Jessie Belle: The Women of Merryton - Book One (20 page)

“Jess—”

“Please,
Blake.”

“We
have Madeline now.”

“And
that’s great, and I’ll do my best to be a good stepmother to her and even a
mother if it comes to it, but I want a baby.”

I
approached him and reached for his hand, bringing it up between us. “I want a
baby that’s both of ours. Someone to call me Mom.”

He
sighed loudly and wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I don’t know if I can do it, or
worse, watch you go through it.”

“Please
think about it.”

“I
need to go.”

“Okay
… Have a good day.”

He
kissed the top of my head. “I’ll be home for dinner.”

“See
you then,” I called out to his retreating figure. I let out another long sigh.
I felt like we were re-working our whole marriage and the growing pains were
just that, painful. At least he didn’t say no to adoption. He was nowhere close
to saying yes, but I had a glimmer of hope.

I
got ready quickly as soon as Blake left, but not quick enough for my eager
mother, who had wasted no time in making her way to our house. She never
knocked; she used the keypad and let herself in.

“Jessie
Belle,” I heard her call as I finished blow drying my hair.

I
met her in the great room and found that she was already suffocating Maddie
with her death grip. Thankfully Maddie was one for hugs and she didn’t seem to
mind too much, though she looked like maybe she wasn’t too sure of this unknown
woman.

“Hey,
Mom.”

That
got her to release Maddie, but she took up squeezing her cheeks. “You can call
me Grandma.” I’m pretty sure her voice cracked.

“Okay
…” Maddie replied.

“Mom,
I think you can release her now.” I smiled.

My
beautiful mother in a flowing white sundress turned to me. I prayed I would
look that good in my sixties.

“How
was your trip, honey?” she asked as she approached me.

“Good,”
I said through a smile aimed at Maddie. I would deem it more life changing,
interesting, or just plain frightening, but Maddie didn’t need to know that.

My
mother hugged me tightly.

“Give
me a few minutes to finish getting ready and then we can leave.”

“Perfect,
it will give me time to get acquainted with Maddie.”

My
mother had died and gone to heaven. Poor Maddie.

“Don’t
scare her.” I winked.

Maddie
laughed and my mom swatted my butt like I was a two-year-old. I rolled my eyes
and retreated back to my bathroom.

By
the time I got back to finishing up my makeup I had several texts from Abby and
Cheyenne. I had let them know we were back early and now they, too, wanted to
come over and meet the new addition to our family. I texted back they could
come over tonight or that perhaps we should barbecue tomorrow night. We hadn’t
done that in forever and I thought maybe it would be nice for Maddie to get to
know Abby’s kids, especially since Connor, Abby’s oldest, was the same age and
grade as her. They both agreed the barbecue was a terrific idea. I hoped Blake
did. Well, I knew he wouldn’t, but I hoped he could pretend.

I
figured I better call him to give him an early warning, so hopefully he
wouldn’t be so irritated about it by the time he got home. I had to call
because he hated texting. That was for teenagers, he said. Adults should talk
on the phone. I guess Abby, Cheyenne, and I were teenagers according to him.

“Jessica,”
he said after the first ring. I had to admit I liked that he always picked up
quickly whenever I called. I don’t think I ever made it past the second ring,
even if he was in the middle of talking to someone or working.

“Hi,
sorry to bother you so quickly.”

“You
never bother me.”

“In
that case we are having a barbecue tomorrow night at our house with the Parkers
and Cheyenne and Kent.”

Insert
a long pause.

“Is
that all right with you?”

“Is
that what you want?”

“Blake.”

“Sounds
good,” he said uneasily.

“Are
you just going to go along with everything I say now?”

“I
probably should, but no.”

“Thanks
for your honesty.”

“I
want you to be honest with me, Jess.”

“I
am. I mean I will be.”

“I’m
not going anywhere. Can you trust that? Can you trust me?”

“I
think so.”

“Then
I guess I have some work to do.”

“Me,
too.”

“Hmm
…” he said.

“What?”

“I
don’t think you have any work to do.”

I
twirled my hair like an infatuated teenager. “I thought you said you would
never lie to me.”

“I
stand by that.”

“I
better let you go. Any suggestions for what we should grill tomorrow night, or
should I say, for what you’ll be grilling?”

He
thought for a moment. “Those chicken skewers you make are pretty good.”

“Pretty
good?”

“Goodbye,
Jessica.”

“Goodbye.”

I
hung up and held the phone to my chest. We could fall in love all over again,
but this time better, right?

After
a rousing day of shopping, we went back to my parents’ home so Maddie could get
acquainted with Dr. Davis Ryan. Plus, my mom wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet.
Maddie’s and my mom’s personalities matched up quite nicely. In fact, I was a
little jealous. I had to be the bad guy already, and my mom got to be the good
cop and buy her ice cream. Maddie wanted clothing that neither Blake nor I felt
was appropriate for her age, not to mention against the dress code. Let’s just
say there was a lot of huffing and puffing going on in the dressing room. I
thought we picked out some very stylish outfits for a twelve-year-old. Call me
crazy, but I didn’t think midriffs and butt cheeks should be shown.

My
mom practically smirked at me the whole time as I coaxed Maddie into trying on
or picking out better choices. She could have been a little more helpful, if
you asked me. She knew what it was like to have a teenage daughter. I was
obviously clueless, but she kept squeezing my hand and saying, “You’re doing
just fine.”

I
didn’t feel fine. And I definitely didn’t feel like Maria or Margaret
Mackenzie.

When
we pulled into my parents’ drive I wanted to run into the house. I needed my
dad. So that’s what I did while my mom showed Maddie around her flower gardens
and the small pond in the back.

I
found my dad in his office as usual. He never tired of learning. I wanted to be
like him when I grew up. “Hey, Dad.”

He
looked up from his computer screen and grinned. “My Belle, how are you?”

I
ran my fingers through my hair and blew out enough air that my bangs took
flight.

“Rough
first day on the job?”

“It’s
definitely not for the faint of heart. How did you survive me?”

“That’s
easy, I had the perfect kid.”

“I
love you, Dad, even if you lie.”

He
winked at me. “Come have seat and tell me about it.”

He
pulled a chair next to him and I gladly took it.

He
took my hands in his. I loved his strong hands, surgeon’s hands. I noticed how
aged they were looking and I had to hold back the tears. I knew my parents
weren’t getting any younger, but I hated those reminders.

I
wanted to tell him this was a permanent situation, but Blake and I had agreed
we wouldn’t say anything to anyone, not even Maddie. I wasn’t sure I quite
agreed with that, but he was her father and I kept thinking that maybe Sabrina
would change her mind. “I’m not sure I’m going to be good at this stepmother
thing.”

He
smiled with a hint of mischief. “It’s only been one day. You may want to give
it a little longer.”

“Maybe,”
I said with a smile.

“She
and Blake,” he even said his name without wincing or his eye twitching,
“couldn’t ask for more than you.”

“I
don’t know, Dad, she’s not very happy with me right now. I don’t understand. If
I had a trunk full of new clothes and shoes, I would be pretty happy.”

“From
the sound of it, she’s not used to boundaries. I know it’s tough, but setting
boundaries is how all good parents show they love their children.”

“Really?
Because I remember someone letting me wrap him around my finger.”

“I
don’t know who you’re talking about.” My dad placed his warm hand against my
cheek.

I
placed mine on top of his for just a moment. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Speaking
of boundaries,” he said as he turned back to his screen, “look at this article
about how land surveyors mark property lines.”

It
didn’t sound like my idea of interesting, but I gave my dad my full attention
and listened to him explain how survey markers are invaluable. He was just
getting to the historical significance when my mom and Maddie walked in. My
mom’s arm was around Maddie, and Maddie looked at me more softly than she had
earlier at the mall. She even smiled at me. I wasn’t trying to be a wicked
stepmother, I was trying to do the right thing.

“Dad,
this is Maddie,” I said as they entered.

“Isn’t
she gorgeous?” my mother said as if Maddie weren’t there.

I
noticed Maddie stood taller from the compliment.

She
really was gorgeous. She had this almost wild tomboy look to her, like one of
those Calvin Klein models. I wasn’t surprised; her mom had been the same way,
once upon a time. What happened to Sabrina I don’t know, but I wanted better
for Maddie. I really did. I knew I didn’t know her well yet, but I felt
protective of her. I hoped that was a start and would turn into a loving
relationship.

“Hello,
Maddie,” my dad said in this authoritative way. I knew he was like a
marshmallow inside, but I think he was being protective of his daughter. He was
less unsure about the situation than me.

I
noticed my mom’s warning glance directed at him and his features softened. “How
are you liking Colorado?” he asked.

Maddie
looked at me before she answered. “It’s nice.”

I
smiled at her.

“Well,
why don’t we all have some lemonade together before you go home?” my mom
offered.

I
looked at the time. “We can’t. Blake should be home soon and I want to be there
when he gets there.”

Both
Maddie and my mom lit up. “Excellent,” my mother said.

I
refrained from rolling my eyes.

“Goodbye,
young lady,” my dad said to Maddie.

She
waved and walked off with my mom.

My
dad turned to me and kissed my cheek. “Hang in there, champ.”

“Thanks,
Dad.”

“I
remember a beautiful, unruly girl that used to live here. I think she turned
out pretty okay.”

“Wish
me luck,” I said as I got up somewhat reluctantly. As much as I wanted to see
Blake, I wanted to stay in my comfort zone with my dad more.

“No
luck is needed. Patience and long-suffering is more like it.” He laughed at his
truth-laced warning.

I
shook my head. “See you Sunday.”

“Love
you, Belle.”

“I
love you, too.”

The
drive home was pretty quiet. I did most of the talking.

“Have
you had a chance to call your mom?” I asked her.

“I
did this morning before I took a shower.”

“How
is she?”

She
shrugged her shoulders. “Fine.”

“Do
you want to stop and get pizza for dinner?”

“Yeah,”
she said with a little enthusiasm. Though I wasn’t sure I liked the one-word
answers. Maybe I was asking the wrong questions. I had no idea what I was
doing, but I felt like I was failing miserably. I guess even the von Trapp
children tried to sabotage Maria. I just needed to be patient.

We
stopped at Mama Mia’s and picked up a large pepperoni pizza. We garnered lots
of stares as we walked in. This was Maddie’s first foray into Merryton. I
wrapped my arm around her securely as we walked in. I wanted everyone to know
that she was part of our family now, and to tread lightly with any commentary.
The message must have gotten through as all of the conversations and
introductions were cordial.

The
only conversation that was heated was all for fun. We were playing Mama Mia’s
baseball team on Tuesday and Paul, the owner, and I razzed each other some. It
was all good natured, even though I was pretty sure we were going to win. Let’s
just say a lot of his team looked like they ate a lot of their product. I had
to admit it was fabulous pizza.

When
we arrived home I threw together a salad for Blake with some boiled eggs for
protein. Maddie went to her room and put her new clothes away, or at least that’s
what I asked her to do. I wouldn’t know. I hadn’t had the heart to go in there
with her there yet. It was dumb, I knew, and I’m sure I would soon, but I was
working my way up to it.

When
Blake came home, Maddie dashed out of her room and straight into his arms. I
had two thoughts about the interaction. First, I thought it was sweet;
secondly, it made me feel she was so happy her dad was there so she didn’t have
to deal with her wicked stepmother that wouldn’t let her buy revealing
clothing. I reminded myself I was the adult and tried to stick with my first
thought. It was hard though, as Blake didn’t even acknowledge me before he
kissed Maddie on the top of her head and headed upstairs to clean up. He had
been so good lately about coming home and greeting me with a kiss.

It’s
fine
,
I told myself,
we’re all getting used to this new reality.

It
was a nice thought, but as the evening wore on, I felt more and more like an
outsider. Blake and Maddie monopolized the dinner conversation, then I was left
to clean up while they put on
The Avengers
to watch. I watched Maddie
snuggle right into her dad and again tried to remember this was a good thing.

Instead
of joining them I worked on my graham cookies and graham cannoli. I just about
had the recipe and process perfected, and it needed to be, because the new
menus I ordered for fall included the s’mores, cannoli with varying types of
flavored creams, and the mini personalized cheesecakes. It was something to
look forward to.

By
nine I was exhausted—I still felt sleep-deprived from our long drive home—so I
called it a night.

I
kissed Blake’s head on the way to my room. “Goodnight.”

He
looked up at me like he had forgotten I was even there. “Goodnight,” he said in
return before focusing back on the flat screen.

“Goodnight,
Maddie.”

“Goodnight,”
she said back, but didn’t even look my way.

When
I reached my door Blake said, “Maddie and I are leaving early tomorrow, so
don’t be surprised if we’re gone when you wake up.”

I
turned and faced them. “Oh. What are you doing?”

“I’m
going to take her into Denver and get her a mountain bike and some other gear.”

“That
sounds like fun, but don’t forget we’re having company tomorrow night.”

“I
won’t,” he replied reluctantly.

With
that I left the father-daughter pair alone.

And
over the next couple of weeks that’s how I would feel a lot at home: alone.

Saturday
I did wake up to a quiet house. It was probably a good thing; my emotions were
raw. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt vulnerable. I took the “me” time to soak in
a bath and take my time getting ready, then headed to the cemetery. I hadn’t
been there in a week, which was a record for me, but I felt the need to go. I
stopped by the market and bought a bouquet of mixed, brightly colored flowers
to place on Carter’s grave.

I
wended my way up the windy road to the quiet cemetery. It was beautiful this
time of year—even the town below looked merry, just like its name. It’s amazing
what trees in bloom can do for the landscape. It didn’t hurt that the sky was
as blue as blue could be.

I
sat in front of Carter’s headstone and arranged the flowers in the little stone
vase that sat near it. “Hello, son,” I said through my tears. “Well, your
sister is here.” It was so weird to say that. “FYI, I kind of stink at the
whole stepmother thing, so maybe you lucked out.” I wiped at my eyes furiously.
“I hope I would have been a good mother to you. I read all the books and I
loved you more than anything. I still do. That counts, right?”

I
wondered if someone saw me if they would think I was crazy for basically
talking to myself.

“So
I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole life-after-death thing. I hope it's
true. You know, maybe you could give me a little sign if it is.” I waited
quietly as I held myself completely still. I even closed my eyes and tried to
imagine what he would look like now at almost one. I wondered if he would be
walking and maybe even saying mama, or dada. The thought killed me.

“And
I’m not quite sure what to do with your dad. I was almost convinced we would be
fine. Almost. Maybe we still will be, but I can’t figure him out sometimes. And
Maddie adds a whole new facet. What do you think? Is your mom just being
silly?”  Still no answer. “So you really are a lot like your dad. The silent
type.”

I
didn’t stay too much longer, though I wanted to. I needed to get to town and do
some grocery shopping and food prep for the barbecue. Laundry was probably a
good idea, too. I also needed to stop by Jessie Belle’s. I got panicky if I
didn’t see her for long periods of time, even though I had called Aaron every
day we were gone to check up on things. I knew she was in good hands, but I
liked her in my hands.

When
I arrived at my namesake she was bustling. Tourist season was in full swing and
I loved it. Not only did it mean we did killer business, but I loved meeting
new people from all over the country and even the world. Our town attracted its
fair share of European tourists every year.

I
was greeted with lots of smiles and hellos. It made me feel loved, and for some
reason I felt like I needed it. Everyone was anxious to hear about Maddie. I
kept it all positive, and it mostly was. Maybe I was just bad at sharing my
husband with her. I honestly didn’t think that was it. I guess I had just
thought that Blake was going to finally put me first in his life.