Jessie Belle: The Women of Merryton - Book One (21 page)

I
tried not to dwell on it or give in to those feelings. I was sure I was
overreacting. Instead, when I got home I threw myself into baking some amazing
rosemary bread to go with our honey-lime chicken for dinner. I also made a
triple-chocolate mousse pie for my babies, or should I say, Abby’s babies. They
loved that stuff. It reminded me that children did like me. In fact, a lot of
children in our town liked me. Hopefully the one in my own home would.

The
house smelled heavenly and I was just about feeling good. Then my phone rang.
It was my husband.

“Jessica.”

“You
always say that. Who else would it be?”

“I
guess you have a point.”

“Are
you almost home? Everyone should be here in an hour and you know how terrible I
am at grilling.” It was the one thing I couldn’t master. I thought it was
because I lacked a Y chromosome. I wasn’t sure, but there it was.

“Do
you think Shane could do it?”

“Why?”

“The
Denver Bears are in town tonight and I thought it would be fun to take Madeline
to the game. She’s never seen a professional baseball team play before.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry
it’s last minute.”

He
wasn’t calling to see if it was okay, he was calling me to let me know that’s
what he was doing. “Have fun.”

“Thanks.
We’ll be home late.”

Apparently
he didn’t hear the sarcasm in my voice.

I
don’t know why I was so bothered—this was how our lives had been, even before
Maddie entered the pictured. I did things with my friends and he did his own
thing. But now I knew: I didn’t like it then, and I certainly didn’t like it
now. I was hoping we would be doing things as a family now. I mean, why hadn’t
he asked me to come with them today? Or why couldn’t he have just come home?
The Bears were playing dozens of more times at home that summer.

I
contemplated canceling. I was embarrassed that once again Blake wouldn’t be
there and the whole reason we were getting together was so everyone could meet
Maddie. In the end I decided canceling would only look worse and being alone
didn’t sound enticing.

By
the time my friends arrived I was in no mood to entertain, but I plastered on a
fake smile that Abby and Cheyenne saw right through.

“Where
are your husband and Maddie?” Cheyenne asked as soon as Kent and Shane took the
tray of meat out to grill. Our built-in grill on the stone patio, complete with
hearth, was designer-showcase worthy, but it hardly ever got used. It was a
shame. I meant to change that, with or without my husband.

“He
and Maddie are at the Bears game.”

“That’s
nice,” Abby said.

“It’s
not nice. The fool should be here with his wife like he said he would be,” Cheyenne
exclaimed.

“I
know,” said Abby, “I was trying to make Jessie feel better.”

I
looked at my two best friends and I did feel better. They had that effect on
me. “It’s fine. It’s good that he’s spending time with Maddie.”

“You
are a terrible liar,” Cheyenne said as she gave me a little hug.

I
wiped an errant tear. “I just thought things were going to be different. You
know?”

“It’s
going to take some adjustment. Like when new moms bring home their babies and
the dads get jealous of all the time the baby gets.” Abby said wisely.

“You’re
probably right, it’s just we were barely starting to fix our relationship, and
I worry that it will take the backseat again.”

“He
does have a horrible track record,” Cheyenne threw in there.

Abby
smacked her. “We’re supposed to be making her feel better, not worse.”

Right
on cue, my favorite four-year-old ran in and suddenly I felt better. “Jessie,
Jessie!” Isabelle said as she ran into my arms holding her doll.

I
picked her up and snuggled her to me. “Hey, sweet girl.”

“I
got to touch the kitties and they are so cute!”

“Really?
Did you name them yet?”

“Yes,”
she said disappointedly.

“What’s
wrong?”

“Connor
and Avery each got to name one and they’re dumb.”

I
tried my best not to laugh at her pouty face. She did it oh, so well. 

“So,
what are their names?”

Connor
and Avery walked in from the patio just as she began, and man, could that girl
give a look that would wither most humans, but Connor and Avery seemed immune.
She narrowed her little eyes and scrunched her nose like no one’s business.
“Connor named his Ninja, and Avery named hers Whiskers, and mine is
Cinderella.”

“Which
is totally lame,” Connor said as he grabbed some chips I had set out for them.

“You’re
lame, Connor!” Isabelle threw back at him.

“Please,
can we pretend we love each other in public?” Abby asked.

“Technically
this isn’t the public,” Connor sassed back.

“Go
see if your dad needs you.” Abby glared and Connor shrank then retreated back
to the patio. “I’ll be so happy when he isn’t a teenager anymore.”

“Well,
at least you know when it comes down to it he loves you. I have one that didn’t
come with any instructions or emotional attachment to me.”

“Give
her some time. She’ll have no choice but to be taken in by you. Doesn’t she
know everyone loves Jessie, the town sweetheart?”

“Yeah,
I don’t think that’s going to fly with her, Cheyenne. And I’m not the town
sweetheart, or loved by all.”

Isabelle
threw her arms around my neck and squeezed me extra tight. “I love you,
Jessie.”

I
squeezed her back equally hard. “I know, and I love you, too.” I set her back
down so she could bug Avery.

“Well,
Veronica doesn’t count, she’s a psycho.”

“Cheyenne,
we have little ears here,” Abby warned.

“Who
cares?” Cheyenne looked the girl’s way. “Avery and Isabelle, stay away from
Veronica Riley, she’s nuts.”

Abby
and I both laughed.

The
men walked in with food in hand. I was almost jealous as Shane kissed Abby on
his way by her. I didn’t really want much, just a husband who was present and
someone to kiss.

Dinner
was a boisterous affair, but I liked it that way. Our house was always too quiet;
even with Maddie there it still seemed on the silent side of the spectrum.

“So
I talked to Paul yesterday and I assured him we would be crushing him on
Tuesday,” I said to Shane as we ate.

“If
we don’t beat them I won’t be able to show my face in public out of
embarrassment,” he replied.

“As
long as we beat Riley’s team at the end of the month. That’s the one I care
about.”

“They’re
going down this year,” Kent said as he ogled Cheyenne. I was sure their
relationship was purely physical. I think he was just as much a player as
Cheyenne.

“Music
to my ears.”

That
phrase summed up my evening. I loved the laughter and kidding that took place
amongst my friends, and even the arguing among Abby’s kids. I tried my best not
to think about Blake, but he always seemed to be in the forefront of my mind.
Was he really so clueless about how his actions affected me and our
relationship?

I
went to bed in a quiet, empty house on Saturday and woke up Sunday to the noise
of someone rattling about. I threw on my robe and went to investigate. I found
Blake fully ready in his biking gear, packing up two backpacks in the great room.

“Good
morning,” I said to him.

“I
hope I didn’t wake you.”

“I
needed to be up anyway,” I said as I made my way to the kitchen to set out the
cinnamon roll dough I had made the previous night, just like I did most
Saturday evenings.

“I’m
taking Maddie out to Shelf Lake trail today.”

“It’s
still pretty cold up there this time of year,” I commented.

“We’ll
be fine, I got her some lined gear.”

“Well,
you know best. I’m going to get in the shower. I guess I’ll see you …
sometime.”

He
looked up from his task and stopped to really look at me. “We aren’t leaving
for a while. Madeline is still sleeping.”

He
looked happier than I had ever seen him. It was like he had come alive after a
long slumber. It pierced my heart.

I
didn’t respond, instead I hightailed it back to my room before any show of
emotion leaked out of my eyes. I entered my room and quickly locked the door,
and locked my bathroom door, too. I wanted to be alone, which was ironic
because that was part of my problem, I felt alone too often.

I
soaked in my tub and cried. I was sure I was overreacting, but I felt hurt. I
had opened myself back up to him and was trying to do everything my therapist
said I should. I was even trying my best to welcome Maddie. I was doing my best
to stay in the ship and not look back, like Margaret Mackenzie. Blake was
supposed to be a life preserver, not the reason I needed one or my reason for
abandoning ship.

I
stayed in the tub until I pruned. I had to compensate with serious amounts of argan
oil, but it was good for my mental health. I didn’t dress for the day, but did
my hair and makeup. I still had cinnamon rolls to make and it was a messy
endeavor. I threw on a t-shirt and some shorts for the interim. I would change
into my dress before I headed to church.

I
walked out to find I was alone. Shocker.

I
had hoped to talk Blake into coming with me. I thought it would be nice for all
of us to go. I really wanted Maddie to get to know some of the kids here, since
this was going to be her home. But I knew that was out of the question now. I
guess she would meet some kids tomorrow at school.

At
least I had thought I was alone as I worked on getting my rolls ready for my
Sunday school kids. I had just finished preparing the last dozen and popped
them in the oven when I turned around to find Maddie sitting at the breakfast
bar.

I
grabbed my heart. “I didn’t know you were here.”

She
looked like she had just gotten up. Her blond hair was every which way, and I
could still see the groggy look in her eyes.

“Are
you hungry?”

She
nodded her head.

“How
does a cinnamon roll sound?”

Her
pretty eyes lit up and then just as quickly faded. “My dad says I should eat
healthier.”

“Oh.
Well, in that case we have some bran cereal, or I could make you a green
smoothie.”

She
swallowed hard. “Well, maybe one cinnamon roll would be okay?”

I
smiled and got my spatula out and placed one perfectly shaped, warm roll on a
plate for her. I drizzled some homemade icing on it before I handed it to her
with a fork.

She
immediately dug in. I watched her eyes widen with delight. “Mmmm.”

“Maybe
not healthy, but good.”

“This
is way better than that green stuff.”

“I
agree.”

Blake
walked in from the mud room. “Good, you’re up,” he said to Maddie.

“Have
you eaten these, Dad? They are so yummy!”

Blake
looked at me, but I couldn’t read his eyes. I wasn’t sure if he was
disappointed because I gave her something “unhealthy,” or if he was trying to
avoid answering her, because the answer was no. She didn’t seem to mind that he
didn’t answer, she just kept chowing down on her cinnamon roll. I was at least
grateful to have someone in the house that appreciated my food.

I
checked the timer on the oven and had fifteen minutes until my last batch came
out. Just enough time to slip into my dress.

“You
guys have a good day. I’ll see you later,” I said as I walked back to my room.

“Bye,
Jessie,” Maddie said with a full mouth.

Blake
surprisingly met me at my door. He reached out and took my hand and pulled me
to him. He didn’t say anything, but reached up and brushed my cheek with his
hand. I loved when he looked at me like we were all that existed in that
moment. It always made my heart skip a beat. He leaned down and rested his
forehead against my own. “You locked the door this morning,” he said quietly,
for my ears only. “How am I supposed to see you in your towel?”

“Maybe
I didn’t want you to.”

He
raised his head and his narrowed eyes met mine. “What’s wrong?”

“You
should have been here last night.”

He
shook his head. “You said you didn’t mind that I took Maddie to the game.”

“I’m
not sure how you got that impression.”

“If
you wanted us to come home you should have said something.”

“You
didn’t give me the chance.”

“Jessica.”

I
waited for an excuse or at the very least an explanation, but all he did was
stare at me with uncertainty in his eyes. After a few seconds he leaned in
again and whispered, “Sorry,” in my ear. “I still would have liked to see you
in your towel this morning.”

I
found myself smiling at my idiot husband. “What if I wasn’t wearing one?”

“Even
better.”

I
rolled my eyes before his lips covered my own gently. His lips glided across my
own. I was feeling pretty good about him, but then the moment was lost.

“Dad.”

Blake
released me and stood up straight. “Yeah, Madeline.”

“When
are we leaving?”

“As
soon as you’re ready.”

I
waved goodbye to Blake and slipped into my room. I stood against my door and
held my beating heart. I had no idea what I was going to do with my husband. My
body
said I know what we can do
, but my mind said
I don’t think so
.
Maybe someday they would get in sync.

The
church parking lot was full. Almost everyone in this town came out to church.
Ours was one of those towns that was frozen in a distant time where most
businesses, including mine, were closed on Sunday. I had to promise my mom I
wouldn’t change that when I took over. Sundays were sacred family time to her.
I always thought they would be for me too, but it was one more thing Blake and
I were never in sync with. I thought after we had children that maybe he would
come around to my Sunday traditions, but that was never going to happen. Now he
had Maddie, and he obviously wanted her to follow in his ways.

After
I stashed my pans of cinnamon rolls, I found my parents in the same pew where we
had been sitting for over thirty years. They both smiled up at me as I slid in
and sat on the other side of my dad. My dad wasted no time and put his arm
around me; his other arm was already around my mom.

“You
look beautiful, Belle,” my dad said as I settled next to him.

“Thanks,
Dad.”

“I
thought perhaps Blake and Maddie would have come with you this morning,” my mom
said.

“You
know Blake.”

“I
thought maybe he would have changed his mind, considering.”

“I
don’t see that happening.”

My
dad pulled me toward him. “He’s a fool, then.”

“Davis,”
my mother warned.

“What,
Gloria? He should know by now how important this is to her. Any man worth his
salt would choose to be with his wife.”

For
once my mother didn’t disagree or take Blake’s side.

I
leaned over and looked at her thoughtfully.

She
reached over and squeezed my hand. It made me feel comfortable enough to say,
“Blake and Maddie are kind of in their own world right now.”

My
dad shook his head in disgust.

“Try
not to take it personally, honey,” my mom said with disappointment. Not aimed
at me, of course. 

“I’m
trying.”

“You
shouldn’t have to try,” my dad said.

“Let’s
talk about this later,” my mom said, even though we were always early and there
wasn’t anyone around us yet.

I
sat there quietly and listened to the organ music and thought that maybe I
shouldn’t have said anything. My dad already had less-than-stellar feelings
toward my husband. I wanted that to change, but I wasn’t sure how that would
ever happen.

The
Whitneys sat in front of us. Now there was a family with a tragic story. They
had two beautiful twin daughters, Rachel and Sydney, who were about eight years
younger than me. Sydney was the epitome of a wild child. She gave her parents a
lot of grief, and then six or so years ago she died in childbirth. Her family
was devastated, but Rachel adopted the baby boy at twenty-two and raised him as
her own.

I
don’t know if Rachel ever knew, but her parents, Douglas and Claire, had
approached Blake and me about adopting the baby once they found out Sydney was
pregnant, which was very late into her pregnancy. I was excited about the
prospect, but at that point Blake still had hope that we would have one of our
own and shot down the idea. It didn’t matter anyway—it was Sydney’s dying wish
that Rachel raise him.

I
looked at Drew Whitney with his unusual amber-colored eyes and golden brown
hair. He was a handsome little guy. No one, including the Whitneys, knew who
his father was. He did have some of Rachel’s traits, or I guess Sydney’s, but
since they were identical twins it was one and the same. Except I had always
thought he had Rachel’s countenance, this confident,
I’m-comfortable-with-myself way about him.

I
watched her sitting there, so poised with her raven hair and violet eyes. She
was a knockout, but no men need apply. She was a mother first and foremost.
Drew was her life.

Speaking
of Drew, he turned around. “My mom signed me up for football.”

I
looked at Rachel, who looked apprehensive about it.

“That
sounds like fun.”

“Yeah,
doesn’t it?” Rachel said sarcastically. “It could be worse though, it could
have been baseball.”

I
laughed at her. We all knew her distaste for the game. We tried convincing her that
Whitney Insurance should sponsor a baseball team, but she wouldn’t hear of it.

“So
I hear you have a new addition to your family.”

“Hasn’t
everyone?”

She
nodded knowingly. She knew how the grapevine worked in this town. “How’s it
going with her? Madeline, right?”

“It’s
Maddie, unless you’re Blake, and it’s ... going. I’ll need to come by this week
and add her to our health insurance policy.”

“Of
course, I’ll make sure we get that ready for you. I’ll need her social, birth
certificate, and any documentation that proves you are her guardians.”

“I’ll
have Blake get that together.”

“This
must be a big change for you.”

“Colossal,”
I responded.

“Well,
hang in there.”

It
was all I could do. I guess I could still jump ship, but I had promised myself
and Blake that I would stick it out, but my dad was right—Blake needed to step
up his game, and I wasn’t talking about baseball.

Surprisingly,
Easton showed up with Emmy. They sat in the pew across from us. I waved at them
both. Emmy shyly waved at me before turning into her dad. Easton grinned and
pulled his daughter to him before sitting down. I hadn’t seen him at church in
ages. Life’s curveballs make us all do different things. I remember a time when
they used to make me turn to God, too. Now I only came out of habit, and
because I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. And partly because I really did
want to believe that God existed, that he really cared about me and that my son
still existed.

My
least favorite couple showed up next. Of course they couldn’t miss an
opportunity to come and talk to my family, and, unfortunately, add fuel to my
dad’s fire of dislike about my husband. First up was the wicked witch. She
placed her hand across her heart like she was some Southern belle, and I swear
there was even a little twang in her irritating voice. “You’ve been in our
thoughts, Jessie. I can’t imagine how hard this has been on you.”

Was
it okay to swear in church? Because I really, really wanted to. I would even
limit it to the words used in the Bible; hell and damn would suffice, really,
they would. At least my mother could see through Veronica’s fake concern, and
accent. “Jessie is doing marvelously and we all love Maddie,” my mother
answered for me. I took the path of “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say
anything at all.” It was a good route, since my mind was moving way past the
biblical.