License to Love (67 page)

Trevor watched him with a curious gaze while they chugged
their beers.

“Are you feeling okay about being at work?” Trevor asked
what could be a casual question, but Jason didn’t think men talked about work
that way.

Jason nodded, unable to find the words to tell Trevor how he
felt. He thought he might explode from holding everything in. “I go in every day,
but it’s not keeping me as busy as I thought.”

He wasn’t going out on calls because their supervisor didn’t
feel he was ready. They moved on to safer topics: the new overpass that had
just opened on the freeway, the terror alerts in the news, and the latest city
politics.

“I didn’t know about the baby, man,” Trevor said while he
laid meat on the grill. “Mindy just told me today.”

Jason was watching the meat sizzle, and the words didn’t
register right away. 

“Aubrey?” he asked. Trevor’s apologetic tone didn’t make sense.
No one knew about his thing for Savanna.

Trevor looked a little confused and a little sad. “She named
it? I mean, named her?” He laid aside the plate and gave his full attention to
Jason.

“What? Who are we talking about here?”

“Rachael. Mindy just told me about the baby she lost.” Trevor’s
speech slowed as confusion set in. “Oh, wow, I’m sorry man. I assumed you
knew.”

Jason gulped the last of his drink. At least he knew who
they were talking about: his ex-girlfriend, Rachael. They’d broken up six
months before, but the relationship hadn’t gotten serious.

It didn’t bother him to think about her or the short
relationship. It bothered him that he automatically thought of Savanna and her
daughter. “What baby?”

“Mindy said Rachael lost a pregnancy a couple months ago.
Right after the first trimester.” Trevor glanced through the sliding glass
door. “I hope it wasn’t a secret. She didn’t tell me not to say anything.”

Jason sat down in one of the patio chairs and put his bottle
on the concrete. When he didn’t speak, Trevor sat in the chair opposite of him.

“I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.”

“No, Trevor, don’t feel bad.”

“After everything else, I can see why she didn’t tell you.”

“Thing is, we never got that far. It couldn’t have been
mine.”

Trevor leaned forward on his elbows. “What do you mean?”

What did he think that meant? “She must have cheated on me
because we never got that serious. Rachael got weird after a few months of
dating. She asked me to pick her over my job.”

“I remember that.”

“I didn’t know what she was thinking. You don’t go and ask
someone to quit their career, not after you’ve dated just a few months. I said
no, end of story. It was so weird because Cassie was pushing Jason to retire
from firefighting. I started thinking the world was conspiring against us.”

Why did she force him to choose while she was pregnant with
another man’s baby? Unless she knew he’d choose his job. She got off the hook
that way and didn’t have to end their relationship herself. At least he finally
had some kind of reasonable explanation.

Life. It got so messy, and then it rounded back and made the
strangest connections sometimes. Now he remembered mentioning to Rachael that
Cassie wanted Mike to quit firefighting so they could start a family. That
might have sparked the idea for her little manipulation.

There was also the connection with Savanna, how they had met
through an apartment fire. Then, the same fire that killed Mike brought her
back here in a way.

“I wonder why she told Mindy it was your baby,” Trevor
commented.

That had almost slipped by because he was thinking about
Savanna.

“I have no clue on that one.” It bothered him for sure.

Trevor shook his head at the situation. “Maybe you should
talk to Rachael, but don’t tell her where you heard it.”

“Ahh, I don’t know if I want to spend my time asking her
about it.” Losing the baby probably had her down already. A three-month
relationship six months ago didn’t seem like something to worry about, not with
his current list of problems. With all the drama in his life, he needed to
focus on working out the bigger problems.

Brandon, Trevor’s toddler, came out the back door with his
blanket in hand. Trevor pulled his son up into his lap and said, “Hey little
dude, you finally woke up.”

They left behind any serious discussion and played with the
little boy before eating. Even though he enjoyed the time with his friend, Jason
left Trevor’s house later that evening with a heavy feeling in his chest. He
wanted to knock on Savanna’s door, but instead he stood outside his own,
looking over. Always on the outside, looking in. Great, his life was a cliché.

When he was with Savanna, though, he didn’t feel on the
outside anymore.

Savanna paced in her bedroom late that night. She was worked
up, trying to make a budget on her new income. She’d gotten lucky and found a
job at an art store, teaching kids to paint . . . along with stocking shelves
and whatever odd and end jobs needed done. She wouldn’t have to pinch and worry
like she did in Texas, but that was because her job here paid better, and Jason
didn’t charge her full rent.

That’s what she was really worried about, not the budget.
What did he expect from her? It didn’t seem like he wanted anything: not
friendship, not romance, not money. Couldn’t that be fine? Why did she want
more?

She thought Cassie and Jason would never be friends again,
and that saddened her. Cassie hurt enough; why did she have to push Jason away?
Neither one of them would let her help. That feeling was back. She had too many
emotions in her and felt ready to crack open.

Here she was with a new job, a place for her and Aubrey, and
her mom living close by, but she was feeling restless, like something was
missing.

Her colored pencils and drawing paper sat in a box in her
closet. Savanna hadn’t drawn in three months and decided she needed to do
something, so she took the box down to her kitchen table. Pictures flowed out
at a quick pace. Colors contrasted and complemented each other in both soft and
bold lines. Savanna worked for several hours and drew a dozen pictures. She
thoroughly enjoyed the time when art filled her mind, not leaving room for
worry about her life. Her problems vanished into another world when she could lose
herself like this.

After the last picture, she went back through and made a few
marks here and there. Then she flipped through once more, imagining the story
as she went. She loved the rich colors in her imaginary world and how it looked
brighter there.

By the time she felt satisfied, it’d grown late, and she
fell into bed and went right to sleep.

The alarm went off seconds later. At least it felt like
seconds. She rolled out of bed and nearly rolled right onto the floor. Half
awake, she hit the alarm and went for the shower. Forty minutes later, she
headed out in a pink shirt with a V-neck and black slacks to drop off Aubrey at
her mom’s. Savanna felt the stirrings of fall in the air outside, though it was
still warm and clear.

Two hours into her morning, Savanna knew she’d stayed up too
late. You have to live while you’re alive, right? But, boy, did she pay for it
today. She drank two cups of coffee before sitting down with three kids to
paint. She really enjoyed showing them how she used the brushes to create
different effects. They’d watch her and then paint all kinds of pictures, even
using her techniques sometimes.

She smiled and waved at them when they were done, and then
she noticed a police officer standing by the door. He gave the kids a warm
smile, but it disappeared when he looked at her.

She had an eerie feeling he’d been there several minutes.

“Savanna Thompson?”

“Yes?”

He handed her a large, thick envelope. “You’ve been served.
Have a nice day.”

When she arrived at her mom’s house, still shell-shocked,
Savanna found Aubrey in tears, so she hugged her mom and left quickly with
Aubrey. It seemed like a great reason to get out of there without talking. Her
mom saw her face and knew something was horribly wrong, but Savanna couldn’t
talk about it. She couldn’t think about it and still function.

Aubrey cried all the way home, even when Savanna pulled her
out of her seat and held her. Jason’s jeep pulled up to his house as she walked
to her front door.

He paused as he got out, watching her. When she glanced
toward him, he looked a bit like a magazine ad, standing there in a Columbia
sweater, his hair a little windblown and wild. It was his dark gaze that stopped
her. She saw pain in his eyes and felt pulled to him. Maybe even more so in
this moment, when she felt her own world might crash down like his already had.

She waved but lost her nerve to call out or walk his way, plus
Aubrey’s wails pushed her toward the door. Glancing back as she shut it, she saw
him standing between his jeep and front door. Though he didn’t say a word or
lift a hand, she felt emotion sizzle off him. He looked caught in his own quiet
trance.

But now she was in her own world, her own problems, with a
tired little girl to keep her busy.

Jason’s mind didn’t function while he walked into his own
townhouse. She’d looked hot with that V-neck shirt dipping low. Her slacks had
molded over her hips. As always, though, it was her eyes that would keep him up
tonight. He couldn’t figure out if they were offering or asking. Maybe both.

He dropped his keys on the counter and went to the wall that
separated his home from Savanna’s garage. There he laid a hand on the wall. He
didn’t park in his garage since he’d filled it with junk, including that broken-down
couch he needed to take to the dump. She didn’t park her new car inside her
garage, either, maybe due to the nice weather.

He liked to think she parked outside so she might see him.
What a dumb idea. She’d seen him just now, hadn’t she? And then she’d gone on
in.

“Jackass.” She’d had a crying baby. “Get a grip.”

Disgusted with himself, he went to his freezer to see what
he had. After Hot Pockets and what was left in his bottle of Jack Daniels, he
got out his Xbox and plugged it in.

He played football and then basketball until after four in
the morning, when he finally let his head fall back on the recliner and went to
sleep.

A call came. They suited up and jumped on the truck to race
to an apartment building. An electrical fire had broken out in one of the
central units.

It burned outward from both sides and upward to the second
floor. Assignments were called out, and he went in close to the fire’s starting
point, where the flames blocked the doors.

Water shot against the building, but flames licked up the
inside walls. The door was too hot to touch, so he used an ax on it. He let the
water shoot through, and then he hit the floor and made his way inside.

“Is anyone here?” he shouted.

Fire filled the apartment. Jason kept going because he heard
a hysterical voice counting.
One, two, three, go
!
No, one, two three,
go!

He spotted a blanket on the floor and grabbed it, peering
through a wall of flame at a woman. He pushed through. His protective gear
should withstand the heat.

The woman ran into him. She didn’t understand right away
that he was there to help her. Not until the wet blanket got her attention as
he threw it around her.

Water had subdued the flames enough that he could get her
out safely. Through the gear, and through his adrenaline, he felt the woman
shaking, clinging to him. He didn’t look into her face until he got outside on
the stairwell.

What he saw when he looked down stopped him cold in the
middle of the emergency.

The greenest eyes he’d ever seen stared up at him. His mind
took a picture of her face, even though he usually tried not to remember
victims. They didn’t always make it.

The beautiful face laughed. Suddenly, Savanna didn’t have
soot on her or smell of smoke anymore, and his gear was gone.

Why did she laugh? Mike and Cassie laughed too. Mike stood
up while they sat around the kitchen table for dinner. Another one of his
stories. Man, Mike could tell a story.

Jason laughed, too, even though he didn’t know why. It just
felt so good to laugh with them. The four of them laughed until they cried, and
no one seemed to know why.

“Ahh!” He wasn’t laughing. Jason sat in the dark, in his
recliner, and the others were gone.

After that night, and that dream, Jason couldn’t do anything
but sit around half asleep all day. He went to the window when he heard Aubrey
sing outside. They didn’t see him. Savanna left in her Toyota, probably to her
mother’s house since it was Saturday. Jason went back to bed.

Two days later, he pulled up to his house in the evening
just as Savanna walked into the driveway with Aubrey sleeping in a stroller.

The little girl’s cheeks were flushed red, and he guessed
she’d been running around somewhere until she wore herself out. Savanna had her
in pink overalls with a matching bow that clipped back some of her curls.

If she had wings, she’d look exactly like those cartoon
drawings of baby angels, complete with a soft, round face. He stepped out of
his jeep and looked at Savanna, who had stalled by her door.

She tried to smile, but he could see how tentative she felt.
He hadn’t spoken to her since that spontaneous kiss . . . What the hell should
he say now?

“Hey there, Savanna.” Nice and casual. He walked her way.
“Looks like Aubrey had a busy day.”

The corners of Savanna’s mouth lifted but not enough to
bring out her dimples. She’d pulled her hair up and curled it so little
ringlets fell back down around her face.