Live Today (Live Today #1) (13 page)

“I know. I feel the same towards him, but Brennan will kill him.”

               “You have to do what makes you happy Jenna. Not Brennan. And I know you worry about the band. But you know what? We will be okay. I promise.” I smile and nod, take his hand that’s on my thigh and give it a squeeze. I do have to start being happy for me. But at what cost? Did I already ruin things with Gabe? Can I ever feel for anyone else the way I feel for him? Can he truly be dedicated to one person and one person alone for the long haul? I guess only time will tell, Gabe was right, I’m not living to the band’s potential. I keep living for others, and not myself. I have to stop worrying about what tomorrow holds because it may never come.

               “Thank you.” I say. “I mean it Matty. Thank you for everything.” I look up at him, and then kiss him on the cheek.

               He starts smiling down at me, “Hey! Easy now, I may ask for another first kiss.” He begins laughing as I give him a titty twister and remember Gabe and my first kiss with him again. “C’mon, let’s go eat.” We stand and I follow him in. “We still have some things to talk about.” Great. That’s just what I wanted to hear. I still have to deal with Brennan. “Jenna?” he stops before I open the door.

               I turn at the door “Yeah?”

“Brennan will be okay with whatever decision you make. Just give him time. And hear him out okay?”

               “Are we talking about the money now are we talking about Gabe?”  I ask.

He laughs lightly. “Both.”

Sighing before I answer. “I will. We will talk after dinner.” I wrap my arms around his neck for another hug. “Thanks again Matty. I love you.”

               He smiles, hugging me tightly in return. “Love you too.”

The radio from the outdoor surround system is playing. The guys have the patio table set up for dinner. I offer to help with the finishing touches, but Matt refuses help so I decide to check my phone. I turn to go outside when Gabe tells me my things are on my bed. I thank him and make my way upstairs to grab my phone and freshen up a bit. It’s a beautiful day and I noticed the guys have the windows open. The breeze upstairs is refreshing. Nothing like the warm Santa Ana winds we get back home.

I sit on my bed and check my emails quick along with the texts. My mind wanders to the information Matt has given us.  I decide to make a quick phone call to Matt’s mom. I press dial while I sit on the center of my bed.

“Hello?”

“Hi Aunt Patty. It’s Jenna.”

“Oh hi dear. How are you?” she asks. I can hear the concern in her voice.

“Well, I’ve seen better days.” I say, trying to keep my emotions at bay. The phone stays silent for a few seconds before I ask, “Patty. What happened to mo... Um, what happened to Ally?”

I hear her take a deep breath before she begins. “Jenna, dear, I really can’t say much. The person who called me only told me that she was gone. I wish I could tell you more my love, but they kept it sweet and short.” My fingers were resting on my lips, holding in my silent sobs. “I have the number of the person handling things if you would like it.”

“Um, no, that’s ok. I think Brennan will get it later. Thank you Aunt Patty.”

“You’re most welcome dear. How’s my Matty?” she asks. I smile when I hear the love in her voice for her only son.

“He’s good. He was surprised when he saw the kitchen in the house.” I say then describe how big the kitchen is and everything that’s in it. “You should come up here to visit once we get settled. He can show you around Seattle. We have plenty of room for you and Uncle Bob.”

“That sounds wonderful sweetheart. I’ll talk to Bob and Matty. Maybe we can make it up there for Christmas.”

“Oh, Aunt Patty, that would be wonderful if you could.” We’ve spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with the Harper’s since dad left.

“Good. Well Jenna dear, I have to pull the roast out of the oven now before it burns.” Matt gets his culinary talent from his mother.

“Okay. I’ll make sure Matty calls you tonight okay?”  She agrees then we say our goodbyes.

Patty Harper has been the closest thing to a mother than I can imagine. She took Brennan and me under her wing along with Will’s parents. When I started my period, Brennan went into a panic. She came over, took me to the store and bought me the necessary items. She took me shopping when I went to my senior Prom. Brennan had refused to let me go, but it was Patty that convinced him that it was something that girls did. Of course, I think he was more upset because my date was Gabe. But I wanted to have a good time with no strings attached. Ironically, we had a blast. He was the perfect date. We laughed, we danced, and we ended the night in my favorite spot, walking along the shoreline hand in hand.

Gabe was the perfect gentleman, he stayed by my side the entire evening. He would guide me with his hand gently resting on the small on my back like you see in movies. His touch on my bare skin sent a shiver up my spine. His hand never left mine for one moment, unless it was to use the restroom.  Not one attempt to take my virginity that night. The most he did was kiss my cheek at the end of the night.

“Penny for your thoughts?” his voice startles me. His tall frame is leaning against the door. His arms are crossed as if he’s using them to keep his distance from me.              

“Just thinking about prom. And Aunt Patty.” I look up into his deep honey eyes and smile.

“Ahh. Prom. That was one heck of a night. I couldn’t have been more of a perfect date even if I tried. He is so proud of himself.

“One of the things I love about you.” My eyes widen as I heard my own words. He hides his smile, looks down to gather his thoughts.

“Dinner’s ready.” he pushes himself off the doorframe, turns and walks away from me. Did I upset him? Is he still mad at me for putting a distance between us? I would hate myself if I knew he wouldn’t speak to me anymore.

I stand up, walk over to my mirror and look at myself.. “You probably messed up the best thing that happened to you. You know that right?” I ask myself. I cleanse my lungs with a deep breath and make my way downstairs.

Hurt

After eating the best shrimp scampi Matt’s ever made, we decide that a dip in the pool was exactly what we needed. Of course, Gabe made it aware that he had to “take a call” from some chick he had met on the way up to Washington. I guess if that’s what he wants then so be it. I felt the anger begin to rise within me but I did my best to push it down. Just goes to show how much I really do mean to him. Dropping my head, I turn to make my way up the stairs to get my bathing suit. I made every attempt not to show any kind of emotions towards his phone call in front of him, but deep inside I feel as if I’m being torn into two. I really don’t feel like swimming anymore anyways, but I don’t want Gabe to know that I’m bothered by his lack of attention. I know that I have to put on a smile. At least for a little bit before Brennan and I sit down and seriously discuss the real issue at hand.

I walk over to the drawer that holds all of my bathing suits. Moving the garments from side to side, I look for the right one. Smiling when I hold the little two piece black bikini in my hands, this will get his attention.

After dressing, I make my way downstairs with a towel wrapped around my body. Stepping through door, I unwrap the towel and lay it on the nearest chair and walk over to the outdoor fridge to get a drink.

“Um, Jenna? You can’t wear that.” Drew states. I glance in his direction and notice his eyes are bulged out checking out my body. He finally makes his way to my eyes and I giggle and wink.

“Drewbie are you checking me out?” I ask. He doesn’t move. “Well guess what. Too bad, I’m wearing it anyways.” I mention as I close the door and open the bottle of water. He laughs and shakes his head, obviously figuring out what I’m doing.

Gabe walks around the corner hollering over to Matt. “Matty, my man, wanna go hit...” He suddenly has a loss for words and stops in his path like he just walked into a brick wall watching me as I slowly make my way in the water. I know he is watching me, but I decide to ignore him, slow my pace into the water even more and watch Drew’s face as he observes Gabe. His eyes follow mine and they begin to narrow with anger when he sees Drew still blushing at my choice of bathing suits.

“Hit what?” Matt asks, not affected by my attire. Of course he isn’t for the simple fact that he helped me pick out the bikini and he has seen me in much less. One day, Brennan had forgotten to lock the front door, Matt came upstairs to grab something from Brennan’s room and I came out of the shower, buck naked thinking I was home alone, plus I had forgotten to grab a towel out of the dryer. I screamed, he laughed and that was the end of it. “Gabe, earth to Gabe.” He yells, grabbing Gabe’s attention.

Shaking his head to compose himself, Gabe says. “Never mind, I think I’m going to stay in tonight after all.” Looking down at the float I’m about ready to jump into, I smile at myself.

Resting on a noodle watching Brennan, Matt and Drew play water basketball at the shallow end, Gabe catches my eye as he’s walking through the back sliding glass door, phone in hand, and a smile on his face. He had gone upstairs to change into a pair of swim trunks a little while ago. He looks up from where he sat his phone down and notices me watching him. He winks and jumps into the water and swims towards me. Coming up to surface, he rests his arms on the side of my noodle that isn’t occupied. We float in complete silence. I refuse to look at him, and I know from the corner of my eye that he hasn’t taken his eyes off of me. Good. I can see him looking down into the water and observe my tiny bikini. After what seems like forever, I finally cave.

“What do you want Gabe?” I ask as I crane my head in his direction.

“Nice bikini. Is it new?” He asks.

“Nope, sure isn’t. As a matter of fact, Matt helped me pick it out.” I watch the rage in his eyes. He looks over to Matt who in defense shrugs and puts his hands up in surrender.

“Guess who that was?” He asks nodding over to his phone, knowing I don’t want to know the answer. I know the game he’s playing and I have been playing along until now. “Come on Jenna. Guess.”

I whisper to myself. “Fuck this.” I turn to him and say “You know what Gabriel. I don’t care who it was. All I ask is that you don’t bring her or any other one of your whores into my house. Okay?” I push off the noodle and swim towards the Jacuzzi. I take two steps up and hear a chuckle from him before stepping over and into the hot bubbling water and sitting furthest from him as possible.

Jealousy is not one of my best features, and for some reason, I feel like I am full of jealousy when it comes to Gabriel. I made this decision and now I have to live with it. However, I refuse to have to deal with it in my house. God I feel like I need something in the worse way. I look over to Drew, and notice he’s looking over at me as if he knows what I’m thinking. He shakes his head and swims my way. Great.

“You okay?” He asks. I silently whisper no, looking down at the bubbles coming up from under the water. I am so mad at myself for being so upset. “Jems.” I look up, knowing he wants to make eye to eye contact with me by the tone of his voice. “You know he’s fucking with you right?” I move my head to the side, raising an eyebrow looking over his shoulder to Gabe who has now taking over Drew’s place in the game. Drew steps out of the pool and into the Jacuzzi and sits next to me. “He was talking to his baby sister.” I follow Drew’s eyes with confusion with mine.

“Emily?” He nods.

“Mhmm. I overheard him saying her name when you were making your way upstairs to change. He’s trying to get you upset, just like you are trying to get his attention with your bikini. And by the look of both your and his face, it’s working for both of you.” Well, what an asshole he is, trying to get me upset. I can’t believe I fell for it. As mad as I am at him for trying to upset me, my chest tightens a bit knowing he wasn’t really calling anyone, at least this time he wasn’t.

“Thank you.” I nudge my shoulder with his, watching our feet float to the surface. I have to admit, I do feel a little bit better about today knowing how much Drew has helped me.

“Always babe. What are friends for anyways?” He chuckles and shakes his head. “If you only knew…” He halts immediately. Only knew what? They have all been saying that. What’s going on?

“Knew what?” I finally ask. He just smiles, and looks at the guys. I glance in the direction and see a curious Gabe staring at us. His look was one that’s visually threatening someone. What the hell is going on? “Drew, if I only knew what?” I ask again. He says nothing as Gabe joins us.

“What’s going on here?” Gabe asks as he sloshes his way into the hot water. His eyes don’t leave Drew’s face.

“You tell me. You’re the one that decided to interrupt our conversation.” I reply with venom in my voice. “Go back and play.”

“I was getting a cramp.” He says as he still eyes Drew and sits right next to me. Great. I can feel the electricity between us begin to come alive already. “Thought it would be a good idea to come and relax it a bit.” I roll my eyes at him. “What?” he asks smiling down at me now.

“Nothing. And knock it off with your stupid smile.” I say as Brennan and Matt enter the Jacuzzi causing the water to slosh over the edge. I know I need to talk to Brennan, and I should do it in private, but with all that’s happened today. I think here is the perfect time. This affects us all in the end doesn’t it?

“Bren?” I ask, grabbing his attention as he reaches over to grab his beer he left on the poolside.

“Yeah?” he asks before sitting back down.

“I really don’t want her money.” There, I said it.

“Can I ask why, Jems?” He seems heartbroken with my response. “Could you just imagine what we could do with money like that?” he asks. “A new tour bus for the band and one just for you. New equipment for us all. We can even make our own studio with that kind of money. We wouldn’t have to actually work so hard outside of the band for it.” He explains his reasoning. All are good reasons and each one makes sense, but what he doesn’t realize is it’s not our money, it’s hers.

“But it’s not our money Bren. It’s hers, and I want no part of her.” I try to say my peace without crying. I notice the others have gone completely silent, looking down at the bubbles coming from the jets to prevent making eye contact with either of us. “She left us Brennan. She disappeared and we never heard from her again. This money,” I huff, “This money means nothing to me.” I swallow the lump and continue. “I did not know her like you did. You had a mother. I didn’t. And now here she is, all up in our lives throwing her money at us. It’s like she’s come back to make up for lost time. But it’s too late, dead or not, it’s too late for me.” I say as a solo tear escapes my eye. Ever so softly, a hand covers mine. I look down through the water at it, then look up to the eyes whose hand has softly interlocked his fingers with mine. It’s not a sign of anything but support, support that I needed more than anyone else, Gabe’s.

“It’s ok, I got you.” He whispers so softly that even I have a hard time hearing it. Allowing my fingers to entwine with his, I squeeze his in a return of gratitude.

“I know.” Brennan says softly. “You’re right. I did get to have her as a mother. I remembered all the good times with her. But you know what Jenna?” He says harshly. “I remember it all. I remember the nights that she never came home. And I remember Dad drinking until he passed out waiting for something that would never happen. I remember more than you can ever imagine.” I’m now squeezing Gabe’s hand so hard even my fingers hurt.

“So yeah, Jenna, sometimes I wish I didn’t remember her. I wish I didn’t remember the fights she and dad use to have when they thought we were in bed. I wish I didn’t see her come home sometimes with someone when dad was at work. There is so much I wish for Jenna. But the entire time, I chose to keep you from it all. If I had to see it all, I sure as hell did not want you to see it too.”

I close my eyes and let the tears fall. Shit, I’ve been so self-centered that I didn’t even realize how he’s taking this. “Brennan.”

“Look Jenna. I know you don’t want the money. And I accept your reasons behind it. I really do. But,” He looks at each of the members of our small dysfunctional family. “I am taking it. I’m taking it for us, all of us. Matty can give some to his kid. Drew can help his dad’s church out with his part. Gabe can even buy his girlfriend’s shit with his part.” Gabe’s the one squeezing my hand now with a huge angry huff. “And you know what? I’m taking that money for me. You want to know why? She owes me for leaving us. She owes me for taking care of you all these years. She owes me!”

Tears seem to be flowing more fluidly at this point when I ask softly. “Do you regret it?” I shift my eyes up from the bubbles up to his eyes. I want an honest answer he knows when I look right into his eyes, he cannot lie to me. “Brennan. Do you regret taking care of me, ever?” The knot that’s formed in my throat has grown twice in size as I hold my breath waiting for his answer.

“No! God, No Jenna! How can you even ask a question like that?” He pushes away from the side and pulls me into his arms. “Sis. I regret a lot of things in my life, like loving mom and dad when they didn’t deserve to be loved. I regret not giving you more when you were still growing up. Heck. I even regret not going to college sometimes. But don’t you ever, ever think that I regret taking care of you.” He holds me tighter as I sob in his arms, letting it all go. The fights I’ve had with him, the fights with Gabe, moving here, even losing Will. But most of all, I cry for Brennan. “Shhh. It’s okay Jems.” He tries to calm me.

“Hey.” He says after some time has passed. He takes my face in his to look directly into me. “You may be theirs by blood. But you are my precious gem.” He smiles making me smile. He and Will always called me their gem, which is where Jems came from. “You’re a bright shining beautiful gem that lights up any room when you enter it. You always have had that quality. And I am so proud to be your big brother.” He pulls me into a bear hug again.

I open my eyes after a minute, still in Brennan’s arms and see a tear in Gabe’s eye. He looks at me, winks and looks away trying to hide it. I know he misses his family even though he won’t admit it. I pull away from Brennan, smiling at him with nothing but love and compassion for my guardian angel across from me. I look around the Jacuzzi and see the love of each member here. This is my family. This is what it’s all about for me, them. My life revolves around Matty, Drew, Gabe and of course Brennan. What I wouldn’t do without each of them. I never felt like I ever belonged anywhere.

But looking at each of them, I know now, that this is exactly where I belong. “Okay.” I say and look over to Brennan who’s wiping away tears from his own eyes. “I’ll do it.” I look around into the eyes of my family. “I’ll take the money.”

Matt coughs a little to clear his throat. “There’s just one more thing.” He looks over to me then to Brennan then takes a deep breath. “In order to accept the money,” He looks down into the bubbles and swallows looking up straight into my eyes only this time. “You need to all be present.”

“Okay?” I ask “Where do we go?”

“She’s in Florida. You must attend her funeral according to Mom.” He says looking over to Drew as if Drew knows something. I look over at Drew in confusion.

“Drew, do you know something about this?” I ask.

“I just found out today.” He says softly. “Dad got a call yesterday and was asked to conduct the service for your mom.”

My heart has officially stopped while my breathing seems to have picked up speed. “What?”

“I swear I had no clue guys.” He tries to exclaim. “I guess she knew about us being in rehab. She figured out who I was, and she came in contact with him. She had made arrangements long ago while we were still in. Why he didn’t tell me is beyond me. Maybe because he knew I would not allow it. But now that she is gone; he is bound by a contract to take care of her.” His voice is full of sorrow. “We will be meeting them in Florida.”