal with light too.  Mouth dry, I tried to
whisper for water, but only managed a faint croak.  I attempted to clear my
throat, but the pain in my head brought tears to my eyes.  I was dying.  I had
to be to feel this way.