Lean On Me (Take My Hand) (26 page)

“I…
I don’t understand,” Alistair replied, sinking into ‘his’ leather armchair and
scratching at his head.

“Mick
was here when I got home. I’d
already
been
attacked. He took me in his arms and he consoled me. Nothing more.”

Holy shit balls…

“You’re
lying. Why are you lying for him?”

“It’s
the truth, Al,” Mick interrupted, still standing in the doorway.

“Then
why the hell didn’t you tell me that?” Alistair roared at Sue. “I put him in
hospital! My own brother! Jesus, Sue what were you thinking? What were
either
of you thinking?”

“Whoa,”
Jared piped up. “Hospital? No one’s ever mentioned that before.”

“Broken
nose, fractured ribs and swelling on the brain,” Mick shrugged as if it were
inconsequential.

“I’m
sorry,” Sue muttered to no one in particular. “The whole thing spiralled
further out of control than I ever expected it to.”

“I
still don’t understand,” Alistair said, rubbing at his chin. “If it wasn’t
Mick, then
who
was it?”

“George.”

“George?
Wait… George Hollins? My old registrar?”

“You
were best friends. I thought you’d do something reckless if you found out.”

“
Reckless?
Dammit, Sue I would’ve fucking
killed
him!”

“If you’d retaliated you could’ve lost
your whole career! When you saw Mick… you just assumed… and, well I didn’t stop
you.”

“Wait,
is that why he transferred? Looking back it must’ve been around that time.”

“Yes.
Although I got away before anything
technically
happened, I think George scared himself with how far he went. He arranged
his transfer the next day and swore I’d never hear from him again. I always
planned to tell you once he’d left town, but… things had gone so far between
you two,” Sue said, nodding her head between the brothers. “You
hated
him and I imagined after you put
him in hospital, he hated you too.”

“That’s
not true,” Mick interjected. “I’ve never hated him.” Guilt swam from Sue’s
eyes, pouring down her cheeks in the guise of tears. “You’ve been a pompous,
arrogant arsehole since we were teenagers, but I’ve never hated you, Al.”

“Jeez,
Mum… why the hell didn’t you say anything?
Years
these two haven’t spoken to each other.
Years
.”
Jared shook his head and I took hold of his hand, squeezing slightly. “And what
about you, Mick? You knew all along you hadn’t done anything. How the fuck
could stand the fact your own brother thought you were some kind of sick
rapist?” Jared shuddered at the word.

“To
be honest, I convinced myself my brother and I didn’t have a relationship to
begin with if he could ever assume that of me. Didn’t think twice –
didn’t say a damn word before he hauled me off the couch and straight into the
nearest wall. To me, that said it all. If he thought for even
one
split second that I was capable of
doing something so despicable to his wife… to
any
woman… then I saw no future for us as brothers.”

Ouch. That’s gotta sting huh, Al?

Alistair’s
face paled at the same moment more tears started seeping from Sue’s eyes. The
atmosphere was so deathly quiet I could almost here the sound of every beating
heart in the room.

“This
is all my fault,” Sue whispered. “I always meant to tell you,” she turned to
Alistair.

“Then
why the hell didn’t you?” Alistair asked. His words were harsh but his tone was
calm… regretful almost. “And why didn’t
you
?”
he directed to Mick who simply shrugged.

“I’ve
told you my reasons,” was all he said.

The
silence returned and when I looked up at Jared I noticed his eyes were closed
as he pushed out steadying breaths.

“This
could go on all night,” Jared said, breaking the stillness. “Going back and
forth, trying to place blame, isn’t going to resolve this. Mum, Dad? You need
to talk this through. Alone. I think we should leave.”

Best
thing anyone
had said since we arrived! I already had my hands braced over my wheel trims
before Jared had even finished speaking.

“But…
the house?” Alistair remembered. Until that very second I’d completely
forgotten that was why we were even here – to see our new house. I still
didn’t know how comfortable I felt with accepting it, but feeling our tiny
babies squirm in my belly, I knew this was for them.

“It’s
fine,” Jared waved him off. “We’ll see it another day.”

“No,”
Alistair insisted. “I want you to see it today. You need to let me know what
you think before we draw up the rental agreement.” Formal much? I swear you
wouldn’t know he was talking to his
son
sometimes.
“Those children will be here before you know it. You need to be settled in
before then.”

“Dad,
really it’s-”

“Mick?”
Alistair interrupted. “Perhaps you could take them?” Mick’s eyes widened and I
didn’t miss the tighter grip his hand suddenly held on the doorframe. Looking
around the room at the sets of stunned faces, it seemed Mick wasn’t the only
one winded by the fact Alistair had just spoken to him like a decent human
being – like his
brother.

“Um,
sure,” Mick hesitantly agreed. “I’ll need the address.”

“Of
course, of course,” Alistair muttered before turning to the oak bureau and
rummaging through the papers hidden inside. “Here,” he said, turning back to us
and handing a glossy blue file to Mick. “The key is in there too.”

“Dad,
really this can wait…”

“Go,
Jared. See the house. If you’re serious about becoming a man then you need to
start planning your future. This house is the first step.” You could always
trust Alistair to toss out a little patronising comment. I don’t even think he
knows he’s doing it – being a condescending pillock just comes naturally
to him. Still, much to my and I’m sure Jared’s astonishment, he has stood up to
the post where our babies are concerned and I will always be grateful to him
for that. “And Mick?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m…
sorry.” Wow. You could hear the strain in his voice as he choked out those two
little words. Words I suspected he never expected to say to his brother, and
his brother never expected to hear. “We will, um… discuss this again. Tomorrow
perhaps.”

“Whatever,”
Mick grumbled – his way of reluctantly agreeing. I couldn’t blame him for
being pissed off. Having your own flesh and blood thinking you were capable of
something so disgusting must be the ultimate betrayal.

“Now
go,” Alistair ordered, addressing all of us. “I need to speak with my wife.”

And
that was that. With questioning eyes, Jared shook his father’s hand and then
leaned in to kiss his mother’s cheek. Alistair offered his hand to Mick but,
understandably in my opinion, Mick backed away and uttered “not yet”. Then, we
left. Mick headed out first and Jared pushed me out behind him.

Holy
fucking fuckety fuck balls with bells on.

What
the hell
was
that?

Jared

“
Why
didn’t you ever say anything?” I
couldn’t help continuing to probe Mick while he drove us to our new house. “I
thought we were close.”

“We
are.
That’s why I would never
willingly put you between a rock and a hard place. I didn’t want you to have to
side with your dad or me. I didn’t know if or when your mum would ever say what
really happened, and well, I guess I didn’t know if you’d even believe me.”

“Of
course I’d have believed you,” I insisted. But would I? What if my mum
had
kept the truth close to her chest?
The thought of someone attacking her… could I have ever doubted her? Guess I’ll
never know. “Regardless, I’m glad it’s out. Maybe we can be a proper family
again. The family I remember when I was a little kid.”

“Don’t
get your hopes up, lad. I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet. Your dad…”

“I
get it. I understand. I can’t imagine how shit you must feel knowing he thought
you could do that.”

“We’re
here,” Mick announced, interrupting the dismal conversation as he pulled onto a
bricked driveway lined with evergreen shrubs.
A driveway I might never use…

I
dismissed the untimely self-pity threatening to take over my mood and snapped
my seatbelt off.

“Wow,”
Rachel muttered when I opened her car door. Mick was already at the boot
fetching her chair and so together we just stared at the large semi, painted
white with black accents around the guttering. “It’s fucking
huge
.”

I
laughed softly. I guess it
was
huge
compared to Rachel’s tiny little flat, or even her parents’ home back in
Cheshire. To me, it was just a regular house. And yes, I know that makes me
sound like a jumped-up, spoiled brat, but well – I’ve never really known
anything else.

Once
she was settled in her chair she started moving herself towards the door, too
eager to wait for me to take hold of her handles. Mick faffed around in the
file my dad gave him for a minute as he searched for the key, and when he found
it, he handed it to me.

“Ready?”
I asked Rachel, slotting the key into the lock. She nodded enthusiastically and
I twisted the key. I’d still been debating how I felt about this whole
arrangement until the second I opened the door. In that very moment, when I
looked in onto the cream hallway, with polished mahogany floors and beige
carpet hugging the stairs, I knew. I
knew
this was the best decision for my family. I could already see us living
here – my babies trying to crawl up the first stair and Rachel shooing
them away.

“We’re
home,” Rachel breathed as I tilted her chair over the threshold. This house
obviously had the same effect on her as it did on me and we hadn’t even
ventured into any rooms yet.

“According
to this,” Mick interrupted, holding up some letters from the file. “A lift is
being installed in the dining room next Wednesday, Thursday the bathroom is
being re-fitted with a hydraulic bath chair and a freestanding shower cubicle
and then Friday someone’s coming to fit an emergency bell in every room.”

Wow.
My Dad had thought of
everything
.
He’d thought of
Rachel.

“Rach?”
I asked carefully, dropping to my knees in front of her. “What is it?” I asked,
noticing the overspill of tears.

“I
just… it’s just… I’m overwhelmed I suppose. Your dad… he’s gone to so much
trouble for me.”

“No,
saffy. For
us
,” I said, flattening my
palm over her swollen belly. “It’s all turning out just great don’t you think?”

“Meaning?”

“Everything.
Life. This. Us. I couldn’t be happier right now.”

And
I meant every word. Everything was slotting into place like a jigsaw puzzle. In
just a few months I’d fallen in love with the most beautiful person, inside and
out, I’d ever met. I’d finally got my head in gear and faced the illness that’s
loomed over me my whole adult life and was now hopefully on the road to a
future without those damn episodes. I was going to be a daddy, we had a family
home just waiting for us to move into, our best friends would be back in our
lives soon, my dad and Mick’s relationship may well be salvageable and…

I’m
the proud owner of a giant flower tattoo on my arse.

“So,
where do you want to tour first? Upstairs or down?” I asked.

“I
can’t get upstairs.”

“I’ll
carry you.”

“I’m
getting heavy. These babies weigh a ton.”

“Nothing
to do with the fact you’ve been having chocolate for breakfast every morning
this week then huh?”

“Hey!”
She swatted my arm. “It’s a craving. I can’t help it!”

“Come
on,” I said, jumping to my feet before scooping her in my arms. “I like a
challenge.” Then I climbed the stairs, cradling her like a baby – all the
while laughing as she squealed into my chest. “MICK?” I called behind me when I
reached the top stair. “Bring Rachel’s chair up!”

**********

Two weeks later…

“That
one’s for upstairs,” Rachel instructed as I brought the box she’d been looking
for into our new kitchen.

“I’ve
just
got
this from upstairs. You said
you wanted the green box.”

“
Not
the green box that says ‘bathroom’
on it, nobcheese.” Holding my arms out in front of me I examined the box, and
sure enough, there in Rachel’s handwriting in black marker said ‘bathroom’.

We’d
been moving in for two days and are almost finished. Well, to be honest I
thought we were finished a couple of hours into the first day but it seems we
needed another few days moving this box here and that box there and those boxes
up, down around and back up again.

Grr.
Women. Why do they have to be so indecisive? The way I see it, take a box, open
it, toss the contents in the nearest cupboard – done. Time for a beer.

But
no. ‘We can’t put
that
there because
it doesn’t match
this.’
‘That can’t
stand next to
that –
it doesn’t
go
.’ ‘
That
would look better with the bedroom curtains not the living
room ones.’

Christ
she’s adorably annoying when she’s stressed.

But
we’re finally here.
Home
. All the
boxes are in, though I’m sure it will take Rachel another six months to decide
where she wants everything to go. Mick helped us with the last of the boxes
this morning, Rachel’s friend Holly is due in an hour or so to help her choose
which drapes to hang in the dining room and my sister and parents are coming
this evening to… well I’m not actually sure
why
they’re coming. To nosey around the place probably.

My
mum and dad seem to be working things out – they’re pretty much back to
their usual uptight selves. The ‘incident’ hasn’t been mentioned since and I
doubt it ever will. Therefore I’ll probably never know why my mum decided to
lie for all these years, but to be honest I’ve got too much good stuff going on
in my life right now to care. Mick and my dad? I’m not so sure yet. Neither of
them are what you could call ‘talkers’ so I suppose it’s going to be a case of
time with those two. But hey, they’ve exchanged a few handshakes and tossed the
odd grunt in each other’s direction so that’s progress.

And…
I finally told my parents about the epilepsy. I didn’t know what I was
expecting – maybe a few tears from my mum, an accusation that I must have
brought it on myself from my dad… But no. They flew straight in doctor mode. My
mum disagrees with the medication I’m taking and has insisted I go back and ask
for some other one with a ridiculously long name that apparently won’t make me
so tired all the time, and my dad wants to refer me to a different neurologist.

For
now I’m going along with it. If it makes them feel helpful, and keeps me in
their good books, then I’m happy.

Re-entering
the bathroom for the fiftieth time today, I set the ‘wrong’ green box back down
on the counter. As I did so, my phone vibrated in my jeans pocket.

Dexter:
Still on for next week daddy?

Jeez,
this was getting old pretty quickly. Ever since he found out about the twins
he’s taken to calling me ‘Daddy’. From another guy it’s just fucking
weird.
Kind of makes me feel like I’m
involved in one of those sick fetishes, you know where you have a middle aged
pot-bellied dude wearing a nappy, getting spanked by his ‘mummy’. Ugh.

Anyway,
Emily is throwing a ‘surprise’ birthday party for Dexter next week. Not much of
a surprise seeing as it was Dexter who told me about it, but he wants to make
that the day Rachel and I go up there to surprise Emily. They’re back on UK
soil now, staying with Em’s brother Chris until they get their own place.

It’s
weird because I haven’t even known them that long, Dexter only marginally
longer than Rachel and Emily, yet I’m so bloody excited to see them again.
Those guys right there are my best friends – Rachel’s too. The kind of
friends I know in my gut would never turn out like Ben. I tried speaking to him
about what happened, about the part he played in my attack… but I ended up
walking away. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look into his eyes again and
not
see the eyes of my attacker staring
back at me – taunting me, threatening me all over again. Well, they were
brothers after all.

Maybe
this is another situation that just needs time.

Me:
Yes mate. Settling in ok?

Dexter:
A little crowded at Chris’ place but couldn’t b happier right now. Em smiles so
much. Life’s pretty darn perfect

Me:
Soppy much? Dude, tell Em u want ur balls back

Dexter:
Go fuck yourself pretty boy

“Who
you texting?” Rachel asked, startling the shit out of me. I swear the lift my
dad had installed is too damn quiet. The amount of times I’ve choked on my
heart this last couple of days is insane.

“Dex.
Just checking we’re still on for next week.”

Rachel
nodded with the same nervous smile she wears every time we talk about Emily.

“Well
I just got a text from Jess. She can’t make it with your parents tonight so
she’ll be here in five minutes. To be honest I think she’s bored. The station
have put her on office duties for the rest of her pregnancy – she’s not
handling the mundaneness very well.”

“Guess
I’ll put the kettle on then. Tea? Coffee?”

“Pot
Noodle,” she winked. Rolling my eyes and feeling slightly nauseous at the mere
thought of having to smell another Pot Noodle, I headed downstairs.

“Hey,
Rach?” I called back from the middle stair. “Get whichever green box you’ve
been rambling on about yourself while you’re up there!”

“Arsehole!”
she shot back, the amusement evident in her voice.

Jess
arrived minutes later, waltzing straight into the living room and flopping
backwards onto our new brown leather sofa.

“Work
is a bastard,” she groaned, smoothing her palms over the leather and nodding in
approval. “Nice couch.”

“You
can’t expect them to let you patrol the streets, Jess. Not in your condition.”

She
huffed, shrugging her shoulders the same way she’s been doing since she was
thirteen years old.

“Yeah,
I know,” she grudgingly agreed. “It’s just not what I signed up for. If I
wanted to shuffle papers for a living I would’ve applied for a job as a
receptionist.”

“It’s
not forever. Quit moaning, brat.”

“Screw
you.” Jess arched her back, trying to get comfortable as she rubbed her belly.
Even though there is a couple of months separating her and Rachel’s due dates,
there is barely any difference in their size. Rachel sitting down all the time,
means her body hides it better, but when she’s lying next to me at night, the
fullness of her growing belly presses against my own and I get to see just how
big she is. She’s beautiful. “You’re a shite host. Where’s my drink?”

“Me
playing host would imply you’re a ‘welcome’ guest. You’re pregnant, not dying.
Get your own.”

“Hey,
Rachel!” Jess called out as loud as she could. “My brother’s being mean to me!”

“Cut
it out, snitch. She won’t take your side over mine,” I teased, knowing she damn
well would.

“Oi,”
Rachel said, snapping her fingers when she came in from the dining room.
“Kettle on. Now.”

See?

Women
usually stick together anyway. Women pumped with pregnancy hormones? I don’t
stand a fucking chance.

“Yes,
ma’am.”

The
rest of the afternoon panned out as expected. Jess and Rachel faffed around
with cushions and curtains, then Holly turned up and joined in with the girly
shit. I snuck out to work for a couple of hours. I wasn’t due in today but I
had to escape the madness before my cock shrivelled into a clit. Too. Many.
Flowers.