Losing the Ice (Ice Series #2) (11 page)

I might be the one having a panic attack tonight.

“How’s your training for nationals going?” Mr. Tucker asked. “Did you lose much time after the accident?”

Josh and I both looked at Stephanie. She hadn’t run and told everything she’d learned at the rink?

“I thought I’d let you tell Mom and Dad what’s been going on,” Stephanie said to Josh’s shocked face.

“Is there a problem?” Mr. Tucker asked.

Josh lowered his head and stared at his drink. He didn’t like talking about his issues, and having to explain them in the already tense environment had to be a total nightmare for him.

“Josh?” his dad pressed.

“I can’t do the lifts. It’s… it’s a mental thing.”

Mr. Tucker’s brow wrinkled. “What do you mean you can’t do them?”

“I mean my brain won’t allow my body to physically do them,” Josh said in a strained voice.

I reached up to where he stood beside my chair and I touched his arm. I could feel the agitation radiating from him. He would rather walk through hot coals than admit any kind of defeat to his parents.

“So, you probably won’t be competing at nationals,” Mr. Tucker said.

“I think this is happening for a reason,” Mrs. Tucker said. “It’s a sign you’re supposed to leave skating behind and move on with your life.”

Oh my God, she just
won’t
let it go.

“He can’t play the piano either,” Stephanie said. “What’s that a sign for?”

I did a double-take at Stephanie sassing her mother. Was she really on our side?

Mr. Tucker’s phone rang, and he didn’t hesitate to answer, “Merry Christmas, Paul.”

I guess it’s just me who doesn’t warrant a
holiday greeting.

He moved into the dining area, and he laughed in the background as the rest of us observed each other, waiting for the next sharp comment. My money was on Stephanie to deliver.

“Mom, did you hear me?” Stephanie proved me right. “Josh forgot how to play the piano.”

Mrs. Tucker’s phone dinged with an alert, and she also didn’t hesitate to respond to it. Her attention remained on the phone even after she finished typing. Apparently, neither she nor Mr. Tucker thought Josh’s struggles were worthy of their concern.

“Mom!” Stephanie said.

“I heard you. I’m sure he’ll remember. He’s been playing since he was a child.” Mrs. Tucker pressed her right temple. “I feel the migraine coming back. I think I’ll go lie down.”

“You’re leaving in the middle of this?” Stephanie’s volume rose.

“Why are you being so loud?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because you don’t seem to care that Josh is having major psychological issues.”

Josh rubbed his forehead while I downed the rest of my soda. The last thing I’d expected was an argument between Stephanie and her mother. Or Stephanie as the voice of reason.

“You’re being overly dramatic, don’t you think?” Mrs. Tucker said. Her phone chimed again as she carried it with her to the bedroom, and she shut the door behind her.

“Wow,” I whispered against the rim of my glass. I couldn’t grasp Mrs. Tucker’s complete lack of emotion regarding her son’s well-being. Josh had received more compassion from customers at the restaurant who only knew him as the guy who played the piano.

“Un-believable,” Stephanie said.

“What is?” Mr. Tucker rejoined us.

“Mom acting like Josh is perfectly fine.”

Josh’s face had grown redder over the course of the conversation, and I didn’t know how much longer he could endure the fiasco.

Mr. Tucker sipped his drink. “Josh, since you can’t skate—”

“I can skate,” he said tersely.

“But you probably won’t be ready for nationals at this rate. You should take a few days off from training and come to New York with us. The party we’re attending is a great chance to network and find new opportunities.”

“He doesn’t need a party. He needs help!” Stephanie exclaimed.

“I need air.” Josh banged his glass down on the coffee table and looked at me. “Do you wanna take a walk?”

I couldn’t believe I was hesitating over getting away from the very un-merry gathering, but something Stephanie had said had sparked an idea.

“You go ahead. I need to talk to Stephanie.”

Her finely sculpted eyebrows rose, and Josh gave me an equally surprised look.

I stood and leaned in close to him. “I’ll be fine.”

He glanced at his father and Stephanie, lingering a few more moments before he kissed my forehead and left the room.

“You want to talk to
me
?” Stephanie said.

I reclaimed my seat. “Yes, about Josh.”

“I have a call to make,” Mr. Tucker said and returned to the dining area.

“What about him?” Stephanie asked.

“You and I don’t have much in common, but we both love Josh and we agree on one important thing — he needs help. And I have an idea how you might be able to give it to him.”

She tilted her head to one side. “I’m listening.”

“Even though Josh and I have a great connection on the ice, nothing can compare to all the years of experience you two have together. Specifically, years of doing lifts together.”

Recognition widened her eyes. “I think I see where you’re going with this.”

“I’ve tried and tried to help him get past his mental block, and nothing’s worked. But you know how he thinks and reacts on the ice better than anyone.” I paused and looked directly at her. “Could you come to the rink tomorrow and work with him?”

“You want me to skate with him?”

I nodded.

Her lips twitched like she was trying to hide her smile, and she leaned slightly forward. “You must really be desperate to ask me for help.”

Dammit, Stephanie, don’t make me regret this.

“I realize you’re not exactly our biggest cheerleader, but you know how important skating is to Josh… how much he wants to compete. And I know you want him to be able to do what makes him happy.”

She sat back and gave me a long look. “I actually have my skates with me. I went to Frog Pond yesterday.”

“That’s perfect.”

“I’m supposed to leave tomorrow morning, but I’ll have my flight changed. If Josh needs me, I’ll be there.”

The knot in my chest loosened, and I let out a breath. “Thank you. I appreciate it more than you know.”

If she was willing to help, that meant she was okay with Josh skating with me. Otherwise, she would have let us continue to struggle. She wasn’t going to admit it, but I’d take actions over words if it meant getting us past our roadblock.

“I’m gonna go find Josh,” I said. “Thank you again for changing your plans.”

I walked out into the hallway and stopped before reaching the elevator. Had I made the right move? Stephanie was being very cooperative, but her method of helping remained to be seen. What if she went into full-on bitch mode and made Josh’s situation worse? Trusting her was a huge leap, but I had to do it. All my options had run out, and soon time to prepare for nationals would, too.

****

Stephanie was waiting for us when Josh and I arrived at the rink. She’d already warmed up and was rocketing around the ice. After we stretched and put on our skates, she curved toward the boards and skidded to a stop.

“I don’t get to skate much anymore, so I got here early,” she said.

“I’ll let you guys do your thing,” I said.

I skated over to Em in the corner of the rink and looked over my shoulder. “This will either go brilliantly or be a total disaster.”

“I was kinda thinking the same thing.” She patted my shoulder. “But I do think it’s definitely worth trying.”

The music cranked up, and I took off across the ice, a strange sensation in my stomach. Seeing Josh warming up with Stephanie made me feel like we’d traveled back in time. All I was missing was my former partner Mark next to me.

Sergei had suggested Josh and Stephanie skate their last short program to hopefully trick Josh’s muscle memory into completing the lift. When Em turned on their music, I was really blasted back to the past. Except I wasn’t watching them with envy as I’d done when we had been rivals. I was watching with a bucket full of hope.

I hung close to the boards as Josh and Stephanie stroked in tandem through the opening section of the program. They did double jumps instead of the usual triples and then sped up for the lift. Their hands connected, and I stopped moving and held my breath.

And Josh backed down.

My shoulders dropped, and behind me Sergei muttered, “Damn.”

Em restarted the music, and Stephanie and Josh marked the first few elements as if they were doing a partial run-through. As the concerto built in tempo, they again got into position for the lift, but the result was the same — Stephanie’s feet didn’t leave the ice.

They returned to their opening pose and tried the sequence once more, and my hope sank further with yet another unsuccessful attempt. Josh put his hands on his head and looked at the high ceiling as if he was summoning help from above. I wanted to go to him, but I had to give Stephanie more time.

As I skated past them, Stephanie took Josh’s arm. “Let’s go talk.”

They walked to the locker room, and I wished I had supersonic hearing to know what they were saying. I went back to work and set up for a triple Salchow, but with my focus off the ice, my butt crashed onto the ice. I popped up and swept the cold debris from my pants as I made my way to the exit. Josh and Stephanie never had heart-to-heart talks, so my curiosity couldn’t be contained.

I slipped my guards over my blades and crept to the partially open locker room door. Peeking inside, I saw Stephanie and Josh sitting on one of the benches. I quickly moved out of sight but stayed close to listen.

“Do you remember when we moved up to intermediate and I was freaking out about the overhead lift?” Stephanie asked.

“You kept saying, ‘It’s too high. What if I fall?’” Josh said.

“And you told me, ‘You’re not going to fall because I’ll always protect you.’ And you did. You always made me feel safe.”

My throat burned with tears as I pictured a young Josh reassuring his little sister and giving her confidence. I’d never thought I would hear Stephanie speak so lovingly. It gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling — something totally foreign to my usual encounters with her.

“It was so easy then,” Josh said. “I never doubted myself.”

“The only way to get past the doubt now is to work through it. Look it straight in the eye and knock it down. That’s what you told me when we were kids, remember?”

Josh was quiet, and after a long stretch of silence, Stephanie said, “Take my hand.”

I tiptoed away from the door and dropped my guards on the bleachers. Josh and Stephanie came out of the locker room hand in hand and followed me onto the ice.

“This is home,” Stephanie said. “There’s no reason to doubt anything here.”

I smiled to myself at her pep talk and watched Josh listen to her intently. They glided around the rink together at an easy pace, and when they picked up speed and whizzed past me, I locked my fingers together in prayer.

They joined both hands again for the lift, and Stephanie nodded energetically to Josh. Nothing happened. I squeezed my fingers harder.

Stephanie nodded once more and said something to Josh, and his shoulders rose with a visibly strong breath. He pressed up on Stephanie’s hands, and she shot into the air, an ecstatic grin on her face. I shrieked and jumped up and down.

“Yes!”

Josh’s eyes were wide as he rotated with Stephanie over his head. He was probably in shock he’d finally overcome his doubts and fears. Tears welled in my eyes as my own shock wore off and relief overwhelmed me.

Josh set Stephanie down carefully, and she leapt into his arms.

“You did it!” she shouted.

I sprinted over to them and smothered them both in a group hug. We all trembled with the collective release of our emotions.

“I can’t breathe,” Stephanie said as she nudged her way out of my embrace.

“Sorry, sorry.” I stepped back. “I just can’t thank you enough.”

Her eyes glistened as she looked at Josh, and she cleared her throat. “I’m glad I could help.”

Josh hugged her to his side, and I saw her fighting to hold herself together. I had the feeling skating with Josh had been just as meaningful for her as it had been for him.

“You guys should keep going,” I said. “Don’t wanna mess with a good thing.”

Josh pulled me into his arms, and the relief in his body warmed mine.

“I’ll be here when you’re ready,” I said softly.

He and Stephanie talked with Em and Sergei, and they didn’t waste any time getting to the star lift. Josh’s feet moved slower and more cautiously than when he was at his best, but I was thrilled to see him just doing the element. The confidence and speed would come with time and practice.

While Josh and Stephanie did all the basic lifts, I flew around the ice, anxiously awaiting my turn. When they parted with a hug and Stephanie hopped through the ice door, I skated over to Josh.

“She’s not leaving yet, is she? I wanted to thank her again.”

“She’s just getting changed. She wants to watch us skate.” He saw my eyebrows rise. “I think she feels invested in us now that she’s a part of our comeback.”

Em circled around us while keeping an eye on another student. “Josh, do you need a break?”

“No, I wanna keep this rolling. I’m ready for what’s next.”

“Great.” She gave us a wide smile. “Let’s start simple. Press lift first and then work your way up like you did with Stephanie.”

Josh took my hand, and we did light stroking together to get our timing down. Once we’d established a good rhythm, he led me into the setup for the lift. We’d gone through those motions so many times with no success that I couldn’t help but tighten with nerves. He’d had a breakthrough with Stephanie, but there was no certainty he could repeat it with me. After all,
I
had been the one on the ice with him when he’d fallen. One look at me might remind him again of that terrible moment.

We clasped hands for the lift, and a trace of fear flashed in Josh’s eyes. It was the same look I’d seen over and over the past few days. I braced myself for another bailout, but then I felt the force of Josh’s hands pressing on mine. He wasn’t backing down!