Imaginary Grace (34 page)

But I just shook my head, and when I did, I saw relief in her eyes.

I was relieved as well, but after dropping her off, I began to think again about our conversation. I’d blown the perfect opportunity to come clean—had I made the right decision? I reminded myself that telling her the truth might make me feel better, but it would hurt Grace terribly. It’s not like she’d ever find out.

The first week back after a break always dragged, but this one felt even longer because I couldn’t wait for the show on Saturday. It’d been two weeks since we’d played to a live crowd, longer than usual, and we were all looking forward to it.

I was also looking forward to Grace being there. She’d never seen an entire show, and I knew she’d be impressed with our performance. The club we were playing at was about forty-five minutes away so it was unlikely that any of the regulars (specifically Amber and Kristen) would be there. At least I didn’t have to worry about that tonight.

Grace was already at my place when I got home from work on Saturday. She’d picked up Chinese food on the way and had it all set up on the counter. After giving her a long kiss hello, I jumped in the shower, then joined her in the kitchen.
I could definitely get used to this.

Scott arrived home just as we finished. “You ready for tonight?” he shouted. “It’s gonna be wild…” and then he stopped himself when he saw Grace sitting there. “Did I say wild? That’s not what I meant. What I meant to say was, ‘It’s going to be a pleasant evening filled with fine wine and enchanting music.’” He laughed, “Hi, Grace.”

“Hi, Scott. Do you want some Chinese food?” she asked.

“Ooh yeah, what’d you get?” he said as he came over and started peering into all the cartons.

I rolled my eyes but Grace just chuckled and said, “We’re done; take what you want.”

By eight o’clock we were all ready to go. I took Scott up on his offer to drive, and the whole way there, he kept asking Grace about any single friends she might want to set him up with. Grace humored him, but I noticed that she never really committed to anything.

“I’ll probably meet a lot of single girls tonight if I’m with Grace,” he said. “Girls always like to go after guys who they think are with other girls.” He glanced at Grace and said, “Why is that?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t aware of that,” Grace said, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged. “Just a general observation.”

I cut in. “Slow down. I think the club’s up this way, a little farther down on the right.” I looked out the window. “Yeah, there it is. Just pull into the lot around the back.” We unloaded our stuff, and I gave Grace some things to carry so she’d look like she was with the band. Then we headed inside.

Cole and the rest of the guys were already setting up in the back, so I told Grace to just stand around and try to look official, which made her laugh.

“Okay, how’s this?” she asked as she grabbed a clipboard and pretended to write something down.

“Perfect,” I said, and kissed the top of her head.

No matter how streamlined we believed our set-up process to be, there was always some sort of glitch. Then everyone would get into a tizzy, running around looking for whatever the missing item of the night was. Tonight was no different--our extension cords seemed to be missing, and it was nearly ten o’clock – show time – when we finally located them. I told Grace to just stay with Scott. “Don’t order anything from the bar,” I instructed her. “Let Scott do it, and aside from that, just sit back and enjoy the show.”

“She’s in good hands,” Scott said as he took her hand and held it up for me to see.

“See you later.” I said and then kissed her again. I couldn’t seem to stop doing that.

“Good luck,” she said, then I watched the two of them walk hand in hand to the bar. There was a decent crowd, nothing like J.D.’s, but it was still early. After the owner of the club introduced us, we took to the stage and started off with some early Led Zeppelin. We’d been playing for about an hour when I realized that the crowd had nearly doubled in size.

I could see from the stage that Grace and Scott had gotten a seat at the bar, and it looked like she was having a good time and enjoying the show. Mickey and Dean had joined them, along with a girl I didn’t recognize. We were about ready to take a ten minute break – just long enough to grab a beer in the back room, change my sweaty t-shirt, and say hi to Grace – but before I was even halfway done with my beer it was time to go back on.

I strapped my guitar back on and quickly scanned the crowd for her. She was still in the same spot at the bar, in what looked like deep conversation with Scott and Mickey. Satisfied that she was okay, I adjusted my guitar strap and waited for Cole to get started.

Cole began with a sort of intro, which I’d always thought was weird because usually that kind of thing is done before the show starts. Cole liked to do it halfway through, said it was more personal or something. As he spoke to the crowd, I looked around at all the unfamiliar faces when suddenly I caught sight of two very familiar faces coming through the front doors.

Shit. It was Amber and Kristen.

My eyes locked on the two of them as they snaked their way through the crowd, closer to the bar. The two of them ordered beers and then began to move toward the center of the long bar to where Grace was.

They stopped to talk to two guys, and I thought I was safe, but then they continued on. I knew as soon as they spotted Scott because I saw Amber tug at Kristen’s arm and motion towards him with her chin. They stopped and whispered something to each other. Both of them watched for a minute before moving closer.
Shit, shit, shit!

There was nothing I could do but watch as they kept getting closer. By this time Cole had finished with the introductions and was about to start up the second half of the show, but I kept my eyes on the bar, watching as Kristen tapped Scott on the shoulder. Scott turned around, and I saw a look of genuine surprise on his face. I could see the four of them standing together – Scott, Grace, Amber and Kristen – and I could make out the fact that Scott was uncomfortably making the introductions.

I saw Amber turn to Grace, smiling as she said something. I couldn’t move as Cole and the rest of the band began to play. There, in slow motion, right before my very eyes, my worlds began to collide.

Chapter 47

Grace

“O
h, you must be Tanner’s girlfriend. Nice to meet you, Grace,” Amber said after Scott introduced us.

I smiled and nodded at the attractive girl whom I remembered from the tailgate party back in the fall. “Hi, we’ve actually met. It was a while ago, though.”

“We have?”

“Yeah, you probably don’t recognize me,” I said, now embarrassed remembering my mousey appearance back then. “My hair was a lot different.”

She looked at me curiously, but I could tell that she had no memory of our brief encounter. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember. How long ago was it?”

“It was back in the fall, at the tailgate party before the big game,” I told her.

Suddenly recognition flashed across her face. “Oh, yeah! Now I remember. You and Tanner were hanging out by Scott’s truck, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” I confirmed.

“Oh, that
was
a while ago. When did you guys meet anyway?” she asked curiously.

“At the beginning of last semester,” I told her, hoping she wouldn’t press any further. I hated when people asked when Tanner and I started dating. I never knew what to say. It certainly wasn’t last September, but I didn’t really know
when
it was. It just sort of happened. Fortunately, she didn’t ask.

By this time the show had started back up, so I turned my attention toward the stage and Tanner. About fifteen minutes later Amber sidled up to me. “He’s got a lot of talent, don’t you think?”

“Oh, yeah. They’re great,” I replied, “This is the first show I’ve seen.”

“Really? You’ve never gone to J.D.’s?”

“Well,” I confessed, “actually I’m underage, so I’m really not supposed to be here
or
J.D.’s for that matter…but don’t tell anyone.”

“Your secret’s safe here,” she said with a smile. I noticed then that her friend was missing. When I looked past her, I saw Scott, Dean, and Mickey with their eyes glued to the two of us, each wearing identical expressions on their faces.

I turned to Amber and jokingly said, “Looks like you’ve got a fan club.”

She glanced at the three guys but quickly turned back to me. “I think I’ll pass,” she said, laughing quietly.

I smiled and turned back toward the stage, but she kept trying to talk to me and it was getting annoying. I really wanted to watch the show since I didn’t know when I’d get the chance to see the band play again.

Finally Scott came over and asked me if I wanted another drink. “No, thanks,” I said, relieved when he kind of wedged himself between me and Amber.

The rest of the night flew by. Tanner was
amazing
to watch, and I couldn’t wait until he sang again. Before too long they left the stage and it was time for the encore. You could tell by the cheering of the crowd that they didn’t want the band to stop playing, but just after they left the stage for the second time, the bartender yelled, “Last call!”

Within seconds, Scott grabbed my hand and said, “Do you want to go backstage?”

Before I could answer, he was pulling me through the crowd. “Slow down, Scott,” I called out over the noise, “I can’t go that fast in these heels.” When we got to the backstage door, he quickly pulled it open, pulled me inside, then closed it behind us.

Tanner was standing there, still in his sweaty t-shirt, and when I saw him I ran and threw my arms around him. “You were
so
amazing!”

He didn’t say anything. He just stayed stiff, and when I looked up he was just staring past me toward Scott.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he said. “Everything all right with you?”

“Of course everything’s all right with me. Everything’s great! I had the best time! I can’t wait for the tour this summer!” I just babbled on and on. He seemed to relax a bit after all my excitement, and I thought that maybe he was worried that I wouldn’t have a good time or something, which of course was crazy.

“Let me change out of this shirt real quick, then we’ll have a few beers and I’ll introduce you to the guys,” he said as he stepped back.

“Okay, sure,” I said, “but hurry up!”

After Tanner disappeared into the bathroom, Scott said, “I’m going to head back outside and see what the guys are up to. I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Okay, see you later.”

Tanner was back in no time, and he brought me over to introduce me to the rest of the band, who were sitting around the table drinking some beers. They were all very friendly and it was great to finally meet everyone, but Tanner didn’t seem himself. He kept glancing towards the door, and when Scott came back, he jumped up and went over to him. The rest of the guys were talking about the summer tour and how great it was going to be. After a few minutes, Tanner came back looking slightly more relaxed.

“You ready to cut out of here?” he asked me.

“Yeah, sure.” I said goodbye to everyone and told them again what a great show they’d put on. After Tanner gathered his things, we headed out to the truck where Scott was waiting for us.

On the drive home, I leaned up from the back seat and jokily said, “Hey, Scott, Amber thought it was funny how the three of you guys were standing there drooling over her while we were talking. I hate to burst your bubble, but I don’t think she’s interested.”

Stone silence.
When neither of them said anything I glanced between them, but just then Scott broke the uncomfortable silence with, “Drooling over her? Yeah, she wishes.” Then he laughed.

“Oh, Scott, you’re just too picky. She seemed nice enough, although a little too chatty…and she was pretty.”

“Grace,” Scott said, “you know I’m holding out for your sister – three more years, right? On her eighteenth birthday I’m showing up at your front door to declare my love.”

We all started to laugh when he said that, and the awkward silence was soon forgotten. When we got back to their apartment, Scott said he was beat and turned in right away, leaving me and Tanner alone in the living room. As he hung our coats on the rack by the front door, I went over and grabbed him from behind, squeezing him tight.

“Can we go to bed now?” I asked.

He spun around to face me so that his arms were hanging over my shoulders and looked down at me, smiling. “Impatient aren’t we?”

“No, I’m just
really
tired,” I said as I let out an exaggerated yawn.

“You’re a terrible actress,” he joked, then he grabbed my hand and pulled me into his bedroom.

Chapter 48

Tanner

A
fter I dropped Grace off at the dorm late the next morning, I headed straight back to the apartment. Scott wasn’t around when we woke up so I texted him to meet me there as soon as he could. He wrote right back saying he was on his way.

I’d only gotten the bare minimum of information from him last night because Grace was around, and I wanted him to tell me exactly what was said.

Grace hadn’t mentioned Amber again last night or this morning, but we
had
been kind of busy. When I pulled in the driveway, I was relieved to see Scott’s truck. As soon as I walked in, I started with the third-degree.

“Okay, lay it on me. I want to hear everything. Tell me exactly what she said. I mean, it couldn’t have been
that
bad, judging from the way Grace was acting.”

“Well,” Scott began, “let’s start by saying that Amber’s beyond pissed off, and that’s putting it mildly. The bottom line is she knows when you met Grace and that you were seeing her at the same time. Basically, she’ll be spilling the beans to Grace as soon as humanly possible.”

“Shit,” I said as I sat down on the couch, feeling sick to my stomach. “What do I do?”

“Simple,” he said, “just tell her everything. Tell her that when you met her you were seeing Amber – nothing wrong there – and that you
eventually
broke up with Amber because you just wanted to be with her. See, by saying ‘eventually,’ it’s understood that there was a time that you
might
have been seeing the both of them. Then tell her that Amber is unstable or something and that she may try to make trouble. That way you’re covered, and if you think about it, it’s actually the truth, right?”

I sat back on the couch and thought about what he’d said, how simple it all seemed. “But you have to be quick,” he continued. “Make sure Amber doesn’t get to her first. It’s called damage control, my friend. If Amber gets to her first, it’ll be ten times worse, especially if she gets into all the gory details.”

“You’re right,” I said. “Shit, why does everything have to be so fucking complicated? I just want to be with Grace, play my music, live my life, and not have anyone else adding any damn drama into the mix.”

“I hear ya, man,” he said as he started to get up. “Now, are we done here?”

“Yeah, we’re done.”

Scott did have a point, and it went right along with my idea of being upfront with her about everything –
almost everything
– but the timing wasn’t the only issue I worried about. Actually, I hadn’t been with Amber in months. In fact I thought the last time had been before winter break. What I was more concerned about were the details –
the devil was always in the details
– and I knew Amber would embellish if it meant she could screw me over. But as long as I got to Grace first, anything Amber told her would just seem like a desperate attempt to sabotage our relationship. My decision made, I decided I’d go over to Grace’s place later and tell her about Amber before she heard it straight from the horse’s mouth. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that she wouldn’t think it was a big deal –
provided
I got to her first.

I showed up at Grace’s unannounced just as she was finishing up some homework. She was thrilled when I asked her if she wanted to grab some pizza or something. “This is such a nice surprise!” she said as she leaned up and kissed me. “Let me just grab my jacket, and we can go.”

On the ride over to Reggie & Pete’s, we talked mostly about last night’s show. She didn’t bring up Amber at all. When we got there, we took a booth in the back and waited for the waitress to come over. “Remember the last time we were here,” I asked. “You told me all about the little indiscretions that landed you in boarding school?”

“It wasn’t boarding school,” she said smiling. “It was just a small, private school and yes, I remember.”

Just then Danielle came over to take our order, but this time, before she could diss Grace, I said, “Hi, Danielle, how are you? You remember Grace, right?” I reached over and took Grace’s hand.

“Oh, yeah, hi,” she said, obviously caught off-guard.

“We’ll take a large pie and two root beers,” I said before she could start talking my ear off again.

“Sure, coming right up,” she said as she turned and disappeared behind the counter.

Satisfied that I was rid of her for the time being, I turned back to Grace.

“I know I keep saying it,” she said, “but the show last night…it was amazing. You guys are awesome. I can’t wait for summer.”

I never got tired of hearing her say how much she loved watching me perform. “Me too,” I said. “This summer’s going to be great. Maybe before the tour starts we can go up to the lake house for a few days. My mom really wants us to.”

“That’s perfect. We’ll have so much to do. Look at the schedule for when you’ll be in Jersey - you can stay at my house if it’s close enough.”

“That’d be great,” I said wondering to myself how I’d be able to segue into a conversation about Amber. “So…did Mick or any of the guys have anything to say last night?” I asked, hoping it would coax her into mentioning Amber.

“Um, I talked to them a little before the show, but not much after it started. I didn’t want to miss anything.”

At that point our pizza came, along with two cans of root beer, and I didn’t think she’d say anything more, but then she added, “But that Amber, boy, she can talk. She kept asking me all these questions. I was glad when Scott finally came over and stood by me. I mean, normally I wouldn’t mind, she seemed nice enough, but not while I was trying to watch the band.”

Here goes.
“Oh, yeah, I wanted to talk to you about her,” I began.

“Oh, what about?” she asked as she took a bite of pizza.

I poured the root beer into the two glasses, then took a sip and a bite of the pizza, obviously staling. “…Actually,” I said casually, “we went out a few times.”

She looked up from her pizza, “Oh, really…when?” She sounded curious, but not upset.

“Oh, a while back,” I answered vaguely. “I kind of broke it off with her when we got together.”

“You’re kidding,” she said, leaning back against the back of the booth. “Huh, I guess that explains why she seemed so interested in me.”

I felt myself stiffen. “Why? What did she say?”

“Nothing really. She just wanted to know, like, when we met and stuff like that.”

“Oh…well, I just wanted you to know in case you ran into her again.” Then I hesitated before I said, “and because she may try to make trouble.”

“Trouble!” Grace said, putting down her slice. “What kind of trouble? Do you mean like beat-me-up kind of trouble?”

I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me when she said that, combined with the wide eyes and genuine look of fear on her face. “Beat you up? What is this, Ass Kicking 101?”

She laughed when I said that and relaxed back into the seat. “Well, then, what kind of trouble do you mean?”

“You know,” I tried to explain, “like she may try to make trouble between you and me.”

“Oh,” she said, sounding relieved. “Is that what you’re worried about? Her making ‘relationship’ trouble? Forget it. Nothing she could say would change anything for me. Like I told you before, I don’t care about your past.” She smiled and reached across the table, touching my hand. I felt relief begin to seep through me as she continued, “I’m sure you’ve been out with a lot of girls. It’s not a big deal. I mean I’ve been out with other guys, too, and it doesn’t bother you, right?”

Umm…what?
I must have had a somewhat surprised look on my face because she said, “Tanner, I admit I’m a bit inexperienced, but did you actually think I’d never even been on a date before?”

“No, of course not,” I said, trying to recover, but suddenly my mind was consumed with this new information. Did I really think that she’d never been out with a guy before?
Uh, yeah
. And did I actually think she’d never even kissed a guy before?
Uh, yeah
. But now that I thought about it I didn’t like it one bit.

“What?” I said, when I realized she was saying my name.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, sorry. I just got distracted for a minute thinking about…the uh…the logistics of the summer tour. What were you saying?”

“Oh, nothing. It’s not important,” she said as she went back to eating her pizza.

I didn’t know why it bothered me so much, but I couldn’t help it. The thought of her with anyone else made my blood boil. I knew it was crazy –
so why did I pursue it?
I don’t know. I guess in my own sick mind I just needed to be reassured. I found myself asking, “Do you still talk to any of these guys?”

“No, I mean, there really aren’t that many, but I did run into one of them – Darren Chesney. He was the guy involved in the ‘senior prom fiasco’. I don’t think I told you that story, but anyway, I ran into him over winter break, but other than him I haven’t seen or spoken to anyone else.”

I knew it was a mistake to ask, but I couldn’t help myself. There were too many scenarios flashing through my head, and if I didn’t find out I’d think the worst. So even though it was against my better judgment I put on an ultra-cool façade as I smoothly said, “Oooh, a ‘senior prom fiasco’? Do tell.” I leaned back in the booth with my arms folded across my chest, bracing myself for what was to come.

“If you really want to know, I’ll tell you, but it’s not something I really like to talk about. It’s not a big deal now, but at the time it was.”

Now she had my curiosity piqued, and I wanted her to continue, so I said, “Go ahead,” motioning with my hand.

“Well,” she began, “it was towards the end of senior year, and this guy Darren had asked me to go to the prom. Of course I said yes since a lot of my friends were going. We’d hung out a few times, and he was nice enough. I mean I wasn’t head-over-heels in love with him or anything, but I’ll admit I was looking forward to it. My mom had taken me shopping to pick out a dress and shoes – the whole nine yards. My friend Jeannie was going with his friend Eddie so the whole thing was working out.

“Then about two weeks before the prom, something just didn’t seem right. I could sense it, but I brushed it off by telling myself that I just had the jitters. Well, low and behold I get a phone call a couple of days later from Darren, and he says that ‘something came up’ and he can’t go to the prom with me.”

“He actually said ‘something came up’? That’s pretty lame,” I said, thinking to myself that it sounded exactly like something I might have done before meeting Grace.

“I know, right? Anyway, I was disappointed, but I figured that he had some kind of family issue that he couldn’t get out of, so I wasn’t really mad, just disappointed. Then, later on that night, I got a call from Jeannie, and she drops the bomb that she found out that Darren ditched me because this girl Heather who had just broken up with her boyfriend asked him to take her.”

“Wow, so he ditched you for another chick? That really sucks,” I said, relieved that the ‘senior prom fiasco’ had nothing to do with the back seat of a car. “What an asshole,” I added, shaking my head, but I was thinking that I didn’t know whether I wanted to kick Darren’s ass or shake his hand. I mean, if he hadn’t ditched Grace for that other girl, they might have actually ended up together. “Did you find out why he did it?”

“Well…apparently rumor had it that Heather was more…you know…fun,” she said uncomfortably.

“Oh…so whatever happened to him?” I asked.

“Nothing. He and Heather had ‘fun’ at the prom. I sat home, and that was that,” she said and then added, “but actually the story does have a pretty good ending.”

“There’s more?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she continued. “Like I told you, I ran into him at the gym over winter break when I was home.”

“And?” I asked, not really sure I wanted to know.

“
And…
he asked me out, and I got to turn him down,” she said, smiling.

“He actually had the nerve to ask you out?” I said, suddenly feeling threatened for some reason. “What did you say?”

“I told him no thanks and that I was seeing someone.” She smiled again, once again making me feel like shit as I thought about what
I
was doing over winter break and who I was doing it with.

“So, anyway, what’s up for this week?” she asked, ending the conversation.

“The usual,” I said. “I’m just counting down the days until this semester’s over.”

“Me too,” she said, and I signaled Danielle to bring the check. I felt good about everything on the drive home, like everything was all cleared up, and I could finally relax. By the time I got home from dropping Grace off, I was exhausted and ended up trying to go to bed early.

The next couple of weeks went by without a peep from Amber, and I was beginning to think that maybe I’d misjudged her. She didn’t even show up at J.D.’s when we played there the following weekend.

Things with Grace were great. We’d meet at my place during the week and she’d bring food over for dinner or attempt to cook something, which usually didn’t work out so well but I appreciated the effort. I didn’t know why, but she seemed to love using the key I’d given her. If I said I’d be home at five o’clock, she’d arrive at ten of five, just so she could use the key. Even Scott liked having her around. The two of them would joke around all the time – usually at my expense, but I didn’t mind. It seemed a small price to pay for being with her. We hung out with Mickey and Lisa one Sunday, and Grace and Lisa really hit it off. We even hung out with Beth and Tom one weekend when he came to visit. We went downtown to the pool hall to shoot a few games and have a few drinks. I was surprised when, while the girls went to the bathroom, Tom turned to me and said, “You know, the first time we met, I thought there was something a little off about you, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I even said something to Beth.”

“Really?” I acted bewildered, but I knew exactly where he was coming from. Guys could always spot dirtbags a mile away, even if the girls couldn’t, and I had certainly been acting like a dirtbag when I first met Tom.