License to Love (69 page)

When he felt somewhat revived, he made his way back to the
couch. Savanna helped him lie down again.

“Are you hungry?”

“Can’t tell,” he said honestly. “Too much medication, I
think.”

“Maybe you should eat.”

“No, Savanna. I have to talk.” When he gestured, she sat by
his waist. Somehow he got his hand in her lap. Even that small intimacy felt
good. “I can’t tell you how it felt, having my own team pull me out of my
twisted jeep. They won’t want me back after this.”

She took his hand in both of hers. “I can’t believe that.
Things like this can happen even to rescue workers, you know.”

“Not like this. I flew around those curves, knowing the
danger. I’d been out there before, pulling other people out of smoking cars. I
didn’t see the road. I shouldn’t have gotten behind the wheel.”

“Then why? Did you want to die?” A mix of fear and curiosity
surfaced in her watery green eyes. Instead of judgment, he saw understanding.

He felt his eyes flutter shut, but he wouldn’t let his body
sleep now. “I didn’t think about it like that when I left. I miss Mike. I miss
Cassie. I wish I could make things better for her. I felt like I did something
awful to you too.”

He had trouble getting out that last sentence but instantly
saw how much it meant to her.

“Don’t talk like that.” Her fierce whisper kept him going.

“I have to, baby. I have to get this out. I don’t know what
happened with you. I had to have you here, close to me. Then I ran once I got
you here. I thought I messed things up. Don’t ask me why or how, but I need
you.”

“I know what you mean,” she said hoarsely as new tears
sprang up into her eyes. He tugged on her hand, and she wrapped herself around
him, crying into his neck. Still, she took care not to hurt him. Out of his
pain and the medication, a clear moment crystallized and startled him. Before
he had been broken on the inside, but now he was broken on the outside where he
could heal. It didn’t make sense in his head, but his heart saw a light ahead
of him. Savanna, too, was broken. She’d been hiding it, but now, for some reason
beyond his understanding, she was sharing it with him. He still hadn’t wept for
his lost friend, or Cassie, or even Savanna like he needed to, but this moment
brought it all out.

No one would doubt a man lived in this place.
Savanna’s
thoughts kept pace as she cleaned Jason’s kitchen that afternoon while he
slept. At least he tried to cook for himself; she had to give him that. She’d
teach him how to clean sometime, like under the stove burners and in the
refrigerator.

She’d also ask if she could organize his cupboards for him.
He’d shoved everything into the cupboards, all mixed up. How did he find a
snack in the midst of all his baking supplies?

Cleaning gave her mind a break from mulling over the
situation. Once she’d scrubbed his kitchen, she quietly walked through the
living room to pick up newspapers. She took them to a shelf that occupied one
wall. Now that she wasn’t so upset over his accident, she became curious about
his living space. About him.

She glanced at him before turning back to the shelves where
he’d filled the top one with books on firefighting and first aid. Pulling out a
few books, Savanna was amazed at all the technology involved.

The next shelf held canoeing books, maps, and outdoor
magazines, and he apparently liked action- adventure novels, some of them
historical, and also comic books. Those looked older, like he’d kept them from
his grade school and high school years, so she didn’t touch them. The next-to-bottom
shelf held CDs, and she knelt down and saw he listened to country. Interesting.
She’d gotten into country music while living in Texas, but she hadn’t told
anyone yet.

A baseball glove sat on the bottom shelf, worn with use. She
looked and didn’t see any family pictures anywhere, just his degree and some
certificates. A B.A, in fire technology.

He clearly loved his job, but what about his personal life?
Why didn’t he have pictures?

Standing in the middle of the living room, in his house, she
watched him sleep for a minute. Her heart went out to him. At least, he would
let her help him now.

But had she failed up until now? So far, she hadn’t done
much for either Cassie or Jason. She’d been busy thinking about her own
problems with finding a job and then learning Eric wanted custody. That still
seemed so weird–he wasn’t even here, trying to see his daughter. Savanna sucked
in a big breath and realized her lungs were tight with worry. If Eric wasn’t
here asking to see his daughter, then how could he be serious about having
Aubrey for part, or all, of the time?

When things got hard when she was growing up, her mom would
say, “When it rains, it pours.” It did seem like life would throw all kinds of
problems at her all at once. Then other times, several good things would happen
together.

Right now, she couldn’t tell if she was in the all-bad or
partly-bad times. Even with a broken leg, somehow she felt Jason had made
progress.

Since he was sleeping, Savanna went back to her place and
called Cassie.

“Hey, stranger.” Cassie greeted when she heard Savanna’s
voice.

“Hey…” Maybe she should have thought this through before
calling. Maybe she should have driven over to tell her in person, but it was
too late for planning. “Cassie, something happened. Jason was in a car
accident.” Her statement brought a long silence. “Still there?”

“Yeah.”

“Cass . . . you okay?”

“I . . . I’m sorry. How bad is he hurt?”

Savanna opened her mouth but wondered if this was like
finding out about Mike. Now she wondered what kind of reaction she’d expected,
that Cassie would feel horrible and rush over to talk to Jason?

“Savanna?” Cassie’s voice was urgent.

“He’s fine now, but he broke a leg, and he needs rest.”
Maybe this would turn things around for Cassie too. Maybe she’d see past her
anger. Savanna’s heart started pounding furiously, the way it did when she
needed to push herself into action. “I need to tell you something.” Savanna
paused to steady her shaky voice. “Jason saved my life when I was in that fire.
It was him, Cass.” Now that she’d mentioned it, she desperately wanted to tell
Cassie everything.

“Why didn’t you tell me it?” Cassie asked in a hesitant
voice.

“I didn’t even know his name until I came back from Texas
and met him again. He told me how upset you were, and how mad you were at him.
I didn’t know how to bring the whole thing up to you.”

 Cassie was quiet for a minute. They had been friends for so
long that it wasn’t weird to let the quiet stretch out, even on the phone.

“You’re falling for him, aren’t you?” Cassie didn’t sound
mad about it.

But it still wasn’t something she wanted Cassie to know. “I
want to help him since he was so willing to help me. Don’t you see? I can’t let
him go through this alone. And he’s hurting, that’s why he got in the wreck.”

He’s hurting, and I have to help him
. This wasn’t a
choice.

“Cass, still there?” She’d forgotten that Cassie lived in a
black-and-white world, with clear-cut loyalties, while Savanna survived in the
gray.

“I’m here,” Cassie said, but she didn’t sound happy about
it. “Well, I’m glad he has someone there to help him.”

Cassie still cared. Savanna could comment on it, but she
instinctively knew that could hinder the process of repairing things between
Cassie and Jason. She kept quiet about it, but when they hung up, she felt a
tiny spark of hope.

Eight

Why hadn’t she tried more? Savanna should have seen that Jason
was hurting that much. His behavior had been so weird.
Someone
should
have noticed!

Early morning light came through the window, but the day
outside wasn’t warm yet. Since she was cleaning, Savanna wore jeans and a blue
shirt, with her hair pulled back. While sweeping Jason’s kitchen, Savanna
paused at hearing a noise. Maybe he was snoring. As she walked into the
darkened living room, she got the sense that she had entered a lion’s den. Her
lion sprawled out, reaching both ends of his couch, with a thin blanket draped
over him that covered the cast. It didn’t cover his dark chest hair. Or his
nice shoulders. This whole thing would be easier if he wasn’t so good looking,
or so fit, or if he didn’t make her feel so reckless.

He had a mouth that made her think about kissing him all day
and hair that she wanted to sink her fingers into and pull him closer. The
tables had been turned a bit, now that she got to help him, and even that
turned her on a bit.

“Jason?” she asked from a few feet away. “Are you feeling
okay?”

Though groggy, he looked at her. His dark, sad eyes looked
hazy but relieved to see her. Even that warmed her inside. He tried for a faint
smile, so she sat on the coffee table and reached over to touch his hand,
finding it hot to the touch. His fingers tightened briefly around hers.

It didn’t matter how brief or how light the touch, her heart
jumped.

He stretched, in slow motion, and pushed an extra pillow
behind him. “Want to crack the curtain? Or turn on a lamp?” he asked.

She pulled the curtains open, so the room wasn’t dark
anymore. They sat together for several minutes in the late afternoon light
before he wanted to get up. She started to help him.

“I think I can handle it,” he said. Savanna didn’t want him
to handle anything on his own, but she didn’t tell him so. A few minutes later,
she met him outside the bathroom door and could tell he wanted to lie down
again.

“So . . . are you going to scold me like you do Aubrey?” he
asked, maybe teasing, as they made their way to the couch.

She gave him a big roll of her eyes to keep the mood light.
“And how is that?”

“Aubrey Lynn!” He gave an imitation before settling into the
cushions.

“I don’t know your middle name. Sorry.”

“Edward.”

“Jason Edward!” She spoke softly, not scolding at all, but
enjoying the touch of their hands together. He felt more real somehow. His
vulnerability and openness with her brought him into focus as a real person and
not as a fantasy anymore. And his dark eyes definitely brought her into the
moment with him, alone in this room.

“Are you upset with me?” he asked, a strained look on his
face.

“No. I’m sure you’re sorry enough without other people
getting on your case.” She wished she had tried harder to talk to him before.

“I’m still sorry. I feel bad you’re over here helping me.”

“Don’t worry about it. Helping you makes me feel like I’m
worth something.”

Jason latched onto her wrist and gently brought her hand
down next to his heart. “Baby, I don’t like seeing that defeated look on your
face. You’re worth a lot, to Cassie and to me. And don’t forget about your mom
and Aubrey.”

At his words and his fiery look, her world tilted. Defeated?
No, she’d won, right? She had Aubrey and she got to come home. She had to
listen to her mom and believe her that Eric wouldn’t wake up one morning and
want his daughter back. Aubrey wasn’t his daughter anymore. He’d walked away
from her at birth.

“You believe me, right?”

With that look on his face, she’d believe anything he said.
Of course it wasn’t so easy to accept that about herself. She nodded to his
question, not sure how to answer. Jason’s intent look made her think that he
wanted to know why she was hesitant to agree with his praise, but Savanna
didn’t want him to ever know. She didn’t want to talk about those custody
papers, either.

“I guess life’s thrown me some curves,” she said at last.
Bad word choice, considering his accident, but Jason didn’t flinch. Her gaze wandered
over to where the beer bottles had been, and his followed.

“You cleaned my place,” he said, surprised. “And it smells
like vanilla in here.”

She hoped he didn’t mind that part.

“It needed it.” She fidgeted with his shirt without looking
at him. “It’s not my place to say anything, but you know not to mix alcohol and
your medication, right?”

She didn’t like asking, especially since she’d just told him
she wouldn’t get on his case.

“You’re adorable when you’re embarrassed.” He tried for a
laugh. “I’m not getting off this couch to get a beer, and I don’t think you’re
planning to bring me one, either.” Without warning, the smile slipped right off
his face.

“Jason?”

“I’ve wrecked my life. I have no idea what I’ll do after
this.”

Savanna hurt for him. He’d been caring from the start, even
through his pain. Confusing, yes, but not because he didn’t care.

“The fire department knows you’re going through a tough
time. They won’t fire you for messing up. You just lost your best friend.”
Why’d she add that last one? She always said more than she wanted.

His gaze moved in a slow arc to meet hers. She enjoyed
sitting with him and looking into his eyes. Too bad the contributing
circumstances were so painful.

“It’s not as simple as a decision. They might want me back, and
I might try. Or I might admit I’m not cut out for it anymore.”

“You don’t know that yet.” She saw his eyebrows lift at her
words, so maybe she’d made a good point. “Can you stop thinking about work and
let yourself heal?”

“Not think about work?”

This seemed like the best time to ask, so she did. “Jason,
do you have family around here? No one’s come.”

“Why?” He frowned, and she thought she lost him, but he
explained. “Dad’s in North Dakota. Mom’s in Nevada. And my sister didn’t want
to keep in contact. I’m not sure where she’s at.”

“You didn’t get along with your sister?”

“Kathy was an angry kid. She kept to herself and her books,
a bookworm against any kind of norm. She called me a groupie because I liked
sports and going out with friends. It sounds silly when I try to explain it,
but she resented me.”