Losing Him (4 page)

Conner approached me, breaking my stare on the kid. “You’re Jessie right?”

I reached out my hand and shook his. “Yeah, I uh, I came for a haircut, but I can see this is your house. We didn’t mean to intrude.”

He shook his head. “Amy’s shop is around the side. I had to take the sign down last week because my nephews shot it with pellets.” He looked over at the twins.

“Are they Tyler Mitchell’s boys?”

He laughed. “Can you see the resemblance?”

I shook my head. “No, I’ve never seen Tyler.”

“You ain’t missin’ much. My brother-in-law thinks he’s all that, but he doesn’t hold a candle to me.” I could tell he was joking, so I let out a laugh.

“You don’t mind me coming here, do you? Heather didn’t send me. Actually, I wanted to ask your wife some questions, if it’s alright with you?”

We started walking around the back. “I don’t complain when my wife gets new clients. I have to warn you though, if it’s about your father, she ain’t goin’ to want to go there. That part of her life is in the past and I’d appreciate it if we keep it that way. I get that you never knew him, but you have to understand he wasn’t a good man. My wife went through Hell and back.”

I put my hands up. “I’m not here about Rick. He’s never been my dad and I don’t need answers to prove that. You probably think I’m crazy, but Heather’s been through a lot, some of which she refuses to tell me about. I was hoping that your wife would be able to help me fill in the blanks.”

He cocked an eyebrow and scratched his head. “You want answers about Heather?”

“Yeah, I really do. I can’t keep living the way I am. I need closure and to know that moving on is the right thing to do. I want the damn truth for once.”

“I can do you one better.” He seemed to be intrigued that I was in the dark about some things.

“How so?”

“You go on in and get that haircut. Leave your number with me and I’ll call you tomorrow. If you really want the truth, I’ll let you hear all of it. My cousin is comin’ into town in a few hours, so I need to pick her up from the airport, but I will get back at you.” He looked over at Jacob. “He’s welcome to play out here until you’re finished. My niece will keep an eye on him.” He looked over at a girl playing with a phone, who was sitting on the porch. “Bells, can you make sure your brothers don’t give this kid any grief?”

The girl rolled her eyes but agreed.

“Ty’s daughter?” I asked.

“She’s his world, man. He would walk through fire for that kid, for all his kids, but she’s the princess.”

I shook his hand again and gave him my number. “Thanks again.” Honestly, from the way he acted, I could tell that I wasn’t going to like what they had to say, but if it helped me move on I was willing to hear them out.

Amy was sweeping some hair off of the floor when I walked in. I knew it had to be her, since she was the only one in the little salon. She looked up at me and smiled. “Can I help you?”

I ran my hands through my hair. “I was hoping to get a trim.”

“Sit down here and let me see what I can do.” She started playing with my hair, getting right to business. “Are you new in town?”

“Here for a funeral.” She spun my chair around and looked at me. “There’s only one funeral in town today.” When she noticed me crack a curious grin she explained. “It’s a small town and Conner reads the paper every morning with his coffee. He likes pretending he’s some old farmer, or something. Anyway, he told me and then someone from church called and let us know. So, were you related to Miss Kat?”

I sighed, knowing she was going to freak out. “I’m Je…”

“I know who you are. I was just hoping you weren’t.” She put down her scissors and looked right at me. “You’re Jessie. I can tell now, seeing the resemblance.”

I put up my hand. “I didn’t come here to talk about that man. He’s a stranger, and I can assure you, I have no interest in knowing anything about him.”

“So, you came here for a simple trim?” She didn’t seem like she believed that.

“I came here for answers and a trim. You see, I’m not with Heather. I mean, I’m here with her for support, but we are not together.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” She picked up the scissors and started trimming my hair again.

“Why are you sorry? From what I know, you have a bunch of reasons to hate her.”

I could hear an air filled laugh. “Yeah, well I don’t feel the same way that my sister-in-law does. Granted, they went through a lot more than me. At the end of the day, I wouldn’t be standing here if it wasn’t for Heather saving my life. After that horrible day, I wiped the slate clean. That’s just my feelings though. My family has their own opinions about her.”

“She’s a good mother. I just feel like she’s a stranger to me. It’s like I don’t know the person that I had a relationship with.”

“Does she know you’re here?”

“No!”

She spun me around to face her again. “Look, I’ve had issues with Heather and some of her actions, but at the end of the day, I’ve watched a broken girl do drastic things out of desperation. Her biggest mistake was loving someone that didn’t love her back. She was so determined to change his mind that she did crazy things. She was also young and naïve. People can change.” She cut more of my hair while I remained silent. “I think you’re the person who made her want to be better.”

“That’s crazy. I was just a kid, being seduced by her lies.”

She sighed and stopped cutting again. “When Rick had me at gunpoint and was going to kill me, Heather saved me. We talked briefly, but she told me how she’d fallen in love with you. She wanted to be real with you. That’s the truth.”

“She had a terrible way of showing it then. Our relationship was built on lies, but thanks for telling me that.”

She finished cutting my hair and I stood up to grab my wallet. “No charge. It was good to finally meet you. I’ve wondered about you, but I never wanted to ask Krista about it.”

I smiled hearing my sister’s name. “She’s a pretty cool girl. I’m taking Jacob to visit her while I’m in town.”

“Jacob, huh? Do you know that…”

“Yeah, I just figured it out. Heather wouldn’t tell me why she didn’t want that name. I get it now.”

She just laughed. “I guess I’ll see you later today?”

Her question caught me off guard. Had she heard me talking to her husband? “Later?”

“Kat was a member of our church. I’m going to the funeral with my cousin. She’s a cancer survivor. She and her mother are flying in today for the service.”

Heather was going to shit a brick. I was taken back by how forgiving a family could be towards someone they once hated. It made me feel like a real asshole. “Amy, I better get going. Thanks for the haircut.”

We said our goodbyes and I pried my son away from the other kids. The whole time I was driving home, I reconsidered my feelings for Heather. Maybe she really had changed. Maybe it was time for me to learn to forgive her. If other people could forgive her, why couldn’t I?

Chapter 5

Heather

Jessie didn’t tell me where he’d taken Jacob, but I had too much to do to worry about the two of them. For all I knew he was visiting his sister. It wasn’t like he had to tell me his every move. We weren’t together anymore.

I’d finished getting all of the food prepared for the wake. My dress was ironed and hanging in the bedroom, along with my slip and underwear. I took my long hair out of the ponytail and walked into my bathroom. After getting the water just right, and removing my clothes, I stepped under the showerhead and closed my eyes. The spray of the warm water wet my body and I tried to stand there, relaxing the best I could.

I had plenty of time to just stand there and gather myself, so that’s what I did. I let the water wash away my falling tears. When I felt a hand touching my shoulder, I jumped and opened my eyes. Jessie was standing in the shower, he was naked and looking right into my eyes. “What are you doing?”

He wiped the water from my face. “Shh, don’t talk.” I felt his lips on mine and couldn’t argue with him. All I wanted was this. I wanted to feel his hands touching me, his mouth exploring my skin.

So I said nothing.

I let Jessie take total control. His kisses sent me back against the wall, while his hands held me close to his bare, wet chest. He was ravenous, taking his large hand and wrapping it around my neck, forcing me to look right into his eye. With his other hand, he reached between my legs, shoving a couple fingers inside of me. A low growl escaped his mouth while our tongues continued mingling.

I could feel his erection pressing against my stomach. It had been so long since we’d been like this. I needed him inside of me, filling me and making me feel like I meant something more than nothing to him. I wasn’t a fool, sex was sex, but in my mind, a moment with Jessie was different than any moment I spent with any other man.

Nobody ever looked at me the way he used to. They never touched me the way he did. They never said they loved me. He was the first. He was the only one.

I panted unable to fully conceive that this was really happening.

Tears fell down my face, but they weren’t from pain or suffering. For once, they were from joy. He removed his finger and lifted me up, pressing me back against the wall again. Jessie’s face was buried in my chest, where he suckled my nipples and bit them, making me cry out. He was being aggressive and I refused to fight him. Pain was pleasure, as far as I was concerned.

After adjusting he entered me. A smile formed on the corner of my mouth, just knowing he was inside of me again.  His hands dug into my arms as he held me there, up in the air. I wrapped my legs around him, letting my feet sit just above his tight ass. My arms reached underneath his and I held on to the back of his shoulders with my fingernails dug deep into his skin.

His first thrust took my breath away, making me anxious for the next. Our skin slapped together from the water falling in between our close bodies. He pressed his mouth into mine, shoving my head back in the wall. I could feel the air leaving as he forced himself in and out of me, while holding the weight of my body. I used my legs to pump my hips. The way we were positioned was causing his hard cock to rub against my clit each time it moved in and out. The constant tingle created a fire between my legs, forcing me to concentrate on keeping my legs wrapped around him. I was barely holding on, feeling the pressure of him infusing me with such force.

As his face pressed into mine, I licked his lips, pulling them with my teeth. A rush of elation overwhelmed me when my legs began to give from my own body losing control. I dug into his shoulders harder as I held onto the rapture that was upon me.

He tightened his body, forcing me still while closing his eyes and losing the ability to kiss me back. I could feel his cock throbbing as he released his load into me.

Jessie continued holding me, kissing me, as he caught his breath. As my feet came down, I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on my toes, kissing him slowly, leaving him with a thank you. I pressed my cheek against his as he held me there. “I love you.”

He didn’t answer back, but with his arms placed securely around my back, I was content enough. Being with Jessie again wasn’t just about sex for me. It was the emotional connection I got when he opened up to me that way.

He kissed me on the top of my head. “Jacob is going to be looking for us soon.”

My eyes got big and I jumped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and heading for the door. “Oh my God! Where is he?”

He started laughing as he tugged on the curtain, opening it for me to see him standing there, naked and half hard. “He’s fine. That show was on that he likes. I gave him a freezer pop and he didn’t even notice me walking away.”

I was relieved. “Shew!”

He climbed out and walked up to me again. “You’re beautiful.”

I could feel my skin getting red. Sure, there were times where I thought I was attractive, but when he said it, it meant so much more. “Are you going to tell me what brought this on?”

He pulled away. “Can we just
not
talk about us today?”

I felt him pulling away and became anxious. I needed him to stay like he was. His support was going to get me through the day. I couldn’t make him upset with me. My hand reached out and grabbed his. “You’re right. We don’t have to talk about it.”

He smiled before grabbing a towel and walking out of the bathroom.

The next hour was spent getting myself ready. I wanted to look my best, considering the element of what was happening. I wanted to be beautiful for my mother and her memory. These people that knew about my past, her co-workers and church friends, they’d all be wondering about me. I had to be strong on the outside, no matter how weak I was on the inside. I couldn’t let their whispers get to me, not while I was burying my beloved mother.

Jacob looked cute in his little dress pants and tie. He was holding his father’s hand as we walked to the car. When he climbed in and got buckled, I turned around to check on him. “You okay, buddy?”

“Are they gonna put Nana in the ground now?”

“First we have a viewing, where people come and say goodbye to her.”

He got excited. “She’ll be there? I can talk to her?”

Jessie reached over and grabbed my hand. He looked in the rearview mirror. “Buddy, Nana’s body is still here with us, but her spirit has already gone to heaven.”

“Is she empty?”

How do you explain this to a child? “How about we just show you when we get there?” I didn’t have the energy to explain it all.

Things were different since our shower encounter. Jessie drove, but kept quiet. He didn’t offer his hand, but didn’t pull away when I attempted to hold his. I couldn’t worry about him regretting what happened. I had a big day to get through.

We arrived at the funeral home an hour early. Jacob jumped out of the car like we were going to an amusement park. Jessie grabbed his hand and calmed him down before we went inside.

The director creeped me out. He was extremely tall and reminded me of Lurch from the Addams Family. Since I’d never met him in person, I was taken back by his height. Jacob looked up and stared at him like he was a freak show. I put my body in front of his. “Is everything in order for my mother’s viewing?”