Love Comes in Darkness (5 page)

“I didn’t, actually,” Gordy began, and Howard realized someone else had sat down in the chair. He really disliked it when people sat next to him and didn’t say anything. He was wearing dark glasses and holding a white cane. It wasn’t that hard to figure out, and it was only polite. Howard turned away from whoever had sat down. “My friend Kyle was coming alone and asked me to be his plus one. I figured things out when he told me who was throwing it. And then since I knew you were going to be here, I began to look forward to it even more.” A chair scraped over the decking, bringing it closer. Howard hoped it was Gordy. “I hope you didn’t have any more trouble with the ex.”

Howard scoffed. “He rearranged the furniture in my living room so I wouldn’t be able to get around. Patrick got the key back from him and probably put the fear of God and everything else into him.”

“Do you need anything to eat or drink?” Gordy asked. “There’s beer and soda, from what I understand, as well as a table full of food.”

“Anything is good,” Howard said, and he heard Gordy get up. Someone else sat down. Howard knew because he heard Gordy’s chair move, but again the person didn’t say anything. He was about to address them when he felt Patrick’s hand on his arm.

“Are you having a good time?”
Patrick signed on his hand.

“Yes.”

“I see Mr. Goo-Goo Eyes from yesterday is here
,
”
Patrick signed. It took Howard a few seconds to figure it out, but he did.
“He seems very nice and he’s watching you now.
”

“This isn’t high school. He’s a nice guy, that’s all,” Howard said. Maybe Lizzy was right. Even though she said she hadn’t meant it the way it sounded, maybe she was on to something, and expecting someone to be willing to give up a normal life to be a part of his was too much to expect.

“Do you know you’re wearing one red sock and one blue sock?” a kid asked loudly from near where Howard was sitting.

“Angus, that’s Uncle Howard. He can’t see, so he goes by the feel colors, not the real colors,” Hanna said to the child. “Come on, we’re going to play hide-and-seek, and you’re it.” Hanna sounded bossy, and Howard had never been more grateful for it. But even Hanna’s friend had a point: Howard couldn’t even match his socks without help. He’d honestly thought they had been matched.

“I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I brought you a bit of everything.” Howard heard Gordy’s voice and felt him handing him a plate. Howard placed it on his lap, and then Gordy handed him what he presumed was a fork. “There’s macaroni and cheese right in front of you, then a hot dog. I put a little ketchup and mustard on it. There’s a few potato chips, and I have a bowl of coleslaw for you too.”

“Thank you,” Howard said, wondering how he was going to eat all this.

“There’s a small table just off to your right,” Gordy told him and guided his hand to it. Howard set down his plate and pulled the table where he wanted it. “I can bring you something to drink when you’re ready.”

“You should get something for yourself,” Howard said, and he heard someone sit down next to him. He really hoped it was Gordy.

“I’m fine,” Gordy said. “I have a beer and I got a good seat, so I’m cool.”

Howard picked up his fork. He was always a slow eater. If he wasn’t careful, he ended up with food sliding down his front, and there was nothing worse than people making tsking sounds at the blind guy.

“Do you always eat so carefully?” Gordy asked, and Howard set down his fork. “I’m not making fun of you, I promise. You’re just so methodical.”

“When I was growing up, my mother had a close friend. Her name was Renee, and she used to have my mother over for lunch. I went along a few times because Mom didn’t want to leave me home. I was fifteen, and while I was there it came time for lunch, so we sat at the table, and I can remember Renee putting a big cloth around my neck. ‘That’s so you don’t have to worry about slobbering,’ she told me. Like I was some kind of dog. I was so embarrassed, and I learned Mom was mortified.”

“It’s Renee who should have been mortified,” Gordy said.

“Yeah, well, I sat there and didn’t eat a thing the entire meal. I never picked up a fork, and when I figured they were done eating, I took off the thing round my neck and got up to leave the table. I’d been there a few times, so I knew the exit path, but of course I took a bit of a detour and accidently knocked one of her lamps on the floor. The thing smashed with the most gorgeously destructive sound I’ve ever heard. The old battle-ax.” Howard snickered. “I never went back to Renee’s house again, which was fine.”

“Did you have to pay for the lamp?” Gordy asked.

“Hell no. It was an accident,” Howard said innocently, and Gordy howled.

“You devil,” he said.

“I was a teenager, and let me tell you, being a teenager, blind, with raging hormones—talk about rebellion. I was hell on wheels, and I found out pretty fast that almost everyone would give me a pass because I was blind, so for a while I milked it. But I also found out that I was alone fast, because blind or not, no one wants to be around someone obnoxious.”

“You really seem obnoxious,” Gordy said with a touch of sarcasm.

“I try not to be,” Howard said. “Sometimes it doesn’t work.”

“How so?” Gordy inquired.

Howard sighed and shifted, setting down his fork. “I’m the blind guy. Everyone expects me to sit quietly and be this nice person they deign to talk to every now and then. After all, I’m blind. I can’t see them, so many people pretend they can’t see me. As a kid, it was very frustrating. I wanted to be noticed, like everyone else. I have talents and a contribution to make, but most people didn’t see that. Renee would never have thought of doing what she did to a sighted person, but because I’m blind I didn’t have feelings, or should have expected to be treated the way she did.”

“Maybe you’re being a bit unfair,” Gordy said. “Not everyone thinks that.”

“I know that now, but as a kid I didn’t. Now I understand that not everyone is comfortable around me, and that’s okay, I guess,” Howard added, trying to lighten the mood. He realized he’d gotten way more serious than he intended.

Gordy was silent, and Howard wished he’d kept his mouth shut.

“Are you done eating?” Gordy asked.

“Yes, thank you,” Howard said, and he heard Gordy get up and walk away. He was sure Gordy couldn’t escape fast enough. His mother had always told him that no one liked to listen to anyone complain, especially the blind kid.

“You’re held to a different standard,” his mother had said. “Most people will let you get away with anything when you’re there, but they won’t invite you again if they’re uncomfortable.” Howard knew he could easily make people uncomfortable. And he’d undoubtedly done that to Gordy.

“Would you like to walk around a bit?” Gordy asked, and Howard started. He hadn’t expected him to return.

“That isn’t necessary. You don’t have to feel obligated,” Howard said, but he didn’t hear a response right away.

“Sorry,” Gordy said. “I was rolling my eyes at you.”

“What does that mean?” Howard asked as he stood up.

“It means I wouldn’t have offered if I hadn’t wanted to take a walk with you,” Gordy said, gently taking Howard’s arm. “The edge of the deck is five feet ahead, and then there are four steps to the lawn.” Howard stepped carefully. “That’s it. If you reach out with your left hand, you’ll be able to grasp the railing.

He shifted his cane to the other hand and grasped the railing. “Where’s the first step?”

“The edge is a foot away.”

Howard explored and found the edge with his cane. Then he slowly made his way down the steps. He hated stairs. For him they were an everyday occurrence that could be life-threatening. His home had no major sets of stairs, and those he did have he knew like the back of his hand.

His foot touched the grass at the bottom of the stairs.

“The yard is fairly level, and I’ll guide you around the tree roots,” Gordy told him.

Howard stood still. “I’m sorry for dumping all that on you earlier.”

Gordy squeezed his arm slightly. “I’m a big boy. I can take it.”

Howard smiled and patted Gordy’s shoulder. “I can tell.” Was he flirting properly? He certainly hoped so. Gordy laughed and placed his hand over Howard’s. He heard the children screaming and laughing as they played. The voices of the adults talking receded as they moved farther away.

“Uncle Howard,” Hanna said, and he heard her breathing harder than normal.

“Have you been running around and having fun?”

“Yes,” Hanna said. “Do you want to play with us?”

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea. But you go have fun.”

“Can you show the kids your talking computer? I told them you made it sound like me,” Hanna said excitedly.

“Not right now, sweetheart. Go on and play with your friends. I put the computer away for now,” Howard said. “But I saved it so we can work on it some more later. That way the computer will work better,” Howard explained. He hoped Hanna understood.

“Okay,” she said. “Are you sure you don’t want to come play with us? We’re playing ball with the little kids.”

“I’ll try, as long as I don’t have to catch anything.”

“We’re just rolling the ball on the ground,” Hanna said, and Howard moved in the direction of the children’s voices. He sat on the ground and extended his legs. One of the kids rolled him the ball. It bounced against his legs and he caught it.

“Who wants it?” Howard asked. He heard a number of voices and rolled the ball back toward one of them. “Are you going to play too?” he asked, turning back toward where he hoped Gordy was standing.

“No. I’ll get the ball if you miss,” Gordy said, and Howard played with the kids until they seemed to get tired. He was about to get up when someone tapped his shoulder and then sat down in his lap.

“What’s your name?” he asked the youngster.

“Ruth,” he got in response, but it came out sounding like “roof.”

“I’m Howard. How old are you?” Howard asked, but he didn’t get a response. He figured she might be holding up her fingers. “You have to tell me because I can’t see.”

“I’n almost free,” she said, and Howard smiled at her.

“You’re getting to be a big girl, then,” Howard said, and he felt a slight breeze in front of his face.

Ruth babbled on a bit. Most of what she said didn’t have much meaning for him, but he listened. After a few minutes, he felt her tug on his glasses. Howard tried to stop them from coming off, but wasn’t fast enough. He turned away and felt for his glasses, but couldn’t find them. “Ruth, honey, I need my glasses.”

“Here they are,” Gordy said and handed them to him.

“I’m sorry,” a female voice said from behind him. “I’m Clare, Ruth’s mother. She’s at the age where she wants to feel everything.”

“It’s all right,” Howard said, and Ruth was lifted off his lap. “We were having a nice visit.” Howard slowly climbed to his feet and tried to remember the way they’d come.

“I’ve got you,” Gordy said, touching his arm. “Turn around and we’ll head back to the deck.” Howard made sure he had his cane and slowly let Gordy guide him. “I’m okay in familiar places, but strange places are hard because there aren’t any cues or landmarks I’m familiar with.”

“I understand,” Gordy said. “The steps are just ahead.” Howard reached them and slowly climbed with Gordy holding his arm. He made it to the top and heard people moving, probably to make a chair available for him.

“The children sure loved playing with you,” a lady said from next to him once Howard had sat down. “How did you do that? It looked like you were catching the ball when it was rolled to you. Can you partially see?”

“No, ma’am. I was born blind. But to answer your question, the ball made noise as it rolled on the grass, and the children called and talked, so I knew where to roll the ball back.” Howard shifted in his chair, and Gordy pressed a glass into his hand.

“Who are you, young man?” the woman asked, and Howard figured she was no longer talking to him.

“Gordy Jarrett. I’m the county engineer.”

“Pull up a chair if you like,” she said, and Howard waited for Gordy to sit down. “Imagine an old prune like me sitting with two handsome men.”

“You do know I’m blind, right? So everyone’s beautiful to me,” Howard said. He heard nothing for a second, and then the lady began to howl with laughter.

“Young man, you’re a pip,” she said and continued to laugh. Howard heard Gordy laugh as well. He rarely joked about his blindness, but it felt good. It was what it was, and he couldn’t change it.

“Why do you wear the glasses if you can’t see?” she asked once her laughter died down.

“When I was a kid it was so the sun wouldn’t hurt my eyes. Because I couldn’t see, I couldn’t stop the sun from damaging them. It was a health issue. But now I’m told my eyes look different. They’ve clouded, so I wear them mainly for vanity, I guess.” Howard removed his glasses and waited for the usual gasp or tsk, but heard nothing. After a moment he put his glasses back on.

“Could they do a transplant?” Gordy asked.

“No. The nerve didn’t form properly. The real problem originally wasn’t in my eyes but in the connection between my eyes and brain. I was lucky. Many people with this condition also have other issues. I didn’t.”

“I know this may sound stupid, young man,” the lady began, “but do you wish you could see?”

This was a question Howard had asked himself many times in his life. “I used to wish I could just so I could be like everyone else. It would be nice to know what Gordy looks like or to see Hanna’s face when she’s laughing. It would certainly be nice to be able to communicate better with Patrick, but the real answer is that I don’t know. I’ve never known what it’s like to see. I know grass is green because I’ve been told that, but I don’t know what that really means. I suppose I would like some of the things that come with being able to see, but…. I guess if I had one wish and I could ask for anything, being able to see probably wouldn’t be what I’d use it for.”

Howard sipped from the glass he was holding, the scent of the beer reaching his nose well before he tasted it. He sat back and let the conversations continue around him. Sometimes it was easier to just listen or descend into his own mind.