Lean On Me (Take My Hand) (24 page)

As
if he could read my mind, he rose to his feet and stripped himself down –
tossing his clothes to the floor behind him without ever taking his hungry eyes
off mine. Then his gaze broke away, and he gave me a twirl, making me giggle.
He was beautiful – the way his muscles rippled when he moved, the way his
erection bobbed in anticipation of what was to follow, the way his arse cheeks
clenched as he turned – even the giant tattoo,
my
tattoo that took up the whole of his bum cheek. The bruises
caused by the accident had faded, leaving just toned, tanned skin. Perfect.

Don’t
ever tell anyone I told you this, but Jared uses sunbeds. I know, I know… Apparently
he’s not afraid to get in touch with his feminine side. That must be why he’d
gag me if I ever dared tell anyone right?

Jared
took two steps forward and dropped to his knees. His eyes wandered to my core
and stayed there for what seemed like several painfully long, tantalising
minutes. Honestly, I could
feel
his
gaze boring into the sensitive flesh and I squirmed.

“Impatient,
saffy?” he mocked, amused by my eagerness. Somehow I didn’t notice his hands
disappear from view and so when he sank first one, and then two fingers inside
me, I yelped like a begging dog.
Jesus,
how the fuck does he do this to me?
“Another perk of pregnant sex. You’re
always
ready for me.”

What
could I say to that? Nothing. Because it was true.

“Please,
Jared,” I begged instead.

“I’ve
not finished tasting you yet, baby.”

This
was becoming torture. Beautiful torture. Grabbing my hips, Jared pulled me
forward so my bum was on the very edge of the sofa. I didn’t feel secure
– without any strength in my legs, one wrong move and I could slip off.
But Jared held me tightly with his strong hands on my hips, and trusting him
implicitly, I relaxed into his embrace.

Using
his torso, he wedged himself between my legs – separating them. Keeping
his hands on my hips he lowered his head and nuzzled his face into the small
patch of damp hair between my thighs.

“Jesus…”
I whimpered at the first strike of his tongue. He circled my clit in relentless
circles. I kept trying to push his head a little further down but he resisted.
When he looked up at me with a devilish grin I knew he was doing it on purpose.
He knew what I wanted and he was tormenting me by denying what I needed from
him. “
Please…
”

“Since
you asked so nicely,” he teased, licking his lips. But just as I expected to
feel the warmth of his mouth on me again, he stood up. My chest sagged heavily
as I sighed in disappointment. But then he hooked his arms around my waist and
laid me flat across the sofa cushions.

Holding
up my leg and positioning himself above me, he fell back on his heels and…
stared. He does that a lot. And I love it. The intensity of his gaze makes me
feel special… beautiful.

“I
love this,” he whispered, splaying his
warm hands across my stomach, moulding them along the growing curves. “I love
what’s growing in there, and I love
you
.”
In that moment I was no longer a person. I was a pile of mush puddled beneath
his gloriously naked body. “I’m going to lift your legs over my shoulders,” he
told me. And he did. Tucking his hands under my calves he lifted them in unison,
taking the full weight of my lifeless limbs and draping them over his broad
shoulders. “Don’t want to squash the babies remember?” he teased, while edging
closer to me on his knees.

I
couldn’t take the anticipation much longer. Every time his hard cock brushed
between my thighs I almost fell apart. I stared intently into his eyes,
silently pleading with him to take me. Naturally the teasing bastard made me
wait, and he rocked his hips ever so gently back and forth – torturing
me.

“Do
you want me, Rachel?”

“You
know I do,” I practically growled. The frustration was becoming excruciating. “
Please.
”

“Tell
me you love me, baby.”

“You
know
I love you.”

“Say
it. I want to hear you say it as I slip inside you.” Just then he nudged his
tip into my pulsating core, refusing to go any further until he heard the
words.

“I
lov-Oh, God…” He thrust into me with so much power it took my breath away.
“Love you…” I choked out, finishing what I’d started. “I love you so much,” I
moaned, my voice trembling.

“Fuck,
I love hearing that,” he rumbled through gritted teeth. “I love you too, baby.”

Jared
continued to pound me hard and fast, keeping both hands on my legs to stop them
from falling. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his beautiful body. The upright
position he was in as he rested on his heels exposed every glorious muscle. His
chest rippled as he lunged forwards and his biceps curled as he held his tight
grip on my legs. His body was sparkling with a soft sheen of sweat, that I
ached to bend forward and lick, but the pleasure radiating from my centre
stopped me doing anything but moaning, pleading for more.

“Let
go, Rach. I need to
feel
you, baby.
Let go for me.” I didn’t need telling – I had been teetering on the edge
of letting go since he first said he wanted to taste me. “Now, Rachel,” he
ordered, and I knew he was close because of his impatience and the fact he was
driving into me faster than I thought humanly possible.

“I-I’m…Oh,
fuck, Jared!” I panted as a powerful orgasm overwhelmed my entire body and all my
senses. “Fuck! Yes!
Fuuuuuck!
”

“Yes,
Rachel. Shit… yes!” With three last powerful thrusts, Jared’s cock started
twitching inside me and I felt the warmth of him pour into my body as he
stilled. Releasing my legs and slowly lowering them down, he flopped forward,
keeping his weight off my belly with his elbows resting on either side of my
head. “You’re perfect,” he whispered against my clammy forehead before kissing
it lightly.

“I
need to go shopping,” I announced.

“Wow.
Perfect timing, saffy. Aren’t we supposed to whisper sweet nothings and then
fall asleep in each others arms right about now?” he said playfully, smiling at
me.

“We’ll
do that later. But if I don’t get to Holly soon she’ll only come looking for
me.”

“Hmm,
threesome,” he mulled and I whacked his shoulder. “Guess I’ll finish getting
this shit out of my hair myself then if you’re disappearing on me, huh?”

“You
should try sitting on the pavement outside for a couple of hours first. You
might make a few quid,” I teased, tugging at the matted strands that made him
look like an unkempt hobo.

“You’re
a bitch. You know that right?”

“But
I’m
your
bitch, and you
love
it.”

“Damn
fucking right I do,” he said firmly before claiming my mouth with his. When he
finally, yet too soon, broke away he added, “I’m going to look for houses while
you’re gone. I’ve seen a couple I think you’d like.”

Wow.
How grown up is that? Renting a house together. Like a real life couple. Like
real life
parents.
Holy fuck.

“Jared?”

“Yeah?”

“I
need a wee.”

“Seriously,
saffy – we’ve really got to work on this timing of yours,” he teased,
pulling out of me and standing up to help me into my chair.

“Blame
your children,” I tossed back, and his eyes visibly widened. It was then I
realised he must get ‘moments’ too.

“
Our
children. I fucking love hearing you
say that.”

“You
think we should lay off the swearing now we’re going to be parents?” I asked,
only half joking.

“Probably.
But I’d bet my cock you couldn’t go a day without someone being a fucker, or
something being shit, or… you get the idea.”

“You’re
right. Because let’s face it, that person will be
you
,” I said with mock seriousness. “Okay seriously, I’m two
seconds away from pissing myself.”

And
with that, I heaved myself into my chair, grabbed hold of my wheels and hauled
myself to bathroom as if my life depended on reaching that toilet.

Jared

Well
, it’s official. I have epilepsy. My
brain likes to produce ‘unusual’ electrical activity apparently. Go me! It’s
been almost a week and a half since I had the wires removed, and I had my
follow up appointment to discuss my results. Based on my symptoms and the EEG
results, I have what’s called tonic-clonic, generalised seizures and the fact I
often get a warning so far in advance, the thing that concerned me the most, is
actually ‘normal’ for some people.

The
doctor also believes the sudden change in frequency and pattern is likely down
to the fact I’m thinking about it more. As bizarre as it sounds, since I
finally decided to face it, I’ve been worrying about it more. Worry leads to
stress – stress leads to seizures. I was told lack of sleep, general
illness, or even sudden changes in temperature can trigger them too.

Great
huh? My biggest fear has come true. I’m going to have to spend the rest of my
life watching what I’m doing, being careful… allowing it to own me. But I have
to keep reminding myself who I’m doing this for. I want, no I
need
to be healthy for Rachel and our
babies. And according to the doctor, once we’ve found a medicine that works for
me, there’s no reason why it can’t be completely controlled. I’ll always have
to be aware of triggers, but along with knowing those factors, the medication
should keep me stable. Apparently I could even get my driving licence back if I
go a year without a seizure. So, as much as I hate the diagnosis I got this
morning, I feel more positive than I ever have.

Anyway,
they’ve started me on a daily dose of Epilim, and I have to attend a weekly
epilepsy clinic at the local GP surgery to discuss my treatment and take blood
to check my liver function, because seemingly these meds can damage it. The
epilepsy nurse I’ve been assigned can also up and down my meds depending on
their success or their side-effects – some of which I’m shitting myself
about.

Drowsiness,
itchy skin, sickness, and get this one – increased chance of suicidal
thoughts! Sounds fun, huh?

Rachel
came with me, but she had to go to work after. She told her boss about the
pregnancy last week seeing as her growing belly meant she couldn’t keep it a secret
for much longer. To her surprise, he congratulated her. She only works a few
hours a week and for hardly any money in my opinion, so I doubt it’s such a
hardship for him to lose her for a few months. Though we’ve not actually
discussed what will happen once the babies are here yet. She’s mentioned taking
a year out of Uni and I will support her in whatever she decides.

We
will be good for money. You might want to sit down for this part… My dad has
secured a deal on a house for us. It’s not too far from here – a
semi-detached three-bedroom house on a quiet, family orientated street with
large gardens front and back. My dad owns the house now and he’s set up an
agreement where we will effectively be his tenants, and where we will pay him
rent at an affordable rate.

Part
of me wanted to turn him down for two reasons. Firstly, my dad is an arsehole
– an arsehole that I’m at long last beginning to see a subtle change in,
but an arsehole nonetheless. We’ve always fought, and the thought of owing him
anything grinds deep into my bones.

But
… I need to
put my family first – my girl and my children. Despite my dad and his
arsehole tendencies, he would never truly turn his back on me – he would
never see me with nothing. I might not always agree with him, but I trust him.

Secondly,
the caveman part of me – the part that wants to be the one to provide for
my woman and kids, feels offended. Actually, I kind of feel a little pathetic
that I’m not in a position to take care of them without help from my father,
but I also know I need to yank my head out of my arse and do what’s best for my
family, not for my pride.

So,
I’ve agreed, and we are going to see the house tonight. Rachel is currently…
shall we say ‘reserved’ about the situation. Possibly because she still has
understandable doubts about my dad. And by doubts I mean she thinks he’s a
pretentious, condescending twat.

It’s
weird though. Despite his initial reaction this whole grandbaby thing has
really affected him. He doesn’t show it of course – not willingly at
least. It’s little things - like the slight twitch of his lips when Jess or I
mention our babies – almost as if he’s attempting to smile. Or the way he
gets up from ‘his’ chair when Jess comes in the room and offers his seat to
her. And then there was a time last week where he asked if he could see a piece
of Rachel’s artwork like he was
genuinely
interested.

Like
I said – weird.

I’d
just gotten out of the shower when my phone started ringing and up flashed a
name I was most definitely not expecting.

Dexter.

I
answered without hesitation – assuming something was wrong with Emily.
After all, Rachel hadn’t been able to get in touch with her for weeks. Last she
heard was when she called Chris, and he told her Emily was back in the States.
The fact Rachel hadn’t heard that from Em herself has only sent them drifting
even further apart.

“Dex?”
I answered in a rush.

“Hey,
man.” Wow. His voice was unrecognisable. He sounded so… burdened and low. Maybe
even
guilty.

“What’s
happened? Is it Em?” Something was wrong – pain oozed from his voice in
those two short words.

“Emily’s
fine,” he assured, and the confidence his voice held when he said her name made
me believe him. “Fuck, man I don’t know where to start,” he added. He sighed
heavily, his deep, anxious breaths crackling in my ear. “I want to start by
saying Emily misses the fuck outta Snickers.” Snickers. I’d forgotten that
nickname. I couldn’t help smiling as the memories of us all hanging out came
flooding back.

“She
misses her too. It’s like they don’t know how to live without one another, so
instead of talking it through they’ve pushed each other away.”

“Emily’s
had such bad shit to deal with, man. It’s not that she ever forgot Snickers
– she’s just been… overwhelmed I guess.”

“Yeah
well Rach’s dealt with a ton of shit too,” I snapped. I didn’t mean it to come
out so defensively but I needed him to know Rachel hadn’t been sitting at home
wallowing and not giving a shit what her best friend was going through.

“I
didn’t mean anything by it. I’m just… trying to explain. Fuck this is hard.”
You’re telling me.
Suddenly my stomach
knotted up. I sensed whatever he was about to tell me was going to be some deep
shit.

“I’m
listening, mate,” I said, hoping I sounded reassuring and encouraging.

“Fuck,
where to start. Well, how about I’m currently completing my last week in
rehab…”

“What
like,
drug
rehab?”

“Yeah
– like shooting shit up my veins every goddamn day for the last few
months kind of rehab,” he confessed – literally winding me and I fell
back onto the sofa.

“Fucking
hell.”

“Yeah.
It has been.”

Dexter
talked for over an hour. Mainly, I stayed silent – offering the occasional
‘shit’ or ‘fuck’. Turns out Dexter has been an addict since way before he moved
over here. The biggest surprise was that Emily knew all about it. She stood by
him – of course she did. I wouldn’t expect anything else from her. But
me? I’m pretty sure I would’ve ran a fucking mile.

At
least that’s what I thought until I remembered how I felt about Rachel. I would
crawl on my hands and knees to follow her – even if she was heading for
the black pits of hell.

After
fessing up about his addiction to cocaine – fucking
cocaine!
Just the word scares the bejesus out of me – he told
me all about his mum – the life she’d led, the life
he
led as a child, the fact he
shot
her when he was fourteen -
fucking
shot
her - and then how she
died. Just when I thought he’d bombarded me with enough shit, he told me all
about his father – how the sadistic fucker spent Dexter’s childhood
beating the crap out of his mother, how he was the intended recipient of his
bullet, how he turned up after his mum’s death and ripped the only thing he and
his aunty had in the world away from them.

By
the time he started talking about fake deaths, loan sharks and long lost sisters
my mind was utterly fucked. I couldn’t even begin to process anymore – my
brain shut down completely.

“So…
all I’m saying is, don’t blame Em. She’s been my fucking rock and I know the
only thing keeping her from Rachel is fear. She thinks she’s fucked it all up.
She thinks she’s been a shit friend and that Rachel is through with her.”

“Christ,
they’re too similar. Rach feels the same. She’s too bloody stubborn to admit it
but I know it’s there, because I know her like no one else.”

“You
do, huh? So you’re officially together? That’s great news, man. You two were
made for each other.”

“Um…
yeah, we’re kind of more than together,” I replied – a huge involuntary
smile crawling across my face.

“Meaning?”
Dex probed.

“Meaning
Rach is pregnant. Almost five months gone.”

“You’re
fucking with me?” he practically squealed like a girl. “That’s nearly the whole
time we’ve been gone! Don’t waste much time do you?”

“Something
like that,” I agreed, laughing at his reaction. “I love her, Dex. Like
really
fucking love her.”

“That’s
awesome, man. Seriously, I’m happy for you. Emily’s going to be gutted she’s
missed all this.” He sighed down the line again. “And that’s all my fault. I
dragged Em into this shit – I took her from you and Rach. I’m real sorry,
man.”

“To
be fair, mate it doesn’t sound like you’ve had such a great time yourself.
Life’s too short to go over the past. No point in beating yourself up about
shit you can’t change.”

“You
sound like my therapist,” Dexter ribbed with the first ounce of happiness I’d
heard since I answered the call. “Look, Emily and I are coming home in a couple
of weeks. I was hoping you could talk to Snickers – maybe surprise Emily
with a visit or something?”

“A
visit? You only live round the corner.”

“We’re
moving to Manchester – to be near Chris. He’s offered me a job in his
garage and Emily’s already been doing things in the background while we were…
apart
.” He said the word ‘apart’ with
such sadness. It made my chest hurt a little. Hey, I’m not afraid to show my
emotions. “The books, invoices, that kind of stuff. She’s done with college and
to be honest so am I. I’m pretty sure even if we weren’t we’d have blown our
chances anyway.”

“Yeah.
I remember her mentioning one time she was only in it for her parents’ sake.”

“But
even though we’ll be in Manchester, she needs her best friend, man. Even though
things are finally starting to sort themselves out, there’s still something
missing. It’s there every time I look in her eyes. It’s like she smiles, but
something stops her lips going the full way. That something is Rachel. She
needs her.”

“I
agree. And whenever you’re ready we’ll be there. But hey, maybe keep the babies
a secret too-”

“Wait,”
he interrupted. “
Babies?
Plural?”

“Yeah,”
I laughed. “Twins. Can you believe it?”

“Not
really, man. You with
two
kids… milk
bottles instead of beer bottles? I can’t
wait
to see that.”

“Hey,
I’m a changed man. I’m like settled and shit,” I teased, mocking offense. “So
anyway, if you think Em’s going to feel bad for missing out and you tell her
now she’ll only let it fester. Best to wait until they’re together, then they
can hug it out and do all that chick shit.”

“Sounds
good to me. I’ll call you when we’re back in the UK.”

“Sure.
And, Dex?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m
sorry about all the shit you’ve been through. Wish I could’ve been there for
you.”

“You
coming on to me, man?”

“Only
if you want me to.”

“Too
far, man.
Way
too far. But seriously,
the fact you’re still on the line after everything you’ve just heard means a
lot. You’re a good friend, Jared. Thank you.”

“Any
time, mate,” I said and meant it wholeheartedly. I hadn’t known Dexter that
long before he went away, but he was a good guy and… well I guess I missed him.
“You know your phone bill is going to be enormous.”

“No
doubt,” he agreed. “Thanks, man. For everything. Talk soon yeah?”

“Yeah.”

And
with that, we hung up. Flopping backwards into the sofa cushions I pinched the
bridge of my nose and exhaled a heavy, pent up breath.

“Holy
fuck.”