Journey of the Heart (33 page)

“By my attacking his sister?”

“Hardly attacking, Juan. She seems to like you well enough. You just have to make your interest a little more apparent. Push him a little.” Mackie gulped down another shot of tequila. “We’re all friends in the valley now, so there’s no reason you can’t just ride up to the Burkes’ ranch to do a little courting. Here, have another shot.”

This time Juan drained his glass and took a swallow of beer to cool his throat. He was beginning to feel hot, although whether it was from the liquor or Mackie’s orders, he wasn’t sure.

“I think that if Gabe Hart caught you and his sister in some compromising position, he’d call you out, don’t you?” Mackie lifted the bottle of tequila, which was almost empty and shook it. “
Alii esta el gusano,
Juan,” he said, pointing to the worm curled in the bottom of the bottle. “Let’s see who gets to swallow him.” Mackie poured some into his glass, but the worm remained ‘in the bottle. “He’s yours then, Chavez.” He grinned as he watched the worm fall into Juan’s glass. “Bottoms up!”

They both lifted their glasses at the same time and threw their heads back, downing the last of the liquor. Juan could feel the worm going down and it took all his concentration not to gag it right up again.

“Do you think you can take him, Juan?”

“
Si, señor
.”

“Good. Once he is out of the way, then we can better deal with Michael Burke.”

Juan had gotten the worm before in drinking bouts and it had always gone down easily. He didn’t know why it had been so hard to swallow tonight. But maybe it was more than the worm, he thought as he walked over to the corral and leaned against the fence. Maybe it was Mackie’s order that just wouldn’t go down.

He’d been drawn to Sadie Hart when he met her walking down the trail leading her lame horse. He’d asked her to dance the first time because he wanted to see what she’d do. She wasn’t afraid of him at all and she seemed to see him clearly. She had no illusions about him but she also knew he wasn’t a monster. At the picnic, although he’d been under Mackie’s orders, he’d danced with her because he
wanted
to, not because it was a part of the job.

He wanted to see her again. In fact, he realized, annoyed at himself, he wanted Mackie’s pretend neighborliness to be real. He would like to go courting Sadie Hart just for himself. After the picnic, he probably would have started to anyway. Now it had become a part of his job. He was to be the wolf in sheep’s clothing. He was to use her attraction to him—and he knew she was attracted to him—against her brother.

This was one order he had a hard time swallowing. He had to, just as he’d had to swallow
el gusano.
But maybe it wasn’t just the beer and tequila that wasn’t sitting well in his stomach. Maybe it was his orders. Because if he courted Sadie Hart, he’d be courting her for real. He’d be doing what he wanted to do anyway, which should seem like a great joke on his employer. Except the joke was on him, Juan Chavez, for the closer he got to making Sadie care for him, the more he cared for her—and
Dios,
he did care for her—the sooner her brother would react. And if he killed her brother, that was the end of whatever was between them.

* * * *

Because things had been quiet and none of Mackie’s riders had been seen in the vicinity, Michael relaxed his rule of no riding off ranch property. One afternoon, a week after the picnic, Sadie took Snowflake and rode up into the foothills. She didn’t want to risk the mare again on the steeper trail, so although it was tempting she turned Snowflake around before they climbed to high ground.

When she heard hoofbeats behind her, her heart started racing and she was cursing herself for going off alone when Juan Chavez pulled up next to her. She let out a sigh of relief.

“Did I frighten you,
señorita
? I am sorry.”

Sadie laughed. “I feel foolish to be frightened. After all, it has been quiet for the last few weeks. But I haven’t been off the ranch for all that time.”

“It is never foolish to be frightened,
querida
,” he said softly. “Señor Mackie’s men are not the only rough one’s around, you know.”

Sadie blushed at the endearment and rode on, tongue-tied, for a few minutes. They would go their own ways, she guessed as soon as they got out of the trees and she realized she hated to see him go.

“Are you thirsty, Señor Chavez? My canteen is full and I brought some cheese and bread with me for a little picnic,” she said boldly, pulling Snowflake to a halt.

Chavez smiled down at her. “That’s sounds very pleasant,
señorita
.”

They dismounted and tethered the horses. Juan gestured Sadie to the shade of a large juniper. Sadie took a deep breath after they sat down. “I love the smell of the trees here. We just don’t have that many where I am from in Texas.”

“I know. I’ve spent some time in Texas.”

“Where are you from originally, Mr. Chavez, Texas or New Mexico?”

Sadie had asked the question casually and was startled when she saw the look on his face. He looked both sad and puzzled for a quick moment and then his usual closed look was back.

“I grew up in New Mexico, on the Romero hacienda.”

She noticed that he didn’t say where he was born, and it felt intrusive to press him further.

“I’m Texas born and bred myself,” she said lightly.

“You and your brother?”

“Yes, although Gabe left about ten years ago.”

Sadie unwrapped the triangles of bread and cheese. “These are a little dry, so you’ll want a swallow of water with it,” she said, passing him the canteen after she’d taken a drink. Chavez put the canteen down and reached out his finger and brushed at her lower lip. “You had a crumb there,
querida
,” he whispered.

“Why do you call me
‘querida’?”

“Because you are dear to me,” he said softly.

Sadie blushed and said: “I don’t know why.”

“Do you need reasons,
señorita?
I will give them to you. You are dear to me because of this,” he said and lowered his lips to hers. Her mouth opened under his and he took possession of it, exploring with his lips and tongue until he had her moaning with the pleasure of it. “And because of this,” he said as he unbuttoned her shirtwaist and cupped her breast and deepened his kiss.

They were alone, where no one could intrude and Sadie knew she should be careful. But she wanted, for once in her life, to let go of her need always to be responsible, and enjoy only the moment. And so when Juan said ‘and also this’ and sought the buttons on her riding skirt, she reached behind and undid them herself and let him ease his hand down and slip it under her drawers.

He pulled her close to him as he found what was waiting for him, moist and warm. She pulled back a little as he began to stroke her and he stopped immediately.

“Don’t worry,
querida.
It will feel very good,” he whispered.

“I know. That’s what I’m afraid of,” she said with a shaky laugh.

Her shyness about her own desire and her trust in him almost made him stop. Except it was impossible to stop when she pressed herself against his hand. He caressed her gently, bringing her slowly, slowly to a point where she couldn’t have pulled away even if she had wanted to. She arched up and cried out in little gasps as he brought her to a climax and then she clung to him as though she’d never let him go.

Her face was buried in his chest and he dropped soft kisses on the top of her head.
Madre de Dios,
she was unlike any woman he’d ever known: strong and real and unafraid to show him her innermost self.

He himself was aching to be inside her, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to push her that far that fast. It seemed as if she might just get him to, however, for as she pushed against him she felt his hardness and lifted her face to his with a winning smile. Then her hand reached down and tentatively stroked him and he groaned. “
No, querida, no mas
, or I will lose control.”

She didn’t say anything, but her hand moved up to his waistband and began to pull at the buttons. “Are you sure about this?” he asked.

Sadie nodded her head and pulling herself out of his arms, stood up, and started to undress. It took forever to get his damned boots off, it seemed, but finally he’d gotten them and his trousers off and then stripped off his shirt. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders.

“You have never done this before, have you, Sadie?”

She shook her head shyly.

“It will hurt a little at first, but I’ll try to go as slowly as I can. Just wait here a moment.” He walked over to his horse and pulled off his saddle roll and spread his sougan under the tree. “At least you won’t have pebbles biting into you,” he said lightly as he lay down next to her and pulled her close.

Sadie had seen beauty before, but nothing seemed as beautiful to her as Juan Chavez’s body. He wasn’t as tall as Gabe, but he was broader and more muscular, with a flat waist and slim hips. His skin felt so soft against her that she had to stroke it and she felt him shiver as she ran a hand down his back. Then he was kissing her, raining little kisses on her face and neck and down her body. “
Si hermosa, querida,
”
he whispered.

She smiled as she ran her hand over his shoulder and down his chest. His face and neck were dark from the sun and she’d expected him to be dark all over. Instead, under his shirt he was pale, with light freckles scattered all over his arms and shoulders.

“What are you smiling at,
querida?”
he asked, raising himself on his elbow and running his hand down her belly and along one of her thighs.

“At how pale and freckled you are, Juan,” she said. Sadie let her hand slide down his arm and side and then brought it up again, to where he was so big and hard. She had never seen or touched this part of a man before, but her hand seemed to know what to do on its own and Juan groaned again as she grasped him with gentle pressure.

His obvious arousal excited her and deep inside she felt as though she were all warm and liquid. She wanted to have him inside her and she rubbed herself against him. “Are you ready?” he asked quietly as he eased her onto her back and positioned himself on top of her. She nodded a yes.

He was right. It did hurt, more than a little, and she lay there astounded that what she had wanted so much could cause her such pain. He came very quickly, collapsing on her, and she held him close.

As they lay there, she began to feel her desire return and as he shifted a little and pulled out of her, she moaned in disappointment.

“Oh, Sadie, I am sorry,” he whispered. “I could not hold myself back.”

“Yes, but….”

“But what,
querida?”

It was too embarrassing to ask and besides she didn’t quite know what she was asking for, so she just placed her hand on his and brought it down to her. “You learn
fast, querida,”
he said with a soft laugh.

As he stroked her, Sadie felt herself drawing up and up and up and then with one final caress of his fingers, he brought her pouring down. She lay shuddering in his arms while he stroked her hair and murmured broken little love phrases in Spanish.

“Next time will be better,” he promised.

Oh, God, thought Sadie, please let there be a next time. She felt that all her life had been moving toward this man, this moment. How on earth could she let him go? But what if Gabe was right? she wondered, chilled by the thought. She had given herself in love to a man who was very much a stranger to her. Whatever had happened to no-nonsense, commonsense Sadie Hart? She had given herself body and soul to Nelson Mackie’s hired gun. She couldn’t let him know she loved him, that much was sure, she thought as she gently pushed him away and sat up.

She looked down and noticed with embarrassment that her thighs were smeared with blood and that there was a stain on his blanket. “I am sorry,” she whispered, standing up and looking around for something to clean herself.

“
Es nada, querida
,” he reassured her. “Here, let me help you,” he said and walked over to his horse. Reaching into his saddlebag, he pulled out a blue handkerchief and wet it with water from his canteen. “Do you want me to help you or would you rather have privacy?” he asked kindly.

“I’ll do it myself,” said Sadie. “But thank you.” She grabbed up her clothes and went behind one of the sandstone boulders that dotted the hillside.

Juan was dressed and had rolled his blanket up and tied it on his saddle. “I should take that and wash it for you,” she said, her face red with embarrassment. “But I’m afraid there would be questions that I couldn’t answer.”

He came over and put his hands on her shoulders. “It is all right, Sadie. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Unless you are sorry you did this?” he added.

He sounded so caring, thought Sadie. Not repentant, but concerned, even worried. Would it really matter to him if she had any regrets?

“Perhaps I am…a little….”

He lifted her chin with his finger, making her look into his eyes.
“Porque?”

“Because you are Juan Chavez…
El Lobo
…and because I don’t care who you are, just what you make me feel,” she added with a rueful smile. “Surely that is at the very least stupid of me.”

“Only if you think more of what others say about me than what you feel about me, Sadie,” he responded coolly. “I would like to see you again. I would like you to get to know me better.”

“And would you like more of this?”

He smiled. “Of course. It was wonderful, wasn’t it? But only if you want to,” he added.

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll want to,” Sadie said with such frustration and humor in her voice that Juan laughed aloud. “You see, that is what I love about you,
querida.
You are honest and open and aren’t the least afraid of me, are you?”

“No, I am not afraid of you, Juan Chavez,” she said strongly.

But I am afraid of what I feel for you, thought Sadie as they rode away. You may call me
“querida”
all you want, but can a man like you really be capable of love?