In an Instant (9 page)

Chapter Thirteen

Present – Hospital

I finally make it into Jake’s room. I need to see him, though I know I don’t have much time. I love Dax for understanding and convincing Nate and Cam that I couldn’t go back to my room without at least getting a minute alone with Jake.

I squeeze my eyes shut and concentrate on breathing.
In, out. In, out. In, out.
I need to concentrate on each breath, or I’m going to hyperventilate.

Jake is beautiful, like always. His room is almost identical to Marcus’s, but something is different. Maybe it’s because Jake is still here, still fighting.

According to Cam, he has several broken ribs and a lacerated lung, which is why he is on a ventilator. Jake is scraped and bruised, and he has a bandage on his head similar to mine. I know he needed stitches in lots of places. He also has a tube sticking out from under the blankets. I need to focus on something else, because knowing that it’s attached to his chest to help release pressure from building up due to his collapsed lung makes my stomach churn. It’s such a small tube yet so important to keeping him here, keeping him alive.

Get it together,
I repeat to myself. I have already been warned to keep it positive, not to bring up Marcus, but it’s so hard. Jake is the only one who will truly understand.

Everyone keeps using the word lucky, considering he was thrown from the car. It doesn’t seem like the right word when his best friend is next door on life support, his girlfriend is recovering from surgery, and his dirty secret is the reason. I hate that I’m the dirty secret. I hate myself. I hate us. But how can something that comes from so much love be so wrong?

I squeeze my eyes shut again. Looking at him makes me forget how wrong it is. Looking at him is a painful reminder of how much I love him, how much I need him, and how right it feels when we are together. I know our secret isn’t what actually caused the accident, but I keep replaying every detail of that night. If just one thing happened differently—one less kiss, one less touch … A one second difference could have changed everything.

Seeing him clinging to life, I can’t deny my love for him. I also can’t allow myself to feel it anymore. It’s not fair to Marcus or Mel.

The one thing this horrible accident tells me is that Jake and I are not meant to be, but that is something we can deal with later. Of course, I need a chance to deal with it, which means I need him to wake up. I need him to pull through more than anything in this world. I need him to fight.

“Jake, it’s me, Dani,” I whisper as close to his ear as I can get with all the tubes in the way while I grip his hand with both of mine. Touching him reminds me of everything we have been through together, and the love overwhelms me.

“I need you to keep fighting. Please fight. I love you.” That’s all I can get out before my emotions take over, and my voice reveals just what a mess I am.

The tears are streaming down my cheeks, but I can’t bring myself to wipe them away. That would mean letting go of Jake’s hand.

The reality of losing him hits me all at once, and I feel a pain in my chest unlike any other. It feels like it’s caving in, as if someone reached in and ripped out my heart.

“Please, Jake. I need you.” I sob into his blankets. I’m trying so hard to mask my voice, to sound calm and positive. But realizing just how much I will lose if I lose him is overwhelming, and I can’t handle it.

“Okay, D, let’s get you back to your room,” I hear Nate’s voice. He must have seen me losing it.
Damn glass.

I shake my head with my eyes locked on Jake. My brain tries to remember every detail of him just in case this is the last time. This can’t be the last time. It can’t be the end.

I feel Nate’s hands on my shoulders, and then his hand is on top of mine. “It’s not the last time, D,” he says softly.

I didn’t think I said that out loud. I’m so mixed up, so many emotions are surging through my body. I don’t know what is real and what isn’t anymore.

Nate wraps his arms around me, and once I’m safe in his warm embrace, I completely lose it. I feel my legs buckle, the room starts to spin, and everything fades to black. It all slips away.

Chapter Fourteen

Fifty-Three Hours Ago

“State, here we come!” Cam shouts over the roar of his engine.

I’m in the front seat, wishing I were in the back, sitting next to Jake. I can’t stop picturing Jake’s hands on my body, his lips on mine, his breath on my neck, his fingers gliding across my skin. It was a little less than an hour ago when we snuck into that office. It’s so hard to be this close to him but pretend we are only friends.

“That was a hell of a last shot, Marc,” Jake says, and I know he has Marcus in a playful headlock.

“Thanks for the setup, oh mighty basketball god,” Marcus shoots back. I can picture the smile on his face that matches his sarcastic tone.

This is what they do. They never take or give sole credit, knowing it’s not one person; it’s a true team effort.

Before the game, it’s serious concentration. After the game, it’s lighthearted sarcasm, followed by massive celebration.

Speaking of celebration, we are on our way to Lucas’s house. His dad is once again out of town, and the night is young.

As we pull up to his house, I’m flooded with memories of the last time we were here: Joel, the dark hallway, how easily he was able to overpower me. I haven’t allowed those thoughts to creep back in until seeing the house. Now all of those feelings churn up.

I use all of my power to push those thoughts away. I will not let what happened stop me from having fun or enjoying Lucas’s parties. I refuse to allow fear to dictate my decisions.

While we all walk up to the house, I glance over at Jake who is in a deep conversation with Nate. I’m so grateful to have them. I know they will always have my back.

We find our usual spot by the fire pit, and we all resume our normal positions. I nestle into Marcus because that’s what I’m supposed to do. I feel his strong arms around me and love the comfort he gives me. I feel safe with him. He’s like your favorite blanket. You love it because you know everything about it, and it’s always there for you when you need it.

I glance over to see Mel is on Jake’s lap as usual. Jake’s eyes meet mine, and he gives me a small smile from across the fire. On the outside, it’s innocent, or at least, I think it is, but I know it’s filled with so much more.

There is an unspoken tension filling the air that is never there. I’m not sure why. We just won the game.

Marcus slides his hand over my hipbone and onto my stomach. It’s a territorial kind of move that is so unlike him. I notice his gaze is on Jake, too, and I feel him tense up.

Shit.
He knows or suspects. We need to cool it.

On instinct, I look at Mel, who seems to only have eyes for Jake. She’s making sure his attention is on her. Her hands are on his face to keep his eyes locked on hers. They are both smiling about something, and then she leans in and kisses him—really kisses him—which is so out of character for her.

I feel like I’m going to throw up.
They both know.

“Who wants a drink?” Cam asks, seeming oblivious to the four-way silent battle happening.

“I do.” Dax jumps up, releasing Em. Then he smiles down at her. “Emmy?”

“Okay,” Em says as she locks hands with Dax to go for a beer walk with them.

Hanna doesn’t miss their interaction. She glances at me with a smile then shouts out, “Just come out with it already, you two. We know you like each other.” Then she laughs. I can tell she had her own pre-party because she is already giddy. Either way, I appreciate her lightening the tension and putting the focus on something else.

Marcus starts to move, but before he gets up, he grips me a little more firmly.

“Jake? Drink?” He gives Jake a look that I can’t read.

“Sure. Girls?” he asks to the rest of us as he gets up, making sure Mel is comfortable when he repositions her off his lap.

As they walk away toward the kegs, I see Jake and Marcus fall back from the others, and my heart drops. I think about following them but know that’s a bad idea. I try to read their body language. It looks tense; it’s never tense with them.

Within minutes, everyone is back except Jake and Marcus.

“You seem to have lost a few,” I say with a smile to the group as they approach, trying to mask my concern.

Mel picks up on it and gives me a questioning look.
Maybe she doesn’t know.
Maybe she is just feeling daring tonight and wants to celebrate the win.

“Your drinks are coming, D. Relax,” Dax says with a laugh. I’m glad he thinks that’s why I was asking.

“Swimming?” Hanna pops up and asks Nate with an outstretched hand. She knows he will never do it, but she loves to play with him.

“Okay,” Nate says with a smile as he accepts her challenge and her hand.

“Yeah, baby!” Cam shouts as he rips off his shirt.

“You’re not invited,” Nate says with a smile as he locks his fingers with Hanna’s.

“What …? Oh … shit, Nate. That’s my boy. The baby is growing up.” Cam slaps him on the back as Hanna wraps her arms around him.

Well, it seems to be a night of truths.

“What’d we miss?” Jake asks as they re-approach the group in the middle of Cam’s shirtless salute.

“There’s a swim lesson happening, and we’re not invited,” Dax catches him up with a laugh as he gestures toward Nate and Hanna.

“Screw that. We’re celebrating,” Jake says as he peels off his shirt to match Cam. I try to subtly relish in his gorgeous, firm chest, but more importantly, I try to read him and Marcus. They seem fine.

Before I know it, the boys are in their boxers, and the girls are in their bras and underwear. Even though it’s the beginning of March, it’s still around eighty degrees, so the cool water feels incredible.

It’s as if the water is an excuse to let loose and do whatever we want with whomever we want. I look around and seem to be the only person not kissing someone. Nate is attached to Hanna; Dax is connected to Em, and I mean really connected. They are practically on top of one another. Jake seems to be focused on Mel at the moment, which turns my stomach, and Cam is kissing Bea.

Bea!
What is he thinking?
Great, now she will never leave us alone. God, I can’t stand her.

I’m about to go over there to knock some sense into him when I feel a hand grip my wrist and pull me back.

“Where are you off to?” Marcus asks with his perfect smile. His dark hair is soaked and hanging into his gorgeous blue eyes.

“Nowhere.” I smile up at him as he leans down to kiss me. “Well, to stop Cam.” I give a small laugh as I gesture over to where he is currently all over Bea.

Marcus laughs as his large hands wrap around my waist under the water. They make me feel so tiny. I love that feeling. I do love him. I love the way he looks at me as if I’m special, important.

I’m so torn. I know I have always loved Jake deep down, and I have suppressed those feeling for so long. However, Marcus is so special to me, too, and I can’t hurt him. I won’t hurt him. I wish there were a clear answer.

I feel his hands slide over my hips and back up to my waist. They continue to run up my spine until they land on my face. His touch is gentle as he cups my jaw and studies my face. It’s as if he’s searching for an answer. He’s never looked at me this way before.

Then he leans down and gives me a sweet kiss before he pulls back. The way he is acting, the way he is looking at me, it’s as if he knows. It’s as if he’s saying good-bye without words.

My heart starts to race.

“I’ll be right back.” He smiles before he drops his hands from my face.

Something is different. Something is wrong. My brain tries to shuffle through everything to come up with why he is suddenly distant, even though he’s standing right next to me.

“Where are you going?” I ask, desperate to keep him here with me.

“Bathroom. And to save Cam,” he says with a wide grin. “He can’t be that drunk already.” He gives a small chuckle.

“I thought you liked her,” I say with a laugh as I watch him walk away.

He turns back and gives me his exquisite smile.

Once he’s out of the pool, I look for Jake. Somehow, he finds me first. I feel his hand on my shoulder at the same time I hear his voice.

“Dani.”

The instant I turn around and my eyes land on him, I melt—literally melt—and the truth is clear. As much as I love Marcus, he will never have the same effect on me as Jake. I have been in love with Jake for years, my whole life maybe.

His soft touch sends chills through my entire body, even though the pool is heated, and it’s incredibly warm out.

“Where’s Mel?” I ask, making sure the coast is totally clear.

“Bathroom.” He smiles, revealing his dimples.

“Seems to be a common theme,” I joke then get right to the point because I don’t know how much time we have before they come back. “Is everything okay?” I don’t need to elaborate; he knows.

“Yeah. We’re good.” His smile sets my nerves at ease.

“What did he say to you? What were you guys talking about?” I can’t help the concern that is pouring out with these questions, as much as I try to hide it.

He gently places my loose, soaked hair behind my ear as he shakes his head. “Nothing, Dani. You have nothing to worry about.”

His words are what I want to hear. Still, I study his eyes, knowing they will tell me the truth. They are filled with only confidence. He believes what he is saying. Maybe Marcus acting off, the tension, was all in my imagination.

Jake locks his fingers with mine below the water’s surface where it’s safe and hidden, and he gives me a deep smile.

I feel my tension slip away, and my heart rate slows. It’s no longer pounding in my chest as my shoulders relax.

Everything is fine,
I repeat to myself.

“Dani, I …” Jake starts, but then we are both showered with water thanks to Cam cannon balling into the pool right next to us.

“Way to go, ass-hat.” Jake pushes him back under the water as soon as he surfaces.

“Dude! That one was for D looking all stressed out tonight.” Cam starts to massage my shoulders, and Jake gives him a look that I think shocks him. Cam being Cam, he just brushes it off without any further thought. “Anyway, I came over here to tell you Bea said that Vizzi is having a party tonight, too, so let’s hit that party next.”

“I’m good here,” Jake says as he rubs his leg against mine under the water.

I shoot him a smile with wide eyes as a warning to stop. He is getting too careless, and it’s stressing me out.

“Whatever. You’re coming, and I know this because I drove your ass here.” With that, Cam jumps into Jake, giving him a huge bear hug, then drags him underwater, causing a massive splash.

They are ridiculous, but I can’t help laughing. At least his make-out session with Bea was good for something. My love for parties overshadows my hate for her.

***

Once we are out of the pool, we are all dry in less than twenty minutes thanks to tonight’s sweltering heat. We get dressed, and then we are on our way to the cars to go to Vizzi’s party.

Vizzi is a junior on the basketball team. His parents have even more money than Lucas’s, so his house is sick, and his parties are even sicker. When Vizzi has a party, you go; it’s another unspoken rule of the group. I’m pretty sure his dad is a drug dealer because there is always an endless supply of whatever you want, not that we partake, really. That’s just an idea of the kind of party we are talking about. It’s non-stop, and I can’t wait.

As we approach the cars, Marcus grabs my hand and gives me his gorgeous smile. I feel whatever tension was left in my bones float away. He’s happy, and that makes me happy.

“Hey, why don’t you sit up front with Cam this time?” The words slip out before I know what I’m saying. It’s as if my subconscious wanted me to ask.

He gives me a questioning look but smiles. “Sure.” Then he leans down and kisses me before I slide into the back seat next to Jake.

“And the party continues,” Cam says as his car purrs to life. “You know what Vizzi’s means?” Cam shouts out the window to Dax in the car next to ours.

“Yeah, you’re about to get your ass handed to you!” Dax shouts back.

“Oh, really?” Cam smiles as he puts his car in drive. “I believe we won the last time.” He then presses his foot down on the gas, and we start to fly.

On our way to Vizzi’s we have to pass an infamous stretch of road where it’s mandatory to race. Cam almost always wins, but Dax seems to block that out. I love that his confidence and trash talk are based on absolutely nothing, but who knows? Tonight could be different. Anything is possible.