License to Love (70 page)

She imagined him growing up, trying to fill in the blanks,
and found she didn’t know enough yet to draw his picture. “I always wanted a sibling,
a bigger family, but I was happy anyway. Mom got involved in the school in a
good way. I never minded that she was a teacher.”

He thought on that a minute, maybe putting her story
together too. Of course he noticed the hole right away. “What about your dad?”

“He left. Just like Eric left Aubrey.” She looked down at
her hands, wondering if they were ready for this kind of sharing. She liked
learning about him, but her own secrets felt so humiliating.

“I’m sorry, Savanna,” he said tenderly.

“Well, life’s not fair. Mom always said to take advantage of
what you do get.” This, here, is what they got for the present moment. Mike and
Cassie must have been the closest thing Jason had to family, and Savanna felt a
pang because she knew about longing for one.

In the pause, someone knocked on the door.

“I’ll be right back,” she said before standing and answering
it. A tan brunette waited, wearing a black tank top, tan shorts, and hiking
boots but still managing to look feminine with dark, shiny hair that reached almost
to her waist.  

She frowned at Savanna. “Did Jason move?”

“No, he’s resting.”

“Resting?” She looked like she didn’t believe Savanna.

“Did you hear about his accident?”

“No, but I’m Rachael . . . a friend. I’d like to see him.”

“Could you come back when he’s awake? Maybe you could call
first.”

A cold expression took over Rachael’s face before she turned
and marched back to her car. Savanna shut the door, irritated. She glanced at
Jason but broke eye contact, debating if she would ask him about Rachael.

“Thanks,” he said when she came back to sit with him. “I
really don’t feel like dealing with Rachael right now.”

She nodded, feeling tense and hating it. After everything
between them now, they should be able to be honest with each other. She took a
breath to speak, but he started first.

“We dated about six months ago. Then, out of the blue, she
asked me to quit my job.”

She gave him a quizzical look.  

“She wanted me to pick either my job or her. I told her she
was crazy. We weren’t serious at all.”

“And that’s it?” Either the story didn’t add up, or Rachel
didn’t.

“Sort of. We parted ways, but Trevor just told me about a
week ago that he heard she had a miscarriage.”

She leaned back, letting it sink in. So Rachael was much
more than a friend . . . it was selfish, but she didn’t like to think about
Jason with someone else. Somehow, she had to be a bigger person than that,
however, because this had to be hard for him. She tried to imagine if she’d
lost Aubrey while pregnant. Things like that gave her nightmares.

Looking straight into her eyes, he said, “Thing is, she and
I weren’t intimate.”

Her breath rushed out, and she hoped the heat she felt in
her face wasn’t showing up red. She tried to cover her relief but still
couldn’t say anything. His brown eyes were so convincing, and it wasn’t like he
had any reason to hide things from her.

“She cheated on me,” he went on. “I wondered why she gave me
such a crazy ultimatum. In effect, she forced me to end the relationship, and
she got off the hook.”

Rachael didn’t sound like a stable person to her. “Hmm.”

“Does that sound too wacky to be true?” He lifted one brow,
and it made him look uncertain, like he needed her to believe him.

“I suppose not.” She’d heard stranger things . . . like her
own life with Eric. And like Eric, Rachael was a problem in the past. “Thanks
for explaining it to me.”

He looked at her a long minute before saying, “Did Eric
cheat on you?”

“He . . . Uh . . . We . . . I’m not being fair, Jason. I
shouldn’t be butting in about Rachael.” This was too much, too soon. She needed
air.

“You didn’t, I told.” He reached for her hand. “Don’t get
scared of me, or this. Don’t bail on me now.”

His hand felt so warm around hers, so reassuring. She stared
at his eyes and ached all the way through to touch him more. It was too much to
think about his strong hands on her. Even bruised and ashamed of himself, he
looked, well, was sexy the right word? She wanted him, had to have him, in a
strange and new way.

“You look like you want to kiss me.”

She couldn’t help the tiny smile that tugged briefly on her
mouth at getting caught. She whispered, “May I?”

“You don’t have to ask. Offer’s always open.” Laughter lit
up his warm brown eyes.

Another loud knock interrupted them.

He groaned.  

Darn her body for wanting him so badly right now. She stood
slowly. “I guess I wasted too much time.” Outside she found the two men who
helped Jason move her furniture in, Larry Vine and Mark Vaccariello.

“Savanna, how are you?” Larry greeted. He stood a good foot
over his friend and a foot and a half over her.

“I’m doing . . .” She trailed off when she realized she was
about to say well. Was she? Larry looked like he understood. “Come on in, he’s
over here.” She stepped inside and waved them in.

“Jason,” Larry greeted. “Chief would have given you a day
off for a date, you know.”

Everyone tried to laugh at his joke. Savanna offered them
drinks and then retreated to her own apartment. They didn’t seem to mind that
she left. She felt they had business to discuss, and she was actually glad that
she’d sidestepped telling Jason about Eric. She’d tell him about the new
developments, too, sometime, but not now.

Jason watched her go and couldn’t blame her. He wasn’t sure
if he would want her to hear what his friends were going to say anyway. Mark
burst out with curses when the door shut before he calmed down to say, “Jason,
what were you thinking?”

Nope, Savanna didn’t need to hear this.

“I wasn’t.” Jason raised his hands in defeat.

“Cut him some slack, Mark,” Larry said in his always booming
voice as he crossed his arms. With his height added in, people tended to listen
to him. “We’re not here to bust your butt, Jason. I just want to know if you’ve
gotten your head on straight yet.”

Jason wanted to get up so Larry wouldn’t be towering over
him, but he didn’t want them watching him struggle up off his couch, either. He
glanced between his friends, searching for an answer. He could lie and say what
they wanted, but that wasn’t going to help.

“We just lost Mike; we can’t lose you,” Mark said with his
gaze down.

The words cut into Jason. He knew they needed him, and now
he felt selfish on top of stupid.

What could he say after what he’d done? “I’m sorry, you
guys. I didn’t drive out there planning to wreck my jeep, but I wasn’t
thinking. Everything went to hell and I lost it.”

They fell silent after his admission. Life around the
department had been bleak after Mike’s death, and this just darkened it even
further. How he wished he could take the wreck back. Undo it somehow. He’d felt
so much regret over Mike . . . now he didn’t know how to deal with all this. He
would, though, somehow. He wouldn’t make everything even worse for the people
he cared about.

“I can’t promise I have it together right now, but I’ll
promise to be smarter. I won’t mess up like that again.”

Mark and Larry both nodded. They tried to share a look
without him noticing, but he didn’t mind. The tension in the room let up,
letting him breathe again.

“How long will you be out?” Mark sat down across the room
and Larry followed suit.

“At least six weeks, because of the leg. Then the department
will decide. I don’t think I’ll get to walk back in whenever I want.”
If
he wanted to go back. He wasn’t sure he had what it took anymore.

“We need you,” Mark said. “You gotta take care of yourself,
man.”

“We want you back,” Larry added. “You’re a good firefighter.
And a good part of our team.”

He couldn’t look at them after hearing their praise. A quiet
minute dragged out. Then Mark asked, “How’d you get Cassie’s friend over here
so soon?”

“Yeah, didn’t give anyone else a chance.” Larry chuckled.

Jason’s face jerked up. “And nobody better try, either.”

The edge in his voice startled him.

“Whoa!” Larry sent Mark a look. “You’re looking at two
married men here, Lancaster.”

Okay, he’d overreacted. And he saw them both raise an
eyebrow at each other. “Sorry.”

He could try and explain it, but then again, wasn’t it
obvious?

“Did you know her before she came to the funeral?” Larry
asked, and Mark leaned forward along with him.

“She lived in an apartment building here a few years ago,
before she moved to Texas, and it caught fire. I pulled her out.” He didn’t explain
that they were strangers till recently, and he didn’t care. In his present
state, he only cared that she was back in Eugene, living next to him.

Once they left, Jason hobbled to the door to go see Savanna
and found her outside, on her way to his place.

“Hey,” they both spoke at the same time, bringing a laugh.

“You shouldn’t be walking around out here.”

At that, he nodded back toward his door and turned around.
She crossed her arms and tried to look like she was thinking about it, but her
coy smile lasted only so long.

“Can we redo that kiss?” he asked. Savanna unintentionally
licked her lips.

She didn’t give a direct answer. “What do you mean, ‘redo’?
We didn’t get there.”

They’d gotten inside his door and stood facing each other,
but the crutches put an awkward spin on things. “I meant the first time, when I
apologized for it like an idiot. I was shaken up and selfish, and I’m sorry.”

“Oh, that one.” She looked down at her clasped hands for a
minute. A very long minute. Her face came up and she said, “You look a little
wobbly. How much medicine are you on right now?”

Was she stalling? She couldn’t be nervous. Maybe she didn’t
want to kiss him now, or yet, or like this. Confused, he agreed to lie back
down on the couch. When she leaned over to fluff his pillow, she paused over
him. He figured she wanted to forget about the kiss, but then he heard her quick
breathing. She was nervous! That made him want her even more.

He wanted nothing more than to make this angel smile for
him. Well, he also wanted to make her sigh with pleasure.  

His will power gone, Jason reached up to trace a finger from
her chin to her neck where he slipped his hand behind her head. His prompting
worked. Her hand explored his jaw before she lowered her head to meet him mouth
to mouth. Warm, sweet, ready.

They enjoyed the sensation without moving for a second, but
that was all the restraint he had. He needed to hold her as close as possible.
He wanted to kiss her senseless and make up for running away last time.

He teased and explored, while caressing her back, her neck.
Savanna made a sound between a whimper and a moan, and the noise made him open
his eyes.

He pulled his mouth away enough to say her name.

“Don’t stop,” she said, opening her eyes.

“Don’t?” he asked.

He watched her eyelids drop to half-open as her gaze swept
over his face, over his mouth, and to his eyes with anticipation.

“You’ve got gorgeous eyes, Savanna.”

“Kiss now, compliment later,” she whispered. Who could argue
with that?

Savanna stood in front of her bathroom mirror, in the third
outfit she’d put on that morning. This one worked: khaki shorts and a fitted
T-shirt. Casual for the weekend, but she looked good in it.

Was she getting worked up over nothing? Would he just run
off again, if he could? She couldn’t breathe normally while thinking about the
way he’d kissed her, with such passion. He knew how to tease and give her what
she wanted, sometimes at the same time.

At eight, she called her mom and checked on Aubrey. Margaret
said, “She’s having fun. Hasn’t cried for you at all.”

“Gee, thanks,” she said, but she wasn’t actually upset. Savanna
would feel bad if Aubrey missed her. Savanna got off the phone and went next
door, keeping quiet in case Jason still slept. Upstairs, she peeked into his
bedroom and thought he looked asleep, but he said her name when she started to
leave.

“I didn’t wake you, did I?” she asked, though she was glad
she could talk with him.

“I wanted to see you. I’ve actually been up for an hour
thinking about you.”

Savanna stood in the doorway, one hand still on the door,
unable to stop staring at him. “You have not.”

He’d pulled his shirt off during the night and lay on his
back, with an arm under his pillow. His mouth tilted up in a teasing way.

“How about I cook breakfast?” she offered, taking a step
back. She felt herself blushing. He looked naked lying there in his rumpled
blankets. “I could bring it up.”

“Hungry this early?”

“Yeah. I’ll be back in a while.” She went downstairs
quickly, needing to run from the sight of him. It was all the worse because he was
in bed. She felt hot and tingly all over and didn’t want him to see her
checking him out like that.

She made toast, fried some eggs, and put grapes on both
their plates since he didn’t have any bacon. He didn’t have a serving tray,
either. She took his plate and juice up first and came back for hers, returning
to sit beside him. It could almost be a morning after, except they didn’t spend
the night together. This just felt so intimate.

“You’re the best.” He tried the eggs. “And these are really
good.”

“Thanks.” She settled back against the headboard to eat with
him. A few minutes later, she asked, “Are you feeling better today?”

“Getting there. Actually, I feel great with you here.”

Yeah, and she felt great just looking at him.