In an Instant (2 page)

“It’s over.” He finally speaks. This isn’t what I expected him to say, so I perk up a little. Still, I’m cautious not to let him know, and since I’m currently under the sheets, I can easily mask it.

“What’s over?” I try hard to sound as uninterested as possible.

“Me and Mel.”

This is not at all where I thought this was going. They seemed perfect tonight, every night.

“You guys seemed fine earlier.” I’m not taking this bait, if it is bait. I learned a long time ago not to take sides.

Then I feel him lean over my body, his face so close to mine I feel his breath through the thin layer of cotton separating us.
“I know, but she doesn’t understand me. She doesn’t get me like you do.

“My parents got into a major fight tonight. I mean,
major
. My dad packed his bags and walked out. I came home in the middle of it. I think it’s for real this time, Dani. I left. I needed to get out of there. I went to Mel’s, but she just doesn’t get it. She was all positive and sugary, ‘I’m sure it will work out tomorrow once they sleep on it,’ glass is half-full kind of shit. I’m done. She doesn’t understand me. Not everyone’s life is perfect. Not everyone’s mom and dad like each other. Not every mom wakes up and makes fucking pancakes for their kid every morning. But she doesn’t get it, and she never will.”

I’m suddenly grateful to my sheets for masking my true feelings. I have never allowed them to surface because I can’t. I have buried them so deep I didn’t even know they were still there. But feeling him so close to me, so vulnerable, those feelings are bubbling up like a volcanic explosion. I’m trying to push them back down. I need to push them back down. So instead, I say nothing.

“I’ve tried for a long time to fool myself into thinking we could work, but we’re so different I don’t think we could ever relate to each other. And I used to think it didn’t matter, but it does. I used to think I didn’t care, but I do.”

I feel him pull away, and I know he has gone back to his usual head-buried-in-his-hands stance. I instantly miss his warmth. I hear his heavy breathing and know he’s trying to be discreet with his emotions, but I also know they are winning. And I know what I have to do.

“Hey, I get it.” I throw the sheet off then gently run my hands over his heaving back. “I know. Do you think Marcus can relate?” I give a small chuckle to myself. “But maybe that is why we all work together—because they don’t get it, and we can escape it all with them. Maybe they make us better … everything better.”

He turns, his light hazel eyes meeting mine, and my stomach reacts with a flip. I push that deep down, too.
He is your best friend’s boyfriend, and your boyfriend is his best friend.

A small smile breaks onto his lips, just enough to reveal his dimples. “Maybe you’re right.” He runs his hand over my leg, and I try to stop the automatic reaction my body has from his touch. Chills run through me, showering my skin with goose bumps as the warmth from his hand seeps into me.

I remove his hand. “I know I’m right.” I try to give him a genuine smile.

“I guess Mel and I are good together.” He lies down with his arms crossed behind his head while I lie down to match him so we are both staring up at the plywood ceiling above us.

“Can I ask you something?” His voice finally cuts through the silence as he brings his hands down to his sides.

“Sure.”

“Do you really love Marcus?” I feel his fingers slip through mine, and I honestly don’t know what to do or say, so I intertwine my fingers with his and gently squeeze his hand.

Touching him makes me realize how much I want him and how wrong this is.
What do I say?

“Do you really love Mel?”

He gives me a deep chuckle. “Not fair. I asked you first.”

I take a deep breath. “I don’t know. Sometimes, I think I do.”

He squeezes my hand more tightly. “I know what you mean.” His words don’t really say much, but it’s the meaning between them that grips my heart like a vice. I’m not sure it will ever let go.

“Why can’t things be easy, like when we were kids? We’d just come here to leave everything else behind. No boyfriends or girlfriends. No cares in the world, really.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. I wish the same thing. It was special. It’s always special with him, and I hate myself for even thinking that.

“Well, you fell in love with Mel, and the rest is history.” I want to say you ruined it that night. It was you. But I don’t. I can’t. After all, I don’t know how he will react, and I couldn’t bear a life without him, Mel, or Marcus in it, and I could lose all of them if my true feelings were ever revealed.

He gives another quick, deep laugh mixed with a sigh, but he doesn’t say anything else.

The Advil is working, but not fast enough. The low pounding in my brain surfaces, and I know a full-fledged hangover is on its way. I close my eyes to try to convince myself I’m fine both physically and mentally when I know neither of those are true.

I hear Jake’s soft, steady breathing. It’s so gentle, just like him. There is nothing about him that looks like a kid, but I know deep down he is still that nine-year-old boy I fell in love with long ago, with a heart so big it could fill the entire world. Deep down, I know I fell in love with him that night in fourth grade and then again the night tears were streaming down his cheeks in seventh when he fully opened up to me about all of his deepest fears. No one else knows that incredibly vulnerable side of him. He only lets me in that deep and always has. I’m grateful for that yet hate that it’s Mel he gives his heart to publicly.

I close my eyes with that thought, content and complete because Jake is next to me.

Chapter Three

Present

“Shit, D, you’re bleeding,” Mel says.

I didn’t feel it before, but with her words, I feel wetness trickle down my forehead. My eyes automatically go to the celling of the car below us where there is a puddle of blood pooling right under me.

I look back at Mel, needing to stay calm for her sake. “It seems like I am.” I give her a smile and suppress the fear beginning to bubble up.

Mel doesn’t look good.

“Mel, are you okay?” I think I ask it, but I’m not sure.

I start to feel light-headed, like my head is floating but also in a blender. Everything is getting mixed around. Then a peaceful feeling washes over me, and I let myself fall into an abyss of darkness.

I hear screams—Hanna and Em’s. Then I hear Cam’s voice shouting at them to stop.

“We need to find Jake,” he barks as an order.

I wish he didn’t say that, because Mel will hear. I hate that I heard, but I already know.

Then there is just peaceful darkness again. It’s not scary. I know I’m safe here. This is where I need to be, so I decide to stay. However, voices keep pulling me back to the surface. Now they are voices I don’t recognize.

“He’s going into V-fib,” I hear someone shout. “Charge the paddles.”

It’s eerily quiet, which I take as a good sign as I embrace the dark warmth that is covering me like a blanket.

Suddenly, I’m standing outside of the car. I see Cam, Dax, and Nate huddled over Jake as paramedics work on him. There are flashing lights illuminating the black sky. The lights continue to spin, unaware of the drama happening right below them. The paramedics are frantic, and the girls are hysterical. Marcus and Mel aren’t here, and I don’t think I really am, either.

There is a horrible crunching metal sound, so I turn toward it. They are cutting up Cam’s car. They must be trying to get us out. I know with every fiber of my being I’m still in that car, yet somehow, I am out here, seeing everything. I don’t question it, though. I know I’m supposed to be here, supposed to see this.

Why can’t I see Marcus? I can see everything but him. The look on Cam’s face when he saw Marc and called for Jake in the backseat is seared into my memory, but I can’t absorb what any of it means. I am surrounded by chaos, yet I’m calm. I am not sure how, but I am. It’s as if I’m watching a movie, and none of this is really happening to me.
This isn’t real. It can’t be.

I turn back and lock my eyes on Jake. I can’t pull them away now even if I tried.

There is a large tube jammed down his throat, connected to a big bulb-like thing that one of the paramedics is squeezing while the other one is pounding on his chest.

“Come on, Jake!” the one breathing for him shouts.

Dax looks like he’s about to lose his shit. Both girls are holding on to him with their faces buried in his shirt. They are afraid to look, while I can’t look away.

Jake is always the leader, always the one in control, so to see him lying there, clinging to life, so helpless, isn’t possible. This cannot be happening. We were just together, just holding hands.

Cam is pacing, pulling at his hair like he does when he is stressed. Then he kneels down next to Jake so he is up by his head while the paramedics work feverishly.

“Fight, Jake! You need to fight, dammit! Fight!” he yells. It’s earth shattering to hear him so desperate.

Just as quickly, I am pulled away. I’m not sure by what, but I feel hands press on my neck, unfamiliar hands.

Someone yells, “We’re gonna need another ambulance.”

Then I hear someone else say, “He’s in bad shape.”

Who? Jake? Marcus? Who is in bad shape? Why can’t I see them anymore?

And then there is silence again. Warm, inviting silence. I choose to go there. No stress, no worries about anyone. It’s calm, peaceful.

Chapter Four

Three months ago – December

I shove my books into my locker, grateful that it is Friday. We have cheer practice, but I know Coach will go easy on us since we have a game tonight.

“Hey, D.” I hear as hands flip under my skirt, hands I don’t recognize. Hands that are now caressing my butt, touching my underwear.

I clench my fist and start to shout, “What the hel—” as I turn around. But before I can get the words out, there is a blur of motion, and the guy who was touching me is slammed against the lockers behind us.

Jake is holding him up by the collar of his shirt. The noise his body makes when it slams into the lockers is a deafening, bone crunching sound.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Jake tightens his grip on Joel’s shirt.

“Sorry, man, I was just saying hi.” Joel is dangling at least a foot off the ground as Jake continues to press him against the lockers.

“Next time, say it with your mouth and not with your hands,” Jake retorts, tightening his grip even more.

“Dude, that’s a little tight.” Joel coughs as he gasps for air.

“Good. Remember how this feels, because if I see you touch her again, I will do much worse.” Jake pushes him harder into the metal lockers and raises him up higher for extra emphasis. Then, as soon as he lets go, Joel collapses to floor, gasping for air. “She has a boyfriend, asshole!” Jake shouts in his face as Joel tries to regulate his breathing.

“Yeah, well, it’s not you, so what do you care?” Joel says as he pulls himself up off the ground. I’m impressed by the balls this guy has after what Jake just did to him.

“What did you say to me?” Jake asks calmly, inches from Joel’s face.

I know this calm Jake, and it’s not good. This is the calm before the storm. Joel knows he is playing with fire. Jake’s reputation is well known. He is not someone you mess with … ever. Not to mention, Joel is about four tiers below him on the social ladder, so this is like social suicide.

Marcus walks up just in time with Dax right behind him. Marcus instantly wedges his way between the two of them, and I see relief wash over Joel.

“What are you doing?” Marc’s eyes are locked on Jake as he pushes Joel back into the lockers with his other hand. “You know Coach won’t let you play.” He doesn’t need to finish that sentence.

Dax pulls Jake back to calm him down while Marcus takes care of Joel. They are like a well-oiled machine, a perfectly choreographed play on the court, even now operating as a team. They know exactly when one should push and the other should pull. They know how to help each other.

My eyes finally lock with Jake’s, and he gives me the tiniest smile. There is something about the look in his eyes, his smile. Things have been different with us since the night in the tree house,
but what?
I can’t read him, and I can always read him.

Dax pulls him farther down the hall while Marcus finishes his conversation with Joel.

“Are we clear here?” Marcus asks while he has Joel pinned against the lockers. His anger is different than Jake’s; there is less emotion behind it. He is calm, calculated. It’s more about protecting his friend, the team.

Joel’s confidence has deflated, and he starts to stutter. “Yea-yeah, we’re good.”

Marcus raises his eyebrows, as if asking “are you sure?” and Joel wildly nods his head in response. Then Marcus releases him, causing Joel to stumble a little from the absence of force that was there a second ago.

I look back at where Dax has Jake all the way down the hall. He looks at me before they turn the corner toward the gym, and our eyes connect one last time. I mouth “thank you,” and he gives me a deep smile, revealing his perfect dimples. I swear my heart skips a beat. Then Dax pulls him into a playful headlock. I watch as they turn the corner, and then they are gone.

I feel arms wrap around my waist from behind. “Hey, you okay?” Marcus’s breath brushes across my earlobe as he whispers.

I turn so we are facing each other. “Yeah, I’m good.” I give him a smile, cherishing the love that fills his eyes.

“Good.” He runs his hands over my hair then leans his forehead down against mine. After a few seconds, he pulls back, and his blue eyes lock with mine. Then they shift back to the hallway where the boys just turned the corner. “I don’t know what’s going on with Jake lately.” Marcus shakes his head. “He should be focused on the game tonight, but lately, he’s been off.”

“Yeah?” I ask as if I haven’t really noticed anything.

Marcus takes a deep breath. “I’m sure he’s fine,” he says with a quick smile.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I return his smile.

His eyes reconnect with mine, and it’s as if he has wiped his concern away for my sake. “Okay. I guess I better go.”

“See you on the court. Have a good game.” I step up on my tiptoes to kiss him. Marcus is almost as tall as Jake and a good eight inches taller than me.

“You, too.” He leans down to return my chaste kiss.

It’s always safe with Marcus, always gentle. It’s never rough or dangerous. Safe is good when you have nothing else in your life that is secure. At least, that’s what I always tell myself.

“See you on the court.” He gives me his bright smile before he turns and walks in the same direction the other boys went.

As he walks away, I can’t help admiring the almost tailored fit his jeans and T-shirt have, even though I know they are straight off the rack. He really is gorgeous. Tall and lean but all muscle, he has straight black hair that hangs just above his bright blue eyes. He truly is perfect.
Just maybe not perfect for me.

I’m shocked Jake hasn’t said anything to him about his parents. I’m sure that’s what is bothering him, why he has been off. He tells Marcus everything, so I don’t know why he has only trusted me with this information.

Then there is the fact that Jake has always been protective, but he was ready to kill Joel. I have never seen that look in his eye. Maybe Marcus is right; maybe there is more going on with him. But what?