How I Lost You (18 page)

“Sorry, I gotta talk to this guy. He's a potential sponsor.” She patted Kya's shoulder and then slipped away from us, her boyfriend at her side, his arm still draped over her shoulder.

Kya watched them walk away. “Her boyfriend is pretty cool,” she said, but her voice was flat. “He's going to play against Jotham in Florida.” Across the booth, Betty and Keith grinned while the older guy used his hands to tell an animated story.

“Why were you talking to him? You should have been here meeting Betty.”

Kya lifted a shoulder and brought her thumbnail up to her mouth, glancing over at the other Grinders. “I thought you'd want some time with her first. You know. Let her see how awesome you are.”

I scowled. “What about you? You have to make a good impression too.”

Kya kept chewing her thumb but didn't look at me. “I didn't think she'd be too happy with me after last night. I remember running into Linda outside the bathroom. I didn't want to ruin your chances.”

“Oh, Kya,” I said. “You messed up, but you can undo it. You have to prove you want this. Show her who you really are.” I grabbed her arm and tugged her toward Betty and Keith. “That old guy won't talk forever. We'll wait until he's done. You need to talk to her again. Let her see how cool you are. And dedicated to the sport.”

Kya tugged her arm back and narrowed her eyes. “I'm sorry. I feel like crap. My head hurts. I'm tired and schmoozing with Betty Baller isn't something I feel up to.” She walked out of the booth. I followed, biting my tongue to keep from giving her a lecture about her drinking.

“Kya.” I grabbed her hand in front of an outfit booth. “Come on. You need to do this.”

She shook her head. “No, I don't.”

“What'd you say to her boyfriend?” I crossed my arms, peering at her.

“Nothing horrible. Don't look at me like that.”

The way she was acting lately, I had no idea what she might have said. Overhead on the speakers, a deep voice announced a product demo was taking place at the main stage. A group of teen boys rushed past, pushing each other trying to get to the front first. I suspected the demo going on involved girls in skimpy outfits.

“Seriously. We were talking paintball. He was telling me about his team. They're fricking good.”

“I know.” I watched the boys disappear into the crowd. “He plays for the Paparazzis.”

“Excuse me for not studying everyone's portfolio.” She made a face at me. “School doesn't start for a few more weeks.”

“But this is important! This was our chance to make an impression.” I didn't have to point out she hadn't made a good one.

“Maybe I've gone along with you without thinking about what I want.”

“You're only saying that because you're hungover.”

She spun on her heel, storming off, and I watched as another man joined Betty and Keith. A lineup was forming. With a sigh, I hurried off after Kya.

By the time I caught up with her, Mom had spotted us and rushed over to see what Betty said. Some of my excitement returned but I avoided looking at Kya as I gave my mom a play-by-play, and left out the parts about Kya's bad attitude.

Mom clapped her hands and then declared that she was starving and needed lunch. While we lined up at a concession to pay too much for a hot dog and soda, I pulled out my phone and texted Levi. He texted back immediately and my heart dinged with glee. I sent James a text to let him know that I'd talked to Betty but didn't mention Kya's behavior to him either.

Kya kept her head buried in her phone and Mom carried on a conversation with a woman standing behind her. When she left to go use the restroom, Kya put down her phone and reached for my hand.

“You did great with Betty,” she said with a shy smile. “That's the real reason I got the tickets. For you. Not me.” She smiled wider. “Don't worry about me, okay?”

I tucked my phone back in my purse. “I do worry about you. I want you to be with me at college, but—”

“Butt.” She turned and wiggled her butt at me, but it was unenthusiastic and I didn't even smile. She stared out at the crowd walking the trade floor and then looked back at me. “I know you want good things for me, Grace. I do.”

Mom rejoined us and we finally got to the front and ordered our food. We walked for a moment, trying to find a table, but that was impossible so we kept walking while we ate.

A blob of mustard dripped from the hotdog onto my shirt. My Splatterfest white shirt. I groaned. Kya laughed and handed me one of her napkins.

“I'm such a klutz,” I mumbled.

“You get that from your father,” Mom said with a smile because she was always covered in food stains herself.

“That's another reason I love you.” Kya wound her free arm around mine. “You're so in tune with your faults.”

I frowned down at the yellow stain right in the middle of my left boob. “I'm a loser,” I groaned. “Thank God we talked to Betty already.”

Kya made a face. “You're not a loser, you're a trendsetter. It looks like a paintball splat.”

She unlocked her arm from my elbow and dipped a finger into her hotdog bun, smeared it with mustard and pressed it against her own shirt. I sucked in a breath. She'd spent a big part of her paycheck on that sparkly top.

Mom laughed and then happily stuck her finger in her hotdog bun, but she hated mustard and instead wiped it with a blob of ketchup. She smeared it over her T-shirt but it was black and it didn't even show up. We all laughed.

Our moods lightened, our tanks filled, we got into the groove again, cruising around peeking at new equipment and seeing more familiar faces. With lots of positive attention, Kya's spirits rose and she seemed almost back to her old self.

“I'm glad I came with you girls,” Mom said. “Despite your shenanigans last night.”

Kya's ears turned red.

“I like seeing you in this world,” Mom said. “I've always kind of wondered if it was too macho or a good example for you girls, but I like you here. Blazing new trails. There're not many places where women are still in the minority. You're doing us proud, girls.”

“Ugh, Mom, no. Not another speech about how in your day you had to fight for equal rights.” I held up my hands in defense and she glared at me and then grinned. “Fine. But you girls have so much to be grateful for—”

“That we don't even know about,” Kya and I finished with her.

The three of us laughed and then Mom stopped to admire the work of a tattoo artist who had a booth and was displaying some artwork. Kya put her head on my shoulder.

“Should we ask your mom about our BBS tattoo?” she asked as we watched Mom flip through a book of sketches.

“Uh, now's probably not the best time. We're not completely in her good books yet.”

Kya leaned her body against me. Her skin warmed me but it was slightly sticky, and under her vanilla body spray, I detected the slight scent of last night's alcohol sweating from her pores. Behind us on a wooden bench, a guy made a creepy comment to a friend sitting beside him, but we stayed glued together and ignored them.

“I'll make it up to you. I'll get on Betty's good side. And Lola's. Don't worry, okay, Skanklet? It'll be you and me next year. On the Grinders team. Kicking ass and taking names,” Kya said.

“We belong on that team,” I told her. “Both of us.”

“You bet your sweet ass.”

One of the creeps behind us whistled. “Talk about sweet asses,” he called.

Kya and I both spun around.

He nodded his head and puffed up his chest. With his faux mohawk, he kind of looked like a peacock strutting his feathers. “Hey, ladies. I know how to make you feel real good.”

I raised my eyebrows. “So you're leaving then?”

Kya whooped appreciatively and the guy mumbled something about us being lesbians while his friend razzed him and they got up and shuffled off.

“Forgive me?” Kya asked, walking to the bench and plunking down on it. Traces of last night's binge lingered in her tired body.

I wanted to forgive her. I did. But I wanted her to care too. About making the team, yes, but I wanted her to care about herself. And truthfully, I wanted her to care more about me.

“Don't give up on me,” she whispered, and for a second, her mask slipped off. Pain shone in her sad eyes, but something else too. Fear.

I had an image of her on a lifeboat, hanging on to it by her fingernails. I was slipping too. And truth stared me in the face. As I strained to pull her in and keep her afloat, she was starting to drag me under.

 

James and I glared at each other over the counter at work. He was working on something at the computer. I was in front cleaning the glass. Kya was in the arena with Indie, cleaning up.

“I'm not going to sugarcoat things for you. You do that on your own. Anything Kya does, you have an excuse for her. Including ruining your trip to Seattle.”

“I wasn't telling you so you could condemn her. I told you because I'm worried about her.”

Our conversation about her behavior in Seattle was not going the way I planned. James didn't feel bad for her at all. He thought I should have left her with the sales guy from the get-go.

“That's not what friends do,” I said.

“Exactly,” he said.

I sighed. Clearly, we couldn't have a rational talk about Kya. I was getting sick of it. He needed to know the truth and I was sick of holding it back.

“I'm going outside to do the windows,” I told him and left.

I scrubbed at the windows to get rid of some of my frustration and then took a break. My face was tilted up to the sky outside the front of Splatterfest, my eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the sun when something startled me.

“Grace?”

I spun around, caught taking a break. Then when I saw him, a smile turned up my lips.

“Hey!” I said. “Hi!” My heart thumpity-thumped and the grin on my lips stretched up and an urge to dance tingled in my feet. So much for playing it cool.

“So you got home okay?” Levi stood so close to me I smelled his slightly soapy scent. His hair was wet on the ends. Good grooming habits. I glanced at his face and my hormones swooped into action. My physical reaction to him was much more than friendly, if there'd been any doubt in my mind.

“How was the trip?” he asked, one hand awkwardly behind his back.

I glanced behind me at the building that currently housed Kya and bit my lip, wondering what to tell him. We'd texted of course, but I hadn't filled him in. Split-second, I decided I didn't need to. I didn't want a reaction like James's.

Instead, I made googly eyes at him and told him a little more about Betty and the other things we'd seen at the show, leaving out the parts involving Kya's meltdown. The tightness in my gut loosened. My insides smoothed. Telling Levi the good parts brought back some of the excitement I'd been robbed of.

A goofy smile with a will of its own possessed my face. I looked around the empty parking lot. “You're early. Your league doesn't start for about forty-five minutes.”

“I came to see you,” he said simply.

My cheeks reddened. “Oh.”

“Actually, I brought you something.” He pulled his hand from around his back and held up a colorful box with a silver flower sitting on top of it. He held it out and I put down the Windex and took the box. Nerds. I lifted the flower to inspect it. It was heavy and the material seemed very familiar. I laughed.

“Is this made from duct tape?”

He grinned again. “Yeah. My dad taught me to make them when I was a kid. He's kind of a rogue duct-tape crafter.”

“Very cool.” I grinned down at it.

“I never made one for a girl before,” he said.

Music. The words floated into my ears like music. Blushing, I looked into his eyes and we stared at each other, grinning. Swoon. He took a step closer to me. His lips were so close all I had to do was tilt my head up to kiss him.

“And Nerds,” I babbled to break the spell. I shook the box, as if the sound of my candies rattling around could shake off lusty thoughts. “My favorite food in the whole world!”

He laughed but didn't take his eyes off me. “I'd hardly call Nerds food.”

“I beg to differ. They're kind of a food group all on their own.” Shaking the box produced magical tunes. “Thanks.”

“You look great,” he said softly.

I glanced down at my XL Splatterfest T-shirt hanging to the bottom of my bright pink spandex shorts. “No, I don't.” My voice cracked.

“No. Really,” he said with a grin. “Very couture.”

“Couture?”

“My mom's into fashion. She tosses that word around all the time. I don't even know what it means.”

I laughed again. “Well. It doesn't mean this.”

The front door opened with a whoosh and we both stepped out of the way to avoid getting hit.

“Oh my God!” Kya yelled as she pushed through. “Your brother and James are driving me crazy!” She stopped when she saw Levi. “What are you doing here? You're way early, dude.”

“Hey, Kya,” he said. Unlike most boys, his face didn't light up when he saw her.

“Aren't you supposed to be hosing down the bunkers?” I asked, opening my eyes wide to give her the hint to go away.

“I pretend to work, your dad pretends to pay me,” she said, and held up her hand to block the sun from her eyes. “I already did. Don't get your panties in a knot.” She rolled her eyes at me. “It's nice out here. I should have taken window-cleaning duties.” A cloud passed over the sun then, it darkened, and the temperature instantly cooled on my skin. She dropped her hand from her eyes.

“Why're you here so early?” she said, turning to Levi.

I frowned. I'd never be rude like that to one of her boyfriends. I shivered. Oh! My cheeks flamed, realizing I'd called Levi my boyfriend. Coffee, hot yoga, a movie, and a ton of texts, and I'd labeled him my boyfriend?

“I came to talk to Grace.” He didn't smile at her.

Despite the friction between them, my embarrassment faded and a new glow lit up my insides. A plane flew noisily over our heads and we waited for the racket to pass. A hazard of having Dad's paintball place so close to the airport. Sometimes it sounded like we were on the runway.

Kya grabbed the flower from my hand. “This is cool,” she said when the noise from the plane engine died down. “It's made from duct tape? Where'd you get it?”

“I made it for Grace,” Levi told her.

“Cool,” she repeated. “I approve.”

“I'll sleep better tonight,” he said.

Kya lifted her eyebrows and pressed the flower in my hand. “Nerds? Someone is paying attention.” She stared at him but he didn't flinch. She turned back to me.

“James and Indie are driving me crazy in there talking about Minecraft. They're grown men. Well, Indie is. My head almost exploded.” She made the sound of a bomb detonating and flicked her hands in the air. “I should go back inside,” she said. She opened her eyes wide at me and went back through the front door.

“Is she okay?” he asked.

“Who knows?” I instantly regretted the way that sounded. “I mean, she's fine.”

He took a step closer to me again and I held my breath and made myself stay still. “I really didn't come here early to talk about Kya.”

“Oh?”

“Grace?” he said, his expression suddenly serious.

“Yeah?”

“There's something I've been meaning to ask you. It's driving me crazy.”

“What?”

He leaned down until his lips were inches from mine. I stared at them, my brain woozy and useless.

“I wanted to know…” he said softly. He licked his top lip. “I've been worrying about wrong signals. You're hard to read.” He reached over and brushed my hair back. I held my breath, afraid to move. Willing him. Do it. Don't. Do.

“I know this is weird, but I'm going to ask straight out.” He let out a breath and it smelled like peppermint gum. “Can I kiss you?” he asked.

And somehow, his asking made everything perfect. I grabbed his shoulders, still clutching the Nerds, and they rattled as I pulled him down and pressed my lips all the way against his.

It was as amazing as I imagined. More.

I closed my eyes. His lips were soft. He applied the perfect amount of pressure. I wished it would never end. When he pulled slightly back, I let out a sigh. My entire body felt like it could float away in the light breeze. The sun came out from behind clouds, adding warmth from the outside as well as inside.

“Wow,” he said.

“Wow,” I agreed, fanning myself with my flower-holding hand.

We grinned at each other.

“We definitely should have done that sooner,” he said, pressing his forehead against mine.

And then we were doing it again. We lingered slowly on each other's lips, exploring and nibbling. At first, the kisses were soft and slow, and then a whoosh of intensity weakened my entire body and he opened his mouth wider. He made a growling sound in his throat as a car pulled into the parking lot, honking the horn over and over. We stepped away from each other and laughed, glancing over at the car.

“I'd better stop,” he said, pushing back his hair and grinning. “But we need to do that again. Soon. In private.”

I nodded, biting my lip.

Two guys emerged from the car then, whooping in appreciation. I glanced at them, almost thankful for the virtual cold shower.

“Gracie, you hussy,” one called.

I gave him the finger. One of our regulars. He laughed and made kissy sounds as they walked past us and went inside.

“You busy tomorrow night?” Levi asked, and he shoved his hands in his front pockets, grinning kind of bashfully.

“Shoot. I mean, yeah. The Lavender Festival is on. Kya, James, and I go every year. It's kind of our tradition. Just the three of us.” I seriously wanted to ask him along, even though we desperately needed trio time alone. I bit my lip to stop myself from inviting him.

He nodded. “That's cool. What about Sunday?”

I paused. “Uh. A paintball tourney. Mini one. But I don't want to miss it. Lola's putting it on at her outdoor place. She told me to come.”

He nodded. “No, that's okay. I get it. Okay. One more shot. How about tonight? Are you working late?”

Two birds chasing each other swooped down close to us and then flew up to the roof of Splatterfest.

I grinned. “Until ten.”

His lips turned down in disappointment. “But league play ends at nine.”

“My turn to close up.”

“Oh.” He paused. “Well. Maybe I could stick around? If it's okay. I mean, if you want to go get a bite to eat or something after?”

I smiled down at my shoes. “I'd like that.” When I looked up, he had a big grin on his face.

“Okay. Good,” he said, as if he were super cooled out.

We smiled at each other like idiots.

“I should go inside. You can hang with me at the front while everyone checks in if you want.” He nodded and bent and picked up my Windex bottle and cloth for me, and held open the door. I walked through it clutching my flower and box of Nerds as if it were a bouquet.

Loud pops crackled from the arena when we walked in.

“Sorry,” I heard Kya yell.

“Kya. Be careful,” Dad yelled back. “You almost hit James in the head.”

Kya made a wiseass comment and James said something that got lost in the distance.

“Job hazards,” I told him as we headed toward the front counter. I pulled out a stool and put it in front of the counter.

Levi kept me entertained while I got the computer system ready for the boys coming in. Dad must have heard Levi was around because he came out front to chat. I cringed a few times as he tried to act all cool and uncoplike with Levi and mostly failed at both. Finally, Kya came out to help me get organized and Dad went back to his office. Boys drifted in. When Lucas came, Kya dragged him off to the coat room for a whispered conversation.

“You think she and Lucas are fighting?” Levi asked as I made a note in the computer about buying new paintballs.

I glanced up, thinking of her making out with the old dude at the party. “I don't know. She never said anything. But who knows? Why?” In the coatroom, I saw their heads close together, deep in conversation.

“He told me he invited her to have dinner with my aunt and uncle and she said no. I think he was kind of hurt.”

“Really?” I guessed Kya didn't want to meet his parents or be subjected to scrutiny. Parents of boys were not really her scene. I picked up my box of Nerds and poked my thumb in the opening. I held it up but he shook his head.

“She didn't say anything when you were away?” he asked.

I pretended to be engrossed in something on the screen. “No,” I said. “Nothing.” I spun around from the computer then, poured out a handful of Nerds, and tossed some in my mouth.

“Mmmm. Nerds.”

“He's bummed,” Levi said, watching the two of them. “He really likes her.”

I crunched my Nerds without responding. James poked his head out of the training room and waved his hand.

“Hey,” I said. “Everyone's checked in. You better go suit up. Your team is playing the second round.”

Levi sucked his cheeks in and then blew out. “Okay. Here goes nothing.”

“Good luck!” I called, watching him walk to the change room, seriously mesmerized by the fit of his jeans. He held his fingers in a peace sign over his head, grinned, and then disappeared inside.

James tapped the microphone in his hand and lifted it to his mouth. “Test. Test.” It crackled and loud feedback squealed from the speakers in the arena.

“Indie, turn down the volume,” he yelled, and started off toward Dad's office, still flicking the top of the microphone with his finger.

“You've been injected,” Kya said, and I jumped a little and turned. She leaned against the counter, her arms crossed, watching me.

Lucas stormed by, following Levi's footsteps but moving faster. “Injected?”

Lucas vanished into the change room.

“Stung in the ass by the love bug. Jones came in and said you were making out with some dude in the parking lot.”

I hid my smile under my hand and pretended to cough. No use denying it.

“You've taken things up a notch?” she asked.

I giggled. “Yeah.”

A loud cheer and laughter roared from the change room. We both glanced over but the boys were still inside.