Losing the Ice (Ice Series #2) (7 page)

Em introduced us, and we skated to the center of the rink, where we stood back to back. When “O Holy Night” by John Legend began to play, we pushed off in opposite directions, me shimmering in silver and Liza in gold. Being in the spotlight with the music playing, my adrenaline kicked into high gear, and I sped around the corner of the rink. I stretched into a spiral, and Liza flew past me in matching position.

As the cool breeze fanned across my face, I wished Josh was there to lift me high into the air so I could truly feel like I was flying. I missed the rush of excitement that I felt every time we did a lift. He wasn’t there, though. Not on the ice and not even in the audience. My annoyance with him bubbled up again, and I quickly refocused on the double Axel ahead. I jumped up and spun two-and-a-half times, and Liza did the same beside me. We landed in sync on the high piano note just as Josh had choreographed it.

I lost myself in the soulful rendition of the song and was sad when we struck our ending poses. I’d had so few chances to perform lately that I didn’t want to leave the ice. Knowing Josh and I might miss nationals, our last chance to compete that season, made me even more reluctant to take my bows.

After Liza and I exited to a rousing ovation, I changed out of my costume and watched the rest of the show from the edge of the bleachers. Once the lights came up, everyone flocked to the tables filled with punch and Christmas cookies. I tried to disappear before I would get inundated with questions about Josh, but I didn’t succeed. I got trapped next to the locker room, forced to make excuses for Josh being a no-show.

When I managed to escape, I grabbed my things, put my head down, and snuck out the side door. With my car pointed toward Hyannis Port, I started the conversation I needed to have with Josh in my head, and it only got me more riled up.

Tiny snowflakes stuck to my hair as I rapped my knuckles on Josh’s door. He opened it and looked surprised to see me. Had he really thought we weren’t going to talk about this?

I barged into the kitchen and pulled off my gloves. “I can’t believe you bailed.”

“You saw how everyone was all over me yesterday. It would’ve been ten times worse tonight with so many people there.”

“You couldn’t just suck it up and talk to them? To be there for me? For all the kids who wanted to show you the hard work they put into your programs?”

He marched past me and sat on the couch, holding his head in his hands. “I couldn’t breathe yesterday when they were all surrounding me.”

I took a few steps toward him and softened my voice. “Josh, that’s not normal.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” He snapped. “Why can’t everyone just leave me alone?”

“Because we care about you! You haven’t been yourself since the accident, and we’re worried—”

“Well, stop. Stop worrying, stop trying to help. You can’t.”

Every harsh word he spoke made my stomach knot tighter. I’d never thought Josh could make me feel that way.

“Is that really what you want? To push away the people who love you?” I asked.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just can’t deal with this.”

This
meaning
me?
I didn’t want to ask that question because it would hurt too much to hear the certain answer.

I gritted my teeth to settle my trembling chin. “Fine. If that’s what you want, I’ll leave you alone to figure it all out on your own. You let me know when you’ve done that.”

I went out into the frigid night, and it didn’t feel any colder than the air in Josh’s house had been. I hurried down the stone path but stopped as my emotions battled inside me. I thought about going back, but what would that accomplish? Josh clearly didn’t want me around, and I didn’t think I could take any more of his frustration aimed at me. As much as I hated walking out on him, things were only going to get uglier between us if I stayed. I swiped my eyes and kept going, ignoring the pull on my heart that urged me to turn around.

Chapter Seven

With my phone cradled between my ear and my shoulder, I stirred the noodles boiling on Em’s stove and waited for Mrs. Cassar to answer my call. Five days had passed since I’d seen Josh, so I had been checking in with Mrs. Cassar to make sure he was okay.

“Hello, Dear,” she answered above the sound of people talking in the background.

“Are you at the restaurant?”

“It’s Thursday night, isn’t it?”

I smiled. “Yes, it is. I don’t suppose Josh is with you?”

“No, I haven’t been able to talk him into going out. He’s been staying to himself.”

My smile turned into a frown. The fact that he was still locked up in his house both worried and angered me. He couldn’t hide there forever, hoping to get better.

I set down the wooden spoon and tore open the packet of powdered cheese. “Has he still been out of sorts?”

“When I talked to him this morning, he seemed more at ease… not about to jump out of his skin like he’s been.”

Not
at ease
enough to call me, though.

“He’ll come to you soon, I’m sure.” Mrs. Cassar appeared to read my mind. “He just needs to get himself together first.”

I stirred the pasta again and blinked quickly as tears pricked my eyes. “I just miss him. This is the longest we’ve been apart in almost a year.”

“I guarantee he misses you, too. If there’s one thing I know about Joshua, there’s nothing he wants more in this world than to be with you.”

“I’d feel a lot more confident about that if I heard it from him. Things have been so off between us the past few weeks.”

“Coco, we hungry,” Alex said behind me.

I turned to see Quinn and him climbing onto chairs at the kitchen table.

“Dinner will be ready in a minute,” I said loudly to clear the shakiness in my voice.

“You go feed the little ones,” Mrs. Cassar said. “And keep your chin up. You’ll hear from Joshua soon.”

“Thanks for keeping an eye on him.”

“Of course. I’d do anything for you two.”

I thanked her again and put the phone on the granite island. After straining the noodles, I mixed the cheese powder with butter and milk and tossed everything together. Em had left meals in the freezer for me to heat up while she and Sergei were in China, but I had run out, so I’d made one of the few dishes my limited cooking skills could handle.

Alex dove into his bowl, but Quinn just stared at hers.

“This don’t look like Mommy’s mac and cheese,” she said.

That’s because Mommy is a gourmet cook who makes the pasta from scratch and grates the cheese herself.

“It’s different, but it’s still yummy,” I said.

She wrinkled her nose and peered closer at the bowl. “Why it orange?”

“Just try it. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

“It’s good,” Alex said with a mouthful of noodles.

“See? Trust your brother,” I said.

Quinn shook her head, bouncing her blond curls. “I don’t like it.”

“You haven’t even tasted it.”

“I don’t wanna taste it.” She folded her arms. “It’s yucky.”

I dropped my fork into my bowl with a loud clatter. I had enough problems in my life without dealing with a four-year-old’s stubbornness.

“Quinn, you’re not getting anything else to eat unless you try it, so either taste it or go hungry.”

She continued to pout, not moving an inch. Meanwhile, Alex couldn’t get the food into his mouth fast enough.

“If you don’t eat, you’re not watching the movie later,” I said. “Alex and I will watch it together, and you’ll be up in your room all by yourself.”

Her bottom lip began to quiver.

“Uh-uh,” I said. “The waterworks aren’t going to get you anywhere, Missy. You know your mommy and daddy wouldn’t fall for it.”

The doorbell rang, and I kept an eye on the table as I went to answer the door. I didn’t trust Quinn not to shovel some of her dinner into Alex’s bowl to make it look like she had eaten it. I’d caught her doing that once. I looked through the front window, and my heart leapt at the sight of Josh on the front porch.

I opened the door, and he greeted me with a quiet, “Hey.”

“Josh!” Quinn cried before I could get a word out.

Her chair scraped the tile floor, and I whipped around. “Do not move from that table until you start eating.”

“Bad time?” Josh asked.

I looked back at him and motioned for him to come inside. “Quinn’s insisting her dinner is yucky without even trying it.”

He walked into the kitchen and leaned over Quinn’s shoulder. “You don’t want mac and cheese? That’s the best.”

I observed him closely. He looked
and
sounded more relaxed. More like himself.

“You want some?” I asked. “I have extra.”

“Sure.”

He sat beside me with his bowl, and Quinn watched as he chewed and hummed with satisfaction.

“You don’t know what you’re missing, Quinn,” he said.

I smiled at hearing him tease her. Whatever he’d been up to the past week, it had definitely helped.

Quinn picked up her fork and poked at the noodles, and I reminded her, “You just have to try it, and you’ll be able to watch the movie with us.”

“You stay for the movie, Josh?” she asked.

He turned to me with expectant eyes, and I took that as another good sign. A week ago he would have avoided hanging out with the twins.

“You’re welcome to stay if you feel up to it. We’re watching
WALL-E
,” I said.

“I’d love to,” he said.

“Yay!” Quinn scooped up a few noodles and put them in her mouth. “Now can I watch the movie?”

“Chew and swallow, please,” I said.

She did as I asked and went back for more.

“Not so yucky, is it?” I said and looked at Josh. “I plead with her to no avail, and you show up and she’s chowing down.”

“Must be my irresistible charm,” he said with a tiny smile.

My heart soared again as I got another glimpse of my sweet Josh. The one I’d been missing so much.

We ate a few minutes in silence, but I couldn’t hold back the questions any longer. I had to know what Josh had done to pull himself out of his funk.

“You seem to be feeling better,” I said.

He took a sip of water. “I’m working on it. I saw the neuropsychologist.”

“Oh, good.”

“She gave me medication to help me sleep, and she suggested I meditate and do yoga to clear my head since I used to do hot yoga all the time.”

“Mommy do yogi,” Quinn said.

“Yes, she does,” I said.

“I found some videos online so I can work out at home and save money,” Josh said.

“It looks like it’s really helping.”

“It is.” He toyed with his pasta and took a small bite. “Are you watching the twins until Em and Sergei get home?”

“No, Em’s parents are coming to get them tomorrow.”

“Then you should come over this weekend and do it with me.”

My gulp of water went partially down my windpipe, and I coughed into my napkin.

“Yoga,” Josh said with a knowing smile.

My stomach turned all fluttery. Oh, how I’d missed that feeling he gave me.

“Right.” I cleared my throat.

“Grandma and Grandpa gonna take us to the froggie pond,” Quinn said.

I laughed and corrected her, “Frog Pond.”

She went on to ramble about the other things they were going to do in Boston, but I only caught bits and pieces. I was too busy still reveling in Josh’s smile.

We all moved into the living room after dinner, and the twins sprawled out on the carpet in front of the huge TV. I popped in the DVD and sat beside Josh on the couch, leaving space between us. Even though he appeared to be in a better place emotionally, I was still a little gun-shy around him. I’d seen his mood change too quickly lately.

Quinn and Alex giggled as WALL-E dug through a massive pile of garbage, and Josh turned up the volume on the remote before he shifted to face me.

“I’m so sorry I’ve been taking out my frustrations on you. You didn’t deserve any of that,” he said.

“I just wanted to be there for you and to help you.”

“You did. You made me see I couldn’t do it by myself.”

“So you’ve been happy with the doctor?”

He nodded. “Yoga has really made a difference, and so has getting a good night’s sleep.”

“Have you been working on the piano lessons?”

“I’ve been trying, but I keep getting stuck and frustrated with it. I don’t know why it’s not coming back to me yet…” The familiar tightness in his face returned.

“Don’t push it.” I put my hand on his arm. “It sounds like you’re on the right path, so just take your time.”

He stared at my hand, and I worried “distant Josh” would reappear. I started to pull away, but he covered my hand with his and lifted his eyes to mine.

“I won’t push, and I won’t push you away again.”

He held my gaze, and I saw the look in his eyes I’d yearned to see. The look that said,
I want to kiss you so badly
. I wet my lips and leaned into him, and he bent his head toward mine.

The twins howled with squeaky laughter, and Josh and I both halted, remembering we had company.

I sighed. “Guess we should watch the movie.”

Josh glanced at my mouth with longing, and I debated whether we could get away with making out without the twins noticing. They
were
glued to the TV…

Josh slowly sat back, ending my debate, and I turned my attention to the movie. While WALL-E fell in love with EVE, I sank deeper into the sofa, and the week of taking care of the twins caught up to me. I didn’t realize I had dozed off until I woke up to Quinn and Alex pointing and giggling and Josh smiling at me.

I raised my head. “Is the movie over?”

“Can we watch
Toy Story
now?” Alex asked.

I looked at the clock on the cable box. “It’s time for bed.”

He and Quinn whined and started a chorus of pleas.

“I let you stay up late last night when I shouldn’t have,” I said.

“Need some help getting them ready for bed?” Josh asked.

I was about to take him up on his offer, but Quinn and Alex would never go to sleep as long Josh was there. I had to sacrifice more time with him for less commotion with the twins.