Hope(less) (27 page)

“I’ve lost everyone that’s ever really mattered to me.  I
thought caring about a werewolf would be safer,” I admitted softly.

He raised his head to look at me for a long moment before
pulling me into his arms.

Normally, I wouldn’t like someone hugging me like this.  But
with Clay, it felt safe.  I hugged him back gently, not wanting to hurt him
more, and hoped the safety I felt wasn’t because I’d already lost too much of
my heart to him.  I’d never fully recovered from losing my mom or Grandma.  I
doubted I could lose much more and remain the same person.  Losing Clay even
now, might break me.

Eventually, I pulled away first.  His stomach began to
rumble and mine answered.  I tiptoed out of my room and moved my car knowing
Rachel would need to leave soon.  Then, while Clay waited in my room, I made
him breakfast.  I didn’t want Rachel seeing him when she woke.  We ate together
in silence.  Before we finished, I heard Rachel leave.

While I washed dishes, he slipped into the bathroom with a
scissors and a razor.

It would be an understatement to say I was a little curious
about what he really looked like under all that fur, er, whisker.  The
anticipation built while I put away dishes.  I walked by the bathroom door, but
couldn’t hear anything.  Trying to keep busy, I went back to my room and sorted
laundry before deciding what to wear.  It didn’t take me long to dress.  I
paced around the house listening to the shower run.

The anticipation had me so distracted that I jumped when
someone knocked at the front door.  Of course, the shower turned off at the
sound of the knock.  Bad timing.  Taking a moment to scowl, I took a breath and
then walked to the front door.  Smarter this time, I checked the peephole.

Sam stood on the doorstep looking very serious.  He must
have left in the middle of the night in order to get here first thing in the
morning.  I frowned.  The surprises just kept coming and it wasn’t even eight.

Pasting on a welcoming smile, I pulled open the door.  “Morning,
Sam.  This is a surprise.”  Maybe it would be a short visit.  I wanted to see Clay
freshly shaven without an audience, but I motioned Sam in anyway.  If he took
the time to drive here, I would have to take the time to listen to whatever he
had to say.

He didn’t say anything, but stepped inside.

“Um, don’t get me wrong, I like seeing you, but is there a
reason you’re here?” I queried trying to hurry him along.

“We’ll wait for Clay.”

His cryptic answer caught me off guard.  It’d been more than
two months since we’d seen each other.  Sure, we talked, but it wasn’t the same
as seeing someone face to face.  I’d expected him to look at least slightly
happy to see me.

Just then, the bathroom door opened.  I turned excitedly to
look for Clay.  He stepped into the living room dressed in t-shirt and jeans,
but I didn’t waste my time eyeing him up.  My eyes honed in on his face.  Only
Sam’s observant presence kept me from wrinkling my nose at Clay.

He still sported his beard, but trimmed it back.  He’d gone
a step further and shaving the whiskers that had decorated his neck, exposing
the clean-shaven column of his throat.  Now, he had a classic beard look.  He’d
also run his fingers through his hair so it lay back out of his face.  The deep
purple color of his black eye had already faded to an ugly green-yellow.  Even
with his bruising, he looked really good.  Just not shaven all the way.

I could finally see most of him, but couldn’t tell him what
I thought of it with Sam standing right next to me.  So, instead I smiled
warmly at Clay.

“You know why I’m here Clay,” Sam said from behind me.  I
turned to look at him, my smile falling as he said, “I’m told you didn’t take
the news well.”

I turned back to Clay in time to see him shrug and cross his
arms waiting for Sam to continue.

“What’s going on?  What news?” I said looking back and forth
between the two.

“You didn’t tell her?” Sam demanded looking at Clay sharply.

“He’s not talking to me yet,” I said wondering what bad news
Sam had to share.

Sam shook his head looking at Clay, “You’ve dug your own
hole then, son.”  He focused on me.  “A group of Forlorn asked the local Elder
to approach you for an unofficial kind of Introduction.  The Elder approved,
but made it clear they were to make it brief and then leave unless any of them
had a further request of the Elder.”

The meaning of his words sunk in deep like a vicious bite. 
It explained his less than warm greeting.  I struggled to contain my anger
knowing they’d both smell it on me.  “I thought I was done with that.  We had a
deal.”  I crossed my arms and coldly regarded at Sam.  “I know I said I was
done,” I restated.

The carefully, composed expression on Sam’s face faltered a
bit.  “Honey, there are rules we must follow to keep peace in the pack.  Clay
had six months to convince you of his suit.  That time has passed.  That means
unmated werewolves can once again approach you with permission.”

My mouth popped open.  Six months.  Permission from an Elder. 
That’s why they’d stationed Joshua here.  A backup plan because they knew I
didn’t want to Claim Clay.  They failed to understand I didn’t want to Claim
anyone.  I’d never been free.  I clenched my fists.  My temper boiled.

“That’s complete crap,” I gritted out.  “First of all, I
didn’t reject anyone.  Second, no one ever told me about this stupid rule.”  My
voice rose to a yell and I took a deep breath closing my eyes briefly to restrain
myself.  When I reopened them, I felt more in control, able to speak.  “You know
what?  I don’t care what the pack rules are.  I gave you my word and my time. 
Now, I expect you to keep yours.  I worked hard to get here Sam.  I won’t let
anyone take this away from me.”  My hands shook.  That Sam had cared for me in
the past, given me a place to call home for two years, kept my tongue marginally
civil.

“By not completing the Claim, you’ve become eligible again. 
Charlene was granted a special consideration, because at that time we weren’t
even sure a Claiming would be possible between a human and a werewolf.  Now
that we know that it is, you fall under the same rules.”  Sam explained calmly
his face again carefully devoid of emotion.  He stood in my living room as an Elder
on pack business, not as family or a friend.

“No, I don’t.”  I knew I could stand there and argue all day
with Sam and he wouldn’t budge.  It would always be whatever’s best for the
pack with him.  “Is this why Clay was beat up?”

Clay made a noise behind me.

I arched an eyebrow at Clay’s snort and said, “Feel free to jump
in at any time.”  He remained mute, but his eyes softened when he looked at me.

Sam spoke up from behind me, but I didn’t turn to look at
him.

“Gabby, it’s the reason he’s been fighting.  He’s not
relinquishing his tie to you.  Every time an unmated shows up here, he will
challenge that man for his right for Introduction.  Did Clay get beat up?  Only
as a byproduct of handing out beatings.”

Clay steadily met my gaze the entire time and it broke my
heart a little to know he fought so hard to keep me.  And all I’d given him in
those six months was a kiss.  Not even spontaneously given, but relinquished as
part of a bribe.  I hadn’t rejected him.  I just didn’t want to be forced into
a choice.  If I chose to be with Clay, I wanted it to be on our terms.

Tearing my guilty gaze from Clay, I asked Sam, “Why is two
years of school too much to ask for?”

“And after that?  Then you’ll want time to establish your
career.  Let’s face it.  There will never be a perfect time for this in your
life.  You just need to make the best with what you have.”

As in, suck it up?  My temper boiled over.  Screw respect. 
He just crossed a line.

I walked right up to him and poked him in the shoulder saying,
“No, Sam, you do.  I’m not your pawn in this game you play with women’s lives. 
I went to your Introductions and fulfilled any obligation I felt I owed you for
the roof over my head.  You have no say in who I see,” poke, “or what I do,
unless you intend to drag me back to the compound and physically force me to
bite someone.”

Clay growled slightly behind me.  I stepped back from Sam,
moving closer to Clay.

“It’s time for you to leave Sam.  Don’t come back.”  Saying
those words hurt just as much as knowing I only mattered to him because of what
I meant to the pack rather than what I meant to him.

“You were never an obligation to me, Gabby.”  When I looked
away, he tried persuading Clay, “You know it’d be safer for both of you if the Introductions
continued at the compound.  If you continue like this, there might be someone you
won’t beat.  Are you willing risk leaving her alone then?”

What did he mean by that?  Clay could get hurt even worse? 
I thought they were nearly invincible.  Glancing at Clay, looking at each
bruise, I saw the real answer.  They were hard to beat, but made to break, just
like the rest of us.

I walked to the door and opened it for Sam, signaling the
end of the conversation.

“Alright then.  Gabby, call me anytime.  I’m here to help
you, no matter what you might think right now.”

I nodded stiffly and closed the door behind him.  His help
would only extend as far as it could help the pack.  He’d just proven I meant
less to him than they did… but I always knew that.  Why did I let it hurt me?

For a few seconds, I just stared at the door’s painted surface
trying to let go of my anger.  Sam made his choices.  I needed to make my own.

I turned to look at Clay.  He’d moved to stand close to me,
probably waiting for my reaction to everything that Sam had just told me.  I didn’t
want to deal with it yet, so instead I reached up to tease my fingers through
the whiskers along his jaw.

“Much better, but I’m going to keep at you until it’s all
shaved off… and maybe a haircut too.”

He briefly bared his teeth re-explaining the reason for the
beard.  His still long facial hair hid the bumps of his canines while exposing
his lips.  At least now, I’d be able to see when he smiled.

I spent a moment studying his face, running my fingers over
his forehead and then tracing his black eye.  He held still patiently letting me
look my fill.  Would things have progressed differently if I’d known about a
timeframe?  I doubted I’d have even let him in the door if I’d known he only had
six months to try to convince me.

With a sigh, I stepped away and commented, “I need to get
ready for class.  Before I go, would you show me where you got the coveralls
from?”

He nodded, his lips curling slightly in a secretive smile. 
I definitely liked seeing his lips.

*    *    *    *

My hunch had been right.  He pulled into a small auto body
shop on South Mitchell.  The street name tickled a memory I couldn’t place
until the mechanic currently working looked up at our approach.  Cleaning his
hands on a rag, he smiled at us.

“Dale from the parking lot?” I whispered looking at Clay
questioningly.  He just nodded.  It explained his secret smile and his interest
in books about auto mechanics.

Clay got out and walked around to open my door.  Wide eyed I
stepped out.  I thought I would I’d get a drive by tour, not a walking one.

Dale walked toward us a smile on his face.  “Hi there,
Gabby.  Glad Clay finally brought you around.”  He held out his freshly wiped
hand, which I clasped.  Apparently, Dale was Clay’s boss.  “I have to tell you
that I was surprised when Clay showed up and was as good as you boasted.”

I didn’t recall actually boasting.

“Although, it doesn’t look like he’s been taking care of
your car.”

Clay said nothing in his defense, of course, leaving the
talking to me.

“I’m always running back and forth to my classes.  It’s hard
to give it up for any amount of time.”  I shrugged away his question. 
“Speaking of which,” I looked at Clay, “I really need to get going or I’ll be
late.”  Turning back to Dale I said, “It was nice seeing you again, Dale.  I
hope stopping in was okay.  I really wanted to see where Clay was working.”

“Stop by anytime.”  He waved as we walked out and got back
in our car.

“I’m sure there was some type of logic to picking that
place…,” I said to Clay as he drove us home, “Someday you’ll have to tell me
about it.”

*    *    *    *

By Friday, everything seemed back to normal with my gift. 
Men once again noticed me, their eyes following me around campus.  Thankfully,
they seemed to remember my repeated ‘no’ from the start of the semester and
didn’t start their approaches anew.

I did wonder what exactly had happened.  The suspicions that
floated around in my head needed further examination, but I wanted to talk
through them while Clay listened.

When I walked through the door just before five, an empty
house greeted me.  I really need to find out his work schedule.

Rachel got home a little after five.  As soon as she walked
in the door, she announced she’d decided to go out to a dance club and
proceeded to her room without waiting for a response from me.  I went in search
of her, needing the company.  Life had just been a little too weird for me over
the past week.

“Don’t suppose you’d like to come with?” she asked standing
in her room looking at the options in her closet.

I sat in the middle of her bed safely out of the way of any clothing
options she tossed behind her.

“You know how it is,” I looked down morosely and plucked at
a string in her quilt, “It’s just worse if they’re drinking.”

“Which one do you like better?” Rachel asked demanding my
attention.  She’d pulled two dresses from her closet.  “This one?”  She held up
a red dress with a tuck that crossed the middle to accentuate the wearer’s
curves.  “Or this one?”  She indicated a standard black dress with a twist. 
The real hemline was shorter than the red’s, but a secondary hemline comprised
of strands of beads hung from the first hemline giving the illusion of another
six inches.