Local Girl Swept Away (20 page)

She nodded. “Thanks.”

“Tell me the rest of the story,” I said. “You went to Maine and found your father, and then what?”

She rolled her eyes. “My dad lives in East Snowshovel. He's a carpenter, handyman, whatever, but also kind of a hermit. He doesn't even have a phone. Can you believe that? Communication is not his thing. Which I liked at first—just the two of us alone. It was so quiet and peaceful. I sat around and read library books for two months. Dad was kind of flipped out that I was there, so I kept a low profile. I told him I'd run away because Mom had gotten even crazier, and, of course, that part was true and easy for him to believe. I thought he might want me to finish up the school year, but it didn't seem to occur to him. He's not really normal either. Big surprise.”

“It sounds kind of nice, though,” I said.

“It was, at first. I didn't tell him I was pregnant, but after a few months it became kind of obvious. He warned me right away he couldn't stand crying babies. Never could. And since I'm the only crying baby he's ever been around, I guess he really meant he couldn't stand me. Anyway, I could tell it wasn't going to work out. I had this fantasy that he'd be happy to see me again, and he'd get all excited about being a grandpa, but that wasn't going to happen. He likes being alone. I figured once the baby was born, there was a good chance he'd just leave us. That's his pattern. Which would make me
my
mother, poor and alone, with nobody to take it out on but my kid. No thanks.”

“So you came back here,” I said.

“Not right away. I've been in Boston for the last few weeks. I stayed at a women's shelter for a while. That's where I went to a clinic and found out I was having a girl. I thought maybe in the city I'd meet somebody who'd help me out.”

I was confused. “Like who?”

She shrugged, and then grinned. “A guy, maybe. Men always like me.”

“What do you mean, ‘a guy'?”

She sighed. “Jackie, you're so
perfect
, you don't know what it's like for somebody like me.”

“Are you kidding? I know you better than anybody does.”

“You think you do.” Her eyes sparkled like glass. “I needed money, Jackie. I thought about hooking. Thought about it
seriously
.”

My shock was only tempered by the realization that Lorna was enjoying shocking me.

She gave a short laugh. “I didn't
do
it. I mean, I'm pregnant. I have to take care of myself for the kid's sake.”

“Well, I'm glad
something
stopped you!” I didn't want to sound like a judgmental prude, but I couldn't help it. This latest revelation was too much, even for Lorna. Although, it had never crossed my mind that she'd faked her death either, so maybe I had no idea what was too much for Lorna.

She hugged her knees. “I have this crazy idea that I can be a better mother to my daughter than Carla was to me. That shouldn't be too hard, right? She set the bar pretty low.”

That was an understatement. As soon as I thought of Carla's mothering skills, I had to forgive Lorna for everything. I thought again of that awful day on the beach when Carla gleefully untied the bow on Lorna's bikini. Escaping from her mother was so necessary for Lorna, I didn't blame her for doing whatever she had to do to get away.

“Of
course
you'll be a better mother than she was,” I said. “No contest.”

She picked at the knobs of fuzz on the old blanket. “I guess we'll see. Anyway, by the time I got to Boston, I needed money. The people at the shelter tried to help me get a job, but it turns out I can't even
apply
for a job.”

“Why not?”

“Because I'm dead, Jackie. Lorna Trovato's dead. And if I'm not her, who am I? I'm nobody, and you can't get a job if you're nobody. So I had to come back. I had to bring Lorna Trovato back from the dead.”

I laid my head against her shoulder. “I'm glad she's back. I'll help you. Whatever you need, I'll help you.”

Lorna smiled a lazy smile. “Thanks, Jackie. Knew I could count on you.”

“You should have come to me sooner. Before you came up with this whole terrible scheme. Did you think I'd be mad at you because of the baby? I would have stuck by you, Lorna. I would have helped you.”

“Yeah, well, there was this other problem too.”

The cabin suddenly felt claustrophobic. Dark, airless, full of secrets.

“You mean, a problem with the person who's not Finn or Lucas? The guy you think could be the father?”

“Yeah.”

“
Is
he the father?”

She shrugged. “Probably.”

My head was spinning, but I had to know all of it now. “Does
he
think you're dead too?” Lorna nodded and I sucked in a lungful of amazement.

“I know, I know,” she said. “I'm going to see him. Soon. But you have to keep this a secret until I do. Please! I need to talk to him before anybody else knows I'm here.”

“Even Finn?”

“Especially Finn. Promise me.”

“But—”

“Jackie, please!”

“Okay, I promise, but Finn needs to know you're alive, Lorna. You can't imagine how upset he's been. He still loves you so much.”

Her mouth turned down at the corners. “Oh, Finn.”

“You still love him, don't you?”

She stared into the distance and wrinkled her forehead as if she was trying to frame her answer correctly. “I always
liked
Finn, Jackie, but not as much as you did.” She stuck her legs out in front of her and caressed her belly. “I've only ever loved one person.”

One person who was not Finn
, I thought.
And not me either
.

I stumbled through the A&P in a fog, picking up a box of Saltines, a jar of peanut butter, a bag of Chips Ahoy! cookies, Lorna's favorite foods. I bought strawberries, melons, a wedge of Jarlsberg cheese, yogurt with honey, apple cider, Cherry Garcia ice cream, thick salsa, and chips dusted with lime—I wanted to overwhelm her with food, with concern, with gratitude for coming back. I spent all the cash I had on me, but managed to keep myself away from the ATM for fear I'd empty out everything I'd saved for college and hand over every bit of it to Lorna. Just because she wasn't dead.

I was headed out through the automatic door when I heard somebody call my name, but my reaction time was slow, and by the time I turned around, Lucas had passed me on his way in. Which gave me ten seconds to think of what to say to him while he entered the store, then came back out through the exit.

“You look like you're sleepwalking,” he said. “I called you three times before you heard me.”

I tried to smile like a normal person would. “Sorry. Daydreaming.”

“Worried about tonight, I guess.”

Tonight
? I gave him a blank look as I struggled to remember what was happening tonight.

“Your show? At the Center? Jeez, Jackie. Are you okay?” He put a hand on my arm as if to steady me.

Lorna's reappearance had so completely overshadowed everything else that I'd forgotten what was supposed to be the most important day of my life so far. Lucas was looking at me as if I'd lost my mind. If I couldn't keep the secret from him, what chance did I have of deceiving Finn?

It took all my energy to haul up a chuckle from deep inside. “Oh, the
show
. Yeah, sorry, I'm a little distracted. My mom isn't feeling well and I'm in kind of a hurry to get this stuff home to her.”

Lucas peeked in the top of my bag. “Strawberries and ice cream? That's what your mom wants when she's sick?”

I tried to keep the phony laugh bubbling. “Well, she's not
really
sick. You know. She's just . . .” Just
what
? "Cramps. You know.”

I couldn't believe I'd fallen back on such a stupid excuse, as if my mother really sat around eating ice cream when she got her period. If Lucas had had a mother or a sister, he wouldn't have bought it, but, lucky for me, his family was all men. He just blushed and shut up.

“I'll see you tonight, huh?” I tried to sound excited, happy, just a little rushed, as I scurried away down the sidewalk.

“If you want to wait, I'll give you a ride,” he called after me.

“I'm good.”

“Okay.” He waved and disappeared into the store.

By the time I got back to Cabin 5 I was sweaty and just a little sick to my stomach.

“Okay, I got you a few things at the store. And I stopped for coffee.”

Lorna grabbed for the hot cup as I took the food from the plastic bag. “I can bring you more stuff from home tomorrow if you want, but, I mean, you aren't going to be hiding out here much longer, are you? It's getting cold at night. You're going to tell people soon, right?” It had to be soon. Already I couldn't stand the pressure of knowing this enormous secret and not being able to tell the people who needed to know it.

“A day or two. That's all. I just need to talk to . . . somebody. Then I can be alive again, which, believe me, nobody wants more than I do.” Lorna dipped a cracker into the peanut butter jar.

I still had hours before I needed to dress for the opening, but I was afraid if I stayed any longer, I'd find out more secrets I didn't want to know and certainly didn't want to keep to myself. I didn't know how I'd keep
this
one. “Listen, I have to get going. I almost forgot that my pictures are hanging in the gallery at JSAC tonight. An opening. It was Elsie's idea.” For some reason I didn't want to go into the whole thing with Lorna, didn't want to seem proud of myself in front of her.

“Your photographs? Really? You're having a show?” Peanut butter dripped onto the Formica table.

“Yeah, it's not a big deal.” Of course it was a big deal! “Elsie's trying to help me get into college. Art school. You know.”

Lorna dipped another cracker. “She's, like, in
love
with you.” She made it sound shameful. Or unfair.

“Not really. We like each other.”

“She's Finn's
mother
.”

“So?”

She shrugged. “It's weird that you're such good buddies.”

“I don't think so. Anyway, I have to go.”

“Go, then.” She sounded a little put out.

“I'll be back in the morning. Okay? Early.”

“Don't forget to bring my jacket.”

“I won't.”

I half expected to be seen leaving the cabin, but the beach at Dugan's was as deserted as always. I guess there was a part of me that wanted to be caught. To be forced to tell someone the incredible news.

When I got up to Commercial Street, tides of people washed past me again. I wondered if any of them could tell by looking at me that my life had changed dramatically in the past few hours. Lucas had known something was going on—he was probably still mulling over my idiotic excuses. What if he had more questions for me tonight? What if Finn did? Everything about going to the gallery tonight and being the center of attention was terrifying. People would expect me to have conversations about my work, they'd expect me to make sense. How was I going to be able to do that when all I could think about was Lorna, sitting half a mile away in a dark cottage eating peanut butter?
Alive!

It wasn't fair that I was the only one who knew this—it was too big a secret. Lorna had said specifically that Finn shouldn't find out, so not even a hint could be leaked to any of his friends or family either. But, couldn't I tell
someone
? Someone who didn't even know Lorna that well, someone who was trustworthy enough to keep a big secret, someone who could help me make sense of it all. Of course there was only one person who fit that description. If I couldn't at least tell Charlotte I would explode.

• • •

“What is
wrong
with her?” Charlotte screamed. We were walking in front of the Meat Rack, the crowded benches that line the sidewalk in front of Town Hall, and dozens of eyes turned toward us.

“Charlotte! Keep it down!” I hissed. “I told you, nobody can know about this.”

“I'm sorry, but I can't help it! This is the craziest thing I've ever heard!” Charlotte pulled one of her tight curls straight out to the side and then let it boing back to her head.

“Okay, down to the beach,” I said. We didn't say another word until I'd maneuvered her a block and a half and we were alone, looking out into the harbor.

“You can't keep this from Finn,” Char said.

“I promised I would. And you promised me
you
would. It's only for a few days.”

She shook her head disgustedly. “God, Lorna magically reappears and within hours you're already lying for her.”

“I'm not lying. I'm just . . . respecting her wishes.”

Charlotte snorted. “Right. Because she deserves that.”

“You don't understand how hard this is for her, Char. She's got no money and no job. She's pregnant and she's alone. I have to help her.”

“Oh, please. Lorna's never alone.” Charlotte's voice sounded like acid dripping on metal. “As soon as it gets out that she's alive, everybody will be flocking to help her. Just like you.”

I was stunned. “You sound like you're mad she's alive.”

“I'm mad that she can hurt—no,
ruin
—her best friends' lives, and then when she shows up again, you're not even mad at her. All is forgiven. Did she even apologize? She plays the most horrible trick ever and it's all okay with you. The queen is back on her throne!”

I stared at her, open-mouthed. “I thought you'd help me, Char. I need you to help me make sense of this.”

“There's no sense to make of it. I'm sorry, Jackie, but this is the most screwed-up thing I've ever heard. I know you think that having a crazy mother gives Lorna the right to do whatever she pleases, but she made up an elaborate scheme to fool the entire town and it's not right. She pretended to be dead rather than fess up and tell people she was pregnant by some mystery guy. What the hell? And now you're all ‘poor Lorna.' I can just see what's coming. Any minute now Finn will ride in on his white horse, and probably . . .” She pinched the bridge of her nose and stared at her shoes. “And probably Lucas will too.”