Jessie Belle: The Women of Merryton - Book One (19 page)

When
all the dry and wet ingredients were in the bowl, I gave Maddie the honor of
stirring. I was happy to see that she was careful and paid extra attention to
scraping the sides to make sure all the batter was mixed in. The only thing I
had to caution her on was folding in the blueberries, not stirring them in.

I
handed her the perfect size ladle for pancake batter. “All right, are you ready
to pour the batter on the griddle?”

She
eagerly took the ladle and poured the batter on the hot and greased griddle. I
wasn’t going to tell Blake I actually used oil instead of the non-stick spray.
The extra calories weren’t going to kill him. Once she was done making six
pancakes, I handed her the spatula. “Wait until you see them bubble up before
you flip them,” I instructed her.

It
didn’t take long before those bubbles began to appear.

She
went to flip the first one, and let’s just say it didn’t end well.

“Fetch!”
she exclaimed as half of the pancake didn’t make it over and the other half
went off the griddle.

I
laughed at her choice of words - such a Utah word. “Don’t worry about it. Try
to make sure the spatula is fully under the pancake before you flip it.”

She
tried to hand me the spatula. “You do it.”

I
shook my head no. “You’ve got this.”

In
return I received a pouty little look, but that was okay. I thought back to my
own mother trying to teach me how to flip pancakes. It felt like I flipped
dozens before I got it right. I remembered feeling a little unhappy about it.

She
stood there for a second, spatula in hand, looking almost like she was daring
me, but I smiled at her. “You can do this. Besides, pancakes don’t have to look
perfect to taste good.”

Her
crooked little grin erupted and I could see Blake. I could also see him in her
eyes. There was a determination there. She tried her best to flip those
pancakes. Fetch and flip were used gratuitously. I held back my laughter. When
it was all said and done we had odd shaped pancakes and a somewhat frustrated
teen girl, but I hoped someday she would thank me for it. 

“We’ll
try again tomorrow,” I told her as she walked the pancake-filled platter over
to the table.

“Ugh,”
I think I heard her say.

“You’ll
be making perfect pancakes before you know it.”

“If
you say so.”

“I
do. Do you want to call your dad down?”

“Dad!”
she yelled before she responded to me.

I
refrained from sticking my finger in my ear. Wow, could she yell. I had a
feeling our quiet house was in for a major upheaval.

What
was funny was how quickly Blake came running down the stairs with a panicked
look. “Is everything all right?”

“Breakfast
is ready,” she said innocently.

He
looked relieved and annoyed. Only he could pull off that look.

“Do
you want syrup?” I asked him. I had the pure maple kind for him. I was planning
on using the high fructose kind and, of course, a nice helping of butter. 

“I’ll
eat mine plain.”

Of
course he would.

“You
can’t eat pancakes without syrup,” Maddie said in shock.

“You’ll
learn, honey, that your dad does a lot of unnatural things when it comes to
food.”

He
looked at me from across the table and raised his eyebrow. I winked at him and
he half-smiled back as I walked toward him with calorie-filled hands.

As
we all sat down together it felt momentous. It was our first “family” meal
together at home. Blake sat at the head, Maddie and I each took one of his
sides. We all looked at each other like “now what?” Blake broke the ice by
reaching for one pancake. Just one. He looked at the misshaped pancake and then
at me.

“Maddie
made the pancakes,” I said in a high-pitched voice, hoping Blake would catch on
and maybe say something positive. But I forgot who I was dealing with.

“Hmmm,”
was all he said before digging in.

I
quickly grabbed two and slathered them in unhealthiness and quickly took a
bite. “These are fabulous,” I said with my mouth full.

Maddie
smiled at me before eating her own.

Blake
was done with his in no time flat. “I need to get back to work,” he said as he
stood up and began to walk his plate over to the sink.

Maddie
and I had barely just begun.

“Okay,
so what are our plans for today?” I asked him.

“I
told Maddie I would take her swimming later. Other than that, work.”

“Oh.”
I was hoping for some together time since we had planned to have the day off
anyway. I looked at Maddie, who had disappointment in her eyes. That wouldn’t
do. “How about we go shopping for some new clothes?” I offered.

Her
pretty gray eyes lit up. “Really?”

I
nodded nervously. I decided then I was calling my own mom. She loved to shop
and I’m sure she was chomping at the bit to meet Maddie. And I needed my mommy.

“I’ll
give you some money,” Blake said as he reached into his pocket for his wallet.

Okay,
that
irked
me. “I don’t want your money.”

Blake
narrowed his eyes at me.

I
turned back to my breakfast. I knew it shouldn’t annoy me, but it did. Husbands
shouldn’t give their wives money—they should share money. I was also a tad
ticked that he just assumed I would entertain Maddie. It’s not that I minded,
but he could have at least asked. I wasn’t the governess like Maria, but I was
the stepmother like her, so I was trying to act the part. But he should be
acting his part. You know, the father one?

He
didn’t say another word before he disappeared back upstairs.

“I’ll
call my mom to see if she wants to come with us. We can head out after we’ve
both showered and gotten ready. Does that sound good?” I asked Maddie.

“Do
you think your mom will like me?”

I
smiled. “I think she will more than like you.”

She
grinned in return. But then said something that made me both angry and
heartbroken.

“My
mom said that your family probably wouldn’t like me because I’m not your kid,
but I would just have to deal with it.”

I
reached across the table for her hand and squeezed it. “You listen to me. My
family will love you, not only because you belong to our family now, but
because you are a great kid. And you never have to put up with someone
mistreating you. Okay?”

She
nodded her pretty little head. “I think I’m going to like it here.”

“I’m
happy to hear that. Now let’s finish eating and get ready to hit the mall.”

That
statement excited her.

We
finished our delicious pancakes quickly and cleaned up. She wasn’t very
enthusiastic about the latter part. I would even say she was put out, which
reminded me of her dad. Not that he balked at dishes, but he could get grouchy
when he was asked to do things he didn’t enjoy. Maddie was in for a rude
awakening—she was now living with two neat freaks who weren’t used to having children
in the house. It was going to be an adjustment, to say the least.

As
I showered I thought about Sabrina and the kind of life Maddie must have led. I
was trying not to be judgmental, but I wasn’t doing so well. I also thought
about Blake and how I should approach him to give some parenting advice. I knew
I had as much experience as him, which was zero, but at least I had an amazing
father. Blake didn’t have that example to go by. If only he and my dad were
closer. This seemed like a man-to-man kind of a talk, you know, the kind where a
dad takes his son fishing and tells him how to be a man. Don’t get me wrong,
Blake was a good man, he only needed some fine-tuning, and maybe some
adjustments here and there.

I
dried off and wrapped my large towel around me as I applied copious amounts of
anti-wrinkle cream to my face. I was hoping it would stave off any creases or
fine lines for at least the next fifty years. As I combed through my hair the
door slid opened. At first I startled. I thought perhaps it was Maddie.

“Sorry,
you said I shouldn’t knock.”

I
looked at him through my mirror. “And I meant it.” I looked down at my
towel-covered body. I suddenly felt shy, but I reminded myself that was
ridiculous. I smiled at my husband, who also seemed nervous as he ran his
fingers through his thick hair.

“Keith
called. They need me over at the Anderson place.”

I
turned and faced him. “I thought you were taking the day off?”

“You
know summer is my busiest time of year.”

“I
do know that. But I also know you have a disappointed daughter.”

“Why
is she disappointed?”

“Didn’t
you see the look on her face when you said you were working today?”

“She
seemed fine to me.”

“Blake,
believe me, she wasn’t.”

“You’re
already taking her shopping.”

“True.
Just make sure you’re home early and that you spend some quality time with her
this weekend. She’s nervous about starting school and she’s going to need you.”

He
walked closer, and where I expected to see annoyance in his eyes, I saw heat.
Suddenly I felt flushed. I bit my lip as he drew near.

He
closed the distance between us and reached out and ran his fingers lightly
across the exposed area of my chest and over to my bare shoulder. Goosebumps
erupted everywhere and I exhaled loudly.

He
smiled seductively and then reached down and kissed my shoulder lightly and
worked his way up to my neck. “Thank you,” he whispered in my ear.

I
couldn’t breathe and responding verbally was out of the question. I wanted to
ask what for, but all I could think of was Blake and his warm lips against my
skin.

“You’re
tense, Jessica.”

“I’m
know, I’m trying.”

“Relax,”
he said against my ear. “I’m not going to do anything … yet.”

I
closed my eyes and took a deep breath in and tried to relax as he kissed his
way to my lips. There he met mine gently as he held my face in his hands. I
tried to remember when I used to be like putty in his hands. I let my lips part
and he took the invitation and deepened the kiss for a brief moment.

But
it was him that pulled away, if just barely. He gazed down at me. “You’re
beautiful.”

“Thanks,”
I whispered.

He
stood up straight and backed away. “Are you sure you don’t want any money?”

And
the spell was broken.

“More
than sure.”

He
raised his eyebrows. “Does that bother you?”

Be
honest
, I could hear my therapist say. “As a matter of fact,
it does.”

“I
don’t understand.”

“I
don’t like that our finances are separate.” There, I said it. It only took
thirteen years, but there it was.

“Since
when?”

“How
long have we been married?”

“Then
why didn’t you say something?”

I
shrugged my bare shoulders. “Because that’s what you wanted. And I didn’t want
to rock the boat with you.”

“What
do you mean rock the boat with me?”

“Nothing,”
I sighed. “You’re going to be late.”

“Jess
…”

I
held onto the countertop for support. I wasn’t sure why I needed it, but this
was new territory for us. I mustered up my courage and then let it out. “I was
afraid when we first got married that you would leave, so I didn’t want to do
or say something you wouldn’t like. And like you said, you like that I’ve never
nagged you, so I let it go, among other things.”

“Jessica,
you make me sound like some chauvinistic pig. Is this what you think of me? And
why would you think I would leave you?”

“Because
you did leave me, and I didn’t know why. I figured I must have said or done
something you didn’t like.”

“Jess,
it was me not you.”

“I
didn’t know that.”

He
shook his head in utter disbelief. “So our whole marriage you’ve just done what
you think I’ve wanted.”

“No
… maybe.”

“Are
you afraid of me?”

“No.
Not in the least bit.”

“I
can’t believe this. I expected you to tell me if you wanted something
different. I never wanted you to just go along with my preferences.”

“I
thought you would know or you could tell when I didn’t like something.”

“I’m
not a mind reader.”

“No,
you’re not.”

“So
what else have you been unhappy about all of this time?”

“Nothing
major. Well, except one thing.”

“What?”

I
hesitated to tell him, but it was something I couldn’t quit thinking or
dreaming about. “I don’t want to close the door on adoption.”