Losing Him (14 page)

I stood up and brushed myself off. “I need to leave! This was a mistake!” Ty tried to grab me, but I started running. The dress was heavy in my hands, but I held it tight so I wouldn’t trip! “I kept your secret, Ty.  She’ll always be your daughter. I did that because I loved you. I did it for you!” I screamed it as I climbed into my car. Ty tried to grab the door handle, but I pulled away quickly, spinning around in the field and speeding down the dirt driveway.

I was crying so badly that I didn’t realize the driveway had ended. I didn’t see the headlights until it was too late.

I remember the horn blaring and a bright light shining. I could hear voices, but I didn’t know what people were saying. Sounds of sirens surrounded me, but everything remained blurry.

I just wanted to close my eyes. 

I wanted it all to go away.

Chapter 18

Jessie

Once we got settled in our room, Jacob insisted on calling his mother. After nearly ten attempts, she refused to answer the phone. I could see the worried look on his face, but knowing his mother, she’d probably left the phone in her purse and fallen asleep. I felt bad that she most likely cried herself to sleep. There was no other reason why she hadn’t answered.

It was hard falling asleep, thinking about Heather being so upset and lost. She literally had nothing with me and Jacob. It was such a sad reality of someone that genuinely wanted to be a good person. In the years that I’d known her, she’d gone out of her way to help people at her job and the church she sometimes attended. Still, she kept to herself and never reached out to make any friends.

Of course, my friends always sided with me, leaving her with nobody our age to turn to for support. I thinks she was afraid to make friends, because that meant she could ultimately lose someone she cared about.

Jacob asked about his mother for a bout a half hour before he conked out. After he fell asleep I tried to call three more times, getting no answer again.

Finally, I was exhausted enough to fall asleep.

Jacob woke up as the sun was rising. I knew it wasn’t possible for him to let me sleep a couple more hours, so I got up and showered, then waited for him to do the same. By nine we were back on the road, only stopping at a drive-thru for something to hold us over until we got back to Heather’s moms.

I was a little nervous about seeing her, considering that I’d left under bad terms. Still, knowing Heather, she’d welcome me back with open arms and never question my change of heart. I think she got so excited about the idea of having someone that she never let the small things linger. She didn’t hold grudges like other people. Heather only wanted to move forward with everything in her life. Looking back was too painful for her.

We arrived a few hours later at Heather’s mother’s house. The first thing I noticed was that the car was gone. The house was locked and all of the lights were turned out.  It was as if she packed up and left.

I looked down at Jacob. “I think that Mommy might have gone home to find us. She’s not here, Buddy.”

“You should call her.”

Since I didn’t know what time she’d left, there was no way of telling if she was on the road or actually home. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I grabbed my phone and started calling. Once again, I got no answer., except this time, I left a message. At least she would know that we were heading home and looking for her.

As much as I didn’t want to do it, we climbed back in the car and started on our long ride home. Jacob was not happy about it and I was tired of driving, too.

After going back and forth, we didn’t arrive home until dinner time. My house was empty, but it wasn’t like I expected Heather to be there waiting for us. I tried calling her again, but it went straight to voicemail, like her phone had been turned off. It was possible that she’d let it die. It was also possible that she went into work to keep her mind off of me taking Jacob. I just wasn’t sure she would have done that.

Heather was off of work for bereavement. She was getting paid and there wouldn’t have been any reason for her to return to work. Then I started wondering if she’d just been out at the store or doing something when we’d arrived there. Maybe she was back at her mother’s house and everything was fine.

Before I started to get worried, I tried her mother’s house number. Once again, there was no answer.

It was about that time when I was officially freaked out. Heather was going through Hell, but she’d never avoided me like she was. I had this bad feeling in my gut, but no idea of what to do or where to look first.

Not knowing where else to turn, I remembered that I had given Conner my number. Then I remembered the name of Amy’s shop. She’d be done working, but possibly still answering phone calls. It was a stretch, but I just needed someone to go over and see if Heather was home and if she was okay.

Scissor Sounds, this is Miranda.

Is Amy there?
I didn’t want to talk to Miranda. She caused all of this shit to be happening.

No, can I take a message?

Does she have a cell phone? How do I get in touch with Conner?

Is this a personal matter?

Yes. It’s very important.

Conner is in the house. Hold on.

I waited for more than five minutes before he picked up the phone.

Hello, this is Conner.

Conner, this is Jessie. You know, Heather’s boyfriend. The reason I’m calling is because…

Jessie, you don’t know what happened, do ya?

What do you mean? What happened?

I’m afraid I have some bad news.

About Heather? Have you seen her?

She’s been in an accident. The ambulance took her last night. The girls searched her purse and couldn’t find a phone. They went by the house, but you weren’t anywhere to be found.

Where is she now? Is she alright?

Amy and Van went to the hospital a couple hours ago. I haven’t heard from them in a while.

How did it happen?

Listen man, you need to get here. None of that matters right now.

We exchanged numbers and Conner agreed to come pick me up from the airport. Without getting Jacob upset, I took him to my parents and explained the situation. Since they didn’t know about our fight, they didn’t ask why I was so worried. I think they knew all along that I’d end up getting back with her. It was only a matter of time.

I made it to the airport two hours later and the next flight wasn’t for another hour. The wait was killing me and the guilt was making me regret every negative word that had come out of my mouth about Heather. She’d needed me and I wasn’t there for her.

I didn’t know how Conner knew about the accident, but if I had to guess, I’d say she went there to get into it with them. She had nothing else to lose once I walked out of that door. I’d been such a fool and now her life could be on the line. If Heather died, I’d never forgive myself.

I’d called Conner and let him know when my flight was arriving and thanked him again for being a decent guy. He didn’t have to help me. God knows that the family didn’t care much for Heather, yet they seemed to be genuinely good people.

Once I was in the air, I began assuming the worst. If she didn’t make it, how would I tell our son? He’d hated me for taking him away from her. This would have been my fault. Had I just stayed, she never would have been in the accident. She’d be safe and with the both of us, instead of fighting for her life.

I had to get to her. She had to know that I changed my mind. She had to know that I was willing to do whatever it took for us to be together.

As the flight landed, I was a nervous wreck. Conner picked me in one of the farm trucks and let me know that the hospital was only a ten minute ride from the airport. I wasn’t that familiar with the town of surrounding cities to know my way around.

He was quiet at first, saying nothing about what happened.

“I appreciate you doing this for me. I’m sorry to burden you with all of this. I know you don’t want anything to do with her.”

“Look man, Amy and I have talked a lot about this. Heather was hot for Ty and sure, she went off the deep end, but that’s been years now. She risked her life for my wife and we’re grateful. Just because she has issues with my sister, doesn’t mean we feel the same way. At the end of the day, we all need to forgive. Life is too damn short.” Conner’s words rubbed me the wrong way.

“What happened?”

“We were hanging out in the old barn with the family. The kids were all over at Ty’s mothers having a sleepover. We heard someone pullin’ down the lane and the next thing we knew, Heather is barging into the barn in a weddin’ dress. She was lit man. Her ass was so drunk I could smell it from across the room.”

“Did you tell her to leave? Please tell me you didn’t let her drive like that.”

“Of course not!” He shook his head and pulled onto another road. “Ty tried to talk to her. She was going on and on about him ruining her life. It was a good thing my sister wasn’t there. It could have gotten even worse.”

I couldn’t listen to him anymore. I needed answers, not details. “Conner please. What happened to Heather? I’m going crazy over here.”

“She got mad and ran to her car. Ty went after her, but she had left it runnin’. The next thing we all knew she was flying down that dirt road and into a tractor trailer. It t-boned the vehicle.”

My stomach knotted up when I thought about Heather being hit directly with a tractor trailer. It was hard to keep the tears from entering my burning eyes. Somehow, this was my fault. I sent her over the edge. “Oh God!”

“Amy and Van spent the night at the hospital. They only came home to change their clothes. They haven’t been able to go in and see her, but they’ve been there, waiting. She hasn’t been alone, Jessie.”

“What are the doctors saying?” It still didn’t make me feel any better.

“They won’t talk to anyone unless they are family and until she regains consciousness, they wouldn’t let them in the room.”

It was bad. It was very bad. “I’ll get in that room, I don’t give a shit what I have to do.”

Conner put his arm on my shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I hope she’s okay. Unlike my family, I knew I was toying with her emotions. I didn’t have many morals back then. Amy changed me, so I know anything is possible.”

I smiled. “Thanks for everything, man.”

“Let the girls know that you need a ride. Whenever you’re ready. One of us can come and get you.”

“I appreciate that. My sister doesn’t live too far from here. I can call her to give me a ride. She doesn’t care for Heather, but I’m sure she’d help me if I asked her.”

We said our goodbyes quickly since I needed to get inside and find Heather. If I had to fight with the nurses and doctors I was going to do it. Nothing was going to stop me from seeing her.

Chapter 19

Heather

I woke up to beeping, but I didn’t know where I was. I tried to sit up, but my body wouldn’t move. My eyes were open, but I couldn’t see anything. My hands wiggled around feeling fabric from where I was clearly laying down.

Was I in the hospital?

I couldn’t remember anything from the time that Jessie left with Jacob. Nothing made sense.

I tried to speak, albeit nothing came out. It was all too confusing and as the beeping began to get faster, I found it hard to take breaths. The room was getting blurry and I could hear someone talking to me. I wiggled my hand and blackness took over.

No matter how hard I tried to keep my eyes open, I couldn’t do it. As if I had no control over my body, nothing would work. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t speak.

I opened my eyes, not knowing how long they’d been closed, and saw people standing over me. They were talking loud and touching me, even though I couldn’t feel it. Everything was blurry and I heard machines and beeping in the background.

In the midst of the chaos that was going on around me, all I could think of was Jacob and Jessie. I needed to know where they were and if they were okay. I wanted to know how I’d gotten in this situation.

What if something happened to them?

Were they okay?

Did I try to hurt myself?

Where was I and how did I get here?

Questions filled my mind, but I had no answers.

I closed my eyes and focused on the voices, hoping that one would be of someone I recognized. I focused and heard not a single familiar voice.

I had to know what was going on, except my voice wouldn’t cooperate. Even my mouth wouldn’t open when I tried to scream. Nothing made sense.

The next time I opened my eyes, the bright light and crowds of people were gone. I was moving through a machine and could hear the clicking of the device. I didn’t remember being lifted onto the platform, or how I even got where I was.

Something had happened to me and I couldn’t remember it. I felt dizzy again, but fought to stay conscious. I needed answers. I wanted to know what was happening.

Halfway through the machine my body started to seize. I could feel it shaking, but couldn’t respond fast enough. My eyes rolled back in my head and blackness took over again. This time I didn’t fight it. I let myself go.

If I was dying, than I wanted to go quickly. I didn’t want to have to think about all that I was leaving behind. I didn’t want to worry about Jessie or imagine never seeing my son again. I didn’t want to think about never being able to kiss him goodnight. I didn’t want to think about the last words that I’d said to Jessie, or how he felt as he drove away.

I just wanted to fade into nothingness.

Chapter 20

Jessie

Once I had located the part of the hospital where Heather was being held, I ran like a bat out of Hell to try to find her. When I came off the elevator, I was met with double security doors. I rang the bell and waiting for someone to let me in. While I stood there I noticed the label on the door.